Ok so maybe not yahoo but I am actually taking some pleasure in things in my life. I have actually gone out to dinner with my whole family which I did not like to do before since it interfered with "pill time". I did go to the italian restaurant on Saturday and had two drinks (i asked everyone about that) but I was good with two and stopped and felt fine not craving the pills until the next day when I had a splitting headache. The good thing is I had assess and did not take them. In fact I found some in my drawer, put in in my mouth almost subconsciously and then spit it out and flushed it down the toilet. I was thinking how stupid I almost ruined my sobriety over one pill. I am feeling stronger. Been to moms house with all her pills and not even thinking about them. I continue to take the adrenal booster vitamins and more recently a gh releaser to get my libido back. I have started a microdermabrasion on my skin to get it looking good after all the drugs so I guess what I am saying is I do feel pretty good. Last night I had a dream where I felt like I was being shown why I started taking the drugs. I did start for severe sciatica pain to which I needed the pills but after a while I started taking them just for fun. At any rate my school years were some of the best years I had at the time and when my school was up I had this void which I believe I tried to fill with pills. I had it so great during school and I felt like there was nothing more to look forward to but working a 9-5 job. Now I know that is not the only thing I have. I have a great family, home and life and I need to keep telling myself that. Thanks for letting me spout.
Roxy
Roxy-
That is great news!! 3 weeks is amazing.
Keep posting.........Your story can help so many others.
Hugs.
That is great news!! 3 weeks is amazing.
Keep posting.........Your story can help so many others.
Hugs.
21 days is great...you should be so proud of yourself. I can't wait until I can say that! Love, Sharonn
Thanks guys
Sharon how are you doing. Are you tapering??? I enjoy reading both of your posts, so keep posting.
Roxy
Sharon how are you doing. Are you tapering??? I enjoy reading both of your posts, so keep posting.
Roxy
Roxy, congratulations!
Roxy,
Congratulations!!!!!!!! It is so good to read about your progress. It helps me so much.
-Gentlepeace
Congratulations!!!!!!!! It is so good to read about your progress. It helps me so much.
-Gentlepeace
ROXY ALL RIGHT YOU ROCK!!!!
molly
molly
Sorry Roxy..I'm not buying it.
You had pills in your mouth? You are around pills in your own home and your mother's? You have 21 days and you can walk away from those pills and spit them out?
I don't know kiddo, at 21 days I was still in the crazy stage and would have taken anything to stop feeling so tired and bad. Without proper supervision, I couldn't be around anything resembling a pill. But that just me...if you are strong enough to have done all of this, then I stand in awe. But you are an exception to the rule.....
I remember telling versions of the truth back then. Telling people what I wanted them to know. I was afraid that they would think less of me every time I relapsed. The best part of this board? Is not one person thought badly of me when I told the truth. And believe me, they knew when I was lying. Kicked my butt for it.
Anytime you want to talk, I would love too....
saddlesore78@yahoo.com
Love
Lisa
You had pills in your mouth? You are around pills in your own home and your mother's? You have 21 days and you can walk away from those pills and spit them out?
I don't know kiddo, at 21 days I was still in the crazy stage and would have taken anything to stop feeling so tired and bad. Without proper supervision, I couldn't be around anything resembling a pill. But that just me...if you are strong enough to have done all of this, then I stand in awe. But you are an exception to the rule.....
I remember telling versions of the truth back then. Telling people what I wanted them to know. I was afraid that they would think less of me every time I relapsed. The best part of this board? Is not one person thought badly of me when I told the truth. And believe me, they knew when I was lying. Kicked my butt for it.
Anytime you want to talk, I would love too....
saddlesore78@yahoo.com
Love
Lisa
Roxy you put me to shame. Good for you. I am still struggleing with withdrawl symptoms. I hope nothing is wrong with me. I still feel like crap and it has been 30 days. I am hanging in there though and glad to hear you are doing so well. L
Hey Roxy! Good for you on your efforts....21 days is something to be proud of. Let me ask you this. Why on earth are you playing fire? Putting pills in your mouth....spitting them out is good! This time....being around your mom and her meds!! You know its only a matter of time before something bad happens! You need to take a few more steps to ensure your sobriety....if that's what you want.
Can you find a doctor or a meeting to go to? You need to explain your entire situation and keep in the moment. I am so proud of you....but so very worried as well.
21 Days is awesome...but so early in recovery. What else are you going to do? As you know by now just stopping putting the pills in your mouth is NOT enough!!!
Can you find a doctor or a meeting to go to? You need to explain your entire situation and keep in the moment. I am so proud of you....but so very worried as well.
21 Days is awesome...but so early in recovery. What else are you going to do? As you know by now just stopping putting the pills in your mouth is NOT enough!!!
Lisa, At day 21 for me if I would have have found some pills and I stress some pills I don't know if I could have resisted taking them. On the other hand I do remember finding one pill early on in my recovery and I gave it to my husband to flush. One pill was just not worth my time or energy at that point to even entertain the thought of taking it. It would have done nothing for me when I was use to taking 6 or 8 at a time. Good post. Shantel
I agree Shantall...one pill wouldn't have been worth it and I might (and I stress the word might) have been able to resist it and flush it, but pills in the plural? No way. I would have been starting over.
Yep....me too! If not at 21 days...then maybe 31 or 41...you know how insidious this disease is.....if they are there...sooner or later....just when all conditions are right....down the hatch they would go!
Be very careful
Be very careful
At almost 3 years, I could not have a pill in my mouth and spit it out.
Actually your right Lisa....even the thought of it is making me crazy!
kee-kee, You're right she is playing with fire. I would not put myself in the situation of knowing there were pills around and expecting to rise above and beyond. I would like to think I would be strong enough to say no but I would be threading in dangerous waters. Not willing to do that at this point. Shantel
Have to agree. Roxy if you are serious about getting and staying clean from pills you have to eliminate ALL access to them. I had plenty of clean time behind me when I found 3 pills in the pocket of capris and they were in my mouth before I knew it. Fortunately, when I decided to get off pills for good once and for all I knew the first step was making sure there were none around for me to obtain. My sources were limited fortunately - my doctor and my husbands prescription which mainly went to me (he never liked them). So I told my doctor and I told my husband - I am abusing these things, dont allow me anymore. We fool NOONE if we play games with these things. Either we want to be clean or we dont. Only YOU know which route you are on. But if you truly WANT sobriety, you cant have ANY pills around you. I also stopped counting my days early on. Instead I focused on all the things I wanted to do NEW with my life - and on how proud I felt not to be standing in the pharmacy wondering if I could get my "fix" a day earlier. I never felt good about that. Get busy living as they say - it really works.
Hey Donna...my husband was my supplier as well! I didn't realize that you were getting your pills from your hubby as well.
It has been a strain on our relationship and we are working at getting back to be husband and wife...but its been hard! I spent 5 years treating him like my dealer...lying manipulating....and just behaving plain ol nasty.
He has realized his part in my issue and I am grateful for that....but I didn't realize that we had this in common.
It has been a strain on our relationship and we are working at getting back to be husband and wife...but its been hard! I spent 5 years treating him like my dealer...lying manipulating....and just behaving plain ol nasty.
He has realized his part in my issue and I am grateful for that....but I didn't realize that we had this in common.
Lisa and others I do understand your concerns, I misspoke when I said pills if you read it I said I did not want to lose my clean time over one pill, so sorry. However since I found that pill I have gone thru all my purses pockets (although I never put them in there) and drawers I found some more and did flush them Honestly. I guess I can understand that you think I am telling half truths but in reality that can not be farther from the truth. I did not want to even mention the fact that I had it in my mouth but I do write this for me too so I wanted to have in in writing that I had almost slipped. I have told my mom and husband about abusing the pills my husband has said that he will not get them for me anymore and Moms are not my d.o.c. she takes tylenol#3 which I would take but once I take enough to get a buzz I end up itching (in fact 6 months ago I ended up in the hospital for the rash and they had to give me an epi shot) so her meds are not a huge deal to me and since she knows I am having a problem she is more aware of them too. Honestly neither knows the degree of my problem but I think this is at least a start, I just told them this weekend so we will see where that goes. Again I can understand the skeptism to which others beleive or not as I find myself doing the same thing when I read other posts but what I said is the truth. The pill would not have gotten me off anyway and maybe if I had 10 things would have benn different which is why I searched for them I too would have been tempted but I think I did the right thing to maintain my sobriety. No I am not mad at anyone and thank you for your concerns
Roxy
Roxy
He would get a 3 month supply - so you can imagine having that much access at one time. Of course they would be gone before 3 months and thats when I would fill in with a script from my own doctor. My doctor also gave them pretty freely. Hed give me a script with 2 refills and those are the ones I filled at the pharmacy and of course filled them as soon as I could. Even if doctor put 8 a day there were pharmacies that did not fill because the insurance allowed less than that. I quickly learned the pharmacy that filled them sooner.
I dont think my husband was ever aware of just how much I actually was taking (10 and up when I quit) and he did not know I was getting from my doctor. But when I quit those were the two people I had to let in. I honestly did not know I could do this on my own til I found this sight and saw that others did it, as uncomfortable as it was, without dying. Ive got 4 kids so going to a rehab was not something I was going to consider. I also knew that withdrawals was something I did not want to go thru again. I prayed and prayed to feel normal again and when I did, I did not want to turn my back on HE who I prayed to and HE who helped me do it.
I dont think my husband was ever aware of just how much I actually was taking (10 and up when I quit) and he did not know I was getting from my doctor. But when I quit those were the two people I had to let in. I honestly did not know I could do this on my own til I found this sight and saw that others did it, as uncomfortable as it was, without dying. Ive got 4 kids so going to a rehab was not something I was going to consider. I also knew that withdrawals was something I did not want to go thru again. I prayed and prayed to feel normal again and when I did, I did not want to turn my back on HE who I prayed to and HE who helped me do it.
