I'm only human. I put so much stress on myself when I was in therapy over the years before relapsing into pothead land. Of course I didn't see it at the time, I was clean with tunnel vision. Telling myself I had to behave a certain way and say things "right" and blah blah blah. I lost alot of friends with my preaching. Sometimes I think that's why my husband got involved with his co-worker, I was "little miss can't be wrong" and ABOVE everyone else because I was sober and working on my issues.
When we went to marriage couselling I realized what a snob I had become and then in the end I had to work on not being so hard on myself when I didn't live up to my crazy over-the-top standards. I had to learn acceptance and humility. I still remember sitting in that room and saying things like, "that's not my job, that's his job." when it came to certain homework she suggested.
Just stuff I'm thinking about today. I'm not afraid anymore. If I decide to have two glasses of wine tonight, then switch to water, so be it. I'll make that decision when I get there. I'll check myself. I trust myself to know where I'm at. All or nothing thinking got me in trouble last time. And being hardcore recovery b**** almost cost me my marriage.
Wonderwoman,
I am curious are you saying your husband cheated on you with a co-worker and that is because you were doing good in your recovery? I am a little confused about that statment you made.. Also I am curious what was your drug of choice and how long have you been clean? I saw where you said pot was one of them but since your on the pain pill board I was curious if you've ever had a problem with pain pills? Congrats on your clean time and hope you have a good weekend. Rae
I am curious are you saying your husband cheated on you with a co-worker and that is because you were doing good in your recovery? I am a little confused about that statment you made.. Also I am curious what was your drug of choice and how long have you been clean? I saw where you said pot was one of them but since your on the pain pill board I was curious if you've ever had a problem with pain pills? Congrats on your clean time and hope you have a good weekend. Rae
Not perfection!!!! just humans.
Good forbid we say we are perfect..( well I know I am.lmao j/k)
Hang in there.....
Good forbid we say we are perfect..( well I know I am.lmao j/k)
Hang in there.....
WW Sometimes admitting we are wrong about something can be the hardest thing.I know for me it was tuff.I have found out to see everything in black or white makes you miss out on so much.
Let me explain....My mom is a woman who sees things either as one way or another(black/white)She belives that one way is the only way & she will not be swayed by what she thinks.
I on the other hand am ALWAYS willing to try & see everyones thoughts & ways.I like to see how different people can be.I hope this makes sense.
To me there is so much to learn by being open minded.
Also I know from the last time I tried that I cannot drink.Not only because of the meds Im on but I finally realized that I just cant stop with one or 2 beers.I seem to have NO control of myself so I choose to not drink at all.Some people can sit & have 1-2 glasses of wine & know thats thier limit but I will say it may be soooooo easy to switch habits so try to be careful.I think that alot of us feel so lost when we stop usen that its real easy to pick up a bottle to try & crush that feeling.OK enough lecture....mj
Let me explain....My mom is a woman who sees things either as one way or another(black/white)She belives that one way is the only way & she will not be swayed by what she thinks.
I on the other hand am ALWAYS willing to try & see everyones thoughts & ways.I like to see how different people can be.I hope this makes sense.
To me there is so much to learn by being open minded.
Also I know from the last time I tried that I cannot drink.Not only because of the meds Im on but I finally realized that I just cant stop with one or 2 beers.I seem to have NO control of myself so I choose to not drink at all.Some people can sit & have 1-2 glasses of wine & know thats thier limit but I will say it may be soooooo easy to switch habits so try to be careful.I think that alot of us feel so lost when we stop usen that its real easy to pick up a bottle to try & crush that feeling.OK enough lecture....mj
Traci,
Yeah I think I am pretty perfect myself, LOL BUT others may disagree:-) Ha-Ha
There is nothing wrong with being proud of yourself wonderwoman but nobody's perfect... Just try and be the best person you can be and take it one day at a time!! Rae
Yeah I think I am pretty perfect myself, LOL BUT others may disagree:-) Ha-Ha
There is nothing wrong with being proud of yourself wonderwoman but nobody's perfect... Just try and be the best person you can be and take it one day at a time!! Rae
Rae, thanks for helping me recognize that I need to realize I was "part" of the blame and to not take on "all" the blame for his relationship with her. I have to go get pampered at the spa now. :-) Just wanted to say thank you.
WW I always thought it takes two to fight ya know.I was watching Tyra the other day & it was said how fast we women are to blame the other woman & I got thinking....Yup we do.We tend to hate her & blame her when it was the man who came on to her.
Are you & he trying to work it out?
Are you & he trying to work it out?
Wonderwoman I said this:
I am curious are you saying your husband cheated on you with a co-worker and that is because you were doing good in your recovery? I am a little confused about that statment you made
You said this:
Rae, thanks for helping me recognize that I need to realize I was "part" of the blame and to not take on "all" the blame for his relationship with her. I have to go get pampered at the spa now. :-) Just wanted to say thank you
I never said you were " part" to blame at all.. If your husband cheated on you because you were doing good in your recovery or for any other reason I think it's wrong.. I wouldn't put up with it but hey that's just me and if you want to stay and work it out and take " part" or "all" of the blame for him being a cheater than that's on you. I don't think it's your fault at all and there is never an excuse to go outside the marriage and have an affair with someone else but again this is just my opinion and didn't want you to think otherwise...
Enjoy the spa. Rae
I am curious are you saying your husband cheated on you with a co-worker and that is because you were doing good in your recovery? I am a little confused about that statment you made
You said this:
Rae, thanks for helping me recognize that I need to realize I was "part" of the blame and to not take on "all" the blame for his relationship with her. I have to go get pampered at the spa now. :-) Just wanted to say thank you
I never said you were " part" to blame at all.. If your husband cheated on you because you were doing good in your recovery or for any other reason I think it's wrong.. I wouldn't put up with it but hey that's just me and if you want to stay and work it out and take " part" or "all" of the blame for him being a cheater than that's on you. I don't think it's your fault at all and there is never an excuse to go outside the marriage and have an affair with someone else but again this is just my opinion and didn't want you to think otherwise...
Enjoy the spa. Rae
The good news is we come to realize it's about progress not perfection. When I compare myself to myself from when I got here, I am doing pretty good. When I compare myself with others I always come up short. I don't try to be perfect but I do sometimes have a hard time with being patient and tolerant. That is something I am forever working on. Thanks for the topic.
Rachel
Dear Rachel I think all of us sober or addicts can ALWAYS find something about ourselves to improve.Thats the one great thing about life we are always growing & if we let ourselves learning.....mj
MJ:
Good point. I have a list of improvements, lol...
How are you feeling today Rachel?Its a bright cold day here in NY
I feel wiped out. I am really tired. Thanks for asking. I need more coffee? How are you? The weather here is beautiful.
Im feeling good today.I got some sleep so that always helps.My 13yr old is wanting some mom time so i need to sign off for a bit.Instead of coffee maybe a nice walk on this beatiful day may perk you up.Im sure Ill be back around later.Take Care...mj
This is a good thread. I am horrible at trying to be the perfect "everything". I just had another "mental breakdown" as i call it. Yeah, i am still wd'ing from Paxil and it is gonna take awhile for the cymbalta to kick in. Each time i have these breakdowns it's bc i get frustrated with myself bc i don't feel like i am good enough at being a mom or wife or friend. I have to just take a step back and breathe. I have to remember that it is progress not perfection. I see all these "perfect people" and i wonder how they do it. But, in reality i know that they are not perfect even though it may look like that on the outside. I have to remember that no one is perfect. Anyway... thanks for bringing up this issue... i really needed it.
And i can see where there are some that can handle alcohol... that's just not me... wish it were, but it's not. I hope you have a really good time tonight WW. I finally talked my husband in to taking me and Kaeden (my little boy) to go bowling and shoot some pool. I think it will be fun... even though i am not really good at it and i have never ever played pool sober... LOL! I'll get a milkshake or something... maybe chocolate... :) Anywayz... it's just one of those days again... you know, when your'e on the verge of tears and you just have no idea why.
Love and God Bless,
Bri :)
And i can see where there are some that can handle alcohol... that's just not me... wish it were, but it's not. I hope you have a really good time tonight WW. I finally talked my husband in to taking me and Kaeden (my little boy) to go bowling and shoot some pool. I think it will be fun... even though i am not really good at it and i have never ever played pool sober... LOL! I'll get a milkshake or something... maybe chocolate... :) Anywayz... it's just one of those days again... you know, when your'e on the verge of tears and you just have no idea why.
Love and God Bless,
Bri :)
This is a good thread. When I was 30, I had all of the answers and didn't mind acting like it.
Didn't take the 1st Lortab 'til I was 36.
As I get older and have gotten off the Lortabs twice (4 1/2 months this time) I find I know less than I ever thought I did. Life happens - not S*** - just life and it changes so much of how you think you know all.
So, I remember how the pills made me think I was so smart 'til they stopped working.
Love, Jean
Didn't take the 1st Lortab 'til I was 36.
As I get older and have gotten off the Lortabs twice (4 1/2 months this time) I find I know less than I ever thought I did. Life happens - not S*** - just life and it changes so much of how you think you know all.
So, I remember how the pills made me think I was so smart 'til they stopped working.
Love, Jean
Jean:
Great post! I, too, thought I knew it all in early recovery. Everything was a struggle and I didn't need anything or anybody telling me to go to meetings or making other suggestions. I was different, I was unique. I wasn't an alcoholic so I thought I could drink. I thought everything I had learned in AA was brainwash. I stopped going to meetings. Then I started drinking a little wine, then I stopped praying. My demise was very slow. It didn't happen overnight. It took 10 years for me to take the blinders off. Thank God, I didn't have to lose my family, my job or my house. When I am free from all mind altering chemicals I am walking in the sunlight of the spirit. My life is not a struggle today. Thanks!
Rachel
Daer Rachel;
My 31 yr old and his wife try to be our parents and I just smile.
Don't even want to argue with children, mostly when they say they know what's right for us. haha Sometimes I don't even know and it's my life.
Love, Jean
My 31 yr old and his wife try to be our parents and I just smile.
Don't even want to argue with children, mostly when they say they know what's right for us. haha Sometimes I don't even know and it's my life.
Love, Jean
