I am 24 years old, I have the rest of my life.....right? I sh*t away my entire adult life to drugs, youth homes, rehabs, and jails. I have been clean for about a week. Today I went to visit my 18 year old cousin at the University of Michigan. I had so much fun. The thing is, the whole time I was there I was thinking, what the heck did I do to my life. I have nothing and I just had to drop out of my community college so I could get off pain pills. For the first part of my life it was heroin and crack. The only people I know are total losers, which I don't talk to anymore. I had to leave her and come home to my boyfriends house in Detroit. He is 50 and I love him but i don't think he loves me. You are all probably older than me, not implying anything, but he probably just wants sex, right?
I don't know what to do. Sometimes I just want to go back to the dope houses so I won't have to feel this pain anymore. I have no one. My mom is an alcholic and I tried to talk to her but she just doesn't get it. Do you?
Stormy.......i do understand........can you hang around for a little while, I have to run for a bit, but will be back soon. DO NOT GO TO THE DOPE HOUSE>>>>THAT IS NOT THE ANSWER! : )
Stormy
You have your whole ADULT life ahead of you. I don't even think I even grew up until I was 25 or so. I'm sure we all did a lot of things we were not proud of when we were young. If you are 1 week clean thats a srep in the right direction. Stay on that course. As far as your 50 year boyfriend, I don't know Thats a hugh age difference but it has nothing to do whether he loves you or not. Does he know about your problem? If so is he supportive ? At 24 you got a whole lot of living ahead of you .
Frank
You have your whole ADULT life ahead of you. I don't even think I even grew up until I was 25 or so. I'm sure we all did a lot of things we were not proud of when we were young. If you are 1 week clean thats a srep in the right direction. Stay on that course. As far as your 50 year boyfriend, I don't know Thats a hugh age difference but it has nothing to do whether he loves you or not. Does he know about your problem? If so is he supportive ? At 24 you got a whole lot of living ahead of you .
Frank
Dear Stormy-
Glad you posted!!!!!
First of all, many of us are older than you, BUT:
Your young age is the best thing you have going for you. You can do anything, make a great life and do it all clean.
Some of us have literally screwed up decades of our lives. Read some of the posts and you'll realize how fortunate you are to be so young and to have realized that you need help with addiction. That is GREAT!
You'll find help here, NA/AA, counselors, etc, you just have to look. You'll build up a whole new base of friends whose lives don't revolve around gatting high.
About your boyfriend; no one can tell you if it's a good situation but yourself. If he loves you and supports you getting clean, age doesn't matter.
Glad you posted!!!!!
First of all, many of us are older than you, BUT:
Your young age is the best thing you have going for you. You can do anything, make a great life and do it all clean.
Some of us have literally screwed up decades of our lives. Read some of the posts and you'll realize how fortunate you are to be so young and to have realized that you need help with addiction. That is GREAT!
You'll find help here, NA/AA, counselors, etc, you just have to look. You'll build up a whole new base of friends whose lives don't revolve around gatting high.
About your boyfriend; no one can tell you if it's a good situation but yourself. If he loves you and supports you getting clean, age doesn't matter.
I don't feel like it. I feel drained, drained from this hellish life. Why is everything so hard? Why am I so alone? Unanswerable questions. My boyfriend knows and has supported me through it, but I don't know. He acts like he doesn't care one way or the other if I am here. If I go tough luck, my loss.
I wish that I had the balls to end this but I don't. I fear the Lord. I don't know, I just don't know what to do anymore. My whole life.....I don't want to be here. I don't want to hurt anymore and I am tired of crying.
I wish that I had the balls to end this but I don't. I fear the Lord. I don't know, I just don't know what to do anymore. My whole life.....I don't want to be here. I don't want to hurt anymore and I am tired of crying.
If you believe in the Lord, pray for Him to help you and direct you in the right direction. Prayer is very powerful, and I'll bet everyone on her who reads your post will pray for you.
PLEASE hang in there! WE are here for you! Actually, many of us have said that we don't have many friends except everyone on this board!!! I don't look at it as pathetic, I feel this board is one of God's way of helping me.
PLEASE hang in there! WE are here for you! Actually, many of us have said that we don't have many friends except everyone on this board!!! I don't look at it as pathetic, I feel this board is one of God's way of helping me.
A few days ago I found two bottles of pills. Somas and klonopin. Can you give me a reason why I shouldn't take them. I am so depressed, so sad. All the time. I am tired. I feel like I am 70, I have sure been through enough in my life. I probably sound like a little baby, but I can't help it it is how I feel.
Stormy
Two weeks ago I felt the same way. I did not care about anything. I have found out there are a lot of caring people around here. Don't let this thing run your life. You run your life. You can do anything you want to do. Like I said, you have your whole life ahead or you.
Frank
Two weeks ago I felt the same way. I did not care about anything. I have found out there are a lot of caring people around here. Don't let this thing run your life. You run your life. You can do anything you want to do. Like I said, you have your whole life ahead or you.
Frank
Stormy-
The best thought to hang onto in times of depression and dispair:
"This too will pass." I know it seems like life is a dead end, but IT'S NOT!
The best thought to hang onto in times of depression and dispair:
"This too will pass." I know it seems like life is a dead end, but IT'S NOT!
Thank you for your prayers. One of the only things I have, and I know I need to pray. I have been neglecting that lately.
I have to hang in there, what other choice do I have. I just can't see myself living, if this is what life is. My boyfriend is not really talking to me and if I lose him what will I do. As screwed up as it is, he is all I have.
I have been looking for a Christian counselor, I really need help.
I have to hang in there, what other choice do I have. I just can't see myself living, if this is what life is. My boyfriend is not really talking to me and if I lose him what will I do. As screwed up as it is, he is all I have.
I have been looking for a Christian counselor, I really need help.
Stormy, what your going through is normal and many of us went through too, it does get better, I promise that. As far as your boyfriend, time will tell on that, in time your thinking will be clearer and you'll better equipped to make any decisions.
JohnDee
JohnDee
How long did it last? I mean how long am I gonna feel this way?
Stormy,
You are 25 and have a chance to quit this hell of a life--GO FOR IT...I did not wake up till I was 40--and I you know what--I wasted so many years getting high--thats all I thought life was about for me. Your not old my friend, if you can wise up now, you will have a nice life ahead of you--getting high does nothing but cause problems,....money problems, health problems, mental problems, friendship problems--Please dont stay on this rollercoaster--get your s*** together--go back to school, stay clean--live life----you can do it
Mike
You are 25 and have a chance to quit this hell of a life--GO FOR IT...I did not wake up till I was 40--and I you know what--I wasted so many years getting high--thats all I thought life was about for me. Your not old my friend, if you can wise up now, you will have a nice life ahead of you--getting high does nothing but cause problems,....money problems, health problems, mental problems, friendship problems--Please dont stay on this rollercoaster--get your s*** together--go back to school, stay clean--live life----you can do it
Mike
Look in the phone book, call Catholic Charities, Lutheran Social Services, or any other counseling center you can find.
Stormy- a couple months ago I sat in my kitchen writing a note to my husband with PIN numbers, and other information he would need, because I didn't want to live anymore. I was crying unconltrollably, and I swore I had nothing to live for. My 2 teenage boys ripped the pen and paper from my hands, hugged me and said they needed me and would help anyway they could.
The looks on their faces said it all. They were terrified. What was I doing to them? How could I take their mother away from them?
As addicts, we carry so much guilt and shame and can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am still struggling, but the best thing I ever did was stay alive, ask for help, and thank God those boys came to my rescue.
I always thought no one would give a rat's a$$ if I was gone; I refused to believe I was worthy of anyone's love and care. I was wrong.
And you will be writing about how your life is better soon. Maybe not tomorrow, or even next week, but you WILL see that you are worth people's love and care.
Stormy- a couple months ago I sat in my kitchen writing a note to my husband with PIN numbers, and other information he would need, because I didn't want to live anymore. I was crying unconltrollably, and I swore I had nothing to live for. My 2 teenage boys ripped the pen and paper from my hands, hugged me and said they needed me and would help anyway they could.
The looks on their faces said it all. They were terrified. What was I doing to them? How could I take their mother away from them?
As addicts, we carry so much guilt and shame and can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am still struggling, but the best thing I ever did was stay alive, ask for help, and thank God those boys came to my rescue.
I always thought no one would give a rat's a$$ if I was gone; I refused to believe I was worthy of anyone's love and care. I was wrong.
And you will be writing about how your life is better soon. Maybe not tomorrow, or even next week, but you WILL see that you are worth people's love and care.
I had a real bad day kinda like your having and then it started to get better every day, alot of people here helped me through it, I spent a lot of time on the board and I found things to do to keep me busy, listen to music. I know it sucks right now but trust me it does get better, once your brain starts to produce endorphins on its own you'll be a lot better. Excersing helps jump start that process.
Stormy, I just read you giving advice on another thread, your already helping someone and the stronger you get the more you can help someone through what your going through.
JohnDee
Stormy, I just read you giving advice on another thread, your already helping someone and the stronger you get the more you can help someone through what your going through.
JohnDee
Stormy,
I really felt the pain in your posts. Does your boyfriend support you financially? Is that why you would be screwed if he left?
You know, look at visiting your cousin differently. A year from now that could be you going to college. Your age is a big plus and being that you've been down so low, there's no place to go but up from here. Start hanging with the winners, have you tried AA/NA? Tell us more about yourself. Take your disadvantages and turn them into advantages. How? I don't know, I'm 47 and still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Wish I could go back twenty years and know what I know now. You know alot. Make it work for you. Keep posting. We care.
Love to you sweetheart,
Roseanne
xo
I really felt the pain in your posts. Does your boyfriend support you financially? Is that why you would be screwed if he left?
You know, look at visiting your cousin differently. A year from now that could be you going to college. Your age is a big plus and being that you've been down so low, there's no place to go but up from here. Start hanging with the winners, have you tried AA/NA? Tell us more about yourself. Take your disadvantages and turn them into advantages. How? I don't know, I'm 47 and still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Wish I could go back twenty years and know what I know now. You know alot. Make it work for you. Keep posting. We care.
Love to you sweetheart,
Roseanne
xo
Stormy
I have 2 weeks clean. My thinking was like yours when I first stopped. Now I am seeing life a little more clearly. I still have really bad moments but I am having a lot of good feelings as well. I think everyone is diff. when it comes to timing. How long and how many pills you were taking has a lot to do with it. You will start to feel better every day and you should start to feel really good that you have stopped that nasty habit.
Here for u
Frank
I have 2 weeks clean. My thinking was like yours when I first stopped. Now I am seeing life a little more clearly. I still have really bad moments but I am having a lot of good feelings as well. I think everyone is diff. when it comes to timing. How long and how many pills you were taking has a lot to do with it. You will start to feel better every day and you should start to feel really good that you have stopped that nasty habit.
Here for u
Frank
Stormy......i am so sorry to run out on you........at 24, you have much life left to live. And the fact that you are already admitted your drug problem and addressing puts you years, decades ahead of many of us! I am 48 and just got clean. Look how many years I wasted! CONGRATULATIONS on one week clean! That is an awesome accomplishment! And what you feeling tonight is in direct relation to your w/d. It is just part of the head clearing that takes place when the chemicals leave your body. Your brain hasn't caught on yet and is in overdrive. IT WILL GET BETTER! Maybe a few more days, but I know you can handle that.
Do you go to church? I believe you could find a church in your area tomorrow morning and meet some new people. Probably even find a counselor who you could talk to. Would you do that?
Also, would you flush those pills you said you found? Those pills are not the answer. You life is worth so much, and by getting clean you are going to feel better than you have in years, if you will just hang on a few more days. Will you flush them?
Do you go to church? I believe you could find a church in your area tomorrow morning and meet some new people. Probably even find a counselor who you could talk to. Would you do that?
Also, would you flush those pills you said you found? Those pills are not the answer. You life is worth so much, and by getting clean you are going to feel better than you have in years, if you will just hang on a few more days. Will you flush them?
Thank you all for your support. You are all probably right, but I don't feel it right now.
Do you think a church would talk to me tomorrow? Maybe I should check that out. There is a big church on the corner.
My boyfriend is on his way home and he is not being nice at all. I know he is going to yell. I feel panicy now and I am scared that I am going to overload when he gets here.
Thanks for telling me your story addictmom, it made me feel a bit not so alone. Like others have felt this way too.
Do you think a church would talk to me tomorrow? Maybe I should check that out. There is a big church on the corner.
My boyfriend is on his way home and he is not being nice at all. I know he is going to yell. I feel panicy now and I am scared that I am going to overload when he gets here.
Thanks for telling me your story addictmom, it made me feel a bit not so alone. Like others have felt this way too.
Hi everyone on this thread, glad to be posting again!
Stormy-Carol is right; flushing the pills will take away the constant thought of taking them.
If you do take them, you'll be back at square one, and that sucks. Hang in there and keep talking to the great people here!
Stormy-Carol is right; flushing the pills will take away the constant thought of taking them.
If you do take them, you'll be back at square one, and that sucks. Hang in there and keep talking to the great people here!
