My boyfriend is a recovering heroin addict who has been clean for 116 days. I haven't seen him since he left for his home after inpatient. We have only skyped since then. We have been together almost 5 years and we had the perfect relationship and talked about marriage before his addiction. His addiction negatively affected our relationship for 1.5 years because, and I didn't know this at the time, too addicted and depressed to get out of bed to do fun thigs with me, and he lied to me all the time he said he was with friends but actually by himself doing drugs in his car. I can tell he is doing well and he has accepted recovery wholeheartedly. He has been working a great job for a little over a month and really likes it and he has been seeing therapists. I am still wary to fully forgive him and I'm thinking about not taking him back. I am just hurt he would have started using in our perfect relationship in the first place and hurt by the what he did to our relationship and in turn me. I am also worried that even though he is doing well now he may relapse 10 years in the future. All my friends are telling to leave him too. We do love each other a lot and I can tell he is really sad by what he did and that he is trying very hard. Does he deserve my forgiveness though?
Hi ohman- it is not about forgiveness - it is about acceptance- your boyfriend is an addict- and will be for life -it doesent change- are you willing to accept the fact that your boyfriend is an addict - that is the real question. your boyfriend lied to you in order to use- that is the way it works - when an addict is using we will lie, cheat, manipulate and steal if necessary to feed our addiction, it's what we do- your boyfriend may be the best in the world when clean - but when he is in active addiction the drugs will come first, before you, and everything and everyone else- thats the way it works- you have to decide whether you can live with the fact that some day your boyfriend may relapse, not everybody does, but in reality many do, if your boyfriend really wants to get clean and is prepared to work at it he may well remain clean - it depends on how bad he wants this. this decision is his alone to make and is no reflection on you or your relationship. if your boyfriend is trying to stay clean for you or the sake of your relationship then his chances are not great- he needs to want to do this for himself, no other reason- if he wants to stay clean more than he wants to get high he has a good chance of staying clean- you must also realise that in early recovery most of his energy and time will be consumed with his recovery he may not have much time for you or your relationship- sorry this sounds harsh but these are the facts- addiction is hard to deal with for both the addict and those involved with the addict- as i said its about whether you want to accept the fact that your boyfreind is an addict and all that goes with this. i wish you the best of luck whatever decision you make -
Well we love each other very much and I know he is doing as much as any addict could to stay clean. Gym multiple therapists, multiple different types of meetings and he has already gotten a great job. I can tell he is very sorry about how his addiction affected me and our relationship. I also know that despite what everyone says here all addicts are not created equal and if my boyfriend was worse I probably would have left him. He never injected never committed crimes other than obtaining and using drugs never went to jail was never ever mean to me he just wasn't able to fully be in our relationship because he was so sick and he became very depressed because he couldn't quit. When he asked for help he went for it 100% and never waivered or turned back. But my main worry is that although things are great now 10 or 20 years from now he may relapse. He says he already has many coping skills he did not have before and that he can't stand the pain his addiction caused me and him ever again. He also says if our positions were reversed he would have stuck with me and supported me which I believe. I mean everyone does deserve forgiveness once right?
Just remember that no one can predict what will happen in 10 or 20 years. Even with non-addicts bad things happen to people, they get cancer, they become mentally ill, they die, they cheat, you get the picture. So what I am saying is if you go into this with eyes wide open that is the best you can do and hope for the best but be on the lookout for any warning signs. This is something he will have to deal with the rest of his life but it doesn't mean he can't stay sober the rest of his life. Just as if your loved one had cancer and it is now in remission does not mean it won't return in 10-20 years, follow your heart but let your mind stay alert and strong! Good luck.
Hi I've. Been with same guy from 17 to 42.my best friend love of my life soul mate blah blah blah. Heroin addict. I live with my parents with my blind dog.He didn't even call me on my birthday. You love who you love but be prepared for a Lifetime of letdowns and heartbreaks.
