Hello everyone! Quit day came and so far so good. I'm definately experiencing some withdrawl symptoms, suppressed appetite (which I was actually looking forward to, got to get that munchie weight back off!!!), headaches, difficulty with sleeping (I'm sleeping but feel restless while sleeping) and this really edgy feeling that takes over once in a while.
Temptation has been thrown in my face EVERY SINGLE DAY. Expected, my boyfriend is "cutting down" but not quitting. I anticipated this and really want my recovery to be about me. Perhaps I'll be an inspiration to him but I don't want my decision to affect our relationship so I'm not ever going to push. I don't even want our time together to be affected so I am still sitting with him in my usual spot on the patio while he tokes. He's offered me a joint about 100 times without even thinking about it and suggested I taper off instead of cold turkey BUT I am determined to make this work and have politely said so. He has told me a few times already how proud of me he is and that he had no idea I'm so strong.
I feel strong, really strong. I'm even questioning my addiction, did I ever have one? I've tried smoking, coke, mushrooms and never got addicted. I didn't like how cigarettes made me smell, hated feeling like CRAP the day after snorting a few lines, hated getting kicked in the a** for days and days after doing some shrooms. Heck I don't even drink caffine regularly (if ever)! Did I really just "take some time off to be young and irresponsible" before I settle down and have a family? I want a family so bad it hurts, I want my kids to be born into this world with every advantage and opportunity I can give them. I don't want any guilt over my actions should my kids have learning dissabilities or breathing problems.
So now the fear, because despite my resolve to be successful, I don't grasp the concept of "addiction". I don't understand how people can't see the dammage drugs will do to you, mentally and physically. I mean to me it's so obvious...so my fear is that this is a normal "step" for an addict and I don't know it. I feel very in control of everything right now and I fear this "deamon", addiction, will take over somehow.
So I ask, when you read this, do you think of everyone you know who's started coming off a drug addiction? Am I kidding myself? Should I quit kidding myself and get back into therapy (I've been in therapy twice, deep family issues) or go sign up for the next NA immediately?
I don't think everyone who smokes maraijuana (even every day) is an addict. If you resolve is strong, you can make it. The only way to quit, is to quit. You have shown considerable motivation and resolve in this endevor and as long as you are succeeding stay the course. If, however you find your reslove weakening, get the help you mentioned, (NA, therapy). And tell your boyfriend in no uncertan terms to quit offering you a joint, either he supports your goals or he dosen't and if he dosen't you don't belong with him. Keep up the good work. Your "withdrawal symptoms seem like the usual suspects. Don't fail yourself, that is the key.
Wow,
It sure sounds like you have a strong resolve! I think wanting children and a healthy life is such a great motivator. It's for sure one of my motivations. my husband also smokes, and I think he's cut down. He's always been an "after 5:00pm" smoker anyway. For some reason the smell of it, has really changed for me. I used to really relish and love the smell. Noticeing how different crops would smell differently. But now for some reason it always smells the same, and very surprizingly not good! I do cover my face so I don't get the contact thing going. It has been a lot easier as I've been going along on this section of my journey. My husband does usually give me a subtle sales pitch of all the fabuolous relaxation benefits. And the famous, "live and let live", because I could get hit by a bus or have a heart attack tomorrw. I got that one this evening. Good luck and Good post!
Pearly
It sure sounds like you have a strong resolve! I think wanting children and a healthy life is such a great motivator. It's for sure one of my motivations. my husband also smokes, and I think he's cut down. He's always been an "after 5:00pm" smoker anyway. For some reason the smell of it, has really changed for me. I used to really relish and love the smell. Noticeing how different crops would smell differently. But now for some reason it always smells the same, and very surprizingly not good! I do cover my face so I don't get the contact thing going. It has been a lot easier as I've been going along on this section of my journey. My husband does usually give me a subtle sales pitch of all the fabuolous relaxation benefits. And the famous, "live and let live", because I could get hit by a bus or have a heart attack tomorrw. I got that one this evening. Good luck and Good post!
Pearly
Thanks for the encouragement Hippie and Pearly!!! Hippie you're absolutely right, my boyfriend does need to stop offering me a toke. Every time he does it and I say no he does say "oops, that was a habit, I'm sorry" so maybe he just needs time to get used to the idea. We'll see how that progresses.
I feel lucky in that I'm a logical thinker. I know the effects of the drugs I'm using (or trying) and for the most part I haven't found them to be "worth it". My love of MJ was easy to justify, it's natural, made me feel good, didn't alter my long term physical appearance and once stopped, dammage done could be reversed. It became my one vice, literally. I don't even drink on a regular basis (hate how it makes me feel the next day!!!). I am really doing this for my kids, it's just step one in having a family. I'm prepared to sacrafice anything I have to for my children.
I feel lucky in that I'm a logical thinker. I know the effects of the drugs I'm using (or trying) and for the most part I haven't found them to be "worth it". My love of MJ was easy to justify, it's natural, made me feel good, didn't alter my long term physical appearance and once stopped, dammage done could be reversed. It became my one vice, literally. I don't even drink on a regular basis (hate how it makes me feel the next day!!!). I am really doing this for my kids, it's just step one in having a family. I'm prepared to sacrafice anything I have to for my children.
