DISEASE SYMPTOMS:
Preoccupation = Thoughts about obtaining or using the chemical
Example: I wonder if theres enough booze/pills at home, (or) if my dealer will be home, (or) if I have enough money for my chemicals.
Increased Tolerance = The ability to tolerate more and more of the chemical and achieve the same effect.
Example: I used to get high on 2 pills. Now I can use 10 pills.
Loss of Control = Instability to predict my using behavior. I may get high, I many not.
Example: I only planned to have a glass of wine at the wedding. I got drunk and passed out.
Denial = A subconscious defense which tells us we do not have the disease.
Example: Everybody uses, dont they? It doesnt mean Im an addict.
Delusion = A lie we tell ourselves which we truly believe.
Note: There are several levels to the severity of delusions. Some people have severe delusions. They truly believe that they are Napoleon or Jesus Christ. Addicts also have delusions, and the truly believe that they are telling the truth.
Example: My children have not been affected by my using.
Blackouts = A period of amnesia.
Example: I cant remember where I parked my car last night.
Cravings = Physical need for the chemical.
Example: I wanted (insert drug of choice) so bad I could taste it.
Compulsive Behavior = Acting out behavior to reduce the craving or preoccupation.
Example: When I had the craving, I knew I shouldnt use, but I found myself in the bar or calling my doctor or dealer last night anyway.
Frozen or Numb Feelings = Limited range of feelings, difficult to feel too high or happy, or too low or sad. Staying in gray emotional areas.
Example: I heard a dear friend of mine was killed. I thought it was too bad, but thats life. I havent cried in two years.
Decreased Tolerance = The body breaks down, cannot drink or use as much without become high or sick.
Example: Now, my speech gets slurred after one drink or pill, and I get sick more often.
Medical Problems = When tolerance decreases, it is a sign of end stage addiction. Medical consequences are consequences such as - liver disease, renal disease, blood disorders, etc.
at this point, i ask you does this make sense so far?
to the addicts here, did you see this in your disease?
to the co-dependents, did you see this in your significant others?
namaste'
sammy
sammy,
yep been there done that everyone of them and the last one medical probs. get out before its too late. death was knocking at my door. i think the door was even cracked a bit. death institutions or jail. isnt that what they say? and of course non of those issues were my fault or my drugs fault. it was everyone elses. they were the messed up ones. i used to think they were the ones who needed to just take a pill. lol boy was i a sick pup.
terrianne
yep been there done that everyone of them and the last one medical probs. get out before its too late. death was knocking at my door. i think the door was even cracked a bit. death institutions or jail. isnt that what they say? and of course non of those issues were my fault or my drugs fault. it was everyone elses. they were the messed up ones. i used to think they were the ones who needed to just take a pill. lol boy was i a sick pup.
terrianne
Yes, Sammy, I can relate. I have most of those symptoms, and have no problem admitting it. : )
YEA 10-4 ON ALL OF THOSE SAMMY,EVEN THOUGH I'M NOT USEIN I WOULD BE CALLED A DRY DRUNK,THAT MEANS I STILL HAVE THAT SELF DESTRUCTIVE THINKING AND ATTIUDE,WONDER IF THAT WILL EVER GO AWAY?KNOWING ME PROBALLY NOT,WELL ENOUGH SAID ON THAT CHEERFUL STUFF.........VINNY
hey terrianne -
you said:
and of course non of those issues were my fault or my drugs fault. it was everyone elses. they were the messed up ones. i used to think they were the ones who needed to just take a pill.
took me back a few 24 hours ago - i was having a telephone conversation with my mother...she asked me why my speech sounded so slurred and funny to which the hairs bristled up on my back (ut oh - did i sound that out of it? did she think i was using, AGAIN?)
i quipped back that there was NOTHING WRONG with my speech and why on earth would she say something like to me. the sad fact of the matter was my speech was slurred and i was gorked out of my head. she knew and encouraged me to get some help immediately.
well - lemme tell you what i did - in my infinite "wisdom" and DENIAL of the disease; i had my phone number changed to a non-published number so she couldn't call me again and question me with what i perceived as her inane questions - questions that deep down i knew were right but found it more comfortable to stay stuck. i remember while making the decision to change my number i kept saying (can we say righteous indignation?) "i'll show you to mess with me and my disease!" <wink, wink>
yeah...jails, institution and death...the last time i relapsed, terrianne - i woke tethered to a cot in a cell in a psychiatric hospital institution. i almost died, although i think i already had.
one of my favorite sentences in the NA basic text - recovery and relapse - states the following:
For us, to use is to die, often in more ways than one.
namaste'
sammy
you said:
and of course non of those issues were my fault or my drugs fault. it was everyone elses. they were the messed up ones. i used to think they were the ones who needed to just take a pill.
took me back a few 24 hours ago - i was having a telephone conversation with my mother...she asked me why my speech sounded so slurred and funny to which the hairs bristled up on my back (ut oh - did i sound that out of it? did she think i was using, AGAIN?)
i quipped back that there was NOTHING WRONG with my speech and why on earth would she say something like to me. the sad fact of the matter was my speech was slurred and i was gorked out of my head. she knew and encouraged me to get some help immediately.
well - lemme tell you what i did - in my infinite "wisdom" and DENIAL of the disease; i had my phone number changed to a non-published number so she couldn't call me again and question me with what i perceived as her inane questions - questions that deep down i knew were right but found it more comfortable to stay stuck. i remember while making the decision to change my number i kept saying (can we say righteous indignation?) "i'll show you to mess with me and my disease!" <wink, wink>
yeah...jails, institution and death...the last time i relapsed, terrianne - i woke tethered to a cot in a cell in a psychiatric hospital institution. i almost died, although i think i already had.
one of my favorite sentences in the NA basic text - recovery and relapse - states the following:
For us, to use is to die, often in more ways than one.
namaste'
sammy
yeah carol -
i echo your sentiments.
sometimes i have to surrender the fight to win the battle!
(((((hugs to you)))))
sammy
i echo your sentiments.
sometimes i have to surrender the fight to win the battle!
(((((hugs to you)))))
sammy
mornin' vinny - nice to converse with you here.
yeah - i know that "dry drunk" scenario, well.
it was really no big deal for me to quit using drugs - well there were a few moments of not feeling so hot physically. yet, it was staying "quit" that always proved a problem to me. when i took away the drugs, all that crummy stuff that i used to numb and run from came staring me right dab smack in the face. ouch!
i tapped danced around the perimeter of the 12 step programs and other help i finally received for quite a few 24 hours. it got to the point where the pain became too difficult to live with and my old ways of coping with it were...well let's just say not getting it.
there is a solution to these destructive thoughts and attitudes we find ourselves stuck in.
if i'm not being to bold and you care to share, what are you doing for your recovery?
namaste'
sammy
yeah - i know that "dry drunk" scenario, well.
it was really no big deal for me to quit using drugs - well there were a few moments of not feeling so hot physically. yet, it was staying "quit" that always proved a problem to me. when i took away the drugs, all that crummy stuff that i used to numb and run from came staring me right dab smack in the face. ouch!
i tapped danced around the perimeter of the 12 step programs and other help i finally received for quite a few 24 hours. it got to the point where the pain became too difficult to live with and my old ways of coping with it were...well let's just say not getting it.
there is a solution to these destructive thoughts and attitudes we find ourselves stuck in.
if i'm not being to bold and you care to share, what are you doing for your recovery?
namaste'
sammy
sammy i'm glad you asked,to be truthful i am doing absoultly nonthing as far as meetings and talking about how s***y i feel,i keep that locked away deep inside myself and pretend life is grand,i'm not what you would call a social butterfly[lol] i don't even tell my wife anything due to the shame i feel,every day i wake up i feel like i am dieing inside a little more,i don't know it an't no big deal i feel i deserve every bit of it for being weak when i should of been strong,it seems like nonthing is fun or interesting anymore,have you ever felt like you have come to the end,what i mean is you have achieved all that you can in life and now it feels like your time is up...........vinny
vinny,
holding back is not good, keeping it inside will only make it grow. i pray there is someone in your life you can talk to and help get those feelings out. it is so freeing. talking about it doesnt make you weak at all. it takes a very strong person to be open. have you considered counceling or n/a? you by no means deserve this none of it, none of us do. yes i have been exactly where you are at feeling like there's no more left. but there is. your wife your kids your family for starters. you need to change your thought process. its not easy to do its a process that takes practice and can be done.thats where counceling will help. then you will start changing how you see things and that there is sooooooooo much more out there worth knowing and doing. you are worth alot vin, your worth alot to alot of people. your just in a funk. we've all been there. but there is a way out. it takes some work on your part. if you have know one to talk to well then poor your heart out here. getting it out helps tons and if you'd rather in private you are always welcome to email me at naturesprincess@yahoo.com
holding back is not good, keeping it inside will only make it grow. i pray there is someone in your life you can talk to and help get those feelings out. it is so freeing. talking about it doesnt make you weak at all. it takes a very strong person to be open. have you considered counceling or n/a? you by no means deserve this none of it, none of us do. yes i have been exactly where you are at feeling like there's no more left. but there is. your wife your kids your family for starters. you need to change your thought process. its not easy to do its a process that takes practice and can be done.thats where counceling will help. then you will start changing how you see things and that there is sooooooooo much more out there worth knowing and doing. you are worth alot vin, your worth alot to alot of people. your just in a funk. we've all been there. but there is a way out. it takes some work on your part. if you have know one to talk to well then poor your heart out here. getting it out helps tons and if you'd rather in private you are always welcome to email me at naturesprincess@yahoo.com
bless your heart, vinny -
what you have said today, certainly applied to me. it was very difficult for me to give up this big fat ego of mine that told me things like i didn't need to reach out. my ego had these great ways of manifesting itself in feelings of being less than and the only way i could stop feeling less than was when i was loaded or some trumped up false behavior. i thought this was the solution, vinny. God love me, i was doing the best i could with what i had at the time; however, i couldn't continue to rely on my best thinking to pull me out of this.
my gosh, for years, i walked around convinced that it was my way or the highway and hid behind things like laughter, an air that everything was ok with me - masks. and ya know vinny - the longer i tried to convince myself that everything was ok, the worse i felt. because i knew deep down it wasn't. and deep down, the pain became to much to deal with - i came to that "jumping off" place and did everything i could to enact change.
so you are not alone. many, many people who come to the 12 steps have been right where you are. thank you so much for sharing. i don't know if you realize this but you have given me a chance to look back and see what a little willingness and action can do. i am grateful for you for allowing me to do this.
the big book tells us that we deserve to live life - happy, joyous, and free. part of the freedom i have found from working this program or recovery, is not only the freedom of not having to use again, but the freedom of the self defeating thoughts that consumed me. while there are many things that pop into my life today that i perceive as not so happy or joyous, the freedom to choice how i will respond something i try to do in a positive light is available and i'm aware of this. i guess that is what serenity means to me...not having to use or become lost in feelings of doom and gloom in the midst of a storm. i feel happy when this happens because i remember what it was it like.
do you think you are at that "jumping off" place too?
namaste'
sammy
what you have said today, certainly applied to me. it was very difficult for me to give up this big fat ego of mine that told me things like i didn't need to reach out. my ego had these great ways of manifesting itself in feelings of being less than and the only way i could stop feeling less than was when i was loaded or some trumped up false behavior. i thought this was the solution, vinny. God love me, i was doing the best i could with what i had at the time; however, i couldn't continue to rely on my best thinking to pull me out of this.
my gosh, for years, i walked around convinced that it was my way or the highway and hid behind things like laughter, an air that everything was ok with me - masks. and ya know vinny - the longer i tried to convince myself that everything was ok, the worse i felt. because i knew deep down it wasn't. and deep down, the pain became to much to deal with - i came to that "jumping off" place and did everything i could to enact change.
so you are not alone. many, many people who come to the 12 steps have been right where you are. thank you so much for sharing. i don't know if you realize this but you have given me a chance to look back and see what a little willingness and action can do. i am grateful for you for allowing me to do this.
the big book tells us that we deserve to live life - happy, joyous, and free. part of the freedom i have found from working this program or recovery, is not only the freedom of not having to use again, but the freedom of the self defeating thoughts that consumed me. while there are many things that pop into my life today that i perceive as not so happy or joyous, the freedom to choice how i will respond something i try to do in a positive light is available and i'm aware of this. i guess that is what serenity means to me...not having to use or become lost in feelings of doom and gloom in the midst of a storm. i feel happy when this happens because i remember what it was it like.
do you think you are at that "jumping off" place too?
namaste'
sammy
Dear Sammy,
I joined this website over 1 1/2 years ago, and I've always believed that you are an amazing person.
In the 8+ months that I have not logged on to this site, I have never forgotten about you, Sammy. How could I?
I miss you, and I'm thinking of you!
Ben
I joined this website over 1 1/2 years ago, and I've always believed that you are an amazing person.
In the 8+ months that I have not logged on to this site, I have never forgotten about you, Sammy. How could I?
I miss you, and I'm thinking of you!
Ben
What Ben said!!!
Vinny,
"have you ever felt like you have come to the end,what i mean is you have achieved all that you can in life and now it feels like your time is up........"
Wow, this I can relate to. Not because of w/d or coming off drugs but more because life has just brought me to this place and there is this pause. And I don't know how to completely end this chapter and if there is another. And this pause ........ well it seems so l o n g. I cannot do the things I did before and I do not look forward to things as they are. I feel sort of stuck in the pause. I just wanted to sort of highlight what you said and tell you I feel that way also.
peace,
pm
"have you ever felt like you have come to the end,what i mean is you have achieved all that you can in life and now it feels like your time is up........"
Wow, this I can relate to. Not because of w/d or coming off drugs but more because life has just brought me to this place and there is this pause. And I don't know how to completely end this chapter and if there is another. And this pause ........ well it seems so l o n g. I cannot do the things I did before and I do not look forward to things as they are. I feel sort of stuck in the pause. I just wanted to sort of highlight what you said and tell you I feel that way also.
peace,
pm
Hey Sammy!
I use to have decreased tolerance to alcohol for sure. I could not understand it.
I had a huge tolerance for sooo long. My little body could drink the best of them under the table. But then the day came when the tables turned and I would become sick with just a little.
It helped actually in the not drinking until I'd have those small "fits" of drinking.
Anyway, good to see ya.
love,
pm
I use to have decreased tolerance to alcohol for sure. I could not understand it.
I had a huge tolerance for sooo long. My little body could drink the best of them under the table. But then the day came when the tables turned and I would become sick with just a little.
It helped actually in the not drinking until I'd have those small "fits" of drinking.
Anyway, good to see ya.
love,
pm
Tou just listed about 30 reasons this does not efect yur kids wake up smell what you just wrote
