Disassociated

Heroin
1
I was clean for six years, I had a job everything had returned to normal, and last December I fell of the day wagon I've been back on a reduction program since March but something is still not right, I find myself going into automation mode when I get paid and scoring once a week, I'm feeling passed off because I feel that the 'it will get better' is a platitude and I'm feeling bitter and hateful towards people who only want to help, I don't know where to turn, therapy is helpful but Im terrified if returning to the way I was before yet my actions are leading me there, I hate heroin but still go and use, I know that in the next ten minutes I'm going to get dressed and score and tomorrow I have to work, wtf is wrong with me??????
2
How did you stay clean for 6 yrs, Jim?

The only way I found that worked was the 12 Steps of AA & NA. It's worked for me for 25 yrs.

All the best.

Bob R
3
Papa Bear I understand that you are trying to help, but NA and AA do not work for everyone. There are many other options if you are not comfortable with faith based meetings. Jim I don't know why you are continuing this pattern after 6 yrs clean. have you recently had a tragedy or trauma in your life, lose someone. Did someone that you used to use with come back into your life. look at what has changed that may have triggered your use then maybe you can see what you need to do to get back to where you were. It is one day at a time for all of us, and remember tomorrow doesn't have to be as bad as today. Good luck and God Bless. I hope things go well.
4
Hi

Caliban is right look at what triggered you to relapse. And tomorrow would probably be much better than today.

Papabear like Caliban said AA/NA isn't for everyone. It would be good to share and connect a bit with the person that is looking for help other than posting AA/NA helped you.

Jim share a bit of how you got clean the previous time.

Good luck and God bless