In my first year, although I loved my new way of feeling, things just weren't going the way I thought they would. First off, I was new to Florida and didn't know a soul other than my adult son and his twerp of a girlfriend. I was living on SSI and was getting about $564 a month. I hadn't worked in 17 years. I went thru 3 months of benzo withdrawal because I didn't know or care about the local detox center. At about 3 months sober my son was paying my utility bills and I was paying my rent ($500) and my electric got turned off. My immediate thought was get high but I went to my sponsor's house instead. She had a bottle of oxys in front of her and her buddy was holding a bottle of vicodin. Scream! So I ran to the 12 Step House and hung out there until the feeling passed. I didn't get high. I met a woman that had 3 more days sober than I did when I quit drinking. She picked up, I didn't. She was my first friend in Florida. When I was about 8 months sober she died from alcohol withdrawal. I was devastated. I didn't pick up. I shared in meetings. I got thru it. I got in a couple relationships with some wierdos (my taste in men has changed since I've been sober and so has my judgement) and almost drank over two of them but didn't. I went to a meeting instead and shared about wanting to drink. I slowly made friends in Florida. I lived alone for the first time in my life and I was happy to do it but I was scared. I didn't know how to take care of myself. I always had a man around before. So I learned how to deal with things. I went back to school, became employable and found a job. I got off SSI and am actually paying back over 5 grand because they overpaid me. What I learned in my first year is we don't pick up no matter what. It doesn't matter how badly our feelings are hurt (and we are all over-sensitive) we cannot drink over anything. Relationships come and go, money comes and goes, people die, life goes on. All we have to do is remember we cannot drink. The rest will fall into place.
So, yes, pirate, we all have had a rough time of it. Life isn't easy. But as long as we don't drink we have a chance of getting through any thing. A wise woman told me in my first year to ask myself how important is it? Will you remember this situation a year from now? It got me through a lot.
smooches
Hi Kat,
It did me a lot of good to read your post. I guess for me in early sobriety it is easy to slip back into old patterns and old reactions to problems. What amazes me is that despite the out and out chaos that alcohol has caused me in life, it is still the first thing that comes into my head when things 'go wrong'. But thank God, so far I haven't reacted in the old way by picking up that drink. In the beginning, there is so much change going on, learning to live life on lifes terms, changing old playgrounds and playpals, it's s***ty. It really is. It's about taking baby steps I guess and like you said, no matter how much crap life throws we need to ask ourselved just how "important" it is, and will it still be important in a year from now. Gets things into perspective. And no matter what, it sure as hell isn't worth getting drunk over.
It did me a lot of good to read your post. I guess for me in early sobriety it is easy to slip back into old patterns and old reactions to problems. What amazes me is that despite the out and out chaos that alcohol has caused me in life, it is still the first thing that comes into my head when things 'go wrong'. But thank God, so far I haven't reacted in the old way by picking up that drink. In the beginning, there is so much change going on, learning to live life on lifes terms, changing old playgrounds and playpals, it's s***ty. It really is. It's about taking baby steps I guess and like you said, no matter how much crap life throws we need to ask ourselved just how "important" it is, and will it still be important in a year from now. Gets things into perspective. And no matter what, it sure as hell isn't worth getting drunk over.
Thank you so much Kat! for your post. I really appreciate what you do for me to help me along on my road to recovery. ((((( )))))
