I don't know what to do or how to handle my 16 year old son who just got caught smoking pot in his bedroom. He has turned into one of those kids you see on the Montel show who has no respect for themselves or anyone else. My son has always been a quiet shy kid. He has always been "different" meaning he is a goth kid, only wears black, has changed the color of his hair several times and wears it straight down in front of his face but, he's always been respectful and a good kid. His teachers have always told us what a nice boy he is. He cut a class last week and had to serve a dentention, his first ever. He was grounded for it. Last weekend I walked into his room and he was smoking pot. I confiscated everything that I could find, his pot, bowl, papers, a watch that had a cannibis plant on the face of it and his lighter. He cried. I asked him how long he's done it, why he does it etc....he seemed regretful and ashamed. The next day he turned, obviously he's very angry. He told me that no one really knows who he is, never has and never will. He said he doesn't dwell on the past, he doesn't care about tomorrow. All that matters is today and he doesn't care where the future takes him. He says that he doesn't smoke everyday and that we should allow him to make the decision to stop not forbid him to stop. He told me that I've never really tried to get to know him and that I shouldn't bother trying now. He is accepting his grounding for now. He has told me that if it goes on longer than he thinks it should he will just walk out. I told him I will call the police on him. He also said that if I try to put him in a group therapy or rehab he will trash both my house and my parents house. How do I handle this?? I am at a loss.
well i am only teenager and my opinion may not seem that important becuz im just a kid. But I am just like him..better now..But wasnt about six months ago...I almost died. I ended up in the hospital because I almost O.D. I was really depressed and couldn't take my life anymore. And when kids get depressed like that they seem to go through stages....well thats what happened to me anyways. I was depressed for about three years before i actually got some help. It all started as soon as I started high school..i had the same problems all kids my age have..it was just a matter of how to handle it. Some of us are good at that, but most of us aren't. I never have really fit in at school either and i am what you would call one of those goth kids. So when I started high school & had trouble adjusting and trying to figure out where i belonged/what kinda group i wanted to be in...i was really confused. So i finally found some friends even tho they were druggies..they were older and i looked up to them. So I started smoking pot like all the time and then i started taking pills w/e pills i could get my hands on..just w/e i needed to get myself to feel numb and then during my sophmore year i started doing alot uppers just pills at first and then it was crank and coke...so even if he just smoked pot once or is doing it all the time...it will always lead to something else right along with it..if it already hasn't..im sorry if that scares you but you need to put him in a hospital right now the sooner he talks to someone about everything the sooner he will get better. And the first i got sent to a hospital to get help i was only there for about well not even two weeks so if your too scared becuz you think you wont see him for a long time...it wont be like that...it will be the opposite. I know you didnt say much in that letter about him but from what he said to you he does sound truly depressed and does wanna get back on the right track..it just doesn't know how to right now and needs ppl to change his whole perspective..someone other than his parents. well i hope you read this and i hope some of this will effect your decision. Thank you for your time & I hope at least a lil of this helped
Sara,
I'm not sure what to tell you about your son, but if you would like to e-mail me I can give you some better resources.
happy_gal_2004@yahoo.com
Take care.
I'm not sure what to tell you about your son, but if you would like to e-mail me I can give you some better resources.
happy_gal_2004@yahoo.com
Take care.
Sara, Please be tenderly tough!! what I mean by that is , you have to enforce bounderies and STICK with them no matter what......
Our son is now almost 21 , and believe me I have come to learn that this battle with the drug? booze? or whatever fill in the blank doesnt go away...
I have just told my son that he either commits again!! and stays with a recovery program or he is out the door..., This time I want to see the proof on paper that he is meeting his NA councellor again , it has gotten so bad that i can not trust him , the addiction is all encomposing of his life and destroying any character , any ability to live a responsible , quality of like I see now where we as parents can not be manipulated , we have to enforce and stick with it
He is one step away at this point from getting fired from his job ,
so please BE STRONG!! and do not back slide on your Boundery setting - it does NOT go away or get better
HUGZ!!
Our son is now almost 21 , and believe me I have come to learn that this battle with the drug? booze? or whatever fill in the blank doesnt go away...
I have just told my son that he either commits again!! and stays with a recovery program or he is out the door..., This time I want to see the proof on paper that he is meeting his NA councellor again , it has gotten so bad that i can not trust him , the addiction is all encomposing of his life and destroying any character , any ability to live a responsible , quality of like I see now where we as parents can not be manipulated , we have to enforce and stick with it
He is one step away at this point from getting fired from his job ,
so please BE STRONG!! and do not back slide on your Boundery setting - it does NOT go away or get better
HUGZ!!
Thank you all for your comments. I am a mother of a 16yr. old boy. This is a child that everyone loves. He is caring, considerate, respectful and pretty good student. Recently, I have found out he has been skipping school, on a regular basis. He also got caught trying to steal "corricidin" at the store. Also I found
4 boxes of corricidin in his dresser one day last week. His comment was that he hasn't been feeling well for a couple of months. We had a long talk that also followed with some consequences. He has been a little better but is still out in left field at times and I don't know what to do. I am so terribly scared. I confront him everytime I suspect drugs, but he now is starting to become distant because he says that I am wrongly accusing him. My heart goes out to all of you going through the same thing. To all of you that reads this, I am needing your help as well as the other moms. If you can give me ANY ideas that may help, PLEASE DO SO.
4 boxes of corricidin in his dresser one day last week. His comment was that he hasn't been feeling well for a couple of months. We had a long talk that also followed with some consequences. He has been a little better but is still out in left field at times and I don't know what to do. I am so terribly scared. I confront him everytime I suspect drugs, but he now is starting to become distant because he says that I am wrongly accusing him. My heart goes out to all of you going through the same thing. To all of you that reads this, I am needing your help as well as the other moms. If you can give me ANY ideas that may help, PLEASE DO SO.
Please stay strong and firm in your boundaries, otherwise it will get worse. I know I am living it twice with two of my three daughters and once with my sister. Get help now.
You can read our story at the post on 2-27-04 marked Help! My son and daughter need help. I am another mom in need.
good luck to you.
You can read our story at the post on 2-27-04 marked Help! My son and daughter need help. I am another mom in need.
good luck to you.
Sara,
Well, I'm a teenager. And, I realized that kids aren't very open with their feelings towards their parents. It's like, we are two different people when around parents, and when we are with friends or by ourselves. I'm two different people myself, so, that's why I know. But, Anyway, When you ground him, that's just going to make him more upset, and it isn't really solving anything. You could even beat him, but, he's still going to continue doing it. You and your husband (if you have one) need to sit down with him, and have a discussion. Make him understand that you love him, and care about him, and you don't want anything bad happening to him. Ask him why he does marijuana. Ask him if he does any other drugs. And if it isn't a problem that you can solve, then, he needs to be put into rehab. Although he said that he'd destroy your house or whatever, those are just threats. After he'd be clean from the drug, there's a good chance that he'd respect you, for caring about him, and helping get over a problem that he has. And it does sound like he's depressed, so, that may be why he's doing drugs. I wish you the best of luck.
Well, I'm a teenager. And, I realized that kids aren't very open with their feelings towards their parents. It's like, we are two different people when around parents, and when we are with friends or by ourselves. I'm two different people myself, so, that's why I know. But, Anyway, When you ground him, that's just going to make him more upset, and it isn't really solving anything. You could even beat him, but, he's still going to continue doing it. You and your husband (if you have one) need to sit down with him, and have a discussion. Make him understand that you love him, and care about him, and you don't want anything bad happening to him. Ask him why he does marijuana. Ask him if he does any other drugs. And if it isn't a problem that you can solve, then, he needs to be put into rehab. Although he said that he'd destroy your house or whatever, those are just threats. After he'd be clean from the drug, there's a good chance that he'd respect you, for caring about him, and helping get over a problem that he has. And it does sound like he's depressed, so, that may be why he's doing drugs. I wish you the best of luck.
hey guys my name is Adam A
my "story" is on the Withdrawal page
it might be of interest i started off the same way
it is not to scare you but maybe understand where he is coming from
dont let things slide if i could say anything to you is dont let things slide!!!
let him know that you support him but not what he is doing!!!
he needs to feel love and whether he admits it or not punishment is love
stop it now before he gets too far
all my prayers
~Adam A
my "story" is on the Withdrawal page
it might be of interest i started off the same way
it is not to scare you but maybe understand where he is coming from
dont let things slide if i could say anything to you is dont let things slide!!!
let him know that you support him but not what he is doing!!!
he needs to feel love and whether he admits it or not punishment is love
stop it now before he gets too far
all my prayers
~Adam A
I totally agree with Adam
Don't let it become something more. It will just get harder as time goes on for him to stop.
Stay strong.
Just keep in mind that IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. His choices are his own
xx
Don't let it become something more. It will just get harder as time goes on for him to stop.
Stay strong.
Just keep in mind that IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. His choices are his own
xx