Hi All, I have been watching this site for a week or so now. My story doesn't vary much from everyone else's. I have been sober from Lortab 10/500 30 plus pill a day habit. Hit my absolute rock bottom. Arrested in March 2005 for phoning in false prescriptions. Needless to say, 22 felonies later, I received a very gentle sentence. Pled to one felony that can be reduced to a misdemeanor in one year. I completed a 30 day intensive rehab and followed up afterwards with alot of meetings, a sponsor and lots of interaction with my fellow rehabers. However, now that I have a good 6 mos. pill free, I find myself really questioning my loyalty to the program of NA and AA.
My pill use did begin with legitimate reasons for an injury to my back after childbirth, but escalated rather quickly and out of control I really am so gratefull to be rid of my obsession and craving for pills, but somewhere in the back of my mind, I am not ready to say I am willing to let go of alcohol for the rest of my life. Alcohol was never an issue for me and I did not abuse it. I have really been triggered quite a lot lately with wanting to be able to drink. All of my family and peers drink socially and I really do miss it. My mind keeps telling me that I would be able to drink and not have any problems and that maybe I don't need a 12 step program. I am very grateful to be rid of my slave relationship to my DOC, but very much want to be able to work drinking back into my life.....has this happened to anyone else? I don't know what I am doing and why I am questioning the program now......any suggestions??
thanks
Tracy
tracy
i doubt that there is an alcoholic or an addict on this planet whose 'mind' doesn't ponder this exact same question. i know that mine does from time to time.
i am always quick to remind myself of something i was told a long time ago: "you can do anything you choose to do provided you are willing to pay the price."
i have come to appreciate that there are consequences for all of my actions -- prices that must be paid.
i would simply suggest to you that you examine the price tag that would be attached to that first drink. also, take a close look at your motives for wanting to take that first drink.
for me, i know that the price is far too steep and that my motives would be questionable at best.
besides, as the result of actually working the steps, and getting the result -- a peaceful mind, i have a really good thing going. why would i want to roll the dice and possibly risk losing everything all over again -- including my sanity?
*sdr*
i doubt that there is an alcoholic or an addict on this planet whose 'mind' doesn't ponder this exact same question. i know that mine does from time to time.
i am always quick to remind myself of something i was told a long time ago: "you can do anything you choose to do provided you are willing to pay the price."
i have come to appreciate that there are consequences for all of my actions -- prices that must be paid.
i would simply suggest to you that you examine the price tag that would be attached to that first drink. also, take a close look at your motives for wanting to take that first drink.
for me, i know that the price is far too steep and that my motives would be questionable at best.
besides, as the result of actually working the steps, and getting the result -- a peaceful mind, i have a really good thing going. why would i want to roll the dice and possibly risk losing everything all over again -- including my sanity?
*sdr*
tracy,
i have been questioning the step/meeting thing for a while now....i do have a sponsor..she is great...she told me that in order to change you have to do the steps...that not going to meetings will make you a miserable person....huh...really....we have been talking at length about this and i tell her every single time....i get nothing from meetings...period...now i am not discouraging you from meetings...i am only speaking for myself...i have attended both na/aa and i found that i do like aa better....i asked her just the other day if i could still do the steps without meetings...yes i can...from the first day in rehab they say you cant make it without meetings....yes i must say i am rebellious....but i just dont think its the only way...remember this is my opinion...whatever works works....i just celebrated 8 mos on friday so yeah im just a newbie as far as i am concerned....i just wanted you to know you are not alone.....as for the drinking thing.....around 3 years ago i was into the big H....yeah...thought that was my bottom!!!...anyway i quit...just quit...well about 8 mos later i was in a bar drinking and low and behold here comes someone i used to use with...in a matter of minutes i was hooking up.....stole my b/f's credit card....drove my brand new car into the city with someone i barely knew....that was one more thank you to the 'big guy' for letting me live....i really do think we have to abstain from everything mood altering...again just my opinion....
lea
i have been questioning the step/meeting thing for a while now....i do have a sponsor..she is great...she told me that in order to change you have to do the steps...that not going to meetings will make you a miserable person....huh...really....we have been talking at length about this and i tell her every single time....i get nothing from meetings...period...now i am not discouraging you from meetings...i am only speaking for myself...i have attended both na/aa and i found that i do like aa better....i asked her just the other day if i could still do the steps without meetings...yes i can...from the first day in rehab they say you cant make it without meetings....yes i must say i am rebellious....but i just dont think its the only way...remember this is my opinion...whatever works works....i just celebrated 8 mos on friday so yeah im just a newbie as far as i am concerned....i just wanted you to know you are not alone.....as for the drinking thing.....around 3 years ago i was into the big H....yeah...thought that was my bottom!!!...anyway i quit...just quit...well about 8 mos later i was in a bar drinking and low and behold here comes someone i used to use with...in a matter of minutes i was hooking up.....stole my b/f's credit card....drove my brand new car into the city with someone i barely knew....that was one more thank you to the 'big guy' for letting me live....i really do think we have to abstain from everything mood altering...again just my opinion....
lea
Hi Tracy,
This has been a much debated topic on this board. If you've lurked, you've undoubtedly seen it come up. From what I've read, the brain reacts very similarly to any mind altering substance. It doesn't differentiate between alcohol or pills or junk. I know for me, I try very hard not to drink as I know my defences will be lowered. Congratulations on 6 months. That's really great. But IMO I would give it more time and thought. As a previous poster mentioned, check your motives. Are you looking for a buzz or for a sociaL glass of wine? I wish you the best in what ever you decide. Just give yourself every chance. That's what I'm trying to do. I don't ever want to go back!
Beck
This has been a much debated topic on this board. If you've lurked, you've undoubtedly seen it come up. From what I've read, the brain reacts very similarly to any mind altering substance. It doesn't differentiate between alcohol or pills or junk. I know for me, I try very hard not to drink as I know my defences will be lowered. Congratulations on 6 months. That's really great. But IMO I would give it more time and thought. As a previous poster mentioned, check your motives. Are you looking for a buzz or for a sociaL glass of wine? I wish you the best in what ever you decide. Just give yourself every chance. That's what I'm trying to do. I don't ever want to go back!
Beck
Tracy:
I had those same feelings at 7 years sober. The results, for me, were not good. I didn't weigh out the consequences. I felt sorry for myself that I was going to meetings and felt like I was missing out on something. I was working a 1/2 assed program. The destruction that took place the first time I got sober pales in comparison to the price I paid 10 years later. The lines I crossed were not mere lines in the sand anymore they now were etched in stone. It was a slow demise, for me. The Big Book tells us that if you think you can drink like other men our hat's are off to you.
Rachel
I had those same feelings at 7 years sober. The results, for me, were not good. I didn't weigh out the consequences. I felt sorry for myself that I was going to meetings and felt like I was missing out on something. I was working a 1/2 assed program. The destruction that took place the first time I got sober pales in comparison to the price I paid 10 years later. The lines I crossed were not mere lines in the sand anymore they now were etched in stone. It was a slow demise, for me. The Big Book tells us that if you think you can drink like other men our hat's are off to you.
Rachel
SpacyTracy,
Welcome to the board and congrats on 6 months clean time! I guess my first thought when reading your post was it's a personal choice. If you want to stop going to meetings then that is up to you. Did you only start going to begin with because they were court ordered? I know that happens to may people and then they stop going when they are not made to go. Only YOU know if you need meetings. Same thing goes for drinking. Only YOU know what you are able to do. I know for me I can't take pain pills here and there it just can't happen. I will end up using everyday no matter if I am in pain or not. So that isn't an option for me.
Now drinking is a totally different story. I can have alcohol in my house and not touch it for months and mainly it is only here for company. I am able to go out every once in a while and enjoy a glass of wine, pina colda,, beer or mixed drink and not worry about it. I don't question myself when I do it and I don't worry about my recovery or stress about it. I am not going to go out tonight shoot some pool have a beer and run to the ER to get pain pills-LOL It just isn't going to happen. so I don't worry about being off and running to my drug of choice.
Some people here would tell me I don't have 9 months clean time because I drink here and there once a month or whatever. It doesn't bother me though. I don't go to meetings and I don't follow the program guidlines and rules. I am happy, my life is not unmanagable because of it and it doesn't affect my children or my family. So I think what you need to do is be honest with yourself and ask yourself is this something you really want to do? I don't think it is a good sign if you have to ask all of us. You should already know the answer. Nobody knows you better than you know yourself. I sure hope you make the right choice. Again welcome to the board! Good luck~ Rae
Fudge,
Welcome to the board! Congrats on 8 months. Hope to see you around you to sweetdaddy welcome. I don't think I've seen 3 newcomers in one thread in a long time:-0) Glad to see you all here. Rae
Welcome to the board and congrats on 6 months clean time! I guess my first thought when reading your post was it's a personal choice. If you want to stop going to meetings then that is up to you. Did you only start going to begin with because they were court ordered? I know that happens to may people and then they stop going when they are not made to go. Only YOU know if you need meetings. Same thing goes for drinking. Only YOU know what you are able to do. I know for me I can't take pain pills here and there it just can't happen. I will end up using everyday no matter if I am in pain or not. So that isn't an option for me.
Now drinking is a totally different story. I can have alcohol in my house and not touch it for months and mainly it is only here for company. I am able to go out every once in a while and enjoy a glass of wine, pina colda,, beer or mixed drink and not worry about it. I don't question myself when I do it and I don't worry about my recovery or stress about it. I am not going to go out tonight shoot some pool have a beer and run to the ER to get pain pills-LOL It just isn't going to happen. so I don't worry about being off and running to my drug of choice.
Some people here would tell me I don't have 9 months clean time because I drink here and there once a month or whatever. It doesn't bother me though. I don't go to meetings and I don't follow the program guidlines and rules. I am happy, my life is not unmanagable because of it and it doesn't affect my children or my family. So I think what you need to do is be honest with yourself and ask yourself is this something you really want to do? I don't think it is a good sign if you have to ask all of us. You should already know the answer. Nobody knows you better than you know yourself. I sure hope you make the right choice. Again welcome to the board! Good luck~ Rae
Fudge,
Welcome to the board! Congrats on 8 months. Hope to see you around you to sweetdaddy welcome. I don't think I've seen 3 newcomers in one thread in a long time:-0) Glad to see you all here. Rae
Everybody is different and drinking effects everybody differently. I also don't feel as though I have a problem with alcohol itself, but then again, I don't have a problem with herion or meth. Doesn't mean I'm going to go out and try them to see if I don't abuse it.
Alcohol is a drug and what my body and mind tells me is that I can't do drugs. They change the way we feel, they change our chemical makeups.
Tell you what, if you feel this strongly about it, try practing drinking for a few months and see if you can do it. When and if your life becomes unmanagable again and you find yourself craving that numbing feeling in order to deal with life, then you'll know that it wasn't a good idea. Of course by then, you'll be back into the woes and pain of your addiction again.
I say, why risk it.
Life is good enough without adding chemicals to the mix.
And meetings? If you're not getting anything out of them, time to try different meetings. And maybe a different sponsor. I chose one that kicks my butt. I didn't need a friend, I needed a drill sargeant.
Cowgirl
Alcohol is a drug and what my body and mind tells me is that I can't do drugs. They change the way we feel, they change our chemical makeups.
Tell you what, if you feel this strongly about it, try practing drinking for a few months and see if you can do it. When and if your life becomes unmanagable again and you find yourself craving that numbing feeling in order to deal with life, then you'll know that it wasn't a good idea. Of course by then, you'll be back into the woes and pain of your addiction again.
I say, why risk it.
Life is good enough without adding chemicals to the mix.
And meetings? If you're not getting anything out of them, time to try different meetings. And maybe a different sponsor. I chose one that kicks my butt. I didn't need a friend, I needed a drill sargeant.
Cowgirl
eeew....touchy subject for many...also a very personal one.
I know at least 5 people that quit abusing their D.O.C. ( 3 of them pills) and went on with their life, never going to a meeting, or even feeling that they need that kind of support. They drink socially, but would rather die than touch their D.O.C. again....they dont want to relieve the horror of that addiction..
I also know several people whom feel they can absolutely not let their guard down for a minute, touch anything that would affect their judgement including alcohol, even though alcohol was not their D.O.C.They regularly go to meetings, and in fact PANIC at the thought of missing them for any extended period of time.
They are all happy with their choices, and thus my opinion is that it really depends on you, your mindset, the severity of your problem etc....I dont think its a one size fits all answer.
Hope that helps,
hugs,
Ali
I know at least 5 people that quit abusing their D.O.C. ( 3 of them pills) and went on with their life, never going to a meeting, or even feeling that they need that kind of support. They drink socially, but would rather die than touch their D.O.C. again....they dont want to relieve the horror of that addiction..
I also know several people whom feel they can absolutely not let their guard down for a minute, touch anything that would affect their judgement including alcohol, even though alcohol was not their D.O.C.They regularly go to meetings, and in fact PANIC at the thought of missing them for any extended period of time.
They are all happy with their choices, and thus my opinion is that it really depends on you, your mindset, the severity of your problem etc....I dont think its a one size fits all answer.
Hope that helps,
hugs,
Ali
