Hi. I been a H addict now for 10+years. Did the whole journey. Got into recovery about 2 years ago(22 months+). It's been an amazing journey and I just love being clean. I got into a relationship 4 months ago. She's beautiful in every way. Cept maybe 1. She drinks and she drinks a lot. I'm told that alcohol is a big no no for me as it could trigger a relapse so I don't even go there. Thing is her drinking is getting worse. She's going thro a real nasty divorce and says that once that's over everything'll be just fine. I'm not fine though. It really bugs me. Trouble is I really do love her. Plus I dun wanna do my usual thing and just up and leave. I dun wanna be a coward. I want ta work through this. What should I do?
s man,
First of all congrats on your being clean. Heroin is a tough one to kick.Secondly,but just as important,addiction to alcohol is not all that different from all other addictions. All the reasons in the world as to why she drinks don't matter.It is probably not a relationship you should be in.
As you know unless she wants to stop there isnt anything you can do for her.Your sobriety/being clean has to be your top and only priority,ALWAYS.
Caring for someone who has an addiction can be really hard.Do you have a sponsor? What do you do to help maintain your being clean? Have those closest to you been telling you to not be in this relationship? If they have it may be in your iterest to listen to them.
Also, go to the Families/Partners of Addicts board. Many knowledgeable folks there can help you as well as they have been exactly where you are.
good luck,
granny
First of all congrats on your being clean. Heroin is a tough one to kick.Secondly,but just as important,addiction to alcohol is not all that different from all other addictions. All the reasons in the world as to why she drinks don't matter.It is probably not a relationship you should be in.
As you know unless she wants to stop there isnt anything you can do for her.Your sobriety/being clean has to be your top and only priority,ALWAYS.
Caring for someone who has an addiction can be really hard.Do you have a sponsor? What do you do to help maintain your being clean? Have those closest to you been telling you to not be in this relationship? If they have it may be in your iterest to listen to them.
Also, go to the Families/Partners of Addicts board. Many knowledgeable folks there can help you as well as they have been exactly where you are.
good luck,
granny
22 months is incredible, but not long enough for you to care for someone in active addiction. You sound like a kindhearted individual who loves and cares, but in all likelihood she will not give up the bottle after the divorce. Perhaps you could take her to an AA or NA meeting with you...it's good for you and might be good for her, too. I would tell her straight out that you need to put your sobriety first and that being around someone who drinks is messing with your head. You know you can't save her, but you can show her what real sobriety looks like and how it works and maybe she'll tag along.
Peace ~ MomNMore
Peace ~ MomNMore
Hi, I'm a grateful alcoholic, sober 4 months. Congrats on being clean. It wasn't easy, was it? Sounds to me like she's in denial. I've no doubt you love her. You must, to consider hooking up. Since you know about the struggle, you know some of what you are in for. Good luck. It won't be easy. This is my first post on the H board, I'm usually on the A board. I came here tonight because I just heard about a young man who OD'd on heroin, has a month old baby and was a friend of a friend. I met him only once, when his little girl was born. You've already gotten some good advise I'm sure. Like I said, good luck.~K
Hey thanx for all the replies. Had a long chat with my sponsor (he's like a kinda mentor and is in recovery as well but not a professional counselor mind). He knows someone that chairs an AA open meeting ( a meeting that has both recovery people and interested observers) and he's gonna invite her to go along wit him and just like have a look see type thing. Don need to be labeling herself an alky or anything. Just go with an open mind. He's seriously concerned and I'm back to having to check-in every day wit him just like in my early days. Not v pleased bout that but i guess it just helps. Yeah I know you guys are right. I feel like I can't just up and walk away tho. Gotta at least try and give her a chance. I dunno. Am kinda torn.
Hey s man i read all the posts form the other ppl u askd for help in what to do with ur partner im not gonna ramble on but they are right u know. I dont wanna say this as u know u cld have a trigger that starts that uphill struggle for u again, let her know how u feel but if she dont take the advice u need to move on. I know it sounds harsh but as u said 22 months FEELS GOOD, NOW LISTEN ITS BEEN 4 MONTHS THAT IVE BEEN OFF THE METHADONE NOW BUT IM STRONGER THAN ILL EVERC B, yer i got a good support network but the onli one that has kept me on the straight and narrow is my partner and the though of my kids,,on an endin note u ar havin a battle with ur head an ur heart but in the end u have to do whats right for u and it sounds corny but its what we call tough love,,maybe the divorce is jus an excuse for whats really goin on and until she ACCEPTS IT AND CONFRONTS IT shes never gonna change and to be honest thats not fair on u and all u have achieved in the last 22 months i wish u all the luck in ur future u deserve it m8 let me no how it goes ....peace out :~)
