I am so grateful to you all for the wisdom and guidance you've already given me. As I am reading through the threads, I keep seeing "detach with love"...can somebody elaborate for me?
Thanks..
Lisa
If you do a google search for "detach with love" it will pull up many examples. It means to care enough about others to allow them to learn from their mistakes. If you attend any al anon or nar anon meetings, this will help you further.
Detach with love: to detach from their dramas, chaos, responsibilities. See What Not to Do posting. detach by not doing for them what they should be doing for themselves. You did not cause it, you can not cure it, you are not responsible for fixing and cleaning up the mess. (even though most of us do) detach - get out of the trenches.
With Love: let them know you can not continue to be an enabler because they need to be accountable for the consequences of their decisions. you are there for support and guidance but not for money, or to be manipulated, or for whatever it is that the person keeps pulling you in for.
when an issue comes up ask yourself - did I create the mess? NO! Then I do not have to fix it.
With Love: let them know you can not continue to be an enabler because they need to be accountable for the consequences of their decisions. you are there for support and guidance but not for money, or to be manipulated, or for whatever it is that the person keeps pulling you in for.
when an issue comes up ask yourself - did I create the mess? NO! Then I do not have to fix it.
To me..it means....love us as we are..not how you want us to be....you don't need to agree with our choices....you don't need to agree with our behaviors. ..it means...stop pressuring us to become who and what you want us to be...you decide on what behavior and what boundaries you'll accept...state them...let us know the consequences if we step over them....and then let us decide how or if we want to meet them ..it means...once those boundaries have been set...you stop discussing it with us...stop asking us what our every next move is...stop prying....we know too well what your doing...and the more you try to subtly ask ...control...maneuver us ...the more we will refuse to give you what you want...if we're using. ..it's really none of your business. ..if we're homeless...hungry...not working..still working..can't pay rent...in jail...etc...it's none of your business unless we tell you...and then you look at the boundaries...and stick to them. ..consider your own motives when you think your help is needed...most times...it's not wanted...or appreciated...unless your paying for my next fix...I've said this before. .we're addicts. . not stupid .....manipulation is sensed when you do it too....we are masters at that game...we will and can get you to do anything...because we must do anything and everything ..and that hunger...that need...is stronger than you...so love us as best you can...as we are. ..and we will love you as best as we can...as you are...stop playing games...thinking you can win...fix...change...manipulate...threaten...or help us ...it's not your life...not your journey...not your business. .not your burden....drugs ...addiction. ..recovery. ..is our business ...not yours...
Peace
Con
Peace
Con
Thanks for that share Con. Right between the eyes. Point blank. Really needed that.
Thanks Con. I hope that sharing (its a two way path) is helping you too.
(little hug) (i'm not a hugger)
(little hug) (i'm not a hugger)
Con
Thanks... I really like the way you lay it out there for us.
Always praying for you Con! And everyone on this site.
Big Hug just because I know you aren't a hugger.
Thanks... I really like the way you lay it out there for us.
Always praying for you Con! And everyone on this site.
Big Hug just because I know you aren't a hugger.
