Diff,
gf....this ain't about addiction and i don't care if i drank while you did dope and this board is about heroin not about alcohol...and maybe i don't qualify to be posting on it..
but i know about being physically abused in a relationship...and the fact that he was a heroin addict was a separate issue altogether....
i just happened to read your last post about that A Hole you are with..having a row...and he hit you.....and when he hits you...he is also perpetrating violence on that unborn child of yours....it is only his too because a biological process had to take place to fertilize that egg and the sperm just happened to have his worthless name tattooed on it at the time..
you seem to have a habit (no pun intended)...as i did about minimizing the fact that you are a victim of domestic violence and you talk about his hitting you as if it was as innocuous a topic as say what the weather is like for the day..
i applaud your awareness and resolve not to use heroin for you sake and the unborn child's as well......but this is not the first time he hit you and it is unspeakable that he is throwing punches given your present state of pregnancy..
don't be the p**** that i was and never pressed charges or got to the point of walking on egg shells all the time or even thinking that i deserved to be punched...sexually coerced...and verbally abased...
i am so mad now...i gotta stop
i love you Diff.....MARY
Hi Mary - love you too! I don't know what's happened to me. Maybe part of me enjoys being the victim. I don't know how I let things get this far. Perhaps I'm just lazy. Anything for a quiet life. Why am I colluding with him, keping this sorry state of affairs a little secret between ourselves. I read Jacks post to me, about how how he and his friends would deal with something like this. I got friends too who would give him a taste of his own medicine. But I keep my mouth shut. I feel sort of guilty about it, even though I know it's not my fault.
I just feel so relieved when things go back to normal. He's mowing the lawn, and I look out the window and see the dog watching him, all curious and interested, and I find myself smiling, seeing my "family" looking so relaxed and functional. I guess I buy into the dream whenever I get a glimpse of it.
I push all the bad s*** to the back of my mind, and try to enjoy the bits that make me feel happy, even though I know that some things are badly wrong. The blame for his violence gets subtley shifted onto my shoulders. He says that I say things that are terribly hurtful, that I bring out the worst in him - or rather we bring out the worst in each other. I felt surprised when he said that to me. I am always mindful not to say things just to be hurtful. I just speak the truth. I guess the truth hurts. And as for him bringing out the worst in me. Well, he obviously hasn't a clue about me, coz I've been positively angelic given the provocation I've had. Oh, boy, I know where the worst of me lies, and he has never even seen a glimpse of it!
I don't know what's going on with him. As far as this woman who he's been having this clandestine relationship with, the nature of which I'm still in the dark about, since I basically told him I was onto him, he's either not seen her/spoken to her or has been covering his tracks better. Part of me wishes I'd never said a word to him about my suspicions, coz he would have been lulled into a false sense of security. Give someone enough rope... But now he knows that I'm checking up on him, so he is being a lot more wary. In a way, I wish I could catch him out, coz although I can somehow live with the physical abuse, infidelity is The End. I could never forgive that.
Anyway my dear, we're off doing our "normal" people impression today. Off to the pub to watch Wales playing rugby...
love
Diff xxxx
I just feel so relieved when things go back to normal. He's mowing the lawn, and I look out the window and see the dog watching him, all curious and interested, and I find myself smiling, seeing my "family" looking so relaxed and functional. I guess I buy into the dream whenever I get a glimpse of it.
I push all the bad s*** to the back of my mind, and try to enjoy the bits that make me feel happy, even though I know that some things are badly wrong. The blame for his violence gets subtley shifted onto my shoulders. He says that I say things that are terribly hurtful, that I bring out the worst in him - or rather we bring out the worst in each other. I felt surprised when he said that to me. I am always mindful not to say things just to be hurtful. I just speak the truth. I guess the truth hurts. And as for him bringing out the worst in me. Well, he obviously hasn't a clue about me, coz I've been positively angelic given the provocation I've had. Oh, boy, I know where the worst of me lies, and he has never even seen a glimpse of it!
I don't know what's going on with him. As far as this woman who he's been having this clandestine relationship with, the nature of which I'm still in the dark about, since I basically told him I was onto him, he's either not seen her/spoken to her or has been covering his tracks better. Part of me wishes I'd never said a word to him about my suspicions, coz he would have been lulled into a false sense of security. Give someone enough rope... But now he knows that I'm checking up on him, so he is being a lot more wary. In a way, I wish I could catch him out, coz although I can somehow live with the physical abuse, infidelity is The End. I could never forgive that.
Anyway my dear, we're off doing our "normal" people impression today. Off to the pub to watch Wales playing rugby...
love
Diff xxxx
Dear Diff,
I'm glad things are calmer BUT as long as he has those spurts of horrible anger, you and your baby are not safe there.
From your post...."I push all the bad s*** to the back of my mind, and try to enjoy the bits that make me feel happy, even though I know that some things are badly wrong." That sounds EXACTLY like how we codependents feel.
Love,
Susan
I'm glad things are calmer BUT as long as he has those spurts of horrible anger, you and your baby are not safe there.
From your post...."I push all the bad s*** to the back of my mind, and try to enjoy the bits that make me feel happy, even though I know that some things are badly wrong." That sounds EXACTLY like how we codependents feel.
Love,
Susan
