Desperate And Lonely

Its very lonely living with an addict. The person I love I rarely see any more. I am not even sure why I stay. Hopeless optimist. He's beaten his cocaine addiction before and it hurts me to think of possibly leaving the best thing that I don't have. Does that even make sense? I do love who he is, or should I say was. Before the drugs came back and took over our lives. But what they do to our lives now is destroying not only him, but me. How long can you blame the drugs and the addiction? Can he beat this? I really need to know. He keeps looking to me for help -- I don't know what to do anymore. I'm exhausted -- I just want to close my eyes and never wake up.
Hi Lei - I saw your post and can hear the pain in your words. I know what you mean that it's lonely living with an addict. My son is an addict, as was my previous boyfriend. When they are on the drugs or looking for them their loved ones are invisible to them, all they can think about is that high. I remember many nights when my boyfriend would be in one of his paranoid stages high on crack. He would ask me to come over before he got high and then when I got there he would already be stoned. He wouldn't want me to leave but all he would do the entire time would be to stare out the windows, creep around the dark house and look out for "spirits" or somebody that he thought was coming after him. I never felt so alone in my life.
I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I have been coming on this site for a week now and it's the best thing I have ever stumbled upon. The people here are so understanding. They (and I) know where you're coming from. Here's a cyber hug for you, you sound like you need it.
Hang in there,
CM
Hey Lei,
My husband has always turned to coke. Its hard because the lies start and I know they are lies. It really changes a person!! I'm trying to get clean myself. My addiction, Heroin and pain pills. I know things must be really hard. Keep your head up and know we are all here if you need to talk.
raerae
Lei,

I totally understand where you are coming from. The thing is, he comes to you looking for help, but theres really nothing you can do for him unless he is determined to change and ready to seek treatment..
Has he gone to rehab before? There really is hope for addicts but they need to have to want to stop using more than the need to use.
Try to get him to get into a program, and attend NA meetings. If he refuses, I'm afraid you're going to be stuck living with him like this, and its not worth it.
Oh ya, I forgot to mention to Crack Mom, when you mentioned your ex boyfriend used to creep around and act all paranoid, I thought my boyfriend was the only one who did that! When high, he thought cops were surrounding his house and that I must've called them.
He would also keep looking out the window, close the curtains, peek through, close them again, tie his shoelaces and untie them, then tie them again and repeat. I guess the way they act is somewhat the same isn't it?