I am on day six. I am so tired. Stomach is still acting up. I am doing this while trying to function in my normal life. I am sitting here at work, not getting much done, but I am existing. Not much rest for me over the weekend cuz I have two small children. Husband doesn't know what I am going through....nobody does.
Help....anyone around for some encouraging words? Thanks.
Hon it will get better !! Does your husband know what your going trough or is he just "looking the other way " If he is looking the other way then you need to tell him just how serious the problem is? I have a daughter too so I understand that you can't clock out from being a mom. But you need help at home. You are going to be a better mother and wife when you get the drugs and withdrawal behind you. Most important you need support. Have you thought about going to meetings. I will be going to one soon everyone here and my Dr. has told me over and over just how important they are.
Marina ~
Believe in yourself cause I do!
Marina ~
Believe in yourself cause I do!
My husband doesn't have a clue of what I have been doing. Nobody does. How sad is that? I am in this alone. As for the meetings, no, I haven't done anything to find one. Once my head is clear from the w/d...and I can think clear and have energy, I will find some support. I just want the w/d to be gone. I thought I was getting better but my stomach has taken a turn for the worse. My eyes still are not clear either. This sucks.
Not to pry but why haven't you told him? I don't know your situation but I think you should reconsider telling him. You may get through this easier if you have his support and help at home. By him not knowing it could make some major problems in you marriage. Maybe he will really suprise you and be understanding. But like I said I don't know your situation. I was scared to death when I told my husband now I don't think I could have gotten the help and the push I needed. Is there a Dr. in your area you can go see that only helps addicts?
Marina ~
Marina ~
I need to do this on my own. Too many other problems that I have caused. I would be the straw that broke the camel's back.
Katboyd..you could be writing my story. I never told my husband either..for years he thought that this was what was normal for me. When I finally did tell him in 2000 (I had not choice, my dr. would have done it if I hadn't), I went to treatment and he thought all was well. Cured, you know? I have relapsed a hundred times since then and never told him. When I finally got clean 6 months ago, he never had a clue what was going on and if it wasn't for this board and my finally going back to NA and getting a sponser, I could never have done it.
I still haven't told him the truth and every day I live with horrible guilt over the lies and deception. I even started having resentments lately towards him...I'm not sure why other than I wish he knew so that I could talk to him. He's always been my best friend and biggest fan...I'm not being fair to him at all. But shame and bull-headedness keeps me from telling him the truth. Don't want to rock the proverbial boat...
Please hang in there..6 days is HUGE! It will get better and as you know with 2 young children in the house, time will go fast. Try not to focus on how you're feeling as much as focusing on how much clearer your thinking is and how much of a better mom your being. Can you go to a meeting?
I'm really proud of you. Use this board to vent and to be honest with yourself. It really does help. Please don't feel bad though if someone doesn't get right back to you over the weekend..I've seen alot of new people give up because no one was around to answer them. I almost did.
Cowgirl
I still haven't told him the truth and every day I live with horrible guilt over the lies and deception. I even started having resentments lately towards him...I'm not sure why other than I wish he knew so that I could talk to him. He's always been my best friend and biggest fan...I'm not being fair to him at all. But shame and bull-headedness keeps me from telling him the truth. Don't want to rock the proverbial boat...
Please hang in there..6 days is HUGE! It will get better and as you know with 2 young children in the house, time will go fast. Try not to focus on how you're feeling as much as focusing on how much clearer your thinking is and how much of a better mom your being. Can you go to a meeting?
I'm really proud of you. Use this board to vent and to be honest with yourself. It really does help. Please don't feel bad though if someone doesn't get right back to you over the weekend..I've seen alot of new people give up because no one was around to answer them. I almost did.
Cowgirl
Cowgirl,
Thanks so much for sharing your story. Why is it that we fear telling our husbands whom are our best friend? I guess I am ashamed of letting him down. He would be disgusted. I know I will never tell him. If I had the chance to relapse right now I probably would. I just don't have any close means to get the pills. I have been cut off by the doctors. I could go to the internet again, but I won't ... for fear of getting caught.
As a matter of fact, a pharmacy just left me a message if I wanted to order. How lame is that?
On day 6, I actually felt better yesterday. I have real flu like symptoms today...chills and achy. Woke up with my back killing me. Thanks so much for listening and I will use this site to vent. I just can't believe how many people share the same story.
Bye for now.
Kat
Thanks so much for sharing your story. Why is it that we fear telling our husbands whom are our best friend? I guess I am ashamed of letting him down. He would be disgusted. I know I will never tell him. If I had the chance to relapse right now I probably would. I just don't have any close means to get the pills. I have been cut off by the doctors. I could go to the internet again, but I won't ... for fear of getting caught.
As a matter of fact, a pharmacy just left me a message if I wanted to order. How lame is that?
On day 6, I actually felt better yesterday. I have real flu like symptoms today...chills and achy. Woke up with my back killing me. Thanks so much for listening and I will use this site to vent. I just can't believe how many people share the same story.
Bye for now.
Kat
Cowgirl
Isn't part of recovery being honest with yourself and others? Maybe it's time to be honest with your husband. Being the partner of an addict, I know I would want to know. Not just in terms for my own sake, but so that I could help and support him through it. Something you obviously wish you could have from him that you can't because you're not ready to be honest with him.
I think you will be very surprised (and relieved) if you tell him. When I didn't know my partner had relapsed when he had tried to quit before and he told me after, I was more upset with the fact that he thought he couldn't trust me enough to tell me and get the help and support from me that he needed. And he went through guilt and anxiety over not telling me which sounds similar to what you are going through. He also started pulling away from me I found and I thought it was for other reasons and put those reasons on myself and whether or not I had done something wrong.
Your husband may be thinking similarly.
You should trust your husband to tell him. And it will make you feel better about yourself and your recovery.
Just wanted you to think on that. I'm not trying to jump down your throat on this at all, so please don't take it that way. I just know what it's like to be on the other side.
I think you are doing great in your recovery and help so many people on this board.
Peace and best wishes,
Mickey.
Isn't part of recovery being honest with yourself and others? Maybe it's time to be honest with your husband. Being the partner of an addict, I know I would want to know. Not just in terms for my own sake, but so that I could help and support him through it. Something you obviously wish you could have from him that you can't because you're not ready to be honest with him.
I think you will be very surprised (and relieved) if you tell him. When I didn't know my partner had relapsed when he had tried to quit before and he told me after, I was more upset with the fact that he thought he couldn't trust me enough to tell me and get the help and support from me that he needed. And he went through guilt and anxiety over not telling me which sounds similar to what you are going through. He also started pulling away from me I found and I thought it was for other reasons and put those reasons on myself and whether or not I had done something wrong.
Your husband may be thinking similarly.
You should trust your husband to tell him. And it will make you feel better about yourself and your recovery.
Just wanted you to think on that. I'm not trying to jump down your throat on this at all, so please don't take it that way. I just know what it's like to be on the other side.
I think you are doing great in your recovery and help so many people on this board.
Peace and best wishes,
Mickey.
Well, I'm one of those who hasn't told their spouse about their last relapse. Yes, she deserves to know and, to be honest, she probably does know. I didn't think I was being sneaky or pulling one over on her -- I felt like it was my mess to clean up, period. I didn't want her support, and didn't feel I deserved it. If I could figure out a way to tell her that I'd relapsed without having to answer all the inevitable questions that would follow -- how long, how much, how'd you get it, etc. -- I probably would. But telling her the truth would scare the living hell out of her -- and to what end? I've put her through enough over the years. My plan is to do things differently this time -- not rely solely on one recovery approach or treatment tool -- and get sufficient clean time so that when I tell her, it will cause less fear, worry, etc. I'm sure there will be anger over not being honest sooner, but I think the anger will take less of a toll on her than the crippling fear caused by my two past slips.
It's the best I can do right now. M.
It's the best I can do right now. M.
KATBOYD...and everyone else -
I was taking oxycontin for the last 2 years and percocet (4-5 x 10 mg/day) for the last 7 years. Today is day 7 for me and I still feel awful. I went "cold turkey". I am very much concerned about my weight so I am trying to eat. I have one more week off from work and I wonder if I will be able to go back. I am so exhausted right now but I tell myself that it has to get better some time. I am way too foggy to even drive to a meeting right now.
If you want, we can help each other through this (with the help of everyone else). I am very happy that you can even take care of your children. I am a single father and my mom has been helping me. I walk around with my daughter's picture with me. This keeps me from taking a pill. Actually the craving is gone now, it's just that I feel so horrible. Showers help before bed but even that is a task. I sleep about 3-4 hours a night.
I never in my life thought I would be faced with something so difficult. I figured I would just stop and be okay in 24-72 hours. Not even close! I may have to quit my job to get better. I have 9 more days before work and if I could get some energy to keep my job, I can get through this. I truly believe that the W/Ds are our body's way of teaching us a lesson.
One hour at a time.
E
I was taking oxycontin for the last 2 years and percocet (4-5 x 10 mg/day) for the last 7 years. Today is day 7 for me and I still feel awful. I went "cold turkey". I am very much concerned about my weight so I am trying to eat. I have one more week off from work and I wonder if I will be able to go back. I am so exhausted right now but I tell myself that it has to get better some time. I am way too foggy to even drive to a meeting right now.
If you want, we can help each other through this (with the help of everyone else). I am very happy that you can even take care of your children. I am a single father and my mom has been helping me. I walk around with my daughter's picture with me. This keeps me from taking a pill. Actually the craving is gone now, it's just that I feel so horrible. Showers help before bed but even that is a task. I sleep about 3-4 hours a night.
I never in my life thought I would be faced with something so difficult. I figured I would just stop and be okay in 24-72 hours. Not even close! I may have to quit my job to get better. I have 9 more days before work and if I could get some energy to keep my job, I can get through this. I truly believe that the W/Ds are our body's way of teaching us a lesson.
One hour at a time.
E
Ok this is what has helped at my house. (the hubby is on day 15) Water and lots of it, bananas, camomille tea, for a woman lavendar bath's are suppose to be relaxing(thanks to raerae for most of this info) Epson salts in bath also has magnesium which help with muscle aches. Try benadryl for sleep but I think everyone will tell you forget the sleep for a while. The most important thing I found that works is exercise. I basically threw my husband out of the house last week and made him take a walk.(day 8) Well he walked 2 miles and it helped with the panic feelings and anxiety. On day 13 he didn't walk and had a really bad night seemed like all the withdrawl came back for an encore. He said he won't make that mistake again. So keep walking and eat everything an anything and try chocolate too. YES TOU MUST WALK AND DON'T DRAG YOUR FEET.
Good Luck and Stay Strong........
Tina
PS> My husband went back to work on Monday........Physical and Mental on your feet outdoors bust your a** constantly kind of stuff and made it through the week. I am so proud of him.
Good Luck and Stay Strong........
Tina
PS> My husband went back to work on Monday........Physical and Mental on your feet outdoors bust your a** constantly kind of stuff and made it through the week. I am so proud of him.
GREAT ADVISE MISTYEYES, THAT IS REALLY RIGHT ON ADVISE, I SWEARE US ADDICTS KNOW MORE THAT DOCTORS, WOULDN'T U SAY, LOL.. TAKE CARE ALL!!
I have been reading through many of these messages and am so happy that there are people out there that really care. I notice that there are many people helping other people who are going through hell. I have done a ton of research the last few weeks and I think any doctor that just keeps giving out prescriptions or upping the dose should be fined. I think that doctors should have someone overlook what they are writing. I certainly think that pharmacies should do more questioning. There is no system of checks and balances. Most people on this site started out with a legitimate problem which was amplified by or replaced by drugs. There needs to be some accountability with these doctors. People are too trusting of doctors. Question whatever is given to you and think about what it is doing to your body.
It has been 7 days for me and I still feel god awful. I had a legitimate reason for taking pain pills. I had a condition that only a few doctors in the country could treat. I have had numerous surgeries and after each one I started taking pain medicine and xanax for the condition. Slowly the doctor upped the dosing on each one. Finally when I realized that I needed meds just to wake up and get through the day, I knew it was a problem. When I informed the doctors that I needed help, all the doctors went scrambling for life vests and they left me to hang out and dry (literally and figuratively). That has been one of the biggest problems I have had the last few days...trying to get a doctors note to stay out of work and keep my job. I just pray that it gets better in the next 9 days.
MANY OF YOU HAVE BEEN A GREAT HELP TO ME. I HOPE THAT I CAN GET BETTER AND WILL FOREVER HELP PEOPLE ON THIS SITE.
EDDIE
It has been 7 days for me and I still feel god awful. I had a legitimate reason for taking pain pills. I had a condition that only a few doctors in the country could treat. I have had numerous surgeries and after each one I started taking pain medicine and xanax for the condition. Slowly the doctor upped the dosing on each one. Finally when I realized that I needed meds just to wake up and get through the day, I knew it was a problem. When I informed the doctors that I needed help, all the doctors went scrambling for life vests and they left me to hang out and dry (literally and figuratively). That has been one of the biggest problems I have had the last few days...trying to get a doctors note to stay out of work and keep my job. I just pray that it gets better in the next 9 days.
MANY OF YOU HAVE BEEN A GREAT HELP TO ME. I HOPE THAT I CAN GET BETTER AND WILL FOREVER HELP PEOPLE ON THIS SITE.
EDDIE
Eddie,
I am on Day 6....I feel godawful too. Worse yet, my knee just started hurting REALLY bad. I can't take anything....All my aches and pains are setting in and I am feeling hurt that I haven't felt in a long time.
Be careful with Xanax. I have had to go CT on it a year ago and I'll tell you, it's REALLY AWFUL. You are one day ahead of me. Keep going. KAT
I am on Day 6....I feel godawful too. Worse yet, my knee just started hurting REALLY bad. I can't take anything....All my aches and pains are setting in and I am feeling hurt that I haven't felt in a long time.
Be careful with Xanax. I have had to go CT on it a year ago and I'll tell you, it's REALLY AWFUL. You are one day ahead of me. Keep going. KAT
KAT -
If you think you have it bad, remember this...
I have read many of your posts since we are at the same point and you are better than you think. I can not even walk out of the door and you are going to work!!! You are a courageous person!!! You feel that you are useless but you are working and have a family. Forget about cleaning the house and just concentrate on spending time with your family. Be happy. I am a single dad and have been locked up in my house for a week by myself going through this. No one understands. I get much joy from talking to my daughter on the phone. I have missed her last two soccer games (it takes a lot for me not to be at the games) and she scored in both games (first two of the season). I know I missed important events but I know that I will be stronger in the end.
Bottom line, you are doing great!! I wish I could say the same for myself.
EDDIE
If you think you have it bad, remember this...
I have read many of your posts since we are at the same point and you are better than you think. I can not even walk out of the door and you are going to work!!! You are a courageous person!!! You feel that you are useless but you are working and have a family. Forget about cleaning the house and just concentrate on spending time with your family. Be happy. I am a single dad and have been locked up in my house for a week by myself going through this. No one understands. I get much joy from talking to my daughter on the phone. I have missed her last two soccer games (it takes a lot for me not to be at the games) and she scored in both games (first two of the season). I know I missed important events but I know that I will be stronger in the end.
Bottom line, you are doing great!! I wish I could say the same for myself.
EDDIE
EDDIE,
Believe me, if I could be at home, I would be...I have been going home at lunch at sleeping an hour then coming back to work. You have to force yourself to go out....go to your daughter's games. It might seem like people are staring at you and stuff, but just make an excuse that you are sick with flu. You have to go out and face the world....take a walk. I swear, you will feel better once you have been outside. Let me know what happens.
Believe me, if I could be at home, I would be...I have been going home at lunch at sleeping an hour then coming back to work. You have to force yourself to go out....go to your daughter's games. It might seem like people are staring at you and stuff, but just make an excuse that you are sick with flu. You have to go out and face the world....take a walk. I swear, you will feel better once you have been outside. Let me know what happens.
