I am just posting this cuz I'm really wondering. I have been feeling like I'm just "existing" for quite a while now - no happiness, no joy, no feeling good. Just - existing. Can someone PLEASE tell me that I am NOT relegated to living life this way? Because if I AM, I don't know that I can handle that. I just want to feel good again......
Feeling hopeless today...and yeah - I'm in counseling and on anti-depressants. Not helping.
sibe,
how long have you been feeling that way? maybe you need an antidepressant, but i am here to tell you that YES there is an after life and a hot damn good one!!! i didnt think it would ever come, but just hang in there and keep getting through your days trying to do something new everyday to make a posative change for the better. i had to force myself to do little things to take back my life. but i did and it feels good again and even better then before. i remember feeling where you were. but i dont now. i am a lil over a year and a half clean, my clean day is march 18 it will be 2 years. so yeah it takes time. so be patients have faith and believe in yourself. you are beautiful and young and life has much in store for you too
terrianne
how long have you been feeling that way? maybe you need an antidepressant, but i am here to tell you that YES there is an after life and a hot damn good one!!! i didnt think it would ever come, but just hang in there and keep getting through your days trying to do something new everyday to make a posative change for the better. i had to force myself to do little things to take back my life. but i did and it feels good again and even better then before. i remember feeling where you were. but i dont now. i am a lil over a year and a half clean, my clean day is march 18 it will be 2 years. so yeah it takes time. so be patients have faith and believe in yourself. you are beautiful and young and life has much in store for you too
terrianne
Sibe:
I know what you mean. It took me a long time to start to feel "good" again. I think we f*** up our baseline so much that it is hard to benchmark what feeling good really is. I started excercising like crazy which helped a bit. It took me a long time to start getting an endorphin rush from rigorous exercise. It does get better but for some, like me, it was a slow process. At times, I thought, wow, maybe this is what 40 feels like! Watching your diet by eliminating gluten, sugar and just about anything white seems to help, also. Do you take vitamins? I take a lot of supplements, mostly antioxidants. It also amazed me when people felt great after a couple of months because that was not my experience.
Rachel
I guess I was one of the lucky ones. Once the withdrawals were over I was feeling great being clean. I had been self medication for so long, being clean was like a whole new high for me. That lasted about a year, then life kicked in and the honeymoon was over. Not to say its bad now, just that its different. I got a lot of relief from AA. Working the steps and getting new friends in recovery that understood how I felt was very helpful. Online help is ok but there's nothing like talking to a human instead of a computer. Just remember, no matter how you feel today, you'll probably feel differently tomorrow. Hang in there.
Ive been clean 400 Days now and I dont feel normal yet. You probably never will. Thats the simple reality, so the sooner you accept it and take what you can get, then you can move on with your life..
It can be alot worse. Just go to the Childrens Hospital and walk through the cancer ward. Your life aint that bad at all.
It can be alot worse. Just go to the Childrens Hospital and walk through the cancer ward. Your life aint that bad at all.
Well, that certainly makes me want to make the right choice. Thanks a lot.
Hey Sibe! I understand that.For the longest time I felt like I was just here(normal)?Now that may of been from starting the Sub or it may of been just life.I do notice that I CAN feel happiness,sadness,joy,hurt,all of it so I would think that is a HUGE step from not feeling anything.I guess we need to feel sad at times to appriciate the good.Also what Terri said you may need Antidees.So many addicts today are just trying to self medicate because maybe they have depression or something.I would say talk to your Dr about what you are feeling.
Also on a totally different note,you have been through ALOT as far as your poor body so maybe being alittle sad is normal?....mj
Also on a totally different note,you have been through ALOT as far as your poor body so maybe being alittle sad is normal?....mj
Like I said - I'm in counseling and on antid's.
sibe,
everyone is so different, but yes most deffinately happiness will come if you want it and keep working on it, try and surround yourself with as much posative as you can, read posative qoutes, watch posative tv, visit happy friends. i promise it will come. you have 2 choices in life. you just have to reach out and grab it. as us addicts it isnt as easy as it sounds. it takes work and practice, but eventually it becomes second nature.
terrianne
everyone is so different, but yes most deffinately happiness will come if you want it and keep working on it, try and surround yourself with as much posative as you can, read posative qoutes, watch posative tv, visit happy friends. i promise it will come. you have 2 choices in life. you just have to reach out and grab it. as us addicts it isnt as easy as it sounds. it takes work and practice, but eventually it becomes second nature.
terrianne
Thank you for all the advice. I'll just wait it out and hope. :)
Your last post sounded sad.Youll just wait it out?That doesnt help you feel better now huh?I wish I knew of some magic way to stay happy & stuff.But I guess this may just be life & learning to live again can be a slow process.On the up side you do have ALOT of positives in your life right now(MS NEWLYWED!!!)So maybe if you force yourself to stay positive the happiness will follow.Whatever the case may be I myself wish you all the LOVE & HAPPINESS you deserve....mj
I am not able to see my wedding as a happy thing right now. My family used the happiest day of my life to turn their backs on me. My father ran out sobbing never to be heard from or seen again. My mother called me to tell me about family stuff, but I haven't heard from my father since. (They are still married) I haven't heard from my sister (who was to be my maid of honor, but a week before my wedding, told me she couldn't be there for me) since before the wedding. My whole life has changed. Seems that my life isn't much different now that I'm married except the fact that I am no longer a part of my family. Not a happy part of my life right now, so maybe this is an appropriate time to be as sad as I am.
hey sibe,
that could be alot to do with it, i went through that with my fam at one point but i just remained true to me and eventualy they came around. i know its sad, you cant change them, but you can change you, so just focus on you, you deserve it. shine on
terrianne
that could be alot to do with it, i went through that with my fam at one point but i just remained true to me and eventualy they came around. i know its sad, you cant change them, but you can change you, so just focus on you, you deserve it. shine on
terrianne
I haven't had one day without crying over it since the day I got married. It's really sad that when I think about my wedding day, the first image to jump into my mind is the image of my father sobbing and running out of the church as if someone had just died. It was the most important day of my life and somehow it's become the most destructive day of my life. I can't really reconcile it all in my head, but I'm trying to. Part of me wants to drive down there (FL), and knock on the door. Wife says that it wouldn't help and might make things worse, but my way is NOT working for me right now.....bleh.
Hey Sibe,,,how are you now? I just wanted to pop in and say, hang in there. I'm a lil over 7 weeks clean now and I still have days where I feel like things are hopeless, but they are getting fewer, and further between. I also suffer from depression/bi-polar, and I am on 2 different AD's, Remeron and Effexor. My Dr just put me on the second AD about a month ago and it has made a world of difference in my outlook on things. I have suffered with depression for the better part of my life and have been addicted to codeine for about 18 of those yrs, so I know all too well of this "DRAGON" you speak of. BUT!!! I'm here to tell you that there is life after drugs,,,,,a great one in fact!!!! I have been on so many different AD's over the yrs and it has taken the better part of my adult life for them to find the right meds, or combination ther-of, and I'm 44 now. You have to be diligent with your Dr's, if what you're taking is not working, then TELL THEM!!! Be persistant, tell them how you're feeling and that what you're on isn't working. If you don't get your depression under control, you'll never be able to fight the addiction dragon!!! That's the way it's been for me anyway, and like I said, I have the odd off day now, but I look at it with a more possitive attitude and say that tomorrow will be a better, brighter day. I wish you the beat of luck sweetie and if there's anything I can do, please don't hestitate to ask. Talk at you soon. TTFN blys
Oh Sweety Im so so sorry to hear that.I dont know how family can be so cruel at times.You do deserve to be happy Lord knows youve been through enough.I didnt mean to make you feel sadder.
I do think that all the crap your family pulled on you could be a major reason why you dont feel good.Its easy for me to sit here & tell you NOT to let them have that power over you because I dont live your life.I would hate to think that at this point in your life when your starting a new chapter that it has to be like this.Please is there anything I can say to help at all.I feel so useless at times like this....mj
I do think that all the crap your family pulled on you could be a major reason why you dont feel good.Its easy for me to sit here & tell you NOT to let them have that power over you because I dont live your life.I would hate to think that at this point in your life when your starting a new chapter that it has to be like this.Please is there anything I can say to help at all.I feel so useless at times like this....mj
Thank you for the kind words. I have a lot of drama going on in my life surrounding that day. Imagine your ex showing up, admitting their continuing love for you and desire to fight for you and "DON'T MARRY HER!". Yeah - that happened too. It's a HUGE day full of emotion that I haven't worked through yet. Trying to work on it, but seems that it's hard to talk through even with a therapist. Very odd. I'm still working on it tho.
Thank you again - it's cathartic to let it all out here and get the feedback, so much appreciation.
Thank you again - it's cathartic to let it all out here and get the feedback, so much appreciation.
Sibe, that is alot to process. The easy thing would be to escape. I think your stronger than that. It will take some time for things to settle down but it is nothing you can force. Just be strong and know this will change. They love you and will come to you. You have to focus on your happiness, not on their unhappiness.
I know this wont help too much but I just want to send you a HUGE(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))I want you to try & belive it will get better.There is always darkness before dawn.When you finally come out on the other side of that darkness you will be stronger that I can promise.Try to work it out alittle at a time.Dont try to tackle all those negetive feelings at once,little steps may work better.Remember there are people who care for you(even if we've never met)Try to hang in there & know make yourself belive it WILL GET BETTER HUNY IT HAS TO.Take care sweety....mj
sibe,
good for you , keep talking and to me i all that matters bad day or not you are married to the one you love and care for you. with love everything is possable and is the greatest gift ever. not very many people experience that. just enjoy your love for each other and make the most of a good thing. you are blessed to have love alone.
terrianne
good for you , keep talking and to me i all that matters bad day or not you are married to the one you love and care for you. with love everything is possable and is the greatest gift ever. not very many people experience that. just enjoy your love for each other and make the most of a good thing. you are blessed to have love alone.
terrianne
