I dont know wether I am in the right place but feel I need some confirmation, my bf of 10 years drinks everyday not to the point of passing out but still everyday, he smokes weed everyday normally skunk, he takes cocaine and ecstasy at weekends when he has money, the hing i dont understand is when he has no money he doesnt do coke or pills and he says that means he doesnt have a problem???when hes out of it he can also watch porn for hours on end. things came to a head this weekend, i knew he had taken coke but he kept denying it so we had a massive row and he stormed out when i woke up at 5 in the morning he was downstairs in the lounge with a woman he used to see years ago, they were both out of it and naked from the waist down and watching porn!! he says he doesnt remember where he went or where he met her that night, the humiliation was unbelievable. we spoke on monday and he said he would talk to someone and that he needed help, he was crying his eyes out and then last night he said there is nothing wrong and that he can help himself, i told him words are not enough and he has to be proactive and do something. he doesnt realise the hurt he causes to the people around them. now i am questioning myself, what do i do? will this behaviour keep repeating itself?
The behavior has been repeating itself. Why do you think it will stop now?
Dear Blossom, Your boyfriend has severe addictive personality.If it isn't beer it's weed if it isn't weed it's pain pills cocaine porn...He is not going to be able to address his issues on his own,he is only kidding himself and you...Is this what you want for yourself your life....He has no respect for you in anyway shape or form...He makes lousy excuses for his bad behavior...You have allowed yourself to believe in his lies....You will only be hurt in this realtionship. ...You need to distance yourself from him....work on yourself and figure out why you allow someone to disrepect you lie to you.....Stop falling for his lies and nonsense......you ask if this will keep repeating itself. ..read your post the answer is right there....Yes it will.
why does he make me feel like i am the one who has a problem? he came in a while ago, wanted to know why i didnt reply to his text and then asked me what i was still doing in his house???? his mum, dad and family think that i can help him even after everything and i want to. i knw if i walked away now he would self destuct and they would never forgive me and i would never forgive myself. how could i live with that?
Blossom,You are not responsible and are not accountable for another's actions or choices.We are all given the gift of free will ...You cannot make choices decisions for your boyfriend ...With that being said His Mum Dad and Sis cannot make you the scapegoat for their son....When a loved one has addictions we are look for this angel that might fix them. .but the truth is no one can fix them ,they have to fix themselves....You are not helping him you cannot save him....He has to suffer consequences of his addiciton to realize he has a a problem...He will.bring you down before you will ever bring him up...He looks at you as a passenger long for the ride....only when you make it clear you will not except it will he consider possibly changing....You are only going to lose yourself in trying to help him...You cannot stay in this unhealthy realtionship...You will lose your self worth your life trying to help him...until he wants to change and help himself there is nothing you can do...And addicts will lie steal cheat make you feel like it's your fault they have a problem...shove it back on him and make it clear it's his addicitons he needs to address and fix.
everything u say makes sense so why cant i do it? the skank he had round the other night, i just saw her knickers in my bathroom bin, this was after he came to bed with them around his neck that night!! after everything that has happened it still put them in my bin in my house, what the f*** is that about? didnt even have common decency to get rid of them, my heart is shattered into a million pieces, i cant understand how u would treat the person u love like this, this is what he tells me and i keep falling for it.
Blossom, You must take the time to re read you posts your words ...You must see your hurt in them ....stand back and say if this was my sister or friend going through this what advice would I give them?He is abusing alcohol drugs porn and even went so far as to have another woman there who you caught both of them half naked and oh wait here is her dirty panties in your hamper for you...Your concerned about trying to save him....You should concern yourself with saving yourself from further harm....why do you want to be with a man who you claim shattered your heart in a million pieces...your worth and you deserve more then that.....take care of yourself right now...make some space from him....You don't deserve to be treated or living like this....
because i love him and what would becomr of him without me? I totally agree with everything you have said, i just dont think i am worth it anymore
Dear Blossom, Never doubt your self worth ,you are special and everyone has something to offer. ..I'm sure there are many you know who would disagree with your assessment. ..He has made you feel that way ....in many ways with his alcohol his drugs his porn and his cheating.....You just need to put a stop to allowing this to continue in your life...You worry what's to become of him...what about what is to become of you....You seem so depressed over all of this,you are allowing his family make his addiction your problem to fix....You cannot save him or change him....You are like the rest of us enablers you will lose yourself to the addict,believing you can change and fix them...but the truth is the most important step in dealing with a addict is you ,yes you need to change your mindset and gain strength...You must look in the mirror and say I.matter I did not cause this...I did not do the drugs the alcohol the porn I wasn't naked with another...when you love and respect yourself it makes others give you and treat you with respect.
..if you have friends or family you can stay with I advise you to go stay with them....Maybe it will be his wake up call that he needs to fix himself in order to have you.
..if you have friends or family you can stay with I advise you to go stay with them....Maybe it will be his wake up call that he needs to fix himself in order to have you.
