3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
If you people don't mind, I'd like to continue the Steps discussions we'd started? In one of the very first threads I put up after finally accepting help through AA, I wrote, "I've searched my entire life to find "My Calling," and did everything under the auspices of believing my God was driving. Seems maybe he was merely riding in the glove box--waiting for it to open....
This was long before I took my third Step to turn stuff over with Faith that it would be handled the way it was intended, and not necessarily the way I expected it to be. It WAS, in fact, all about me. Self seeking, self centered, all those things I learned about myself in later steps. And I'd already admitted it without even acknowledging The Steps of Recovery. I just didn't have a clue how to approach it, that's all. In my 3rd step I decided to let MY Higher Power, MY HP, take the wheel. And make a sincere effort to not try to grab it and pull me into the ditch. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt, hat, frequent-ditching-miles, and the coffee mug...
Not difficult, really. Just a little Faith that, as long as I was Honest with myself that I couldn't control my addictions by myself, and as long I had Hope that if I did the same stuff sober people were doing that I had at least a fighting chance, then Faith might very well bring me the same results. Kind of like a light switch: I saw other people staying sober, coming to meetings, and working their programs. If I tried it and did what they said, perhaps I could achieve the same results. Light on.
Not so much God Stuff, but spirituality is a private thing for me. All the other stuff I tried certainly didn't do me much good...
skg It gives me great comfort to know that you found your way. If it happened for you I guess it is possible for me and others like me who are new in recovery. It gives me strength to know that you hung in there and finally saw "the light" so to speak. With the help of my sponsor and my HP I am learning to let go of the wheel even though I can be still a back seat driver at times (lol) but it's an improvement to what I was 19 days ago. stories like yours is an inspiration to people like me and gives me hope that someday I too will see the light and find my way. I guess as you know by now I do a lot of reading and yesterday I read the following and when I read it I thought of everyone on here who is helping me find my way, as well as my sponsor. As a matter of fact I sent it to him also.
(quote) If you learn from your suffering and really come to understand the lesson you were taught you might be able to help someone else who is now in the phase you may have just completed. Maybe that's what it's all about after all.
Step 3 for me was a hangup because i kept looking to the catholic god that i grew up with in my eyes, NOTE im not having a go at catholics this was just how it was for me growing up and the image i have and the things that have been done to people i know in the name of god i will never forget......anyway this god was something to be scared of and hate because of all the badness that he allowed to happen during the week and then on a sunday you were absolved and away you could start again
In rehab i struggled with the god issues untill a maori fella said fire your old god and find a new one...simple yet effective...so i prayed and my higher power or god because it is easier to type made his prescence felt and he has been there since, in fact god has been there all my life. In my first AA meeting i discovered that i was not alone in my insane mind and thinking towards alcohol and the scenarios of fear and worry that i needed to drink and in the next 2 weeks i found a god who is everywhere and loves me for me no strings attached 24/7. One day at a time...god grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can, and the wisdom to know the differance.
My Nana and Papa lived at the beach and I saw them in the summer time. She was Christian he was Catholic. Nana took me and my brother to church. Papa went to mass. Around the age of 5 or 6 I took Jesus into my heart and this was the beginning of my belief in an HP. Growing up I heard how bad he and God was from the other side of the family. I went to Church with my girlfriend and her family thru parts of my growing up. I even found a Methodist Church at 13 and went alone.
My problem with step 3 is that as a grown up I didn't believe that Christ or God the Father loved me because of all the bad I had done all my sins and because my parents told me frequently I was bad. I also couldn't understand as a grown up why did God allow some evil man to molest me as little girl for so many yrs. Why did my parents reguarly mentally, emotionally, physically abuse me. Where was God? Why did God not rescue me from my marriage he use to cheat on me and hit me. I couldn't understand I'm pretty, I'm thin, I'm willing to do it and I'm good at it, I'm a good cook, I'm a good housekeeper, I'm a good Mom back then, I'm not constantly nagging him.Why God Why are you forsaking me?
It was told to me recently at an AA meeting that you can take a cookie cutter and cut out your own God. Make a list of your old God transfer on paper anything you want or don't want and make a new list and this will be your new God. Ok I think this can be a good idea. I have not done it.
First off thru counseling, Church, the one step meeting at Church, and an AA meeting I like. I've learned people that do harm to others are broken and it's their issue not mine. Second it's not God's Way It's Man's Way. Third because I beleive in the Trinity I also beleive in Satan who told me the lie that God didn't love me. Fourth by the grace of God I found a Church with alcoholics and addicts who are sober and I saw how much he loved them and has restored their lives.
It wasn't until I stopped believing the lie that God didn't love me and started believing he did that I could turn my will and life over to his care. I would call this releasing my faith. Because I was stuck at step 3 for along time. Knowing now that God does love me I can continue on in my journey of sobrietry with his help.
For anyone wrestling with the concept of a Higher Power, I suggest reading The Chapter To The Agnostic (Chapter 4). You can read it on line so there's no need to rush out and pick up a Big Book (although it'd be a good investment). The problem for ME was that I was caught in a religion I'd out grown--my parents' belief system--and continued to live in the guilt and shame paradigm that they'd passed on to me. The NAME of the specific religion doesn't matter, but suffice to say that I had a very unhealthy spirit--and it wasn't getting better despite how much I drank or used.
Enter AA and some OldTimer Toad that said simply, "You need to get another god because the one you got's keeping you drunk." Well hell! I didn't know that was POSSIBLE! Change out my belief system for something else? Why didn't someone TELL ME?!
That's when I decided to find someone in the group that had what I wanted--serenity, calmness, etc., and started to study them. Lucky for me they noticed... I call him my sponsor and I'm on my 11th Step in the program now. I'm completely a different person as a result.
Read the words. Not all of them may resonate--just take the ones that do--and allow yourself to at least consider where changes could be made.
