Did I Do The Right Thing

Hi to anyone who can advise me. My friend had been clean for 18 months and started using coke again about two months ago. He lives out of the country and so all I could do was listen and hope he got straight again.

I advised him to call me regardless of the time whenever he felt he was going to use and offered to help in any way I could from here.I know that he has not been going to his recovery meetings and has used on and off for the last two months. Every time we speak he says he is straight now and then four days later when we talk he says he used again but now he is ok.

I asked why he did not go to the mission to eat and says that he cannot get up that early to do it as he works shifts. When I called him on that logic he said because he did not want everyone to know he had a problem. He said that he is taking the coke because he cannot afford food and you are not hungry on it. He said it was catch 22 and I advised him that was the most pathetic excuse for poor behaviour I had heard in a long time. I again advised if I could help to let me know and to call me before he got high to try and wait the urge out.

He called today and asked if I could sent $150.00 to a friend of his there who would give him $15.00 a day and make sure he went to his meetings. I said I would have to speak with his friend first myself and also speak with a recovery program here to get their advice.

When he called me back today I advised him they said that was not a good idea so I offered to have groceries delivered to him so that he could eat. He just blew up on the phone about all of the stupid advice that these places give. I asked him when was the last time he used and he said today. I pretty much knew that from his demeanor on the phone however he was so angry that I did not know what to say. I then offered to have a credit at the grocery store for him so he did not feel like everyone knew and he said forget it, he would take me up on the offer when he was on the streets and homeless. We hung up as he was very angry.
He called me back about 5 minutes later and said he was sorry he had blown and would take me up on the offer for a credit at the grocery store and gas station as food and gas is what he needed in the first place and when he is using he just wants what he wants when he wants and how he wants. He said that the other way was better as he would have had to go to the meetings everyday in order to have his friend give him the $15.00 a day. I told him that was also a lie as he had no food today and no meeting and still managed to get coke so to stop finding reasons why he was choosing to be destructive.I advised him he would do whatever he wanted regardless of the setup. He agreed that was pretty much the case.

Since he is the only friend I have with a drug issue I am not sure if I did the right thing in putting a restriction on how the money/credit would be available for him?
Any thoughts on this would be appreciated as I am very worried about him
Thanks
Your such a good friend - (are you an addict because if you were you would see what is happening here) your friend is back in the grip of the drug and he will do anything to get what he needs - you were wise enough to read through he pathetic excuse about the food thing and why he took the crack. Be careful if it was me i would nt hand out my creditr card details to someone who is addicted to a substance - do your really think it is for food and petrol - how willyou know how much he is spending (also be careful he is not just usingf you)

Deep down i think you know allthe answers but dont really want to believe them - you must not let him get to you phycologilcally or whatever way - ge==he will need you before you will need him.


hope this helps

rosy
I agree that you are a good friend and a smart one too because you see it as it is and are honest with him. You are very wise and kind to ensure that your generousity is for the ability to nourish himself. I will pray that he starts attending meetings regularly as that is the only way I know to remain clean sober and sane.
Thanks to the two people who replied to my question. Do not worry Rosy, I am not giving him my credit card. I am going to arrage a credit prepaid by me on my card with the store for him to get food unti it is used up.

I told him his options regarding speaking with his friend myself and that I had to check on it with a rehab center and then realised, I have never taken drugs so
I had no idea where/whom to call. I got on the computer to check for listings and this is one of the sites that came up. I appreciate you taking the time to answer me as I am sure you can tell from my letter I am very distressed about doing this the right way not doing things his way. When you want what is best for someone and do not understand the disease it is overwhelming.

Thank you again, I feel better about the decision I made now regardless of his reaction.
Best to both of you
confused

you come back on this whenever you need any support we are all only too willing to help - some many have answers some may not - but everyone will help so many good peoplehere have helped me tremendously

I was glad to here about the credit card thing i dont know much about them only someone can get your money from them when authorized ive just got my first one - we dont use them much in Ireland - you seem to be wise to his tricks anyway keep it one - stay one step ahead -


lots of luck

rosy