Was just reading your post on Amity's topic, was really looking forward to what you had to say on the matter as you talk a lot of sense...Diff for PM
Sorry to hear about what your lad did, i actually felt myself getting angry when i read it. He'll do it again Diff, he will. Hitting you is out of order but doing it in front of the wee one is well out of order. It pisses me off when i read things like that cos not all men are like that... If i ever hit my girlfriend, wife, partner i would not be able to show my face, i'd be disgusted at myself...i know i'd never do that! Don't know what else to say. Apart from the black eye hope all is well. I'm in the mood for watching "some mothers do av 'em" now... ha ha
Take care, Kev
Hiya Kev, I know he'll do it again. He's done it before. He doesn't even bother promising me stuff anymore, coz he knows it doesn't mean Jack. But that's why I've gone to all this trouble with getting my own place sorted, although it would be cheaper for me to live with him. I need a safe place, my place, where I make the rules. Basically I need somewhere where I can kick him out of, coz before I had the house, I had nowhere else to go, and I can hardly boot him out of his own house, can I?
And, I'm fine, thanks for asking. My eye and the side of my face hurts like hell, but I'll live. And the babs, she's back to her normal noisey self, and is currently rolling around on the floor, shouting at the laundry basket. Kids, ya just gotta love 'em... I don't ever want her to see anything like that again, or hear her father calling her mother a slut and a c***. It's just not on, and I really feel like I let her down.
love
Diff xxx
And, I'm fine, thanks for asking. My eye and the side of my face hurts like hell, but I'll live. And the babs, she's back to her normal noisey self, and is currently rolling around on the floor, shouting at the laundry basket. Kids, ya just gotta love 'em... I don't ever want her to see anything like that again, or hear her father calling her mother a slut and a c***. It's just not on, and I really feel like I let her down.
love
Diff xxx
Diff as you know yerself any man?who hits a women is the lowest of the low....i hate to see this happening to you as you are a sound,intelligent woman ..oh!and mum who deserves so much more than that muscle bound midget you got at the moment.Diff i grew up seeing my mum being battered by my father eventually he left after giving my mum 15yrs.of hell...also as you may have read my bro.died (o.d...methd.but not a user)and my father didnt even turn up for that .People who take there frustrations out on those phsically weaker are just pure scum....remember the pic.you posted of yerself Rowanne and scumbag...i just knew by looking at him he was a bad bloke .
Diff leave the f***er please coz you know you are more worth it than living the life of a timid yes girl....coz again that aint you ....you are strong ,focused,brave and unique....love ya Diff....sorry for the rant but knowing how hurtful growing up in an abusive household is i really hope you can lose this slime of an excuse for a father....take care Diff....Think of you and Rowanne............Davey
Diff leave the f***er please coz you know you are more worth it than living the life of a timid yes girl....coz again that aint you ....you are strong ,focused,brave and unique....love ya Diff....sorry for the rant but knowing how hurtful growing up in an abusive household is i really hope you can lose this slime of an excuse for a father....take care Diff....Think of you and Rowanne............Davey
Diff...you speak about being slugged in the face by your man like you were talking about what you make for diner.
I can't help but feel so sad and sick to my stomach. Please, leave not only for your Daughter but yourself. This is no way to live......no one has the right to do that. What makes you think he won't haul off smack your baby one day when she does or says something to piss him off.
The cycle of abusive is a hard one to break...I am sure that so much that happens is confusing.
Take it from a grown women that watched her own mother lye in a pool of her own blood....it never gets better and it doesnt fix itself.
PS...my mother died at the hands of her abuser. It does and will happen....it happens everyday, all day....all over the world.
How ever afraid you are to leave....you have to be a million times more afraid to stay.
Sending prayers for you and your daughter!
I can't help but feel so sad and sick to my stomach. Please, leave not only for your Daughter but yourself. This is no way to live......no one has the right to do that. What makes you think he won't haul off smack your baby one day when she does or says something to piss him off.
The cycle of abusive is a hard one to break...I am sure that so much that happens is confusing.
Take it from a grown women that watched her own mother lye in a pool of her own blood....it never gets better and it doesnt fix itself.
PS...my mother died at the hands of her abuser. It does and will happen....it happens everyday, all day....all over the world.
How ever afraid you are to leave....you have to be a million times more afraid to stay.
Sending prayers for you and your daughter!
Diff, you got a black eye??????????????????
I can't say anything on this subject cause I don't understand it.......except to say he has to go to sleep sometime..........easy for me to say, and what ya would do when he sleeps.........well I don't know.......I just heard my gram and mom say that in passing........like to the thin air......say if someone on TV was hit by a man.......I know my mom did something with matches to my bio while he slept...........nobody went to prison or anything so it couldn't have been too bad.........and we left anyway staright away..
That s*cks Diff..........I'm sorry........this may sound outright stupid.....but why would he do that..........like what's he thinking or not thinking or lashing out at or stuck on? Sorry if that sounds just plain dumb.
Is it everyone................or just you...........or all women.........what's behind it?
I'd guess ya'd have the answer by now if he knew........I'm sorry, Diff.
I can't say anything on this subject cause I don't understand it.......except to say he has to go to sleep sometime..........easy for me to say, and what ya would do when he sleeps.........well I don't know.......I just heard my gram and mom say that in passing........like to the thin air......say if someone on TV was hit by a man.......I know my mom did something with matches to my bio while he slept...........nobody went to prison or anything so it couldn't have been too bad.........and we left anyway staright away..
That s*cks Diff..........I'm sorry........this may sound outright stupid.....but why would he do that..........like what's he thinking or not thinking or lashing out at or stuck on? Sorry if that sounds just plain dumb.
Is it everyone................or just you...........or all women.........what's behind it?
I'd guess ya'd have the answer by now if he knew........I'm sorry, Diff.
Hi guys, thanks for your support. I know the psychology of it, but it doesn't actually make it any easier. They turn it around and by the end of it, I end up feeling like it was my fault and I deserved it. I know it sounds crazy, but it's like some sort of net you get caught in and you can't get out of it. I hate going on about it, coz I feel like one of those people who make the same mistakes over and over, and then sit and moan about how they always get the same result. Some of the stuff he says sounds insane, but I find myself going along with it. Like last night, after my eye started closing up, he says "Oh great, you're gonna have a big black eye now, and it's gonna make me look bad. Put some ice on it will you, for christs sake!". And the reason for the whole argument? I asked him if he'd brought the babies bottle in from the car. He said no. So I went out and searched for it. Eventually I found it in a bag, so I say to him "you could have told me that you'd put the bottle in the bag, save me searching everywhere for it." He kicks off at me, so I go in the other room to finish the ironing. Then I go upstairs to put away the clothes, and he comes in to put the baby to bed, She wakes up screaming, so I pick her up, take her downstairs and start making her a feed. Then he comes in kicking off at me again for not making her a feed earlier, calling me a stupid cnut and a slut. I try to walk away so the baby doesn't have to hear this kind of language. He snatches the baby away from me, and I scratch his arm and try to push him away. Then he just lashes out so quick I didn't even see it coming and punches me. With the baby in his arms.
Anyway, I think you're right, I just can't carry on like this. The baby, I'm sure she remembers the violence from when she was in the womb. I've cried buckets and buckets, not for me, but for my little girl. She was so scared and confused. I can't do it to her. Tonight we're not talking again. I just don't see how we can move on from all this violence. He blames me for "making him do it". One lesson my addiction taught me is that ultimately we are all responsible for our own actions, whatever the mitigation. And he just wants everything to go back to normal, whatever that is. But whilst my eye is still throbbing I can't just pretend like everything is OK, just so he doesn't feel so bad. He says he loves me, but what kind of love is that? I already feel lonely and miserable. At least if I wasn't with him I wouldn't feel scared as well.
Sometimes life is crappy. I know it ain't my job to fix him, and everything, but I'm one of those people who just ends up being responsible for everybody else. Although I don't get on with NA, and I'm not religious, I like the Serenity prayer, and I feel like I should spend some time asking myself for the courage to change what I can, the grace to let go of what I can't, and the wisdom to know the difference. I'm not superhuman, I'm not omnipotent, I'm just afraid. Afraid of failing. Afraid of admitting another huge mistake. I know just hoping things get better is a useless strategy. I know there' not going to be a miracle which will take my pain away. I know the only way to move on is to just do what I know has to be done. But fear of the unknown is paralyzing me. There's no shrink, or counsellor who could help me, coz I know the answers to all my questions. I guess there's some personal weakness, or something that just makes me give up before I even begin. Or maybe I just hope that if I just stick it out, try a bit harder, everything will be OK. Sometimes abandoning unrealistic hope is the only way out.
much love
Diff xxx
Anyway, I think you're right, I just can't carry on like this. The baby, I'm sure she remembers the violence from when she was in the womb. I've cried buckets and buckets, not for me, but for my little girl. She was so scared and confused. I can't do it to her. Tonight we're not talking again. I just don't see how we can move on from all this violence. He blames me for "making him do it". One lesson my addiction taught me is that ultimately we are all responsible for our own actions, whatever the mitigation. And he just wants everything to go back to normal, whatever that is. But whilst my eye is still throbbing I can't just pretend like everything is OK, just so he doesn't feel so bad. He says he loves me, but what kind of love is that? I already feel lonely and miserable. At least if I wasn't with him I wouldn't feel scared as well.
Sometimes life is crappy. I know it ain't my job to fix him, and everything, but I'm one of those people who just ends up being responsible for everybody else. Although I don't get on with NA, and I'm not religious, I like the Serenity prayer, and I feel like I should spend some time asking myself for the courage to change what I can, the grace to let go of what I can't, and the wisdom to know the difference. I'm not superhuman, I'm not omnipotent, I'm just afraid. Afraid of failing. Afraid of admitting another huge mistake. I know just hoping things get better is a useless strategy. I know there' not going to be a miracle which will take my pain away. I know the only way to move on is to just do what I know has to be done. But fear of the unknown is paralyzing me. There's no shrink, or counsellor who could help me, coz I know the answers to all my questions. I guess there's some personal weakness, or something that just makes me give up before I even begin. Or maybe I just hope that if I just stick it out, try a bit harder, everything will be OK. Sometimes abandoning unrealistic hope is the only way out.
much love
Diff xxx
I just feel flat. Dead. Like I've fallen on my arse in the shopping centre and can't even find the will to get up. I say it to so many other people. s*** or get off the pot. Don't just sit here bitching about it. I dunno what I'm so scared of. Part of me is aching to be on my own for a bit. Just till my head stops spinning. It's not even loneliness that scares me. Not really. Being alone isn't all that bad. You get to watch the stuff on TV that you want to. You get to eat your cornflakes in bed at midnight. You get to slob about the house in your dressing gown till lunch. You don't have anybody on your case, moaning at you and nagging you. And let's face it, I'd get more love and affection from a dildo than I would from him. I've never been alone for long. I got my figure back after having the baby - I'm into my sixes (I've only just discovered that in the states a UK size 10 is a US size 6 - I could never understand how anybody could be a size 0, coz I used to be as thin as an anorexic greyhound, and I wore size 8 jeans), I'm a good lookin' girl, getting a man has never been a problem, it's just getting involved with the wrong sort of man that has been my problem. I'm just tired of feeling like this, all empty and black. But I've been here before, and I vowed to get out of it. I'm closer now, coz i got somewhere to go, but I just haven't the will for all the fighting that's gonna have to take place in order for me to kick this b****** to the curb. Maybe a good nights sleep will do it.
love y'all
diff x
love y'all
diff x
Diff,
Hun i've said this before months ago and i'll say it again everything you write every little detail about being caught up in it in a net etc etc is the same stuff that people write on the families board when they're involved with an addict.
Hate it, want to get out, know they should get out but can't quite make that last bit - it's codependency clear as hell. You are strong you know you are you've kicked the gear you know you're smart but that doesn't make it one bit easier because this is a totally different drug pulling different strings, pushing different buttons.
You hooked up with him because strong as you are the H leaves a hole when it's gone and ex addicts reach out to fill that hole, i've seen it sometimes it's really really positive things, work family a loving relationship. Sometimes people grab things too quickly before they know what they're getting in to because they're vulnerable and desperate to do all the things they couldn't do when they spent their whole life scoring.
Davey is right you can do better than this scumbag he came along when you needed someone now you don't you have your little girl to wrap yourself around but like anything which, you think you need - you have to let go.
They should make relationship subbies - focus on what would happen if your girl grew up thinking that being hit was how it was supposed to be - think about the stats - daughters of battered mothers have a 79% chance of becoming battered women themselves - keep that in your head and then taper down from him.
love as always
k
x
Hun i've said this before months ago and i'll say it again everything you write every little detail about being caught up in it in a net etc etc is the same stuff that people write on the families board when they're involved with an addict.
Hate it, want to get out, know they should get out but can't quite make that last bit - it's codependency clear as hell. You are strong you know you are you've kicked the gear you know you're smart but that doesn't make it one bit easier because this is a totally different drug pulling different strings, pushing different buttons.
You hooked up with him because strong as you are the H leaves a hole when it's gone and ex addicts reach out to fill that hole, i've seen it sometimes it's really really positive things, work family a loving relationship. Sometimes people grab things too quickly before they know what they're getting in to because they're vulnerable and desperate to do all the things they couldn't do when they spent their whole life scoring.
Davey is right you can do better than this scumbag he came along when you needed someone now you don't you have your little girl to wrap yourself around but like anything which, you think you need - you have to let go.
They should make relationship subbies - focus on what would happen if your girl grew up thinking that being hit was how it was supposed to be - think about the stats - daughters of battered mothers have a 79% chance of becoming battered women themselves - keep that in your head and then taper down from him.
love as always
k
x
Oh Diff, Diff I'm sorry..........I got no clue on this kind of thing, BUT obviously it ain't about the bottle............nor that ya hadn't had a bottle ready.........none of it and I know it's not about worrying what's going on with him.......It just makes me wonder...........like what it's really about.
The wrong kind of man...........I know I'll say something sounds so cliche, but we get what we expect.............and we teach people how to treat us.
Sheeesh I sound like freaking Oprah........I'm just so sorry........well at least the things with batteries wouldn't hit ya in the eye.........there's a plus.
Not being smart alec........just had to say something to make it not so darn frightening and sad.
The wrong kind of man...........I know I'll say something sounds so cliche, but we get what we expect.............and we teach people how to treat us.
Sheeesh I sound like freaking Oprah........I'm just so sorry........well at least the things with batteries wouldn't hit ya in the eye.........there's a plus.
Not being smart alec........just had to say something to make it not so darn frightening and sad.
Diff, you know yourself, if someone like a partner keeps bringing us down with snide comments and the like sometimes we start to believe them and get withdrawn and insecure..
You've already said he's trying to turn it around blaming YOU when he hits you saying it your fault. If it continues you might even start blaming yourself, some people are malipuative(sp?)... Don't think it would happen to you cause you're a strong willed woman.
My Dad (not worthy of that title) physically and mentally abused my Mum for years. Even to this day, not a week goes by where she is not reminded in some way.My wee mum has a heart of a lion, but for some reason she stayed with him for a number of years(don't know excact number). It is with her every day i imagine. Don't want the same thing happening to you.
At the end of the day we are not perfect, but people who hit partners, bring them down about weight size, hair, eyes ect are just f****** scum who can't deal with the crapola (:)) in their own lives they need to bring others down to make themselves feel better. We should get them out our lives cause WE deserve BETTER!!! Peace and P vibes, Kev
PS omnipotent..having unlimted or universal power.(had to check what that meant on dictionary.com...)
You've already said he's trying to turn it around blaming YOU when he hits you saying it your fault. If it continues you might even start blaming yourself, some people are malipuative(sp?)... Don't think it would happen to you cause you're a strong willed woman.
My Dad (not worthy of that title) physically and mentally abused my Mum for years. Even to this day, not a week goes by where she is not reminded in some way.My wee mum has a heart of a lion, but for some reason she stayed with him for a number of years(don't know excact number). It is with her every day i imagine. Don't want the same thing happening to you.
At the end of the day we are not perfect, but people who hit partners, bring them down about weight size, hair, eyes ect are just f****** scum who can't deal with the crapola (:)) in their own lives they need to bring others down to make themselves feel better. We should get them out our lives cause WE deserve BETTER!!! Peace and P vibes, Kev
PS omnipotent..having unlimted or universal power.(had to check what that meant on dictionary.com...)
Diff,
One way out is all you're ever gonna get from
those who hand it out don't ever let it upset you cause,
They'll put words into your mouth
they're making you feel so ashamed
they're making you taking the blame
they're making you cold in the night
they're making you question your heart and your soul
and i think that it's not quite right...
hey! stay young and invisable
cos we know just what we are
come what may we're unstoppable
cos we know just what we are....
"stay young" by Oasis
One way out is all you're ever gonna get from
those who hand it out don't ever let it upset you cause,
They'll put words into your mouth
they're making you feel so ashamed
they're making you taking the blame
they're making you cold in the night
they're making you question your heart and your soul
and i think that it's not quite right...
hey! stay young and invisable
cos we know just what we are
come what may we're unstoppable
cos we know just what we are....
"stay young" by Oasis
Differ-oni
Your one tough cookie- but I think its time for you to get your own safe house. You & the little one need security. Any guy that is so insecure that he resorts to any type of violence has serious issues As street smart as you are, you might say/do something that pushes this loon to the brink.
Happens all the time in the states- - be careful- just leave -set up child support and move on.
If ya move over here- I ll be free next week LOL
respect
jack
Your one tough cookie- but I think its time for you to get your own safe house. You & the little one need security. Any guy that is so insecure that he resorts to any type of violence has serious issues As street smart as you are, you might say/do something that pushes this loon to the brink.
Happens all the time in the states- - be careful- just leave -set up child support and move on.
If ya move over here- I ll be free next week LOL
respect
jack
Thanks guys, I know all you say is true. And Kev, thank you so much - I know that not all men are like him. I find the violence baffling myself. I always think "next time, I'll end it" But he somehow manages to talk me round. I keep waiting, waiting for things to get better. Sometimes I'm so happy, happy that he loves our baby, happy that I'm out of the gutter, and have things like a driving license, and I pay my bills, and I got no-one chasing me for money or worse. I always try and look on the bright side, and put the bad things behind me, but some things always haunt me. I don't like to think about the violence too much, coz it's so ugly, and life can be hard enough without dwelling on things that depress me. I feel pretty anti men in general at the mo, coz my dad is still being an arsehole, and cheating on my mum. That has shocked my whole world - if my dad, who hitherto was an upright and honest man, from a long line of upright and honest men, can be such a twat, then no man is immune, no man can be trusted. I know that is vastly unfair, on good blokes like Kev, Davey and Jack, but I just can't get my head round it. It's like when you start contemplating the expanding universe, and you just give up coz it's so inexplicable. But I wish to God I had some decent fella's like yourselves round here, so I could find something solid to ground me, coz everything is up in the air, and strange, and I don't know up from down any more. I feel like the only thing I know to be true is mother love. The love I feel for my mother, the love she feels for me, the love I feel for my daughter, and when she gives me her little gummy smile, the love I know she feels for me.
Anyway, things aren't really back to normal. I'm finding it hard to keep my head straight. We keep on arguing, and keeping our distance from each other. He keeps asking me what's wrong with me, and if he can't understand what he's doing to me, then I can't even be bothered to explain it to him. He's out on the marsh with his shot gun at the moment. Not that he ever shoots anything these days - he's become quite fond of ducks! He keeps ringing me up, saying he's sorry, saying he loves me, and he's worried about me, saying I'm not myself, and I've got things on my mind that I won't talk about. And I just feel paranoid. I feel like he's testing me out, see how much I know about things he's kept from me.
Right now, I'm just waiting for Rowanne to wake up so I can go up to my house and measure up for carpets, then go to the carpet place and spend some money.
love
Diff xxxx
Anyway, things aren't really back to normal. I'm finding it hard to keep my head straight. We keep on arguing, and keeping our distance from each other. He keeps asking me what's wrong with me, and if he can't understand what he's doing to me, then I can't even be bothered to explain it to him. He's out on the marsh with his shot gun at the moment. Not that he ever shoots anything these days - he's become quite fond of ducks! He keeps ringing me up, saying he's sorry, saying he loves me, and he's worried about me, saying I'm not myself, and I've got things on my mind that I won't talk about. And I just feel paranoid. I feel like he's testing me out, see how much I know about things he's kept from me.
Right now, I'm just waiting for Rowanne to wake up so I can go up to my house and measure up for carpets, then go to the carpet place and spend some money.
love
Diff xxxx
"Sometimes I'm so happy, happy that he loves our baby, happy that I'm out of the gutter, and have things like a driving license, and I pay my bills, and I got no-one chasing me for money or worse."
I know what you mean with that comment, but you deserve SO much better!! Sometimes, well personally, i find that i don't go out and grasp opportunities that i should cause im " happy " with what i've got. When realistically i should be grabbing every oppertunity by the balls...So should all of us!
Have a great weekend, Kev
I know what you mean with that comment, but you deserve SO much better!! Sometimes, well personally, i find that i don't go out and grasp opportunities that i should cause im " happy " with what i've got. When realistically i should be grabbing every oppertunity by the balls...So should all of us!
Have a great weekend, Kev
Alrite there...Kev of course yer absolutly right...if ya got em smoke em as they say.At least we got the footie to keep us sane ...well in my case....no job yet and with all the f***ing about with the methd.system i dont see one coming up too soon.Hope yer keepin well pal....chat soon..........Davey
He keeps asking you "whats wrong"? Does that black eye that you are sporting not ring a bell with him.
He slugged you in the face while holding his precious little angel. It never dawned on him?
Domestic violence effects children in the most horrendous ways. He is not going to just STOP. You will always and forever live in fear and that fear will be transferred to your little one. She will undoubtedly learn that in order for her to be loved she needs to find a man that will punch her in the face.
If you can't get out of this situation for yourself, do it for your helpless daughter that is depending on you to give her a happy and stable home life....free from violence.
The fantasy that you have of your family being "normal" or "fixed" is just that a fantasy. He needs help. Why do you think he hurts you? Do you think it's because perhaps that is what he learned as a youngster.
The cycle and pattern of abuse will only be broken when it stops...it will only stop when you take action. Even if it's months until the next time....make no mistake there will be a next time.
I wouldn't be worrying about carpets if I were you....you have more pressing matters. Please...I beg of you....RUN don't walk!
This isn't meant to be hurt you or embarrass you...in fact the opposite. I don't mean to be harsh. I just want you and your daughter to be safe, I am literally shaking while writing this. There is no happy ending here!
This is a serious and deadly situation and you must protect your Daughter...she is depending on you.
God Bless
He slugged you in the face while holding his precious little angel. It never dawned on him?
Domestic violence effects children in the most horrendous ways. He is not going to just STOP. You will always and forever live in fear and that fear will be transferred to your little one. She will undoubtedly learn that in order for her to be loved she needs to find a man that will punch her in the face.
If you can't get out of this situation for yourself, do it for your helpless daughter that is depending on you to give her a happy and stable home life....free from violence.
The fantasy that you have of your family being "normal" or "fixed" is just that a fantasy. He needs help. Why do you think he hurts you? Do you think it's because perhaps that is what he learned as a youngster.
The cycle and pattern of abuse will only be broken when it stops...it will only stop when you take action. Even if it's months until the next time....make no mistake there will be a next time.
I wouldn't be worrying about carpets if I were you....you have more pressing matters. Please...I beg of you....RUN don't walk!
This isn't meant to be hurt you or embarrass you...in fact the opposite. I don't mean to be harsh. I just want you and your daughter to be safe, I am literally shaking while writing this. There is no happy ending here!
This is a serious and deadly situation and you must protect your Daughter...she is depending on you.
God Bless
IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!
Sorry to shout that but I know it doesn't get heard, or believed...
My ex used to hit our daughter and somehow had me convinced that was my fault.
I am so sorry to hear you sounding so down and in despair. Do not abandon hope...your dreams are not unrealistic. Look at what you've done so far...look at the battles you've fought and are winning...look at the beautiful daughter you have brought into this world...and look at the help you give others (probably more than you realise). You are strong, you are amazing...and you can turn your dreams into reality.
One day at a time.
Maddy x
Sorry to shout that but I know it doesn't get heard, or believed...
My ex used to hit our daughter and somehow had me convinced that was my fault.
I am so sorry to hear you sounding so down and in despair. Do not abandon hope...your dreams are not unrealistic. Look at what you've done so far...look at the battles you've fought and are winning...look at the beautiful daughter you have brought into this world...and look at the help you give others (probably more than you realise). You are strong, you are amazing...and you can turn your dreams into reality.
One day at a time.
Maddy x
