Well guys, I made it to day 4. Yippie!!!. I was feeling rough on Day 3 and not so great today on Day 4 but better. I have to ask... When you all were recovering did you find people you love just get on your last nerve? I find my hubby is irritating the crap out of me. I know he did before but the booze helped me cope with it a little better ( I guess). I love him but he as well as a few others just irritate me lately. I just feel in many ways I want to be left alone. Maybe it's just me and my withdrawal period. I don't know. Anyway, I didn't find the cravings as bad yesterday as I had anticipated. I went home from work cooked dinner, watched TV with hubby, talked to a neighbor, shocked my pool, took a shower, and went to bed. Much more than I would do when drinking. Before I would go home have a few swigs of vodka and a few more, eat dinner( a little) sometimes I would just drink a glass of milk to settle the vodka, shower and go to bed early.
It's much nicer knowing I can do more now and actually remember it the next day. That sounds terrible but true. Still having night sweats and waking up in the middle of the night unable to go back to sleep for a couple of hours as before. Even though staying up later now, my night time wake ups are the same.
Will this change SOON? Just wanted to keep you updated and tell you all
THANK YOU!! I feel this is like a new home... Seeing the love, support and understanding here I feel has saved my life.
Another Long Post..ugh
Tremor
Congratulations on 4 days. Have you been to any meetings yet?
Wow Tremor, 4 days is awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are setting a great example for alot of people;)
Yes, i get VERY irritated very easily, and sometimes just can't even stand to be near people (like my H) that's when i get on the puter, or sit down and read a book, or write your feelings down in a journal, or go for a walk. If i can't get away, i take a few deep breaths and just try to keep it together. I also try to remember that i can't control anyone else, only my reactions. Hard? You bet it is...but like VW always says, it's progress, not perfection! (One of the things that really gets to me is being around someone who is drinking when i'm trying to stay sober, it took me a long time to realize, that i am not pissed at them, i'm pissed at myself because i can't control my drinking. Now i am staying away from those situations until i can build a solid foundation for my recovery. (AGAIN)
p.s. Sorry if my post didn't make sense, the words aren't coming to me today;)
But another thing i wanted to say is these feelings you're having are going to be scary and confusing for awhile, because you've never had to deal with them sober. (That goes for me anyways) Keep up the great work, you're awesome!
(((((((TREMOR)))))))))
Yes, i get VERY irritated very easily, and sometimes just can't even stand to be near people (like my H) that's when i get on the puter, or sit down and read a book, or write your feelings down in a journal, or go for a walk. If i can't get away, i take a few deep breaths and just try to keep it together. I also try to remember that i can't control anyone else, only my reactions. Hard? You bet it is...but like VW always says, it's progress, not perfection! (One of the things that really gets to me is being around someone who is drinking when i'm trying to stay sober, it took me a long time to realize, that i am not pissed at them, i'm pissed at myself because i can't control my drinking. Now i am staying away from those situations until i can build a solid foundation for my recovery. (AGAIN)
p.s. Sorry if my post didn't make sense, the words aren't coming to me today;)
But another thing i wanted to say is these feelings you're having are going to be scary and confusing for awhile, because you've never had to deal with them sober. (That goes for me anyways) Keep up the great work, you're awesome!
(((((((TREMOR)))))))))
Thanks 12 Stepper and Jayde,
I have not gone to any meetings yet. I mean YET. But if I feel myself slipping I plan to give it a try. So far, I'm doing alot better than I had anticipated.
I picture my father's death now alot when I want a drink. I was the only one he had left in the family that would give him the time of day. I spent 2 weeks with him at the hospital WAITING for him to die. NOT to be cruel but it was the best thing for him he was so far gone from cerrosis. His brain and liver and kidneys had completely shut down but his little heart would just keep on pumping.
It was a horrible death. I am going to explain it so everyone will see how this disease and death actually is. It's not pretty at all. Fluid spewed from his fingernail beds and pores of his skin. I had to hold his hand with a washcloth.
When he was very close to death, the back of his head cracked open and blood and fluid filled the washcloth that I was holding to the back of his head and ran down my arm. I held it there until he passed away and thanked God he had gone. I am not telling this to shock anyone but it is the honest truth.
I sure don't want to die that way or have anyone I love have to see that with me.
Just sharing.
Tremor
I have not gone to any meetings yet. I mean YET. But if I feel myself slipping I plan to give it a try. So far, I'm doing alot better than I had anticipated.
I picture my father's death now alot when I want a drink. I was the only one he had left in the family that would give him the time of day. I spent 2 weeks with him at the hospital WAITING for him to die. NOT to be cruel but it was the best thing for him he was so far gone from cerrosis. His brain and liver and kidneys had completely shut down but his little heart would just keep on pumping.
It was a horrible death. I am going to explain it so everyone will see how this disease and death actually is. It's not pretty at all. Fluid spewed from his fingernail beds and pores of his skin. I had to hold his hand with a washcloth.
When he was very close to death, the back of his head cracked open and blood and fluid filled the washcloth that I was holding to the back of his head and ran down my arm. I held it there until he passed away and thanked God he had gone. I am not telling this to shock anyone but it is the honest truth.
I sure don't want to die that way or have anyone I love have to see that with me.
Just sharing.
Tremor
Tremor......day four is huge!!!!!! I think it is fantastic!! Each day will get better and better I promise. It's been a little over 9 months for me and the only thing I still have trouble with is sleeping. I don't sleep more than an hour or two without waking up. I take otc sleeping pills but they don't help either. People have told me it will pass eventually.
I am soooo sorry you had to suffer such pain with your father. Was all of that just from liver disease from drinking? I have never heard it described like that. You are a strong person to have dealt with that without putting yourself into the hospital from self medicating. You are truly an inspiration!!!! Keep posting it does help. I too have not done the AA thing. I always keep it on the back burner though in case I need it. I do find that I just post on here if I am feeling weak and to me it's like a meeting. You take care of yourself!
Peace and Sobriety,
Valarie
I am soooo sorry you had to suffer such pain with your father. Was all of that just from liver disease from drinking? I have never heard it described like that. You are a strong person to have dealt with that without putting yourself into the hospital from self medicating. You are truly an inspiration!!!! Keep posting it does help. I too have not done the AA thing. I always keep it on the back burner though in case I need it. I do find that I just post on here if I am feeling weak and to me it's like a meeting. You take care of yourself!
Peace and Sobriety,
Valarie
Yes Val,
It was all from drinking. All of his body but his heart had shut down 2 days before he actually died. He was not on any sort of life support either. His body just filled with fluid and he basically drowned and all fluid had now where to go but out. This was 13 years ago and you would think that I would NEVER EVER pick up a drink after that. That just shows how powerful this disease can be and I firmly believe in the heredity factor of it now. He was only 52 years old.
I am now 46.
Thanks for the encouraging words
Tremor
It was all from drinking. All of his body but his heart had shut down 2 days before he actually died. He was not on any sort of life support either. His body just filled with fluid and he basically drowned and all fluid had now where to go but out. This was 13 years ago and you would think that I would NEVER EVER pick up a drink after that. That just shows how powerful this disease can be and I firmly believe in the heredity factor of it now. He was only 52 years old.
I am now 46.
Thanks for the encouraging words
Tremor
Tremor,
Wow......what hell that must have been. Yes this disease is alluring. I was told that I will probably get pancreatic cancer and I continued for years. I am 34 years old and my doctor told me that my liver and insides were that of a person in their 60's. My liver is okay by the grace of god but I think that was only because I did all the damage to my pancreas.
You keep strong and know we are all here for you. YIPEEEE DAY 4 MY FRIEND!!! YOU ROCK!!!!!
Peace and Sobriety,
Valarie
Wow......what hell that must have been. Yes this disease is alluring. I was told that I will probably get pancreatic cancer and I continued for years. I am 34 years old and my doctor told me that my liver and insides were that of a person in their 60's. My liver is okay by the grace of god but I think that was only because I did all the damage to my pancreas.
You keep strong and know we are all here for you. YIPEEEE DAY 4 MY FRIEND!!! YOU ROCK!!!!!
Peace and Sobriety,
Valarie
Thanks again Val,
I have had a couple of pancreatic flares but nothing really serious. I am sooo very sorry to hear of your situation with your pancreas. I am very glad to hear that your liver is ok. Keep on Keeping On! I'll pray for you.
Thanks again for the kind words.
Tremor
I have had a couple of pancreatic flares but nothing really serious. I am sooo very sorry to hear of your situation with your pancreas. I am very glad to hear that your liver is ok. Keep on Keeping On! I'll pray for you.
Thanks again for the kind words.
Tremor
Tremor, I'm so sorry to hear about the horror of your dad's passing. I lost my dad when I was 23, although it had nothing to do with booze, and either way it's a hard thing to deal with when those we love just waste away slowly. I did know someone who literally drank himself to death - just drank and drank until he hemorraged internally and bled to death - he was only 40. It was so sad. I didn't know him well but try to think about him sometimes to keep the old devil booze at bay. Hasn't worked too well lately, obviously - it's so easy to come up with excuses, like "I'm younger" and "I don't drink THAT much," etc. But it happens, sure enough. Anyway I'm so happy and proud to see you on day four. Stay strong and in the fight - I can't speak for tomorrow, but I'm determined not to drink today! Hugs and good vibes...
Hi Tremor
congrats on staying sober - highly recommend you give AA a try. Its not for everyone, but you won't know if its for you unless you try it. And by that I mean really work the program not just rock up to a couple of meetings here and there.
You'll be astonished at how friendly people are, they are great and there's no need to feel afraid, ashamed or anything else.
AA will help you deal with things like your spouse irrittaing you. Mine drives me nuts too, but I had a bit of a revelation last night at a meeting - about my own behaviour and contribution to the problems in the relationship. I'm learning I have to fix what's wrong with me, rather than focussing on what's wrong with him. And that as I grow more accepting and tolerant of myself I'll become more tolerant of others (including spouse). Its eye-opening to deal with this stuff.
In the short term, to deal with the irritation my suggestion is to just be by yourself for a while. I often go up to the spare room and sit in there and read or do needlework or whatever if I just want to be away from him for a while. Or you could get out of the house and go to a meeting :).
Good luck with your program
Idgie
congrats on staying sober - highly recommend you give AA a try. Its not for everyone, but you won't know if its for you unless you try it. And by that I mean really work the program not just rock up to a couple of meetings here and there.
You'll be astonished at how friendly people are, they are great and there's no need to feel afraid, ashamed or anything else.
AA will help you deal with things like your spouse irrittaing you. Mine drives me nuts too, but I had a bit of a revelation last night at a meeting - about my own behaviour and contribution to the problems in the relationship. I'm learning I have to fix what's wrong with me, rather than focussing on what's wrong with him. And that as I grow more accepting and tolerant of myself I'll become more tolerant of others (including spouse). Its eye-opening to deal with this stuff.
In the short term, to deal with the irritation my suggestion is to just be by yourself for a while. I often go up to the spare room and sit in there and read or do needlework or whatever if I just want to be away from him for a while. Or you could get out of the house and go to a meeting :).
Good luck with your program
Idgie
Tremor, Thank you for sharing your Dad's passing with us....wow, I've heard that to die an alcoholic death is horrifying and your post made that clear. Again, it must be painful for you still, but I really appreciate your honesty.
Idgie, Isn't it amazing how the simple tools that are given to us from the Program can turn our thinking around....you sound a lot like me ~ I was blown away at times and still am when I hear something in a meeting that is totally applicable to me and my life, I go out and try it and it works and it works way better than the way I was doing things!
Jayde, Your post made perfect sense...yep, I agree I am powerless over people, places and things...I am a control freak...once I wrapped my mind around the fact that I cannot control anyone or anything, well that's when I felt a sense of relief. You're right that's what I've been told it's progress not perfection (my Sponsor tells me if anything takes me back out again, it will be my perfectionism...so she's working with me on that...) ~ also yep, I was told I can't change people only my reaction to them (their behavior).
Idgie, Isn't it amazing how the simple tools that are given to us from the Program can turn our thinking around....you sound a lot like me ~ I was blown away at times and still am when I hear something in a meeting that is totally applicable to me and my life, I go out and try it and it works and it works way better than the way I was doing things!
Jayde, Your post made perfect sense...yep, I agree I am powerless over people, places and things...I am a control freak...once I wrapped my mind around the fact that I cannot control anyone or anything, well that's when I felt a sense of relief. You're right that's what I've been told it's progress not perfection (my Sponsor tells me if anything takes me back out again, it will be my perfectionism...so she's working with me on that...) ~ also yep, I was told I can't change people only my reaction to them (their behavior).
Hey Tremor give AA a go because it will seriously boost your recovery and congradulations on day 4.
Hey Val don't rely on AA as a back burner cause it means you are missing out on so much, going to AA will build a physical confidance just like posting fills the mental confidance and all the feel goods.
Light and love Zac
Hey Val don't rely on AA as a back burner cause it means you are missing out on so much, going to AA will build a physical confidance just like posting fills the mental confidance and all the feel goods.
Light and love Zac
Wow Tremor...i'm so sorry you had to go through that with your father. That must've been terrible. Thanks for sharing though...that should be enough to make all of us stay sober for good! Stay strong;)
