Hello all, my name is Leander and I'm new to this forum.
First things first, a little background. I first started smoking weed at 14-15 every month orso (hard to get access to, even in the Netherlands). I had periods where I smoked daily and periods where I wouldn't smoke at all. I got depressed several times and was eventually diagnosed with a** (autism spectrum syndrome), unipolar depression and social anxiety at 17. I quit weed for a long time, since my mind was just not set to it. After a year orso, during the summer of 2013, I started smoking more. I had some money and since it is 'legal' here, I had easy access to it. Few times a week quickly turned into every day and since fall last year, I have pretty much been smoking daily, generally just one a day to sleep but I also had periods of 3-4-5 a day, depending on how much time I spent with my friends.
Now, about a month ago (I think a month ago this Saturday), I had a massive bad trip. No visuals, just intense anxiety. I had been a little paranoid every now and then before but never anxiety like this time. I instantly decided to quit cold turkey since I was afraid I would have a bad trip again if I smoked more. Now, I have not really been having issues with cravings all too much but now I am dealing with constant ups and downs. Panic attacks, insomnia, general anxiety and depression.
Now my question is, how the f*** do I deal with this? I am constantly afraid I am going crazy (even though I know I am not), some days I feel fine but then at night I am overcome by anxiety and I am completely unable to sleep. I am at my wit's end here and I am afraid I will relapse soon if nothing changes. I am getting help from everyone around me (including a rehab therapist) but it just doesn't seem to be enough. I have been prescribed both Xanax and Seroquel (25mg) to help me sleep and deal with anxiety, but they just don't seem to work.
I would really appreciate any advice any fellow recovering addict / recovered addict could give me.
Thank you for your time.
You sound just like me in 1989 .. bad trip and severe emotional/mental problems after that.
The only thing I found that treated my disease was the commitment to recovery in The 12 Steps (AA & NA).
I soon became suicidal after my psychotic event and nothing helped.
It is described in AA's HOW IT WORKS (The 12 Steps work for alcohol/drugs/sex etc)
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10..._howitworks.pdf
I wish you the best.
Bob R
The only thing I found that treated my disease was the commitment to recovery in The 12 Steps (AA & NA).
I soon became suicidal after my psychotic event and nothing helped.
It is described in AA's HOW IT WORKS (The 12 Steps work for alcohol/drugs/sex etc)
http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10..._howitworks.pdf
I wish you the best.
Bob R
Sadly, I am not a religious person and probably more anti-theisitc than anything, but accepting that I am in fact not going crazy and that it is not in my control is something I really have to do (at times like this, I really WISH I could turn to religion!)
How long did your recovery take? How did you cope with the anxiety attacks and insomnia besides faith in God?
Cheers for the response, man.
How long did your recovery take? How did you cope with the anxiety attacks and insomnia besides faith in God?
Cheers for the response, man.
I was a confirmed agnostic (leaning toward atheism).
Some asked me "How is that working for you?" and I had to answer "Not too well"
The "God people" seemed to be recovering and getting a hell of a lot happier than I was .....
This chapter ( http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_b...book_chapt4.pdf ) in The Big Book began to help me "change my mind" over time and today I have no problem asking for help from my Higher Power on a daily basis.
I also have no problem accepting the Grace of God that has been given me over the decades in AA recovery.
I am an alcoholic/addict and am not cured. Page 85 of The Big Book describes it well where it states: "We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition."
I continue to accept and adopt AA HOW IT WORKS ( http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10..._howitworks.pdf ) better & better as time goes along in recovery.
I don't fight what is working for me like I used to do....
I am more willing to fit to AA's program rather than try to make it fit to me.
It is a process that I have to surrender to .. and the better I surrender the more freedom & happiness I receive !!
All the best.
Bob R
Some asked me "How is that working for you?" and I had to answer "Not too well"
The "God people" seemed to be recovering and getting a hell of a lot happier than I was .....
This chapter ( http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_b...book_chapt4.pdf ) in The Big Book began to help me "change my mind" over time and today I have no problem asking for help from my Higher Power on a daily basis.
I also have no problem accepting the Grace of God that has been given me over the decades in AA recovery.
I am an alcoholic/addict and am not cured. Page 85 of The Big Book describes it well where it states: "We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition."
I continue to accept and adopt AA HOW IT WORKS ( http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-10..._howitworks.pdf ) better & better as time goes along in recovery.
I don't fight what is working for me like I used to do....
I am more willing to fit to AA's program rather than try to make it fit to me.
It is a process that I have to surrender to .. and the better I surrender the more freedom & happiness I receive !!
All the best.
Bob R
I smoked a TON of marijuana for a few years and quit cold turkey this past summer. The first three/four months following it were crazy intense emotionally - I was so depressed, so filled with anxiety - even suicidal, a place I had never been before. I still deal with some of these emotions today, but they aren't nearly as intense or terrifying and they pass much quicker than before, when they were almost omnipresent.
I went to counseling at my school, and I have to say it helped so much to have someone to talk to who wasn't invested in my day to day life at all. Someone with an objective outside viewpoint who I knew was professionally invested in me stabilizing my life and wanted to help me get to a better place.
What I wanted to write, however, was that today my counselor described those months of intense emotion in a way that really spoke to me, and I hope it will speak to you too.
When you're smoking, you're able to numb yourself to all the feelings you have. You just hit a bowl/light a j and everything is chill and you don't have to deal with all the negative emotions you might be having. When you stop, your feelings come back like a tidal wave and you don't have other coping mechanisms because you relied on smoking for so long. And it's overwhelming, because you haven't had to deal with them for so long. I promise you though, with time you will be able to manage your emotions better. Seriously, give yourself a few months.
You say you've already been prescribed pharmaceuticals, which must mean you've seen a doctor. You need to be honest and share how you're feeling with your doctor. Also, if you have the ability to, I would really recommend finding a therapist/counselor and being honest with them about your struggles.
I know you can do this, and I promise you reading your entry was like reading a bad dream for me, as it reminded me so much of where I was. But I got through it, and I know you can too. Just remember that today is not forever, and that you took control of your life when you stopped smoking and that is something to be very proud of.
Best of luck sweetie, I hope any of that was helpful. <3
I went to counseling at my school, and I have to say it helped so much to have someone to talk to who wasn't invested in my day to day life at all. Someone with an objective outside viewpoint who I knew was professionally invested in me stabilizing my life and wanted to help me get to a better place.
What I wanted to write, however, was that today my counselor described those months of intense emotion in a way that really spoke to me, and I hope it will speak to you too.
When you're smoking, you're able to numb yourself to all the feelings you have. You just hit a bowl/light a j and everything is chill and you don't have to deal with all the negative emotions you might be having. When you stop, your feelings come back like a tidal wave and you don't have other coping mechanisms because you relied on smoking for so long. And it's overwhelming, because you haven't had to deal with them for so long. I promise you though, with time you will be able to manage your emotions better. Seriously, give yourself a few months.
You say you've already been prescribed pharmaceuticals, which must mean you've seen a doctor. You need to be honest and share how you're feeling with your doctor. Also, if you have the ability to, I would really recommend finding a therapist/counselor and being honest with them about your struggles.
I know you can do this, and I promise you reading your entry was like reading a bad dream for me, as it reminded me so much of where I was. But I got through it, and I know you can too. Just remember that today is not forever, and that you took control of your life when you stopped smoking and that is something to be very proud of.
Best of luck sweetie, I hope any of that was helpful. <3
