Ah well Eck your still bigger than me lol. btw eck have you ever been on the wallabie island?
Sorry Bryn what you call slang is pretty much standard for us. fae-from tae-to OR aswell lol youll catch on
I'm just so glad you're back, Reshie. And thank you for letting me know what happened as it did so I didn't freak out too much by not hearing from you. Thanks buddy. :)
Rache,you're my castle;I always want to know you're good and I know how much you care so I'd never leave you dangling from the battlements. Just sent you an email btw telling you how things are,which all things considered is pretty good. I managed to play "Polly put the kettle on" for my little girl but boy was I in agony after.
They say time is a great healer......"they" were not wrong.
Lots&pots,
R>
They say time is a great healer......"they" were not wrong.
Lots&pots,
R>
Lots and pots back to you, Reshie, my friend. :)
Very down;very confused;A little misunderstood which has moved with warp speed along an inevitable trajectory to feelings of isolatory dejected-nes. I have tried this that and the other;the latest in a long line of books being about the secrets that we hide that eat away inisde us like a termitic infestation;it encourages us to "tell". I'm so confused I don't even know what "tell" is anymore. Is it "tell all to all" or is it "tell what you don't want to tell",or is it " tell the things that make you feel ashamed". The book talks a lot about "shame" and "shameful secrets" and I have endeavoured to follow it's prescriptions but to no seeming avail. I feel the impending approach of a cliff and I'm desperately trying to turn the wheel but it seems to be locked. I make no sense. Which is why I've stuck it on the bottom of this thread that no one has commented on in a while in the hope it passes un-noticed. Why? Because I crave the catharsis of "spillin it" but at the same time I don't want people to know I'm crazy.
exhausted,
Reshie
exhausted,
Reshie
Dont worry resh, youre the nutters nutter! your in good company sugar. Glad your ok kk
I have never done this be4 so i'm most likely gonna stuff up.Is this 4 x users or can people who keep fuc'n up join in on discussions.
Yes Bobby,,u r in good company if its fcuked-up company u want m8....
Reshie dear, hope you're feeling a bit better now. You know you can tell me anything at all with no judgement whatsoever on my part. I'll be waiting for whenever you're ready to talk. xx
I woke up this morning in a cold sweat feeling the raw fear of a man dying slowly. I'm odd-jobbing. I have no life insurance,no medical insurance, I'm just getting by and the clock is tick-tocking the years I have left away. I am like the ancient mariner. I've shot the albatross and am doomed to sail aimlessly across the unending seas, devoid of direction, hope diminishing with each passing day. I read that book every night and wake up with fresh panic everyday.I have a beautiful daughter that I don't want to fail. That I want to love me and be proud of me like I am of her. The sands of time are disappearing within the hour glass. I am desperate.
Any suggestions.
Reshie.
Any suggestions.
Reshie.
Dear Reshie,
I don't think you're aimless. You know what you want. It's just a matter of getting there. And it's not the destination that counts, but the journey there. I think you are doing a good job of your journey since I've known you. You are the most helpful, genuinely caring person I have met, utterly selfless--everyone is always telling me how much you do for them! Remember how many people have emailed me now from your computer? They all say the same thing--they don't know what they would do without you.
Your daughter has so much to be proud of about her daddy and I know she is growing up absolutely in love with her daddy.
Hugs,
Rachel
I don't think you're aimless. You know what you want. It's just a matter of getting there. And it's not the destination that counts, but the journey there. I think you are doing a good job of your journey since I've known you. You are the most helpful, genuinely caring person I have met, utterly selfless--everyone is always telling me how much you do for them! Remember how many people have emailed me now from your computer? They all say the same thing--they don't know what they would do without you.
Your daughter has so much to be proud of about her daddy and I know she is growing up absolutely in love with her daddy.
Hugs,
Rachel
Yes. Read a new book.
Messing with ya Reshie.
Resh, none of us want to get old. I kinda like the sands of time a tickin. Then again think about it. Do you want to think your daughter up the long road one day may feel the same? What if? And she had no father to go to for help.
That's a thought.
Save for Reshie ya need to do it all for yourself then. I know I hated it when people used to say that to me newly clean.
Here'd be me: "Uh-huh. O.K. then. I really don't give a flyin f*c* and I don't want to live and I could care less about up the road". Except it holds weight.
Reshie, something gotta give. Something's gonna turn your head. I feel it.
Messing with ya Reshie.
Resh, none of us want to get old. I kinda like the sands of time a tickin. Then again think about it. Do you want to think your daughter up the long road one day may feel the same? What if? And she had no father to go to for help.
That's a thought.
Save for Reshie ya need to do it all for yourself then. I know I hated it when people used to say that to me newly clean.
Here'd be me: "Uh-huh. O.K. then. I really don't give a flyin f*c* and I don't want to live and I could care less about up the road". Except it holds weight.
Reshie, something gotta give. Something's gonna turn your head. I feel it.
Thanks Bryn,Thanks Rache.
The twin sentinels of hope and caring. Thanks you both for your words. They mean more than I would sully with declarations of gratefulness.
I've had interesting chats with various people. They all are wise and bring their own unique interpretations to the table of discussion. They all in one way or another say the same thing. Stop looking backwards. Look forwards. Open your mind to the myriad of possibilities. One gave me an interesting thought. He put forward that life is like a book. At present all I'm doing is reading and re-reading the failures of the past. The forks in the road where i took the left lane instead of the right. Stop that. Turn the pages and keep going until you reach the metaphorical "blank page". This is the life that is yet to be lived. By living holed up, re-jecting everything and clinging to the things that bring relief or comfort is like getting to that blank page and then refusing to face it. "Face it my friend,face it with relish. Think and reflect. Then start writing. Start living. Keep the history of the pages before as your reference,your guide,your instruction but do not keep re-reading them. Write on the blank page and don't look back."
Life's a funny old thing. I was watching a program on "Heisenberg's uncertainty principle". It is one of the most profound breakthroughs in the history of science and the program was hosted by an eminent Professor of theoretical Physics so it really got to the nitty gritty of this amazing breakthrough. And then it hit me like a block of granite. The science that has given us lasers, nuclear power, genetics, modern medicine, computers, television even the mathematical theorem with which we predict the weather; everything from iPods to Neil Armstrong's first step on the moon was speaking to me,me ME. And the strange sub-atomic world was mirrored in everything. Yes life is uncertain. Yes I could take a monumental mis-step, yes so much could go wrong. But with equal certainty, it could go right . And if I don't turn and face the blank page, it will remain blank and that,will simply be that.
I' sorry if people are finding it hard to follow my nonsensical scribblings but I needed a Proustian moment and the combination of a wonderfully cooked Goulash,a flurry of emails, reading the threads on this website,an enlightening dinner conversation,a television program and an act of passion produced that moment of clarity. I think. For it is uncertain but I am coming to see that it is within the very uncertainty itself that the answers I seek lie.
Just babbling out what's on my mind. I hope it's made some sense. It does to me.
a little wiser,
Reshie .
The twin sentinels of hope and caring. Thanks you both for your words. They mean more than I would sully with declarations of gratefulness.
I've had interesting chats with various people. They all are wise and bring their own unique interpretations to the table of discussion. They all in one way or another say the same thing. Stop looking backwards. Look forwards. Open your mind to the myriad of possibilities. One gave me an interesting thought. He put forward that life is like a book. At present all I'm doing is reading and re-reading the failures of the past. The forks in the road where i took the left lane instead of the right. Stop that. Turn the pages and keep going until you reach the metaphorical "blank page". This is the life that is yet to be lived. By living holed up, re-jecting everything and clinging to the things that bring relief or comfort is like getting to that blank page and then refusing to face it. "Face it my friend,face it with relish. Think and reflect. Then start writing. Start living. Keep the history of the pages before as your reference,your guide,your instruction but do not keep re-reading them. Write on the blank page and don't look back."
Life's a funny old thing. I was watching a program on "Heisenberg's uncertainty principle". It is one of the most profound breakthroughs in the history of science and the program was hosted by an eminent Professor of theoretical Physics so it really got to the nitty gritty of this amazing breakthrough. And then it hit me like a block of granite. The science that has given us lasers, nuclear power, genetics, modern medicine, computers, television even the mathematical theorem with which we predict the weather; everything from iPods to Neil Armstrong's first step on the moon was speaking to me,me ME. And the strange sub-atomic world was mirrored in everything. Yes life is uncertain. Yes I could take a monumental mis-step, yes so much could go wrong. But with equal certainty, it could go right . And if I don't turn and face the blank page, it will remain blank and that,will simply be that.
I' sorry if people are finding it hard to follow my nonsensical scribblings but I needed a Proustian moment and the combination of a wonderfully cooked Goulash,a flurry of emails, reading the threads on this website,an enlightening dinner conversation,a television program and an act of passion produced that moment of clarity. I think. For it is uncertain but I am coming to see that it is within the very uncertainty itself that the answers I seek lie.
Just babbling out what's on my mind. I hope it's made some sense. It does to me.
a little wiser,
Reshie .
Hey resh ive been flipping through loads of you're old and more recent posts and i've noticed a few things
Although your're writings are beautiful, even when sorrowful they tend to hide probably completly unintended
The heart of what you're trying to convey. Sometimes a "I feel awful or lonely or weak" is enough much love KK
Dear Reshie,
Looks like you've been doing some thinking lately. You are so right when you say life is like a book with unwritten pages. We have to remember that those pages AREN'T written yet, even if we think they are. We so often see it all written, life endlessly going on with endless problems, etc. But it's NOT written, and there is so much life out there to be lived with passion, not with a continued focus of the story so far. So much to look forward to, endless possibilities, wonderful possibilities!
Don't focus on the past, Reshie. Write those blank pages with me!
Rachel
Looks like you've been doing some thinking lately. You are so right when you say life is like a book with unwritten pages. We have to remember that those pages AREN'T written yet, even if we think they are. We so often see it all written, life endlessly going on with endless problems, etc. But it's NOT written, and there is so much life out there to be lived with passion, not with a continued focus of the story so far. So much to look forward to, endless possibilities, wonderful possibilities!
Don't focus on the past, Reshie. Write those blank pages with me!
Rachel
You're right KK. I am very longwinded and maybe I like the sound of my own voice a wee bit too much.
OK. I feel vulnerable. Very much so. And I'm frightened.
Rache, I feel that our paths have crossed for a reason. And it has little or nothing to do with heroin. There are (in my experience) very few individuals with whom you just "Click". They need not be brother,sister,mother,lover,spouse.Need not share a religion or even a country. But what they represent is the possibility of true friendship. Someone you can say almost anything to. Someone who doesn't just listen but hears what you're really trying to say. Someone who just understands. Someone who genuniely cares,gives and never turns you away and who never gives up on you. And someone who never ever judges.. Someone like you, for me in any case.
Caring, giving, humourous, and always,just......there.
R>
OK. I feel vulnerable. Very much so. And I'm frightened.
Rache, I feel that our paths have crossed for a reason. And it has little or nothing to do with heroin. There are (in my experience) very few individuals with whom you just "Click". They need not be brother,sister,mother,lover,spouse.Need not share a religion or even a country. But what they represent is the possibility of true friendship. Someone you can say almost anything to. Someone who doesn't just listen but hears what you're really trying to say. Someone who just understands. Someone who genuniely cares,gives and never turns you away and who never gives up on you. And someone who never ever judges.. Someone like you, for me in any case.
Caring, giving, humourous, and always,just......there.
R>
Oh and btw, I miss my little angel of a daughter. I love her so so much and it just kills me being away from her for days sometimes.
R>
R>
