Ugh, once again I sit here, thinking about all the harm I've caused & wondering how life got so f***ed up in just the few months I've been in school. I never knew likin a guy could make life so complicated. & what bites worse is that when I finally got everything to calm down, he doesn't even talk to me. He's goin back out w/ his ex (the one who got pissed) & I feel really horrible for making them go through this. All I did was tell her how I felt. Better she find out that way than from others...right??? Okay, here's what happened. I knew this gurl & we talked from time to time & I also knew her b.f. He was awesome, the type of guy that could make neone weak in the knees. He helped me through some of my most worst times. So I found out that they broke up & finally I couldn't hold it in any longer so I told her how I felt about him. It started up this whole huge conflict & even though I apologized & everything she still holds this grudge. So what do I do? I finally decide to just act like we're still friends & she goes & splits up our lunch table. URGH!!! But it didn't completely work b/c a couple of friends sided w/ me. Yet there was still all this b.s. flyin around. Finally Halloween comes around & I decided to make cute little ghost blow pop suckers. I also decided to give her one to keep w/ the "act like nothin happened" routine. & guess what...THAT SOLVES IT. A dumb sucker, no bigger that my hand solves it?! How wierd. But now I feel horrible. My friends tell me she's the one w/ the prob & all & that she's just trying to make me feel bad...& it's working. That bites. So now I'm all depressed & feeling like I made a mess of things once again. It makes me think back to the 6th grade when I almost "bought the farm" b/c a girl wouldn't leave me alone & other s***y memories that only bring me down more. This so suxs & I don't know how else to get over it xcept sleep, but that isn't a good choice b/c the guilt is still gonna be there when I wake up. Which leaves me not wanting to wake up..........I really think there's something wrong w/ me b/c last year & the year b4 when school started it was like this. Depression. & one day I slep 22hrs b/c I was so depressed. I also didn't feel like wakin up. I didn't eat all that day. A couple of nights ago I got 15hrs of sleep. Which is wierd b/c that means that I had to go to bed @ 4 P.M. I really need to know what's wrong w/ me. Does nebody have ne clues. It's drivin me insane & if I don't figure it out soon I dunno what I'll do. I know one thing's for sure. It's the worst at night. That's always when it's the worse. Please someone help me, it's drivin me insane. I'm sry this is so long, but I just can't go on nelong w/o knowin or havin some clue as to what might be wrong w/ me. HELP!!!
HELLO. sweety things will get better i prmiose IM still taking those pills got down to 3 4 day .. working hard to get better thinhs will happen each day up and down but soon it will get back to nomal ... love yspearing im mean 2 to 4 aday pills
E-June
From your previous posts, I've gathered that you are not an addict. It seems to me that you are suffering from pretty bad depression and are reaching out, but I am no doctor. I think you should definitely talk to one though. Can you talk to your parents about this? Or make an appointment with your family doctor? He could refer you for other help if necessary. A lot of family doctors don't specialize in these issues.
Are there any counsellors at your school that could help you? Or that you could talk to? Don't be embarassed to do that either. They are there to help you and your health (physical or mental) is more important than a little embarassment.
Please seek some help and support. It sounds pretty serious and you obviously want help.
Don't be afraid to reach out for it.
Peace,
Mickey
From your previous posts, I've gathered that you are not an addict. It seems to me that you are suffering from pretty bad depression and are reaching out, but I am no doctor. I think you should definitely talk to one though. Can you talk to your parents about this? Or make an appointment with your family doctor? He could refer you for other help if necessary. A lot of family doctors don't specialize in these issues.
Are there any counsellors at your school that could help you? Or that you could talk to? Don't be embarassed to do that either. They are there to help you and your health (physical or mental) is more important than a little embarassment.
Please seek some help and support. It sounds pretty serious and you obviously want help.
Don't be afraid to reach out for it.
Peace,
Mickey
E.June i hear what your saying between your writing feel free to email me hun jackie
wackyjacky_12345@yahoo.co.uk
wackyjacky_12345@yahoo.co.uk
No, i'm not an addict. I started coming here to get help w/ a paper, & ended up not ever wanting to leave b/c of all the inspiration I find at this site. I also feel comfortable telling you how I feel b/c i kno support & advice is here. I have gotten help before, but at this current time my mom is unemployed b/c her job moved to Texas & we didn't. (They didn't exactly offer to relocate their employees.) So she's gone back to school & we're livin off her retirement :-(, child support, & Unemployement checks. She said she knew the last time i was depressed (yet she didn't try to help?), but it's hard for anyone to really tell b/c whenever I'm around friends it's like nothings wrong. I don't want to worry her, plus we kinda don't get along too well...we're ok, but definitely not what you'd call the best of friends. Today things got really bad. I was joking around w/ a friend & he threw my books in the trash. That wasn't so bad (he's done that b4) but then he wouldn't get them out. He refused til I was the last person standing up & the teach was threating to send us both to the principle. So I had to get them out. & for some reason I just broke down. I hurried up & went to the b-room & cried my eyes out. & it's not really nething he did (though it was a little harsh) I just was so down. I just dunno. At times, it's like everything in my life rocks...& then something happens, or I'll start thinking too much about the past...it's even harder b/c my best friend ain't talking to me. She's still ticked that I decided to go to my youth (church) instead of going trick or treatin w/ her. But come on! I'm 16, I definitely think it's a little late to start that up again. But yea, life has gotten worse, yet improved. I'm IMing a couple of friends right now & they're positive & that just infects me w/ positivity, so life is improving. My G-ma is comin in this weekend & we're going shopping for Christmas gifts so that ought to help. I'll keep ya'll (lOl) dated. One coo KY gurl! lol
E-June
E-June
hey sweetie, i have to had those same thoughts but i can not hurt my self out of love for mt husband three kids to of which are twins , and not to mention how i would feel if my mom eneded her life, please do not do anythink stuped there are numbers and help lines that will help you, we all luv you na d would be so devasted if anything ever happened to you, please take care a god bless and i am here for you and anyone else who needs help as well.. a fellow addict!
i had to post again, i feel as if this post was important enough to be at the top of the thread..
