Hi everyone,
I am at my last tether. I love the man I am with, but in the last year he has stolen 6k from me, in which I forgave him as I knew he had a past and he said he had some bad debts, and then 6 months ago I find out he is a cocaine addict (he told me this and that he needs help and wants out).
Every week since then he has gone to this self help group, and is adamant he is going to quit.
The first few months he lapsed every month or month and a half, and then this week he has taken it 3 times, and is saying its because we have argued and he does it to forget.
I desperately want to stay with him, but it breaks my heart with the lies and just not knowing if he is or not. He wants me to control all the money which I try, but this last time he found his card and went out and bought some.
How many chances do you give someone? When do you decide to move on, and although apart from the habit he is a great guy, the drugs are getting me down?
I hate lies, he left this last time to tell me that he'd done it again just before I logged into the bank. He has told me the day after before.
Any help or thoughts greatly appreciated xxx
What "self help group" is he going to? How often does he go?
He wants to go to Narcotics Anonymous and the Nar-Anon meetings would help you a lot.
All the best.
Bob R
He wants to go to Narcotics Anonymous and the Nar-Anon meetings would help you a lot.
All the best.
Bob R
First off, I am SO SORRY you're going through this. If you don't know what enabling is, look it up and DO NOT do it. It's so hard, trust me I know. Honestly with the way it sounds right now, I would walk away.. Or run. Doesn't seem like he's too serious about cleaning up. I wrote a post called "but what about me" if you haven't read it, it just explains my story. I know what you're going through and it's very painful. Deff go to naranon or alanon. I'll be going this week.
You and my friend is dealing with the same situation. She do loves her boyfriend very much but his boyfriend is in love with drugs. They fight alot and my friend is having a tough time telling him to quit. Fortunately, just this past week his boyfriend initiate to quit and ask for help. They live in other state, so I'm currently reading into some websites like Drug Abuse Recovery Fresno if they can provide his boyfriend a therapy. I'm also curious about self group your bf into. Me too is a former addict and less than a year sober. Have you tried seeking for other options like sending him to rehab or doing an intervention first? In my experience intervention works with me. I came to realize and admit my problem. I'm a big loser that time, but surely a winner now.
Most treatment centers offer Family Intervention services. In my area they run $800 - $1,500. They work with family members over 2 sessions (2 days) to map out an approach.
I am a little concerned about the hope that you (the healthy one) can help an addict. The best way to help is to be healthy yourself - and to that end I suggest a group such as Al Anon or NAR Anon. Their first step is "we came to realize we are powerless over someone else's addiction".
-Fly
I am a little concerned about the hope that you (the healthy one) can help an addict. The best way to help is to be healthy yourself - and to that end I suggest a group such as Al Anon or NAR Anon. Their first step is "we came to realize we are powerless over someone else's addiction".
-Fly
You can try those support group first and if still doesn't worked well, go with the next possible approach, but an intervention itself isn't enough. There are treatment programs in Care Center Drug Rehab that can help a person fulfill a successful recovery. It is surely a rough road not only for the person affected but also for his love ones, but it doesn't end there, everyone should keep a positive attitude in order to survive this.
