Hi my name Is janet. I am 23 years old and have a bf who has a drug addiction problem. He has escalated and lost everything. Idk if I am being an enabler and Idk what to do anymore I need some advice please help.
Hi Janet, you are awfully young to be burdened with a problem as big as this. The fact that you are in turmoil says that you really care for this guy,but he has to want to get clean for himself. He will promise you anything to get you to stay with him, but what it will come down to is this--- if you don't pull away from him now,you will get to the point of" if you can't beat em join em." It's a hard life to put yourself through and I would hate to see you go that route. We all, everyone that has someone into drug abuse, like to believe that their person loves them enough to stop using, but the truth of the matter is, they love the drugs more. My heart goes out to you! Please try to make yourself a good life,I'm sure you deserve it. God Bless
Hi Janet
I feel where you are coming from. My ex partner who is 38 decided after 5 months of being clean to go use after a disagreement. Goes to show the pull thes damn drugs have.
The only thing I can suggest is rehab and make him go. The whole "let them hit rock bottom" doesn't work for addicts, some need to be pushed for their own benefit. I disagree with a comment made "if you can't beat them join me". Untrue. Here I am professionally employed, house, car, savings and a loving family and I have no intention or desire to join him. I see how his life has spiralled out of control before me and with me and I have assisted in all ways. Unfortunately they relapse. Do yourself a favour and allow yourself a timeline to help him. If you find he keeps making execuses, doesn't want to go, keeps falling back time and time again then sometimes it's best to cut your losses. He needs to feel abandonment as does my ex. They realise to an extent (just like chasing their fix) that all good things end if you don't cherish it.
You are still so very young as am I, but the headache is harder the longer you stay. Just be prepared for constant lies, betrayal, manipulation, and deceit.
I feel where you are coming from. My ex partner who is 38 decided after 5 months of being clean to go use after a disagreement. Goes to show the pull thes damn drugs have.
The only thing I can suggest is rehab and make him go. The whole "let them hit rock bottom" doesn't work for addicts, some need to be pushed for their own benefit. I disagree with a comment made "if you can't beat them join me". Untrue. Here I am professionally employed, house, car, savings and a loving family and I have no intention or desire to join him. I see how his life has spiralled out of control before me and with me and I have assisted in all ways. Unfortunately they relapse. Do yourself a favour and allow yourself a timeline to help him. If you find he keeps making execuses, doesn't want to go, keeps falling back time and time again then sometimes it's best to cut your losses. He needs to feel abandonment as does my ex. They realise to an extent (just like chasing their fix) that all good things end if you don't cherish it.
You are still so very young as am I, but the headache is harder the longer you stay. Just be prepared for constant lies, betrayal, manipulation, and deceit.
I've been with my fiance for 14 years, since we were 21 years old. So trust me when I say, I've been in your shoes. While I love my man, I adore him, we have 2 kids, a dog, a family together, a life that I love and I wouldn't trade it for anything. It's not been an easy road to get here, it's been hell.
You cannot make him to go rehab or get clean. You can give him every tool to succeed and be clean, but unless he makes the decision to get clean, it will not happen. You can force rehab, but he can walk out at any time unless he's truly ready to stay clean and go through the hell that can come with it.
It's hard not to enable an addict. You want to help, but how do you know if what you're doing is helping or enabling? It's hard. I'm sure that I spent many years enabling my fiance' when he always "wanted" to get clean and then it was too hard and he wanted just a lil something to get the edge off. It's hard.
You are so young. My advice to you is to really evaluate if this is the life you want to live. Seriously. It is not easy being with an addict. I was too far in before I realized how bad it could be - had a house, a kid, a life built with this person. For me, I was fighting through it all to save my life with him, not just to save him from himself. But you, you're young, you don't have to build a life with him and go forward. I know you obviously care about him, are invested in him, but think long and hard. Addiction is terrible. Maybe at this point, it's time to take a step back and take it to a friendship level until he gets clean? I'm not saying walk away, but think long and hard about what you want from him, from your life, and if dealing with addiction is something you want to deal with forever, because it's not easy.
You cannot make him to go rehab or get clean. You can give him every tool to succeed and be clean, but unless he makes the decision to get clean, it will not happen. You can force rehab, but he can walk out at any time unless he's truly ready to stay clean and go through the hell that can come with it.
It's hard not to enable an addict. You want to help, but how do you know if what you're doing is helping or enabling? It's hard. I'm sure that I spent many years enabling my fiance' when he always "wanted" to get clean and then it was too hard and he wanted just a lil something to get the edge off. It's hard.
You are so young. My advice to you is to really evaluate if this is the life you want to live. Seriously. It is not easy being with an addict. I was too far in before I realized how bad it could be - had a house, a kid, a life built with this person. For me, I was fighting through it all to save my life with him, not just to save him from himself. But you, you're young, you don't have to build a life with him and go forward. I know you obviously care about him, are invested in him, but think long and hard. Addiction is terrible. Maybe at this point, it's time to take a step back and take it to a friendship level until he gets clean? I'm not saying walk away, but think long and hard about what you want from him, from your life, and if dealing with addiction is something you want to deal with forever, because it's not easy.
Hi Janet,
I have found myself in your very shoes I am also 23 and so is my BF. We met in high school and have been together ever since. We have been living together for the past 3 years. Just recently I was burdened with the truth of his addiction. He has been on meth for 5 years and I can't help to think where the F*** have I been all this time. Your post is a bit old so I'm wondering how things ended up? Did your boyfriend get help? Are you still with him?
I'm very distraught by this situation and I'm a bit stuck I love him with all that I have and it is breaking my heart to know how troubled he really is. He says he wants to quit but I have gathered information about meeting nearby and he hasn't cooperated. I don't know if I have it in me to live like this or to leave him.
I have found myself in your very shoes I am also 23 and so is my BF. We met in high school and have been together ever since. We have been living together for the past 3 years. Just recently I was burdened with the truth of his addiction. He has been on meth for 5 years and I can't help to think where the F*** have I been all this time. Your post is a bit old so I'm wondering how things ended up? Did your boyfriend get help? Are you still with him?
I'm very distraught by this situation and I'm a bit stuck I love him with all that I have and it is breaking my heart to know how troubled he really is. He says he wants to quit but I have gathered information about meeting nearby and he hasn't cooperated. I don't know if I have it in me to live like this or to leave him.
