So, what day was the hardest for you guys, cause today ain't no picnic. I have been on hydrocodone and most recently got switched to Oxycodone for the past 4 months. I have been using painkillers for the past 13 months, however when I was younger I would take them, but never got addicted. I was in a car accident when I was 6 months pregnant and it caused me to have severe nerve damage in my lower back which shoots to both of my legs, especially when I lean over. I have a 13 almost 14 month old daughter, so it's kinda hard not to bend...
Anyways, this isn't the first time I have tried to come off of these, but this time I actually tapered to about 30 mg of hydrocodone a day before I was out. I haven't taken the oxy in about a week and a half. My husband gets the tabs, i get the tylox. He has been on them almost as long as I have and is also addicted so that makes it extremely hard to stop using when he is still in the mindset that he needs them. Which he doesn't. His pain is gone, he had his surgery, he is just still getting them. The doctor said he is going to cut him off soon, but me on the other hand... I could probably keep getting tylox as long as I want. I just am to the point where I was taking 8-10 lortabs a day or 5-6 tylox a day and I ran out so quick because he also takes half of mine, so I take half of his. So then there is about a week to a week and a half gap of nothing and that's where the s*** starts. I can see these pills ruining our marriage right in front of my face, and I feel helpless. I'm getting so numb to everything I just am to the point that when there is a fall out I don't even want to work it out cause I know another one is just around the corner. I am only 22 years old,.I have already gotten myself off of cocaine and meth and ecstasy when I was 18...It was reaaaallll hard, but this seems to be so much harder than even coke. I have been taking vitamins today and drinking as much water as I can but dear god if my stomach is any more F***ed up I don't think I could walk. We have one car, I'm stuck in our house all day with the baby while he is at work until 8:30 every night. I have no "drive" at all and last time I was trying to come clean, I got about 3 hours of choppy sleep a night, and if there is one thing that I have got to have it is sleep. That's basically the reason I went back to taking them.
Anyways, I would have posted my story sooner, but typing takes effort you know...and I had to work my energy up on this one.
Thanks for listening...
Stacey
Also, Have any of you ever dealt with living with another addict? If so, how did that work out...
Stacey,
I know EXACTLY what it's like!! I was in a similar situation.
My (soon-to-be-official) ex-husband is still actively using oxy (my doc)
I actually had to move out of the house cause the temptation was bad & I kept relapsing. I will be very honest with you - it's going to be VERY hard for you to quit if he keeps using - moreso if he is not supportive of your sobriety!! I had subutex and still would relapse!! (Having him offer me pills was not supporting my efforts to be clean!!!)
Do you go to NA or AA meetings?? Other f2f support??
That IS the MAIN thing that finally saved me was to get active with NA & work the steps with an awesome sponsor & home group!!
I also have individual therapy with a Psychiatrist that specializes in addiction.
Once I really committed myself & started learning the tools needed to STAY clean, I was able to not have cravings over the ex still using. In fact, I moved back in & lived in the same house with him again for more than 2 months and did not have a single slip!!
(I am SO proud of myself for that!!! Shows how far I have come....)
I left the house (for the last time) a few weeks ago - not cause of the drugs, other issues.....
I have never been happier than I am now!!!
(Including prior to using!!!)
I hope you don't take this like I'm suggesting leaving as I did - that is just what I had to do. You need to evaluate your sitiuation & decide what is best for you. My marriage had many other problems, other than just addiction, though looking at things now, most were made MUCH worse cause of the addiction.
Best of luck to you!!!
If I can help or if you just need to vent, please feel free.....
<<<HUGS>>>
Swizzle
I know EXACTLY what it's like!! I was in a similar situation.
My (soon-to-be-official) ex-husband is still actively using oxy (my doc)
I actually had to move out of the house cause the temptation was bad & I kept relapsing. I will be very honest with you - it's going to be VERY hard for you to quit if he keeps using - moreso if he is not supportive of your sobriety!! I had subutex and still would relapse!! (Having him offer me pills was not supporting my efforts to be clean!!!)
Do you go to NA or AA meetings?? Other f2f support??
That IS the MAIN thing that finally saved me was to get active with NA & work the steps with an awesome sponsor & home group!!
I also have individual therapy with a Psychiatrist that specializes in addiction.
Once I really committed myself & started learning the tools needed to STAY clean, I was able to not have cravings over the ex still using. In fact, I moved back in & lived in the same house with him again for more than 2 months and did not have a single slip!!
(I am SO proud of myself for that!!! Shows how far I have come....)
I left the house (for the last time) a few weeks ago - not cause of the drugs, other issues.....
I have never been happier than I am now!!!
(Including prior to using!!!)
I hope you don't take this like I'm suggesting leaving as I did - that is just what I had to do. You need to evaluate your sitiuation & decide what is best for you. My marriage had many other problems, other than just addiction, though looking at things now, most were made MUCH worse cause of the addiction.
Best of luck to you!!!
If I can help or if you just need to vent, please feel free.....
<<<HUGS>>>
Swizzle
Welcome Jim,
Congradulations, you are making it through day 1. I have somewhat of a similiar story, however, I am older than you. I had used Vicodin as needed for over 15 years, never had a problem with it. I suffered from migraines, back pain and other health issues. My husband had never taken any pain meds or pills. Well about 3 years ago, we were both in a car accident. Needless to say, we both became full addicts, Oxycontin, Fentanyl, you name it. Our life became a "nightmare". We have 3 children. I have tried many times to get off of the pain meds, but was not sucessful. My husband was in the same situation. I am currently on Suboxene and tapering with a Dr.'s supervision. I now have over 3 months "clean". My husband has about 60 days w/o Suboxene. We have both had to seek outside support. I go to AA and a counselor, my husband goes to NA. Our lives are so much better. We feel like each day gets "better". I am hoping to be off of the Suboxene by January. I will continue my "program", and take one day at a time. I wish you the very best. My worst day now, is 100% better than any day that I was using. Please keep posting. Take care, Best Wishes
Congradulations, you are making it through day 1. I have somewhat of a similiar story, however, I am older than you. I had used Vicodin as needed for over 15 years, never had a problem with it. I suffered from migraines, back pain and other health issues. My husband had never taken any pain meds or pills. Well about 3 years ago, we were both in a car accident. Needless to say, we both became full addicts, Oxycontin, Fentanyl, you name it. Our life became a "nightmare". We have 3 children. I have tried many times to get off of the pain meds, but was not sucessful. My husband was in the same situation. I am currently on Suboxene and tapering with a Dr.'s supervision. I now have over 3 months "clean". My husband has about 60 days w/o Suboxene. We have both had to seek outside support. I go to AA and a counselor, my husband goes to NA. Our lives are so much better. We feel like each day gets "better". I am hoping to be off of the Suboxene by January. I will continue my "program", and take one day at a time. I wish you the very best. My worst day now, is 100% better than any day that I was using. Please keep posting. Take care, Best Wishes
Hi Stacey,
Sorry to hear you are having a hard time today. I have been clean 7 days. I had 5 months, but I relapsed. My arm was really hurting and so I called the doc for a non narcotic pain med and he gave me darvocet...said it was ok. Well I know better than that. But my addiction took over and I wound up taking 3 pills at a time the last 3 days of the script. I struggle with being 100% honest with myself. I want to stay sober,but I struggle with the work of it. I don't have any children or an addicted husband so I can't truly relate to what you are going through. I just know that staying clean is hard work, but so rewarding. My life is a lot less chaotic than when I was using. Going to meetings and talking to people helps me too.I'm just rambling....I hope that you keep posting and take it an hour at a time if need be.
Hugs,
Pammy
Sorry to hear you are having a hard time today. I have been clean 7 days. I had 5 months, but I relapsed. My arm was really hurting and so I called the doc for a non narcotic pain med and he gave me darvocet...said it was ok. Well I know better than that. But my addiction took over and I wound up taking 3 pills at a time the last 3 days of the script. I struggle with being 100% honest with myself. I want to stay sober,but I struggle with the work of it. I don't have any children or an addicted husband so I can't truly relate to what you are going through. I just know that staying clean is hard work, but so rewarding. My life is a lot less chaotic than when I was using. Going to meetings and talking to people helps me too.I'm just rambling....I hope that you keep posting and take it an hour at a time if need be.
Hugs,
Pammy
Thanks ya'll for taking the time to write me. I have physical withdrawls, my husband seems to only have psychological withdrawls. When I am ready to quit he isn't, and vice versa. We are finally getting to the point where we're on the same page, but we blow up at each other so much quicker than I would ever imagine. We've only been married 2 years, and in the beginning, we weren't using. I watched a video of us when we were dating, before drugs, before babies, and we were so happy and funny ... I balled my eyes out.
I haven't been to any meetings, I wanted to go to a NA meeting cause there are lots in my area, however my husband said he doesn't want me involved with that, that if I want to get off, we can do it on our own, which I think could be possible... but so difficult..
I would go to meetings, but also I have no car. I have been to a chat meeting at the other site, and that was nice, but I think it's probably different with people face to face. I am one of those kind of people that hate hate hate to be around a lot of people. One on one with me, I could talk your ear off, but a group...dear god,
The pain in my back is what initially triggers me to think about them. I feel pain, can't get comfortable...where are my damn pills...?
I am prescribed xanax .5 twice a day, but I NEVER take them twice a day, I take a half of one a day at night sometimes , not every night... However, I can feel myself wanting to take them now that I'm coming off the other. That kinda worries me, that's the LAST thing I need is some benzo withdrawl.
Anyways, I hope to talk to you all soon. Thanks
Stacey
I haven't been to any meetings, I wanted to go to a NA meeting cause there are lots in my area, however my husband said he doesn't want me involved with that, that if I want to get off, we can do it on our own, which I think could be possible... but so difficult..
I would go to meetings, but also I have no car. I have been to a chat meeting at the other site, and that was nice, but I think it's probably different with people face to face. I am one of those kind of people that hate hate hate to be around a lot of people. One on one with me, I could talk your ear off, but a group...dear god,
The pain in my back is what initially triggers me to think about them. I feel pain, can't get comfortable...where are my damn pills...?
I am prescribed xanax .5 twice a day, but I NEVER take them twice a day, I take a half of one a day at night sometimes , not every night... However, I can feel myself wanting to take them now that I'm coming off the other. That kinda worries me, that's the LAST thing I need is some benzo withdrawl.
Anyways, I hope to talk to you all soon. Thanks
Stacey
Hello Stacey,
It's me again, lolol, I am glad you are able to post on this Board, and get support. How many times have you and your spouse tried to "quit"? I am not one to judge. I only wish you the best. However, your sobriety has to be for "you". You have to do what works for you. There are alot of meetings, that are small. You can wait a day or two and see how you do. I personally have to "run" for support, whether it's a bad day or just to have a GREAT DAY!!! It is alot different to get support in person. My spouse had to deal with his own addiction, how can you help someone else, when you can't help yourself? Well I don't mean to preach. There are those who have got clean without "outside help". I wish them the very best. The 12 step program you work, effects your life re: addiction, depression and many other factors. It's just like a tool belt, you use what's needed. You are only on Day 1 and you have alot of support here, your doing great. Keep up the good work. Take care, Best Wishes
It's me again, lolol, I am glad you are able to post on this Board, and get support. How many times have you and your spouse tried to "quit"? I am not one to judge. I only wish you the best. However, your sobriety has to be for "you". You have to do what works for you. There are alot of meetings, that are small. You can wait a day or two and see how you do. I personally have to "run" for support, whether it's a bad day or just to have a GREAT DAY!!! It is alot different to get support in person. My spouse had to deal with his own addiction, how can you help someone else, when you can't help yourself? Well I don't mean to preach. There are those who have got clean without "outside help". I wish them the very best. The 12 step program you work, effects your life re: addiction, depression and many other factors. It's just like a tool belt, you use what's needed. You are only on Day 1 and you have alot of support here, your doing great. Keep up the good work. Take care, Best Wishes
hey Stacey,
Oh hon, sorry to hear your not doing well, I know you have said your husband WANTS to get off the pills, and in factyou relate much better with him when hes NOT on them. Tell him how you are feeling, to me it sounds like he does love you so very much but doesnt realize the seriousness of how this is effecting your relationship.
Im in vancouver rightnow and forgot the plug for mylaptop ( dumbie me) but i will email you a.s.a.p. hopefully the battery will hold up long enough...
Know i am thinking of you,. just finished reeading this book , maybe i can put it inside the parcel for you to read...makes so much sense, dont knowif you read what your brain is like on narcotics thread posted by i think Tim...but it is a great thread and this is an excellent book and explains why some peopl need to go on some type of serotonin ( anti depressant) to help balance your brain from long trm use of narcotics. they also talk about the importance of therapy, and that the actual going to meetings ( NA PA AA) actuaally helps because it gives your brain serotonin simply by being around those whom you feel understand you...
EXAMPLE:( Herding....when an ox ( not comparing anyone to an ox lolol) is seperated from their herd, their brain panics and stressses and they go into survival mode, trying to get back into the middle of the herd...when they are back in amongst those they identify with (the herd) they have a surge of serotonin...
So not like your an ox honey...lolol..but try a meeting and see how you feel about it...cant hurt you...talk to hubby and let him know how serious this is, how it is ruining your marriage. Know i care about you and will do whatever i can to help you...If the book I described "The Craving Brain" sounds ggod, I will enclose it in the parcel along with the thing for Kaylin..
Hang in there...things will get better.
Love
Ali
Oh hon, sorry to hear your not doing well, I know you have said your husband WANTS to get off the pills, and in factyou relate much better with him when hes NOT on them. Tell him how you are feeling, to me it sounds like he does love you so very much but doesnt realize the seriousness of how this is effecting your relationship.
Im in vancouver rightnow and forgot the plug for mylaptop ( dumbie me) but i will email you a.s.a.p. hopefully the battery will hold up long enough...
Know i am thinking of you,. just finished reeading this book , maybe i can put it inside the parcel for you to read...makes so much sense, dont knowif you read what your brain is like on narcotics thread posted by i think Tim...but it is a great thread and this is an excellent book and explains why some peopl need to go on some type of serotonin ( anti depressant) to help balance your brain from long trm use of narcotics. they also talk about the importance of therapy, and that the actual going to meetings ( NA PA AA) actuaally helps because it gives your brain serotonin simply by being around those whom you feel understand you...
EXAMPLE:( Herding....when an ox ( not comparing anyone to an ox lolol) is seperated from their herd, their brain panics and stressses and they go into survival mode, trying to get back into the middle of the herd...when they are back in amongst those they identify with (the herd) they have a surge of serotonin...
So not like your an ox honey...lolol..but try a meeting and see how you feel about it...cant hurt you...talk to hubby and let him know how serious this is, how it is ruining your marriage. Know i care about you and will do whatever i can to help you...If the book I described "The Craving Brain" sounds ggod, I will enclose it in the parcel along with the thing for Kaylin..
Hang in there...things will get better.
Love
Ali
Hey Ali,
I've been missing you!!! I would like to read that if you're done with it. I would send it back as soon as I'm done. Hubby works for Fedex kinko's you know so I could get it back easy and in a flash. I have been taking lots of vitamins and I found some medicine my doctor gave me last time I was having "stomach problems" and it's working wonders.
I did read that thread you were talking about and I also made him read it...I thought it was very informative and actually made me want to stick strong to this even more so...he however just found it depressing.
BTW, no he doesn't see the severity...but after last night, I promise he does. I'll inform you more on that a bit later.
Be careful on your way back and email me your address so I can send you some wallets of Kaylin.
Love
Stac
I've been missing you!!! I would like to read that if you're done with it. I would send it back as soon as I'm done. Hubby works for Fedex kinko's you know so I could get it back easy and in a flash. I have been taking lots of vitamins and I found some medicine my doctor gave me last time I was having "stomach problems" and it's working wonders.
I did read that thread you were talking about and I also made him read it...I thought it was very informative and actually made me want to stick strong to this even more so...he however just found it depressing.
BTW, no he doesn't see the severity...but after last night, I promise he does. I'll inform you more on that a bit later.
Be careful on your way back and email me your address so I can send you some wallets of Kaylin.
Love
Stac
I am in recovery my DOC (drug of choice) was lortabs. I tried everything and nothing worked then I used Sub. to come off and it was a good tool for my recovery. My husband is also an addict and acholic. Something you said really stuck out about the marriage and everything that goes along with that. I understand what you are feeling, cause we are on both sides of this disease. For me it is a struggle that I deal with everyday. It is not easy !!! I have been off Hydro for a little over a year and he has been taking pain killers and drinks. In front of me.
My best advice to you as far as your marriage. You have to put yourself and your recovery first !! I know that sounds selfish, but you need to take care of you before anyone else.
My best advice to you as far as your marriage. You have to put yourself and your recovery first !! I know that sounds selfish, but you need to take care of you before anyone else.
