Ohhhhhh, Diff. Dear Diff. Set up? It sure better not be no da*n set up.
O.K. Diff, he's telling you you're imagining????????? You see the number on the cell, and the texts, and that six hour dog walk/pub crawl?
Diff, you know we are ALL IMAGINING these liars. You want crazy? We've all been there Diff he just thinks with your diagnosis it's easier. Nawwwww, now son that ain't happening here.
See this I am way, way PO'd. Diff, your state of mind? Who would understand more than all of us? You ain't got to be Diff the almighty. You're dang human for heaven sake, and you've been lied to, Diff. No shame in it.
There's no shame in believing the person you love is telling ya the God's honest truth. Well for you GOB. Sorry, but O.K. now I'll get beat for this, but I'd follow that dude outright and yank his chain.
Ohhhhhh, yeah I would act like nothing, and BAM!!!!!!!! What's that going to prove? You ARE NOT CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Of course I'm a screw up and an addict so any advice I give is wrong, but man I'd be on him like a hot number, and if that other person KNOWS you are together and you're expecting then she goes DOWN TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She got a baby? She got kids?
Don't get me started. Anyone HURTS Diff needs a fierce slap. Ya can't help what ya feel Diff, and that's love. Hey, again we all have had that and it's awful, but you know of what you speak.
Hang on Diff, and yes you NEED to hang in there for your dear, dear girl. Like in The Great Gatsby, Diff what's she say? Daisy? She'll be a silly girl because it's beautiful or something like that.
Nooooooooooooo, we ain't silly. We're dang survivors, and no man can bring ya down if you don't allow it. Oh I'd have to be on his arse about now. I am so sorry, Diff. I'm sorry. I hate you to be sad, but ya have to share. You ain't Wonder Woman, Diff. You are close to it, but ya are human.
I'm paranoid. Paranoid I ever cross the path of anyone dares pierces Diff's heart.
Lies?????? People lie Diff. I hate that. ***********WATCH TOO: HE MAY WANT TO SET YA OFF SO YOU'LL FIGHT AND HE'LL TURN IT AROUND*************
Don't give him that satisfaction.
Dearest Diff,
What is going on is unspeakable and would make anyone feel the fool and break their spirit....but you know deep down in your dearest Diff depths that the first time that mo fo laid a hand on you...you shoulda walked..
For more than 2 years now i have moaning and groaning about the antics of that miserable addict ex bf....concentrating mostly on whether he was using or not......which was really a moot point considering how terribly mentally verbally and worst yet...physically abusive he was towards me.
Having clothing torned from body...forced into sexual capitulation just to appease his rage....pulled back by the hair....my throat clutched by his vice like grip....my possessions being toppled and heavy objects thrown at my person....laughing at me while i cried and begged for mercy....too scared to press charges for fear of reprisal on his part..
He stopped having sex with me and kicked me to the curb about 5 months ago....warning me that if i called him it was tantamount to 'stalking' and he would have my a** kicked. If he so physically abused me...then i had to accept that he probably was cheating on me as well....even tho' he vehemently denied both that and his using.
So i finally threw in the towel.....i did not contact him for these past almost 5 months as he ordained.....but around the holidays he called about 5 or 6 times...and not once did i pick up the phone.
You don't think i feel like a fool....and still feel like it was my fault he gave me the old heave ho? Hey i have 19 yrs and 9 months clean this very day and if you think i am going to give that up for that mo fo....i'd rather give up my life.
You talking about heroin being the tree of knowledge...is crap and you know it....i used to think a quart of vodka was drawn from a secret magic well.
what happens when you finally have your little girl...
you think it will be okay to use...so she can have a junky
for a mother and that abusive cheating trash you walk on egg
shells around as a father?
you want your little girl to see that trash hit her mother (mum)
.............GET OUT NOW!!!!
and you'd better keep posting and stop hiding
MARY
What is going on is unspeakable and would make anyone feel the fool and break their spirit....but you know deep down in your dearest Diff depths that the first time that mo fo laid a hand on you...you shoulda walked..
For more than 2 years now i have moaning and groaning about the antics of that miserable addict ex bf....concentrating mostly on whether he was using or not......which was really a moot point considering how terribly mentally verbally and worst yet...physically abusive he was towards me.
Having clothing torned from body...forced into sexual capitulation just to appease his rage....pulled back by the hair....my throat clutched by his vice like grip....my possessions being toppled and heavy objects thrown at my person....laughing at me while i cried and begged for mercy....too scared to press charges for fear of reprisal on his part..
He stopped having sex with me and kicked me to the curb about 5 months ago....warning me that if i called him it was tantamount to 'stalking' and he would have my a** kicked. If he so physically abused me...then i had to accept that he probably was cheating on me as well....even tho' he vehemently denied both that and his using.
So i finally threw in the towel.....i did not contact him for these past almost 5 months as he ordained.....but around the holidays he called about 5 or 6 times...and not once did i pick up the phone.
You don't think i feel like a fool....and still feel like it was my fault he gave me the old heave ho? Hey i have 19 yrs and 9 months clean this very day and if you think i am going to give that up for that mo fo....i'd rather give up my life.
You talking about heroin being the tree of knowledge...is crap and you know it....i used to think a quart of vodka was drawn from a secret magic well.
what happens when you finally have your little girl...
you think it will be okay to use...so she can have a junky
for a mother and that abusive cheating trash you walk on egg
shells around as a father?
you want your little girl to see that trash hit her mother (mum)
.............GET OUT NOW!!!!
and you'd better keep posting and stop hiding
MARY
Dear Diff,
You have several posts on the Errebody Where Y'at thread. PLEASE read them.
I'm praying for you and I love you very much. I'm so sorry for your heartache.
Love,
Susan
You have several posts on the Errebody Where Y'at thread. PLEASE read them.
I'm praying for you and I love you very much. I'm so sorry for your heartache.
Love,
Susan
Hi there guys, you've helped me feel a bit better. Bryn, I feel like I need some good old fashioned rage in my life. You know, since I gave up the gear, it took so much iron self control, that I sort of forgot how to lose my temper. I forgot that it's not always healthy to keep stuff in, and to never give in to righteous anger. I used to be like that when I was younger. I kept everything in, never spoke my mind. Always tried to be "nice" - the theory being that if I was "nice" then people would be nice back to me. But that ain't reality. Always being nice makes you an easy target. People just walk all over you. It was when drugs took away my inhibitions that I discovered my voice. I remember when I was on the gear, I would hear people say about me "Oh Diff, she's a lovely girl, but don't you dare cross her, coz she'll break your f***ing jaw!" And I kinda liked that. Me and my big fella (the rotti), we were a force to be reckoned with. I always loved that about my dog - he's such a stand up guy, f*** with him and he'll f*** you up. Proudest, most loyal creature on this planet. I could learn a lot from him. I tell ya, I don't want to sit here crying about how s*** everything's turned out. I want to put those mutha's in their place. I'd love to catch them at it. Apparantly he hasn't told her that I'm having his child and I'm due to drop at any minute - I guess I don't come up in conversation much, something like that could put a bit of a dampener on things, couldn't it? I could probably get away with murdering them both. What is it they call it in the states? Justifiable homicide...
Mind you, I do happen to believe what goes around comes around. I feel that in one way or another, everybody gets their just deserts in the end, and it's a waste of my time and energy fretting over it. What is it they say? Most of the people you hate don't know it, and the ones that do don't care. I reckon in all reality I wouldn't have to do much. Just sit back and enjoy watching those two losers trying to make a go of it. Can you imagine it? They both already know that they're both dishonest lying cheats, and I think that trust would probably be a big issue (ha!). And then, she'll soon find out that Mr Charming is a thin facade, and underneath it lies a vicious coward. You reap what you sow. I already know that I was the best thing that ever happened to him, and he knows it too. Nobody else would have done for him what I have done, loved him so selflessly for so little return, despite all the s*** he's put me through. And nobody will again. And I'll move on, I'll have our little girl, the only good thing he ever gave me, I'll be happy, I'll meet someone else, someone a lot better than him. He REALLY doesn't know how strong I am. And he'll look at his sad lonely life (coz you wouldn't believe how dependent he is on me) and regret his mistakes every single day. And I'll have no qualms about rubbing salt in his wounds. His family are now my family, because of our daughter, so he'll be hearing a lot about me. And yeah, I may be big and cumbersome now, and not feeling particularly sexy, thanks to my precious cargo, but I've not got long to go now, and I'll be back in my size 8's and looking too hot too handle in a few months. And every time he sees me, I'll be cheerful, and smiling, looking gorgeous, and enjoying my life without him. And I know that will hurt him far more than anything I could say. I know him. I know how long it takes him to get over losing a relationship, I know how badly it f***s with his head to see somebody he thought was his to be better off without him. And to be honest, I don't think those two could ever have a proper relationship. He's f***ed over 500 women in his life, and only ever loved 3 of them, and that includes myself. She's got a kid that isn't his, she's got commitments, she's got a job, a house etc. She's not just gonna give all that up to be at his beck and call like I am 24/7. He's jealous enough of his own child, never mind somebody elses. She's just another number, another one of what I jokingly call his "exclusive club". Let's face it, he ain't too choosey. A hole's a hole to him. Whatever way you look at it, they lose.
So I feel a bit better about things. I just have to remember who I am. I'm Diff, unique and irreplacable. I'll be alright coz I'm a survivor, and I'm beautiful, and a whole lot smarter than the average bear... I don't need to turn myself inside out over that f***wit!
love
Diff xxx
Mind you, I do happen to believe what goes around comes around. I feel that in one way or another, everybody gets their just deserts in the end, and it's a waste of my time and energy fretting over it. What is it they say? Most of the people you hate don't know it, and the ones that do don't care. I reckon in all reality I wouldn't have to do much. Just sit back and enjoy watching those two losers trying to make a go of it. Can you imagine it? They both already know that they're both dishonest lying cheats, and I think that trust would probably be a big issue (ha!). And then, she'll soon find out that Mr Charming is a thin facade, and underneath it lies a vicious coward. You reap what you sow. I already know that I was the best thing that ever happened to him, and he knows it too. Nobody else would have done for him what I have done, loved him so selflessly for so little return, despite all the s*** he's put me through. And nobody will again. And I'll move on, I'll have our little girl, the only good thing he ever gave me, I'll be happy, I'll meet someone else, someone a lot better than him. He REALLY doesn't know how strong I am. And he'll look at his sad lonely life (coz you wouldn't believe how dependent he is on me) and regret his mistakes every single day. And I'll have no qualms about rubbing salt in his wounds. His family are now my family, because of our daughter, so he'll be hearing a lot about me. And yeah, I may be big and cumbersome now, and not feeling particularly sexy, thanks to my precious cargo, but I've not got long to go now, and I'll be back in my size 8's and looking too hot too handle in a few months. And every time he sees me, I'll be cheerful, and smiling, looking gorgeous, and enjoying my life without him. And I know that will hurt him far more than anything I could say. I know him. I know how long it takes him to get over losing a relationship, I know how badly it f***s with his head to see somebody he thought was his to be better off without him. And to be honest, I don't think those two could ever have a proper relationship. He's f***ed over 500 women in his life, and only ever loved 3 of them, and that includes myself. She's got a kid that isn't his, she's got commitments, she's got a job, a house etc. She's not just gonna give all that up to be at his beck and call like I am 24/7. He's jealous enough of his own child, never mind somebody elses. She's just another number, another one of what I jokingly call his "exclusive club". Let's face it, he ain't too choosey. A hole's a hole to him. Whatever way you look at it, they lose.
So I feel a bit better about things. I just have to remember who I am. I'm Diff, unique and irreplacable. I'll be alright coz I'm a survivor, and I'm beautiful, and a whole lot smarter than the average bear... I don't need to turn myself inside out over that f***wit!
love
Diff xxx
There ya go. Now we're talkin.
How's about how cool Mary and Susan are Diff? Plus peeps are on the other thread like Susan said. We KNOW Diff. Oh yes we do. Our Diff is a nice person, but we ain't walking on her. Girl, I agree often with how ya feel that being nice gets ya walked on, but I wind up firguring ain't a soul in this world gonna take my assets away. My asset is I am NICE. Most likely multiple personalities though. HAHA, and I mean that sometimes.
Bottom line: Hellabustah NO ain't no woman skipping out her house and letting some dude just up and change her life around. DIFF, that chick is clueless and we might have to feel for her as well UNLESS she knows about you. Then I'd have to ummmmmm well I don't know. She does not have to deal with what is the REALITY OF HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!
IT'S ALL GOOD TILL IT GOES BAD, DIFF AND SHE HAS NO IDEA!
Rock on there and get ready for your slim jeans and don't be busting a jaw.
Ummmmmm, if that chick don't know you're having a baby she just may be surprised if she found out! Right?
How's about how cool Mary and Susan are Diff? Plus peeps are on the other thread like Susan said. We KNOW Diff. Oh yes we do. Our Diff is a nice person, but we ain't walking on her. Girl, I agree often with how ya feel that being nice gets ya walked on, but I wind up firguring ain't a soul in this world gonna take my assets away. My asset is I am NICE. Most likely multiple personalities though. HAHA, and I mean that sometimes.
Bottom line: Hellabustah NO ain't no woman skipping out her house and letting some dude just up and change her life around. DIFF, that chick is clueless and we might have to feel for her as well UNLESS she knows about you. Then I'd have to ummmmmm well I don't know. She does not have to deal with what is the REALITY OF HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!
IT'S ALL GOOD TILL IT GOES BAD, DIFF AND SHE HAS NO IDEA!
Rock on there and get ready for your slim jeans and don't be busting a jaw.
Ummmmmm, if that chick don't know you're having a baby she just may be surprised if she found out! Right?
." I just have to remember who I am. I'm Diff, unique and irreplacable. I'll be alright coz I'm a survivor, and I'm beautiful, and a whole lot smarter than the average bear... I don't need to turn myself inside out over that f***wit!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Your damn right!!- you are Diff & you are a survivior!!
From what Ive learned about you as a person over all this time is that you are bright, full of compassion, and treat people as you would like to be treated.
From what I have picked up from your vibes, is that you are a fiercely independent woman, who deserves love and respect- - as you are the 1st one to reach out to a person in need -with no agenda except to find a peaceful place in your head. If I could Id give you a big hug!! right now I would !!!
*************
Listen to your own words- you are beautiful inside and out. Definetley outside- - Ive seen your photo. and definetly inside> Ive read your posts
Stay level Diff- Ive seen you change more than any one else on this board- all for the better- Im proud ,but I admit a little envious- You have learned to find strength and hope while many of us are still searching .
Soon it will be "showtime" & you,ll have a daughter who will grow to see what a great person her "mum" is.
muchlove&muchrespect
jack
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Your damn right!!- you are Diff & you are a survivior!!
From what Ive learned about you as a person over all this time is that you are bright, full of compassion, and treat people as you would like to be treated.
From what I have picked up from your vibes, is that you are a fiercely independent woman, who deserves love and respect- - as you are the 1st one to reach out to a person in need -with no agenda except to find a peaceful place in your head. If I could Id give you a big hug!! right now I would !!!
*************
Listen to your own words- you are beautiful inside and out. Definetley outside- - Ive seen your photo. and definetly inside> Ive read your posts
Stay level Diff- Ive seen you change more than any one else on this board- all for the better- Im proud ,but I admit a little envious- You have learned to find strength and hope while many of us are still searching .
Soon it will be "showtime" & you,ll have a daughter who will grow to see what a great person her "mum" is.
muchlove&muchrespect
jack
To my dear friends, I don't know what I'd do without you all! Sometimes it's important just to sit back and be calm and listen to my own advice. I do feel it's almost a compulsion to check up on him. I don't want to because I already know enough, and digging for more evidence is a form of self-torture. What the eye doesn't see the heart cannot feel. And I've no desire to feel more pain than I already have. When I talk to people who are in love with an addict, I tell them that you cannot change anyone's behaviour except your own, and you'll break your own heart if you try. You have to let go, look after No. 1, and let the chips fall where they may. You can't stop someone else from being hurtful towards you, but you can retire to a safe distance, and let that person take the consequences of their own actions. To keep forgiving the unforgivable is reinforcing that behaviour.
We do have a complicated relationship that anybody would be hard pressed to understand. He isn't always a b****** to me, but I need more than he can give. He says this to me the other way round. ie. Stop asking for what I can't give you. But I have to start looking at it from my point of view. If he can't give me what I need, then he is not enough for me. He is inadequate. I find it hard to believe that anybody would be satisfied with the little he gives, but I am going to stop asking for more, coz I'm constantly disappointed and let down by him. And it's not up to me to carry that pain. I shouldn't scale down my expectations in line with his selfishness. Let somebody else do that, if they're willing. I have to remind myself what I am worth, and hold out for the asking price, if ya get me. Not sell myself off cheap, because if the goods are up to scratch, there's always a higher bidder.
Sometimes I feel panicked, and don't think I can cope on my own. But in reality, I'm a pretty self contained unit. I got my own car, bought and paid for, taxed, insured and MOT'd, I'll hopefully be in my own house shortly, which I can afford without anybodies help. And I've got all my own furniture, currently in storage. I've even got a bit of money in the bank, not much, but enough for me to start out on my own and not have to beg anyone for financial help. And something that I'd never really given much thought to really, I no longer have to carry the fear that I'll grow old childless, coz I haven't got a man, because that's one thing that he did give me. I know that I'll manage, even if it's tough.
Now, he, on the other hand is at a distinct disadvantage. Yes, he's got the trappings of a good life, he owns his own house etc. But when we met, he was on the hunt, looking for someone to step in and sort his life out, because it seems the practicalities of life are beyond him. He harried me to move in with him, and then just dumped his entire life in my lap, and said "you deal with it!". He won't even go into a supermarket, he has no idea how to pay his bills, he can't operate a washing machine, he doesn't know how to change his bed clothes (although most men find the intricacies of duvet covers a complete mystery) and the only thing he can cook is bacon and eggs. And that's just the practical stuff. He was also lonely and tired of the "batchelor life". Going out drinking with a bunch of sad middle aged men every night had seriously lost it's appeal, and the endless stream of casual lovers was unsatisfying. He wanted someone to look after him, to comfort him, to be there for him, to share his dreams with, to love him faithfully. And that's what I did, that's what I am. But he seems incapable of fulfilling any of my needs. I was uniquely placed to fulfill those needs for him. I was newly clean, vulnerable, alone, with no commitments other than my dog, and a really nice, generous and loving person, who looks s*** hot in a mini-skirt and thigh boots! What more could a man of his tastes ask for? And somehow my entire life got sucked up into the vortex of his insatiable need.
A few months ago, when we were going through another really rough patch, I told him that I'd had enough, I couldn't cope, and I wanted out. It was one of the few times I've seen him cry. He said he couldn't believe that I would leave him, because we were destined to be together. He told me that two days before he met me, he had prayed to Isis, to send him a woman to end his loneliness. And two days later I appeared. Even I found that uncanny. Shortly before we met, I wrote on this board that I had such a strong feeling that someone or something was searching for me, and when that person or thing found me, it would end up changing my life forever. And the day I met him, I was visiting my ex boyfriend, when it was almost as if the phone had rung and someone had told me to go down to the beach, because there was someone waiting for me. It was uncharacteristic of me to do what I did, but I acted on that feeling. I bought a newspaper, and went down to the beach and sat there and read my paper. After a few minutes, I started to feel daft, so thought I'd head back to the car. As I was walking off the beach, we met, and that was the start of it. And when I was researching baby names a few months ago, I looked up my own name. It means "Protector from the sea". It was always a standing joke with us that I was the most unusual creature he'd ever pulled from the sea - he's a fisherman. He told me that he believed the child I am carrying is a form of trade off. Payment to Isis, for delivering the woman he asked for. Even I have to admit to feeling that there was always an element of predestiny to our relationship. Two weeks before our child was conceived, out of the blue he told me that he thought that we would have a child together, and it would be a daughter. I think though that he's used this feeling of predestiny to justify treating me like s***, because he just couldn't believe that I would ever leave him. Even gifts from the gods can be squandered...
Anyway, I'm feeling much calmer now, and more sure of myself. He's out again - at the pub supposedly. He might be with her, he might not. I'm starting the letting go process, reassured in the knowledge that I cannot control his actions, only my own. I need to prepare for the arrival of my child, so I've been out buying some baby essentials, and busying myself in the tasks that must be my priority - looking after myself and my child. He can do what he likes, I'll concentrate on inner peace. I told you I was strong....(LOL!)
love
Diff xxxxx
We do have a complicated relationship that anybody would be hard pressed to understand. He isn't always a b****** to me, but I need more than he can give. He says this to me the other way round. ie. Stop asking for what I can't give you. But I have to start looking at it from my point of view. If he can't give me what I need, then he is not enough for me. He is inadequate. I find it hard to believe that anybody would be satisfied with the little he gives, but I am going to stop asking for more, coz I'm constantly disappointed and let down by him. And it's not up to me to carry that pain. I shouldn't scale down my expectations in line with his selfishness. Let somebody else do that, if they're willing. I have to remind myself what I am worth, and hold out for the asking price, if ya get me. Not sell myself off cheap, because if the goods are up to scratch, there's always a higher bidder.
Sometimes I feel panicked, and don't think I can cope on my own. But in reality, I'm a pretty self contained unit. I got my own car, bought and paid for, taxed, insured and MOT'd, I'll hopefully be in my own house shortly, which I can afford without anybodies help. And I've got all my own furniture, currently in storage. I've even got a bit of money in the bank, not much, but enough for me to start out on my own and not have to beg anyone for financial help. And something that I'd never really given much thought to really, I no longer have to carry the fear that I'll grow old childless, coz I haven't got a man, because that's one thing that he did give me. I know that I'll manage, even if it's tough.
Now, he, on the other hand is at a distinct disadvantage. Yes, he's got the trappings of a good life, he owns his own house etc. But when we met, he was on the hunt, looking for someone to step in and sort his life out, because it seems the practicalities of life are beyond him. He harried me to move in with him, and then just dumped his entire life in my lap, and said "you deal with it!". He won't even go into a supermarket, he has no idea how to pay his bills, he can't operate a washing machine, he doesn't know how to change his bed clothes (although most men find the intricacies of duvet covers a complete mystery) and the only thing he can cook is bacon and eggs. And that's just the practical stuff. He was also lonely and tired of the "batchelor life". Going out drinking with a bunch of sad middle aged men every night had seriously lost it's appeal, and the endless stream of casual lovers was unsatisfying. He wanted someone to look after him, to comfort him, to be there for him, to share his dreams with, to love him faithfully. And that's what I did, that's what I am. But he seems incapable of fulfilling any of my needs. I was uniquely placed to fulfill those needs for him. I was newly clean, vulnerable, alone, with no commitments other than my dog, and a really nice, generous and loving person, who looks s*** hot in a mini-skirt and thigh boots! What more could a man of his tastes ask for? And somehow my entire life got sucked up into the vortex of his insatiable need.
A few months ago, when we were going through another really rough patch, I told him that I'd had enough, I couldn't cope, and I wanted out. It was one of the few times I've seen him cry. He said he couldn't believe that I would leave him, because we were destined to be together. He told me that two days before he met me, he had prayed to Isis, to send him a woman to end his loneliness. And two days later I appeared. Even I found that uncanny. Shortly before we met, I wrote on this board that I had such a strong feeling that someone or something was searching for me, and when that person or thing found me, it would end up changing my life forever. And the day I met him, I was visiting my ex boyfriend, when it was almost as if the phone had rung and someone had told me to go down to the beach, because there was someone waiting for me. It was uncharacteristic of me to do what I did, but I acted on that feeling. I bought a newspaper, and went down to the beach and sat there and read my paper. After a few minutes, I started to feel daft, so thought I'd head back to the car. As I was walking off the beach, we met, and that was the start of it. And when I was researching baby names a few months ago, I looked up my own name. It means "Protector from the sea". It was always a standing joke with us that I was the most unusual creature he'd ever pulled from the sea - he's a fisherman. He told me that he believed the child I am carrying is a form of trade off. Payment to Isis, for delivering the woman he asked for. Even I have to admit to feeling that there was always an element of predestiny to our relationship. Two weeks before our child was conceived, out of the blue he told me that he thought that we would have a child together, and it would be a daughter. I think though that he's used this feeling of predestiny to justify treating me like s***, because he just couldn't believe that I would ever leave him. Even gifts from the gods can be squandered...
Anyway, I'm feeling much calmer now, and more sure of myself. He's out again - at the pub supposedly. He might be with her, he might not. I'm starting the letting go process, reassured in the knowledge that I cannot control his actions, only my own. I need to prepare for the arrival of my child, so I've been out buying some baby essentials, and busying myself in the tasks that must be my priority - looking after myself and my child. He can do what he likes, I'll concentrate on inner peace. I told you I was strong....(LOL!)
love
Diff xxxxx
Diff, you already know how brilliant I find you. How I admire you and how I know that you will always land right side up.......even when I don't write I am here following your posts and keeping up on your story. When you spent so long without posting I was sure must be in the midst of moving and without your computer. I cant begin to tell you how sorry I was to see how wrong I was.
I came across this little "ditty", or rather it came across me and the one person I could think of that would need this mos was you....so here it is - especially for you.........
Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men dont want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead they sometimes take the apples from the ground that are nt as good, but easy. The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality theyre amazing . They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.
Now men.men are like fine wine. They begin as grapes , and its up to women to stomp the s*** out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with
YBF, I found a greeting card with the wine stomping of the grapes all things men..........how funny is that?
Diff, you rule.
Diff, you rule.
Hi guys, I'm OK. Right now I've sort of stopped feeling anything. We had a big row last night, and he hit me again, along with calling me every obscenity under the sun. f*** it. Sorry means f*** all now... He thinks if he tells me he loves me enough, and that he regrets hurting me, that it will make it all better. It doesn't. Such is life... after a while you get numb to it.
love
Diff xxx
love
Diff xxx
Dear Diff,
From your post..."What the eye doesn't see the heart cannot feel. And I've no desire to feel more pain than I already have. When I talk to people who are in love with an addict, I tell them that you cannot change anyone's behaviour except your own, and you'll break your own heart if you try. You have to let go, look after No. 1, and let the chips fall where they may. You can't stop someone else from being hurtful towards you, but you can retire to a safe distance, and let that person take the consequences of their own actions. To keep forgiving the unforgivable is reinforcing that behaviour."
WHAT WISDOM!!!!! Like Bryn said, "You rock!" I'm glad that you are thinking more clearly now.
I just want to suggest that you start writing some things down. Dates and what he has done to you (taking pictures if there is physical evidence) just in case he tries at some time to try to get custody or partial custody of the baby. With his temper that would be very dangerous! That's the very reason my daughter never went after child support for her child's father. He has a HORRIBLE temper plus NO regard for the law. We were advised to document everything. We even have emails saved where he threatened to slit her ebf's throat.
Love,
Susan
From your post..."What the eye doesn't see the heart cannot feel. And I've no desire to feel more pain than I already have. When I talk to people who are in love with an addict, I tell them that you cannot change anyone's behaviour except your own, and you'll break your own heart if you try. You have to let go, look after No. 1, and let the chips fall where they may. You can't stop someone else from being hurtful towards you, but you can retire to a safe distance, and let that person take the consequences of their own actions. To keep forgiving the unforgivable is reinforcing that behaviour."
WHAT WISDOM!!!!! Like Bryn said, "You rock!" I'm glad that you are thinking more clearly now.
I just want to suggest that you start writing some things down. Dates and what he has done to you (taking pictures if there is physical evidence) just in case he tries at some time to try to get custody or partial custody of the baby. With his temper that would be very dangerous! That's the very reason my daughter never went after child support for her child's father. He has a HORRIBLE temper plus NO regard for the law. We were advised to document everything. We even have emails saved where he threatened to slit her ebf's throat.
Love,
Susan
Diiff.
I know it's real hard right now but as Susan says every time he hits you write it down, get a camera and point it at your face. If you feel you can call the police and do him for assault so it goes on record, so people know cuz as you say soon he'll be doing the same to her and worse and although she may deserve it, it will go on and on with other women until he really hurts or kills someone.
I've seen this with many women I work with and I don't know what is worse the ones who have been badly beaten lost an eye or something. Or the women who were hit by a man who went on to badly hurt another. Don't let him get away with it, when are you moving out? You could get a court order to prevent him coming near you even if it is his place, no difference. Even a slap any stress right now could hurt the baby.
karen
xx
Diff, please come on here.
Numb?
Oh Diff.
Numb?
Oh Diff.
Hi, I've been in hospital for a few days, but I'm back home now. When I saw my obs on Friday, my pulse was way up an the baby's was too, so she wanted me to go to another hospital about 20 miles away and go on a fetal monitor. But although the roads were clear when I left the house in the morning to go to my appointment, by the time I'd been seen the snow was really heavy. I asked a friend with a Landrover if he could drive me, but not even the Landy could get through, so I struggled back home in my old Mondeo, sliding down the hills and burning the clutch out up the hills, and thought I'd wait for the snow to clear a bit. After a while it was still chucking it down, so I called the hospital, thinking they'd say to wait until morning, but they said that they were very concerned about the baby, and told me to dial 999 and call an ambulance. Which was quite fun. I felt like a little kiddie, and wanted to look out the window and wave as we flew past all the gridlocked traffic and cars in ditches with the blue flashers and the ne-nahs on. But they made me lie down, so I only got to hear about it from the paramedic. Aww....
Anyway, the baby was fine, but my blood pressure was up, and I had protein in my urine, and was still having palpitations, so they made me stay in all weekend. I was going stir crazy by Sunday, and begged them to let me go home. My boyfriend wasn't in any hurry for me to leave hospital. He was having too much fun without me, and told me not to ask to come home. So when I finally did come home, he was all weird with me. I had to come home. I was worried about the dog, coz he'd been left on his own nearly all weekend, and then my boyfriend told me that on Sunday he'd taken the dog out for a walk and the dog jumped in a river not realising how deep it was and had nearly drowned. God knows what really happened - in 9 years that dog has never jumped in a river without testing how deep it is, and has always been a bit scared of water. He'll paddle, but he won't swim.
Anyway, the boyfriend is out again today, so I probably won't see him. Or if I do, it will be late, and he'll be drunk.
It makes me sad that things are so f***ed up...
love
Diff xxxx
Anyway, the baby was fine, but my blood pressure was up, and I had protein in my urine, and was still having palpitations, so they made me stay in all weekend. I was going stir crazy by Sunday, and begged them to let me go home. My boyfriend wasn't in any hurry for me to leave hospital. He was having too much fun without me, and told me not to ask to come home. So when I finally did come home, he was all weird with me. I had to come home. I was worried about the dog, coz he'd been left on his own nearly all weekend, and then my boyfriend told me that on Sunday he'd taken the dog out for a walk and the dog jumped in a river not realising how deep it was and had nearly drowned. God knows what really happened - in 9 years that dog has never jumped in a river without testing how deep it is, and has always been a bit scared of water. He'll paddle, but he won't swim.
Anyway, the boyfriend is out again today, so I probably won't see him. Or if I do, it will be late, and he'll be drunk.
It makes me sad that things are so f***ed up...
love
Diff xxxx
Oh diff, i am so sorry to hear you r giong through all this s***........I had pre-eclampsia both pregnancies.which is what yu r going through...........you must rest...keep your feet elevated as much as possible to reduce swelling......avoid salt..........all thing I am sure the doctor must have told you and also to avoid stress, which seems a mute point as of late........You r in my prayers daily......keep us updated...........
I can't cope with this any more. I just can't. The midwife has been on at me to move to a womens shelter, but I can't take my dog there. But I hate being here. I hate the abuse. I hate the lies. I hate coming out of hospital and having to wash the c** stains out of his under wear and being screamed at by a drunken bully about how there's no food in the house and hiding away shaking with fear in case he decides to batter me again. This is such a mess. The baby could come at any time and I feel so f***ing inadequate.
love
diff x
love
diff x
Alright..Diff just wanna say keep strong when yer dealin with that prick of a fella.My Dad was abusive to me&my bro and mainly my Ma..drunken bitter abuse..aint seen him in 20yr....so i know a lil bit about the fear,anger&bitterness..yer dealing with.Take care..Diff..yer a good,n.........Davey
Dear Diff,
Why not go to stay with your parents (with your dog)? If I was your mother, I would MOST DEFINITELY want you to. My son moved back here with a 140 lb. German Shepherd.
If not, isn't there someone who would keep your dog for you? I hate to say this because I know how much you love your dog, but YOU and YOUR BABY are much more important. Please don't wait until he does something to you that may cause serious injury to you or your precious baby...something that can't be healed or reversed. Ask the shelter what they do in those circumstances. Maybe they have some suggestions.
You are in my prayers. I'm so sorry you're going through all this at a time when you should be looking forward to the birth of your child.
Love,
Susan
Why not go to stay with your parents (with your dog)? If I was your mother, I would MOST DEFINITELY want you to. My son moved back here with a 140 lb. German Shepherd.
If not, isn't there someone who would keep your dog for you? I hate to say this because I know how much you love your dog, but YOU and YOUR BABY are much more important. Please don't wait until he does something to you that may cause serious injury to you or your precious baby...something that can't be healed or reversed. Ask the shelter what they do in those circumstances. Maybe they have some suggestions.
You are in my prayers. I'm so sorry you're going through all this at a time when you should be looking forward to the birth of your child.
Love,
Susan
Ohhhh, Diff I don't know what to tell you........I wish I could tell you something....anything.......I've never been in your shoes so I can't advise.
My biological father was an alcoholic.......my mom dealt with it.....and ask tres cause my mom she'd blow ya the heck up if ya'd even dare yell at her.....but I think it was because of me she finally left........man came in drunk and tried to pick me up......I was an infant.......born in a snowstorm too and my mom had to go by ambulance.......ahhhhhh, baby doll may be like the good Bryn.....not the screwed up Bryn.......AND when it was time to come see me in hospital where was the bio? In jail with four of his brothers.......had a drunken brawl over my birthweight.....my mom's cousin had to take us home.
What I am trying to say is..........THE BABY.....the baby may give ya the strength.......the strength to get the heck out of there.......like my mom did, and don't think she didn't do a lil something to that man before she left.......her motto
THEY HAVE TO SLEEP SOME TIME THEY HAVE TO SLEEP SOMETIME!!!!!!!
Nah, she didn't kill him......but I NEVER met him........I was an infant when she split......had a place to go, but left everything there.....everything but us.
Let him clean his own dang drawers......he's a sad man, Diff.......something is wrong, and it's all on you........maybe the baby will let ya see this.
I'm so sorry............I am.......LISTEN to Tres too......she had that pre-eclampsyia and was really sick and layed up and all......you ain't in no rice paddy where ya have to give birth in a field and get back to work......listen to your Midwife........and Tres, and Davey and Jack, and Susan, please.
My biological father was an alcoholic.......my mom dealt with it.....and ask tres cause my mom she'd blow ya the heck up if ya'd even dare yell at her.....but I think it was because of me she finally left........man came in drunk and tried to pick me up......I was an infant.......born in a snowstorm too and my mom had to go by ambulance.......ahhhhhh, baby doll may be like the good Bryn.....not the screwed up Bryn.......AND when it was time to come see me in hospital where was the bio? In jail with four of his brothers.......had a drunken brawl over my birthweight.....my mom's cousin had to take us home.
What I am trying to say is..........THE BABY.....the baby may give ya the strength.......the strength to get the heck out of there.......like my mom did, and don't think she didn't do a lil something to that man before she left.......her motto
THEY HAVE TO SLEEP SOME TIME THEY HAVE TO SLEEP SOMETIME!!!!!!!
Nah, she didn't kill him......but I NEVER met him........I was an infant when she split......had a place to go, but left everything there.....everything but us.
Let him clean his own dang drawers......he's a sad man, Diff.......something is wrong, and it's all on you........maybe the baby will let ya see this.
I'm so sorry............I am.......LISTEN to Tres too......she had that pre-eclampsyia and was really sick and layed up and all......you ain't in no rice paddy where ya have to give birth in a field and get back to work......listen to your Midwife........and Tres, and Davey and Jack, and Susan, please.
Hi, I'm feeling a bit better today. The baby is getting huge - it hurts when she wriggles now, and my body is creaking under the strain of it all, but I'm keeping a grip on all those panic feelings. He's out for the day. gone to my sisters in England to pick up one of his boats that we left there months ago. Left early this morning. His friend was supposed to pick him up at 6, but couldn't get the Landrover to start (that's what happens when you try and run a diesel on chip fat!) so he woke me up and asked me to drive him across town to jump start the Landrover. That was funny in itself, they fell at the first hurdle and couldn't even find the bonnet catch on my car, and even after I'd opened the bonnet for them they seemed incapable of connecting the jump leads up to the correct terminals. After several attempts to blow up my battery I got out and did it for them...
I've been on to social services about the housing situation and I'm reasonably reassured that I should be offered another house within the next week or so. And as for staying with my mum, my folks live in South Africa so that's out of the question. They're coming back to the UK next week, and my mum is coming to stay with me, so my boyfriend will keep a low profile. I've been worried about him meeting my dad (he's met my mum) coz my dad is hard shelled, intimidating and has no concept of tact. But I'm his baby girl, and he's fiercely protective over me. I've told my boyfriend that if he starts putting me down in front of my family, then sparks are gonna fly, the s*** will hit the fan and there's nothing I can do about it. I'm not sure that he's quite grasped just how protective my dad is about me - I've started reading the texts dad sends me to him, so he gets a picture. I'm his baby girl, and I can do no wrong. Even when I AM wrong, my dad always blames somebody else. I hate it when I'm piggy in the middle, and just want everything to go smoothly. But I've got a feeling he'll be on his best behaviour. All of the abuse, or 99% of it goes on in private, and he'd be mortified if I washed our dirty linen in public. But he does run me down in front of other people when he's been drinking. I guess that's what I'm worried about, if he goes out on the lash, and comes home all lary and mean. But I guess I can't control what he does, so I just have to let him get on with it. I like to paint pretty pictures and don't like people digging too deep. I don't like worrying my folks, and would rather they believed everything was rosy, than actually realising the truth.
Oh, and happy Valentines Day to everyone. I know I won't get a card or anything, but I couldn't resist sending him and anonymous one, just to see how he reacts. I'll be looking for the guilt in his eyes! See how much he sweats under the spotlight - purely for my own amusement!
@)>-%-------
A valentines rose for all my friends.....
love
Diff xxxx
I've been on to social services about the housing situation and I'm reasonably reassured that I should be offered another house within the next week or so. And as for staying with my mum, my folks live in South Africa so that's out of the question. They're coming back to the UK next week, and my mum is coming to stay with me, so my boyfriend will keep a low profile. I've been worried about him meeting my dad (he's met my mum) coz my dad is hard shelled, intimidating and has no concept of tact. But I'm his baby girl, and he's fiercely protective over me. I've told my boyfriend that if he starts putting me down in front of my family, then sparks are gonna fly, the s*** will hit the fan and there's nothing I can do about it. I'm not sure that he's quite grasped just how protective my dad is about me - I've started reading the texts dad sends me to him, so he gets a picture. I'm his baby girl, and I can do no wrong. Even when I AM wrong, my dad always blames somebody else. I hate it when I'm piggy in the middle, and just want everything to go smoothly. But I've got a feeling he'll be on his best behaviour. All of the abuse, or 99% of it goes on in private, and he'd be mortified if I washed our dirty linen in public. But he does run me down in front of other people when he's been drinking. I guess that's what I'm worried about, if he goes out on the lash, and comes home all lary and mean. But I guess I can't control what he does, so I just have to let him get on with it. I like to paint pretty pictures and don't like people digging too deep. I don't like worrying my folks, and would rather they believed everything was rosy, than actually realising the truth.
Oh, and happy Valentines Day to everyone. I know I won't get a card or anything, but I couldn't resist sending him and anonymous one, just to see how he reacts. I'll be looking for the guilt in his eyes! See how much he sweats under the spotlight - purely for my own amusement!
@)>-%-------
A valentines rose for all my friends.....
love
Diff xxxx
