My boyfriend is currently a recovering heroin addict. He has been clean for about 7 months. The past few months I have noticed a change in his personality. It seems that he has fallen in some type of sadness or depression. He is never his happy self anymore. He is not on his vivitrol shot anymore and no longer attends meetings. He talks to his sponsor once in awhile but often disagree or argue the majority of the time. He doesn't go to meetings because he claims they are "depressing" and that there are dealers outside waiting for them to come out (don't know how true that is). Two of his friends from rehab passed away (overdosed) and another one of his friends have passed away but from a different cause. I am trying to figure out if he is using. A part of me doesn't think he is because he gets drug tested every other week at work and got accepted into the ARD program. But then again, I really don't know... I broke up with him because I was driving myself insane with all the worrying and giving him so many chances and trying hard to make him happy but nothing worked. He then blamed me for not being a good girlfriend because the way I joked around with him would hurt him. (Never intended to hurt him at all, I was just joking around trying to get him to joke back). So he started blaming me for things out of the blue. I have no idea what is going on and could use any help I get. Thank you.
Dear Staystrong,
I am the father of a young woman, so I hope you forgive me if this sounds pushy.
Your boyfriend has a life-and-death struggle ahead of him. I suspect if he is not currently using, he is on a path to that. The clue is him finding excuses to stop going to meetings. The first year of sobriety is a major milestone. It is very common for addicts to relapse within the first year. Sometimes they return to meetings, other times they don't and fall off the face of the planet. If they make the 1 year mark, the odds of success go up.
The addict has to want recovery. To that end, if he doesn't like the meetings, or objects to drug dealers hanging around, then it is up to him to find something that does work (find another meeting) There are a lot of people who found recovery in AA and NA.
He does not have much room for a romantic relationship in this first year. If you are not married, and don't have children, I would think very hard and long about being with an addict in early recovery.
Regardless, a family support program such as Al Anon or NAR Anon will be extremetly beneficial to you. There should be a meeting near you. There is a lot of variety in the meetings, so don't hesitate to "shop around" and find a meeting that suits you.
I hope this helps. Message back if you'd like.
I am the father of a young woman, so I hope you forgive me if this sounds pushy.
Your boyfriend has a life-and-death struggle ahead of him. I suspect if he is not currently using, he is on a path to that. The clue is him finding excuses to stop going to meetings. The first year of sobriety is a major milestone. It is very common for addicts to relapse within the first year. Sometimes they return to meetings, other times they don't and fall off the face of the planet. If they make the 1 year mark, the odds of success go up.
The addict has to want recovery. To that end, if he doesn't like the meetings, or objects to drug dealers hanging around, then it is up to him to find something that does work (find another meeting) There are a lot of people who found recovery in AA and NA.
He does not have much room for a romantic relationship in this first year. If you are not married, and don't have children, I would think very hard and long about being with an addict in early recovery.
Regardless, a family support program such as Al Anon or NAR Anon will be extremetly beneficial to you. There should be a meeting near you. There is a lot of variety in the meetings, so don't hesitate to "shop around" and find a meeting that suits you.
I hope this helps. Message back if you'd like.
Flyboykuao,
Thank you for your reply. Sometimes it is very difficult to understand something you know nothing about. We broke up because we need to get our priorities straight. Especially him. Until I see improvement in his behavior and actions is when he will get a chance. Like you said he needs to get back on the road and focus on his recovery more. You can only give someone so many chances until they begin to walk all over you, unfortunately. I hope everything is going well with you.
Thank you again,
Staystrong19
Thank you for your reply. Sometimes it is very difficult to understand something you know nothing about. We broke up because we need to get our priorities straight. Especially him. Until I see improvement in his behavior and actions is when he will get a chance. Like you said he needs to get back on the road and focus on his recovery more. You can only give someone so many chances until they begin to walk all over you, unfortunately. I hope everything is going well with you.
Thank you again,
Staystrong19
