My son is 19 and is using meth. I don't know much about the drug I had to actually go online to look it up when I found it in my home. My son was trying to tell me it was just rock salt!! I believed him until he got arrested for selling it!! Now he is in my home awaiting court and I am still finding it. He has bouts of severe anger and blame it on me and my husband. We are so tired and emotionally drained. Because of all the trouble he is facing we don't have it in us to call or report to the police we are finding it in our home. I'm worried and lost not knowing what to do. I feel awful when I think I will get rest when / if he goes to jail. My husband and I don't know what to do. Any thoughts/ advice ?
Get to a Naranon Meeting IMMEDIATLY. Chances are your son is not new to this ugly and destructful drug. My Son is in his 10th year and it's pretty bad.
Naranon will give you and your husband the support, strength and tools that you BOTH will need so long as your son remains active in use. There are very few people that can use meth once or twice and be done with it. Be aware also of "Bath Salts". Keep googling every question you can think of-I am STILL learning and have more to learn.
PLEASE...try one meeting. If transportation is an issue, they will be more than happy to get you there and back. Just google NARANON MEETINGS IN (than type your city/state) They also have a 24 hour hotline. Best of Everything to you and your Family.
Naranon will give you and your husband the support, strength and tools that you BOTH will need so long as your son remains active in use. There are very few people that can use meth once or twice and be done with it. Be aware also of "Bath Salts". Keep googling every question you can think of-I am STILL learning and have more to learn.
PLEASE...try one meeting. If transportation is an issue, they will be more than happy to get you there and back. Just google NARANON MEETINGS IN (than type your city/state) They also have a 24 hour hotline. Best of Everything to you and your Family.
It is good to know that I am not alone. I to am learning on what it is and what to do. Thank you for the info.
Dear lost Mother my heart goes out to you.My son has been a herion and opiate addict for 10 years.I saw myself in you for when 10 years ago i started noticing changes in My son my then husband Christophers father told me it was my imagination i was being to hard he's 19 he's fine...Until the morning i went into Christophers room to get him up for a new job and there he lay on the bed with bags and syringes all over the bed.I was shocked i never imagined that...i gathered up the drugs the syringes got Chris up called his father and i said my imagination. ..i dumped it on table. ..There there's my imagination. ..i had thought i was nuts but now it became clear all the changes..now let's fast forward 10 years he has nothing left a rap sheet you could choke a horse he's a pathological liar he's everything I didn't raise him to be..rehabs numerous when the insurance wouldn't let him stay I paid for him to be there..my best advice to you..call the cops you are only enabling him and protecting him..you didn't mention if you have younger children..do you realize cps could come into this as if he is there it is an unsafe envoirment for the younger ones. You are letting the inmate run the asulym .I know the stress in your home and life it has been mine for 10 years and still on going.Why do we allow our children do things to us that we wouldn't except from others.Call the cops yep he'll be upset but the word will be clear Dad and I will not be a part of this this is unacceptable. ..we will be there for you but this will not be allowed this is our home and there are rules.Tough yes but learn from my lesson ...stop it right now or be prepared for a rough ride ..call the cops today...don't delay..it may be his life and your own you save.
Dear lost Mom something you said I didn't address but I want to add this onto my note to you.You stated your son has severe bouts of anger towards you and your husband his father. NOW add to the equation drugs and it is a recipe for danger. He is your son but do you want to take a chance that he won't become violent to you or another member of your household? I completely understand your comment that you will sleep better when he's in jail.My son is in jail at the moment and although it's not a nice thought that your child is in jail there is a peace of mind that comes with the fact he's not able to use. I can't urge you enough to call the police ...You have waved many warning flags here..1 he's showing severe anger 2 you are still finding drugs 3 he obviously shows aggressive behavior because with a temper usually comes aggressive behavior.4 As long as he is being all comfy in his bed food in his belly and Mommy and Daddy protecting him he has no consequences. ..You are letting him control you when obviously he can't control himself. .Mom call the authorities as I said everything you have described has me concerned the sooner you make the call the sooner he will realize he cannot rule the roost...Please stay in touch we are here for you
Since I first posted I believe I have aged 50 years from stress!! I called the police when I snapped and couldn't take it anymore. I asked him to leave and he told me to leave, I told him I can't take this anymore and he needs to leave or I have to call the police. Well the police said I can't force him to leave his home I have to file an eviction !! I called his probation officer and boy did he leave before his probation officer got here. I asked them to search his room and they did and found nothing. But, yesterday doing laundry I found a bag of METH in my laundry room !!!!! No, I don't have other children in my home he was raised as an only child and received the best of everything. We were a military family and I even had him privately taught at one time to fill in gaps in his education which cost a fortune and he didn't even finish. He quit school 6 months before graduating high school. This ordeal has been too much. It has torn me and my husband apart. It makes me just want to hate life. I'm angry, and just want to find the person he is getting this stuff from. I know I need counseling at this point because I am having a problem dealing with all this. I know I need help. My little boy, I can't find him in this person, this drug addict. He is so hateful, non caring, rude and mean. This house we live in he has cost us so much in repairs. Like I said this person I only see a few glimpse of my son every now and then. Thank you for you help.
Dear Lost Mother, I had told you I completely understand what you are going through. I explained to you my son has been a herion opiate addict for at least 10 years that I am aware of.I know he began experimenting in drugs before that.I too for many years wanted to find out who was the first one to introduce my son to herion. I hated that person so much I am afraid what I might have done to them.They destroyed everything they destroyed my son my marriage I lost my home ...I wanted that person to suffer ...I still want to but here's the reality each amd every person in life has free will.....everyone is faced with good and bad and it is up to that person to make the decision. You need to realize it is your son that made the ultimate choice.I know the stress that it brings into a marriage.Mine didn't survive the stress of it. I am angry at my son he had a wonderful home.I quit working when he was young I wanted to be there to raise him.His father was a wonderful provider.Chris was handsome a wonderful personalty ...His smile his presence lit up a room.He was amazing at baseball he had scouts looking at him...He got a 98 on the police exam he was Deans list in college.His brother looked up to him...All changed every last bit of it.We tried it all tough love rehabs ..numerous ..I even paid when the insurance companies felt after 7 days that he could follow up with meetings...imagine that..angry oh yeah. .I still feel it when I dwell on things.I can't stress enough you can't and shouldn't protect him from the consequence of his actions.It only enables and condones his behavior ...Stop it.You can't make decisions with your heart the addict will beat you.You say your angry turn that anger into a productive emotion....find your strength in it. LOOK him right in the face and say I will not tolerate this .Do not allow him into your home otherwise once again the inmate will run the asulym. ..do you want to be controlled by a junkie....There I hate that word but that is cold truth smacking you.You said when you were doing the laundry you found a bag of meth.You should be called the cops right there and then.You should be made him responsible for it. He most likely would've been charged but then he would've remained in custody where he couldn't use.The court may have put him in a court ordered program.Also your son would've seen Mommy ain't gonna protect him.But I bet my bottom dollar you flushed it down the toilet. ..You enabled him to get away with it.I am being brutally honest with you.We can all think love will make it all better...guess what it won't if so my son would've been cured thousands of times over....sacrifice my self I'd do it in a heartbeat if it would save him...The stress has aged me taken a toll on me.I even at times just wanted to die to stop all the pain.I go on cause despite it all I still have a younger son and I do still have a love for life. He did all this not me.Chris was arrested numerous times...Each time bailing him out...Right now he's in jail....I refuse to bail him out...He knew the consequences of his actions.I went to visit him last week and he told me he needs to go into a program when he's released ...At the moment I don't know when that will be... but he will not come here...There are rules firmly in place here...You will be welcome when you are clean.You will be welcome when you can leave your lies in the past.You are welcome when you realize that we are the people that you should respect and be loyal to. You will be welcome when you can treat me with respect and kindness.Mother you must draw boundaries not ones that are softly written in sand.Be FIRM...don't allow your son to do things you wouldn't except from others.Because they are our blood it doesn't give them the right act in this manner.Be firm...allow the police to do there job, don't protect him allow the full force of his actions smack him in his face. ..take your life back...educate educate educate yourself go for counseling. But Make it clear.......we will not Tolerate this no longer. ..Your Dad and I are United ...He tried to separate you work you against each other....unite be strong ...otherwise he will defeat you take everything from you lie steal cheat and squeeze you dry like a sponge. ...take your life back stand aside let him suffer the consequences let him know when he is willing to make a effort to go into a program you will be there, allow the cops to do their job...You don't want him turning someone else onto drugs ..Stop the pattern. ..
Dear lost Mom , also here is reality. If your son is arrested he will be in jail unable to use.He can be ordered into a drug program.He will be court mandated to remain in that program.Private insurance at best will give him possibly 7 days.Health insurance is a business they are cost effective. STOP protecting him ....If the law is able to step in it might be the first step in getting him on the road to recovery.
as hard as it would be, trust some of us long timers here, if there is ever another incident call the police, call the probation officer, write the judge. your son is young enough that some things could change. we feel as a parent that we cant betray them or that we are hurting them in some way by reporting it..we aren't. my son, thankfully is in prison, 1 yr in and 1 to go. I sleep like a baby, I visit and he looks fabulous, alive and smiling and clean. he is an addict, anything and everything heroin, pills, making meth, you name it. It does escalate, they do get dangerous, they lie, they steal, and it still escalates, trust me. keep him out of your house, no matter how hard it is..MomG
He stayed at home for 3 days and slept those 3 days. Tonight he is using I think? He is mean and nasty mouthed telling me to shut up when we told him he needs to get people he brought here out of our home. My husband had to threaten to call the police to get these people out. My son was so nasty even the people he was with told him he should not talk like that to his mom. My reply is he shouldn't talk to us that way but I am so used to it. He has a jury trial coming up the 16th and 17th. We are trying our best to hold out but it is so hard. We decided once he goes to prison we will move. There was talk of a plea deal but with all the evidence against him looks like plea deal is off the table and he is looking at prison time 3-5 years. We are just trying to hold it together for this golden date. I too have thought I couldn't take anymore. The fighting with my husband over this. The stress has been unbearable to the point I actually just wanted to end my own life. How crazy is that???? This is making me crazy. I decided to get counseling because I am in need of help to deal with the past , present and future. I don't do drugs. I don't know anything about drugs. I have worked hard all my life helping people and here my youngest son turns into a drug addict and drug dealer. This drug kills so in essence he is killing people by supplying this drug for them. All for what??? He has nothing. Tonight he told my husband to get f@&$#%. How nasty and rude. My husband made him dinner tonight his favorite. He wouldn't eat just brought 2 questionable girls here. We tell him they have to leave and we get talked to so nasty. We have had so many things taken we don't want his friends in/around our home. He cares more about these people and he hates us. I always tell him no one will love him more than us. I tell him when he goes to prison all his friends lives will move on and his will not. I am so tired he has sucked all my energy.
You say you are holding out for that "golden date"? To me it sounds more like enabling your son to continue bad behavior. This is your house. You set the rules. If he can't follow them, then he needs to go. Go where? On the couch of one of those people he brings over.
Your house is in jeopardy. If your house were to get raided because of your son, you will be an accomplice because you are allowing illegal activity in your home. You can go to jail along with your son.
Call the police; don't threaten. Why would your son change? He's got it made at your house. Your husband making his favorite meal, a roof over his head, a bed to sleep, he can come and go as he pleases, bring anyone over at anytime?
Something needs to change. The only thing you can change is you and how you handle what is going on. You need to stand up and say enough is enough and mean it. Set boundaries.
Seek support from Alanon/Naranon. Keep on posting.
We understand. We have been there.
Your house is in jeopardy. If your house were to get raided because of your son, you will be an accomplice because you are allowing illegal activity in your home. You can go to jail along with your son.
Call the police; don't threaten. Why would your son change? He's got it made at your house. Your husband making his favorite meal, a roof over his head, a bed to sleep, he can come and go as he pleases, bring anyone over at anytime?
Something needs to change. The only thing you can change is you and how you handle what is going on. You need to stand up and say enough is enough and mean it. Set boundaries.
Seek support from Alanon/Naranon. Keep on posting.
We understand. We have been there.
Dear Mom, Are you venting or looking for advice? Did you even bother to read my previous letter to you? I told you I have lived your life for over 10 years, been there time and time again.I told you that you and your husband are enabling him and protecting him. EVEN after he curses you out you and Daddy are allowing him sleep overs and making his favorite dinner. Unreal.With that going on and the inmate running the asulym you are allowing a nasty drug addict to take over your home rule the roost.Why wait for the 16th or 17th ...Honey I would pick up that phone call the cops and start immediately to take control and get my life back on track.Why are you ready to take your life these are his actions you are desperate because you have allowed him to take over. You are the Parent ...you. Make the call today . You think love will cure him it won't mine would've been cured thousands of times over.You must make him responsible for his actions and let him face the consequences. ..
Step aside call the cops it might be the first step for all of you to regain some sort of normalcy back in your life.
Step aside call the cops it might be the first step for all of you to regain some sort of normalcy back in your life.
You and Dad re read my first letter to you.Then read what you wrote.Time to act today make the call.If your serious about getting your life back together, or tell you what sit back do nothing let Mr Nasty run the show and take over your home ..then he can have more sleep overs with his drug friends and you can make them all a nice dinner. ..Get Tough already!!!!
My son goes to court this Friday and it's breaking my heart It will serve as a rehab of sorts since he chose not to go and get the help he needs. He'll probably only get 75 days but we have to be tough and stand our ground about not letting him back in our home. He has stolen so much from us as parents both material items and the joy of parenthood. He will miss our daughters delivery of a new baby boy, Thanksgiving and Christmas. I don't know how to get through it. Any advice?
MAP,
Keep on posting. Attend some Alanon meetings. When my daughter went to jail, it was a relief for me. Knew exactly where she was, knew she was getting a meal and a bed. Take that time to take care of you. Sure it is sad that he will miss these important times, however this is on him. These are the consequences of his actions. Don't allow his bad decisions to impede on you enjoying these moments.
Keep on posting. Attend some Alanon meetings. When my daughter went to jail, it was a relief for me. Knew exactly where she was, knew she was getting a meal and a bed. Take that time to take care of you. Sure it is sad that he will miss these important times, however this is on him. These are the consequences of his actions. Don't allow his bad decisions to impede on you enjoying these moments.
Dear Map, I know it bothers you that your son won't be there for the birth of the baby Thanksgiving or Christmas. Your son you said refused rehab and chose jail .Although he will not be there for these events, the truth is he hasn't been there for a while due to his addiction. With his addiction he runs the risk of overdosing amongst other things.Is it better for him to be present in his current condition or is it better for him to go to jail, be clean for 75 days and then hopefully he will go in a halfway house .It would be nice for if he takes this chance to turn things around.There will be plenty of more holidays births family events in the future.Right now just hope this is the beginning of his recovery.
Dang! Lost mom-make the call. Don't wait. If he is high let him get a dirty UA when they bust him! Stop being lost mom! He is verbally/emotionally abusing you and your husband! Find your strength that you all have left behind for fear!
I found the stronger I got -the stronger I got!!! Everyday I choose strength, I give him the chance to find his. Funny how the opposite is true also. The weaker I was-the weaker he was and the stronger the addiction became!
Choose yourself -choose strength- choose your husband/wife-and choose life!! Live.
He has to leave now!! One way or the other!!
I found the stronger I got -the stronger I got!!! Everyday I choose strength, I give him the chance to find his. Funny how the opposite is true also. The weaker I was-the weaker he was and the stronger the addiction became!
Choose yourself -choose strength- choose your husband/wife-and choose life!! Live.
He has to leave now!! One way or the other!!
Thanks for the encouraging words. I heard about this addiction resource today on our local radio station and wanted to share it. http://wtop.com/267/3723063/Its-eve...-with-addiction
Well tomorrow is court day. While I don't think our local jail does anything for addicts that is helpful, he will be safe and hopefully will have time to think about his life and choose recovery when his time is up. As the article above discusses, we too thought we were great parents, very involved in our kids lives, coached lots of sports, ran scouts, church and set a good example. People wonder how a kid that played golf for 4 years in high school and was on a math team could be an addict. It took me a long time to realize it can happen to anyone and most all that I have done was not very helpful and I can't fix it.
Peace to all.
Well tomorrow is court day. While I don't think our local jail does anything for addicts that is helpful, he will be safe and hopefully will have time to think about his life and choose recovery when his time is up. As the article above discusses, we too thought we were great parents, very involved in our kids lives, coached lots of sports, ran scouts, church and set a good example. People wonder how a kid that played golf for 4 years in high school and was on a math team could be an addict. It took me a long time to realize it can happen to anyone and most all that I have done was not very helpful and I can't fix it.
Peace to all.
My problem is he tells me "I'm sorry" so than I think everything will change. I know deep down nothing will change. It will have to be me that changes. My husband blew up yesterday and told my son to leave and my son laughed. It was just awful. I've never seen my husband this mad. Yes, the police was called and we were told we have to go and fill out paper work to have him evicted. My husband can't take this. My son left and stays out all night. By the time we get home from work he is asleep and stays that way for a couple days. Tonight different people came over asking for him. I tell them he is sleeping and ask them to not come back to my home. My son pled guilty to his charges and is waiting to be sentenced. He laughed in court and got the states atty mad so he is looking at the max of 5 years. He has messed his life up so much my husband and I are sickened. We feel defeated. As soon as he is taken to prison we will start to heal I'm sure. This is a roller coaster ride of emotions and drama.
Dear Lost mother -The fact that he is laughing tells you how sick he is. Hopefully he will take things seriously when he is behind bars after going through withdrawal. My son is in jail now. Got 90 days and work release. My husband sounds like yours. He is ready to explode over all of this. We are lucky to have our grandkids 5 minutes away from us that think he hung the moon. Redirecting your life like this really works for both of us. We will remain supportive of our son but will never let him back to live here. We spent last evening going to the pawn shop where he told us our stuff was sold. None of it was there. I didn't think it would be but wanted to ask these people why they repeatedly take household items from those they know are addicts. They said we know who the addicts are so we give them the lowest amount possible. Great I said that then makes them have to steal more and you get more and more profit. Very frustrating stuff but I left and said God Bless. Came home and read this blog and spent together time with my husband. Weird but the day my son was taken away in court I actually could physically breathe better. Go figure. I wish the same for you and your husband.
