Well, here goes. I don't know what my b/f is all about. He takes jewelry from where I keep it, and then puts it in places where he knows eventually I'll find it. Initially, I'll blame him for taking it, fight about it, he'll leave, then call to see how I am doing. I found 2 of the three bracelets he "removed" from where I keep them, but in places I KNOW I did not put them. I'm going crazy. He blames me for misplacing them. I'm just plain going nuts. But why would he do that? He told me that the last time I accused him of stealing was just about the last time he'd deal with me. He even gave me a ring (very beautiful) for Valentine's Day. He told me that if I "lost it" it would be my fault, and that he doesn't steal. What's his point? I know what and where my stuff is, and I know it intuitively. There hasn't been any problem in my house in 28 years until he showed up. Why in the world would he remove my stuff and then hide it?
Hey Hardhead,
could he be pawning it then putting it back in a different place?? he may not be but its strange that he's moving your jewelery around??......just a thought x
love
Gabbi
could he be pawning it then putting it back in a different place?? he may not be but its strange that he's moving your jewelery around??......just a thought x
love
Gabbi
Hardhead,
Just off the top of my head I would venture to say that he may be trying to find things to upset you, so that he has a chance to get mad and leave. Is he an addict? This sounds like typical addictive, and or abusive behavior. My daugher is with a mental & emotional abuser and he manipulates her in any way he can. It can be simply not doing something excatly as he thinks she should or forgetting to close the garage door. He looks for excuses to get mad, take it out on her and then leave in a fury, and she feels guilty. I don't know what else to say except if you value your self esteem you should consider whether being involved with this person is good for you.
I know it is not the right thing for my daughter but there is simply nothing I can do short of reporting physical abuse if I am aware of it, and I can pray. She is in total denial and under his control. She fits the abused profile perfectly, and he fits the abusers profile too. I hope you aren't involved with someone that is emotionally, physically or mentally abuse to you.
I'm sorry for what you are going through. It sounds like he is playing mind games with you.
Judy
Just off the top of my head I would venture to say that he may be trying to find things to upset you, so that he has a chance to get mad and leave. Is he an addict? This sounds like typical addictive, and or abusive behavior. My daugher is with a mental & emotional abuser and he manipulates her in any way he can. It can be simply not doing something excatly as he thinks she should or forgetting to close the garage door. He looks for excuses to get mad, take it out on her and then leave in a fury, and she feels guilty. I don't know what else to say except if you value your self esteem you should consider whether being involved with this person is good for you.
I know it is not the right thing for my daughter but there is simply nothing I can do short of reporting physical abuse if I am aware of it, and I can pray. She is in total denial and under his control. She fits the abused profile perfectly, and he fits the abusers profile too. I hope you aren't involved with someone that is emotionally, physically or mentally abuse to you.
I'm sorry for what you are going through. It sounds like he is playing mind games with you.
Judy
Good morning, Gab
No, because he can't get out of the house overnight because of my security system. He'll get a piece of my stuff, and then put it in a place that he'll know I'll eventually find it, and he blames me for loosing it. I'm just at my wits end. He was over last night, for the first time in 2 weeks, and I put my stuff in a box and then threw it to the top shelf of my closet. Just can't figure this one out. But he always comes back to see if I'm OK. I remember the first time he "moved" a bracelet, one that I've not found BTW, and he asked me months later if I had ever "found" my bracelet, and "are you going to throw this relationship away over a f--- bracelet?" The last time, he had to SEARCH for it because I hid my stuff away.
No, because he can't get out of the house overnight because of my security system. He'll get a piece of my stuff, and then put it in a place that he'll know I'll eventually find it, and he blames me for loosing it. I'm just at my wits end. He was over last night, for the first time in 2 weeks, and I put my stuff in a box and then threw it to the top shelf of my closet. Just can't figure this one out. But he always comes back to see if I'm OK. I remember the first time he "moved" a bracelet, one that I've not found BTW, and he asked me months later if I had ever "found" my bracelet, and "are you going to throw this relationship away over a f--- bracelet?" The last time, he had to SEARCH for it because I hid my stuff away.
Hardhead,
Heres my guess...he does this "moving" thing so that down the line if something does go missing he can say that you always do this, swear you left someting somewhere and then find it somewhere else all together. Or so that if you start comfronting or acusing him of something he can say your mad - just look at how you keep misplacing your jewlery!
Of course I dont know him and though I have read your posts I dont know much about him, but I would be VERY careful if I were you - he sounds like he is ahead of his game!
Heres my guess...he does this "moving" thing so that down the line if something does go missing he can say that you always do this, swear you left someting somewhere and then find it somewhere else all together. Or so that if you start comfronting or acusing him of something he can say your mad - just look at how you keep misplacing your jewlery!
Of course I dont know him and though I have read your posts I dont know much about him, but I would be VERY careful if I were you - he sounds like he is ahead of his game!
Hardhead, I agree with the others..I think he's just hiding it so he can get to it later..I like how they blame us though.. my weekend has been so horrible, right now I just called in sick and I feel physically ill over everything that has happened. If you read my post Appalled, Did I do the wrong thing? Then you'll see what my addict has done to me..I think now too much damage has been done.
Have a good day.
Have a good day.
i only have one question: after the theft, etc. and with his history, why are you even talking to this person ?
Yes, he always calls. I just non't how to get him out of my life. He always introduces himself again, says I'll miss him as a good friend.
Hardhead:
You seem to be letting him control the relationship. You say he always calls, but you don't have to answer those calls. You say he tells you you will miss him as a good friend. Don't let him tell you what you will think or feel. From your posts on here, you seemed much better and happier and more at peace when he was away from you for awhile there. Now that he's back into your life again, you have gone back to being tense and worried and living in chaos again.
I'm just going by what I have observed from your posts.
You deserve better!
Take care,
Mickey
You seem to be letting him control the relationship. You say he always calls, but you don't have to answer those calls. You say he tells you you will miss him as a good friend. Don't let him tell you what you will think or feel. From your posts on here, you seemed much better and happier and more at peace when he was away from you for awhile there. Now that he's back into your life again, you have gone back to being tense and worried and living in chaos again.
I'm just going by what I have observed from your posts.
You deserve better!
Take care,
Mickey
Hi! Mickey,
Yes, I am much more tense with him here in the house, wondering what he'll find to "misplace" and blame me. I just don't understand why he does it, that's all. We do have a lot of fun together, but I just can't understand for the life of me why he emotionally abuses me.
He tells me that it's all my fault. I guess if he is a full blown addict or even a part time addict, he'll need to get money if his runs out. His mom has to bail him out financially on occasion. Maybe more, I don't know.
However, my problem may be solved quite soon. I'm probably going to be moving soon to another house in the state. He'll be 110 miles away from me, but he does know where the house is. This will be a financially appropriate move for me, and he knows this. I understand long distance relationships don't usually hold up!!!
His family will not tell me what broke up his marriage, and his story is a little vague. I don't know if you know this, but I said, "Maybe you did this to your ex wife," and he replied, "SHUT UP." !!!!!!!!
Yes, I am much more tense with him here in the house, wondering what he'll find to "misplace" and blame me. I just don't understand why he does it, that's all. We do have a lot of fun together, but I just can't understand for the life of me why he emotionally abuses me.
He tells me that it's all my fault. I guess if he is a full blown addict or even a part time addict, he'll need to get money if his runs out. His mom has to bail him out financially on occasion. Maybe more, I don't know.
However, my problem may be solved quite soon. I'm probably going to be moving soon to another house in the state. He'll be 110 miles away from me, but he does know where the house is. This will be a financially appropriate move for me, and he knows this. I understand long distance relationships don't usually hold up!!!
His family will not tell me what broke up his marriage, and his story is a little vague. I don't know if you know this, but I said, "Maybe you did this to your ex wife," and he replied, "SHUT UP." !!!!!!!!
Yes - I remember reading that.
Funny that his family won't tell you either what happened to that relationship. Seems everybody is trying to hide something. Probably the something that you already know all about.
Don't waste your energy and your time trying to make sense of his behaviours and motives. We will never understand as we are not addicts and don't understand the pull that their drugs have on them and their minds. We can't fathom it at all.
However, if they are actively using, we shouldn't let it run our lives as well which is what we do when we continue to try and sustain close relationships with active addicts.
If he is not doing anything to get help with his addiction or if he has no plans on doing anything, then this is how your life with him will continue.
Please keep taking care of yourself,
Mickey
Funny that his family won't tell you either what happened to that relationship. Seems everybody is trying to hide something. Probably the something that you already know all about.
Don't waste your energy and your time trying to make sense of his behaviours and motives. We will never understand as we are not addicts and don't understand the pull that their drugs have on them and their minds. We can't fathom it at all.
However, if they are actively using, we shouldn't let it run our lives as well which is what we do when we continue to try and sustain close relationships with active addicts.
If he is not doing anything to get help with his addiction or if he has no plans on doing anything, then this is how your life with him will continue.
Please keep taking care of yourself,
Mickey
Good morning, Mickey
Well, I told him last night that this was it. I would not be emotionally abused by him anymore, I will not take care of him anymore, he cannot come to my house again, he will never take my jewelry again, etc. Then I have an email from him that says I have issues, he can't understand why I'm pushing him away, he loves me, and that he would like me to pay him for the Sting tickets I tore up. HELLO?
Well, I told him last night that this was it. I would not be emotionally abused by him anymore, I will not take care of him anymore, he cannot come to my house again, he will never take my jewelry again, etc. Then I have an email from him that says I have issues, he can't understand why I'm pushing him away, he loves me, and that he would like me to pay him for the Sting tickets I tore up. HELLO?
Yes, of course you have issues, but they are rational issues that he seems to want to avoid at all costs - his addiction!!!
He is just trying to manipulate you and appear to be the victim and blaming you for everything. That is what they do. They have to do that to convince themselves that they can continue with their addiction. Then they don't feel as guilty about it. They don't have the problem - you do and it makes them do what they do.
He is obviously not ready to get help for himself and seems to be in total denial that he even has a problem.
You have done the right thing for yourself and don't let him convince you otherwise. He's just trying to confuse you and manipulate you so that he can come back and continue the exact same behaviours.
Do you feel better about your decision? How are you with it?
He is just trying to manipulate you and appear to be the victim and blaming you for everything. That is what they do. They have to do that to convince themselves that they can continue with their addiction. Then they don't feel as guilty about it. They don't have the problem - you do and it makes them do what they do.
He is obviously not ready to get help for himself and seems to be in total denial that he even has a problem.
You have done the right thing for yourself and don't let him convince you otherwise. He's just trying to confuse you and manipulate you so that he can come back and continue the exact same behaviours.
Do you feel better about your decision? How are you with it?
Good morning, again, Mickey
You know, I feel greatly relieved! I can have my house back again, and with everything in it! I sat last night and thought about all of the clues he gave me, verbally and physically. I do know that he did cocaine in my kitchen, while I was in the shower, and I found that out by accident. I took him to a local hospital for "severe indigestion" which turned out to be acute pancreatitis......drinking. So he might have been substituting alcohol for whatever drugs he was using, or the combination of alcohol and cocaine. The triage nurse was asking him what he had ingested that night and he revealed the dry cocaine. I was hysterical. So he did it behind my back, and I'm sure that wasn't the last time. He told me a few weeks ago that the inside of his nose was sore. Was he trying me out? I told him that I hoped he hadn't done anything stupid. The next day, he asked if I remembered that I said that to him. Huh? I told him that he was not the nice guy I wanted him to be, and he said, "you're right." The times he was really fidgety and couldn't sit still, the tears he would call me with, the sleeping on Saturday's and "I'll be OK by tomorrow." The "SHUT UP" when I told him he did this to his ex. He told me that his relationships don't last for more than a year, and now I know why. He said that he's had several one-night-stands over the years. Sex for drugs? Since I found 2 of the 3 bracelets he "misplaced" I'm convinced that he's capable of anything. He even remarked, "why would I steal and risk this" as he waved his arm at the front of my home. He even took pictures of the interior of my house to show his mother what my house looked like. Now that I think back on this, he was probably saying to himself, "look what I have/found." Oh, my, was I blind. I've never encountered anyone like him, and I hope I never do again. I can't believe he even wants me to PAY for the Sting tickets. So I guess if I do reimburse him, he can still use with MY money!!!
His family MUST know about him for all the years he's lived with his uncle and cousin. I guess they wanted me to take their problem off their hands. How nice.
Thank you, Mickey, for your words of wisdom. I need to keep reading and posting until I have resolved this in my head and heart.
You know, I feel greatly relieved! I can have my house back again, and with everything in it! I sat last night and thought about all of the clues he gave me, verbally and physically. I do know that he did cocaine in my kitchen, while I was in the shower, and I found that out by accident. I took him to a local hospital for "severe indigestion" which turned out to be acute pancreatitis......drinking. So he might have been substituting alcohol for whatever drugs he was using, or the combination of alcohol and cocaine. The triage nurse was asking him what he had ingested that night and he revealed the dry cocaine. I was hysterical. So he did it behind my back, and I'm sure that wasn't the last time. He told me a few weeks ago that the inside of his nose was sore. Was he trying me out? I told him that I hoped he hadn't done anything stupid. The next day, he asked if I remembered that I said that to him. Huh? I told him that he was not the nice guy I wanted him to be, and he said, "you're right." The times he was really fidgety and couldn't sit still, the tears he would call me with, the sleeping on Saturday's and "I'll be OK by tomorrow." The "SHUT UP" when I told him he did this to his ex. He told me that his relationships don't last for more than a year, and now I know why. He said that he's had several one-night-stands over the years. Sex for drugs? Since I found 2 of the 3 bracelets he "misplaced" I'm convinced that he's capable of anything. He even remarked, "why would I steal and risk this" as he waved his arm at the front of my home. He even took pictures of the interior of my house to show his mother what my house looked like. Now that I think back on this, he was probably saying to himself, "look what I have/found." Oh, my, was I blind. I've never encountered anyone like him, and I hope I never do again. I can't believe he even wants me to PAY for the Sting tickets. So I guess if I do reimburse him, he can still use with MY money!!!
His family MUST know about him for all the years he's lived with his uncle and cousin. I guess they wanted me to take their problem off their hands. How nice.
Thank you, Mickey, for your words of wisdom. I need to keep reading and posting until I have resolved this in my head and heart.