Hi Everyone,
Thanks for all the support so many have given me. We are just getting through all of this one day at a time. Today my addict went back to rehab to "mirror" with her counselor and group. I wonder how she will be wehn she gets back tonight. As you may know the counselor at the rehab and I did not see eye to eye on may issues. In fact, two counselors here where we live has commented that he acted unethical on a couple of issues. She does have an appointment tonight with our counselor here when she gets back this evening so that will proably turn out to be a good thing. She recognizes she screwed up on her relaspe and was very honest about it so I have confidence she is getting back on track to work her program correctly. What bothers me is that the counselor at the rehab has a tendency to blame all of the addicts problems on the people closest to them and say we are all triggers therefore she should just get rid of us and she would be fine. Two others spouses I have met have received the same treatment with this particurlar counselor at the rehab. The counselor here is not like that he puts the addicts actions back on them and makes them own their part.
So, you wonder how "we"are doing? We are OK not great but not bad just where we are in the process. I think she began to sense my mood of moving forward with my life and not sitting at "anchor" while she figured hers out. I know I am still very much in love with her but I must take care of myself. Paitence is what we the loved ones of the addict/alcoholic need so much but we can only use what we have. I try to keep reminding myself that all things pass the good and the bad and that one moment does not make a life time.
Mickey, thanks for the book advice. I am reading it and really think it is a good source of direction and inspiration in dealing with the rebuilding of our relationship.
We have alot of issues to settle and only time will heal some of the pain. The emotional wounds I have will heal in time and somehow in time we will learn to trust again but it doesn't happen over night. I will be happier than the addict in my life when it does but it just takes time. I fight the urge to check up on here all the time but she realizes it is the price she has to pay to rebuild this relationship. So, like I said we are not in a bad place nor a good place . We are just where we are today
Laengr:
Thanks for the update! I am glad the book has helped. I found it helpful also.
The trust is a hard thing to give to them again. I am still having trouble with that but am finding it easier and easier every day. I no longer have the anxious gut feeling every time he goes out and I'm not with him. I have to let him live his life and make his choices just like I do in my life.
It does get easier. I feel soo much better than I did even a month ago about our relationship and it seems to get better every day.
It sounds like you guys are on the right track. That counsellor sounds like he/she may be a recovering addict that has still not come to terms with all their own issues and is probably still blaming all their problems on their family and friends instead of owning up to their own behaviours and choices. That's definitely a possibility. Aren't a lot of the counsellors in rehab recovering addicts? But you and your other counsellor are right. She has to face up to her own choices and actions. I can see cutting the people out that are using as well, but not people and family that just want to support their loved one in recovery. That sounds a little farfetched. It would be different if you abused her or something, but that certainly doesn't sound like the case!!! It's a good thing she has an appointment with your own counsellor right after.
It's good to hear from you. Make sure to keep us posted!!!
Keep taking care of yourself!!
Mickey
Thanks for the update! I am glad the book has helped. I found it helpful also.
The trust is a hard thing to give to them again. I am still having trouble with that but am finding it easier and easier every day. I no longer have the anxious gut feeling every time he goes out and I'm not with him. I have to let him live his life and make his choices just like I do in my life.
It does get easier. I feel soo much better than I did even a month ago about our relationship and it seems to get better every day.
It sounds like you guys are on the right track. That counsellor sounds like he/she may be a recovering addict that has still not come to terms with all their own issues and is probably still blaming all their problems on their family and friends instead of owning up to their own behaviours and choices. That's definitely a possibility. Aren't a lot of the counsellors in rehab recovering addicts? But you and your other counsellor are right. She has to face up to her own choices and actions. I can see cutting the people out that are using as well, but not people and family that just want to support their loved one in recovery. That sounds a little farfetched. It would be different if you abused her or something, but that certainly doesn't sound like the case!!! It's a good thing she has an appointment with your own counsellor right after.
It's good to hear from you. Make sure to keep us posted!!!
Keep taking care of yourself!!
Mickey