Emptynester Is Back

I posted what was up with me on Cowgirl's thread about people missed here... what a beautiful thing to log on for the first time in a while and see my name.

I've been so down since I can't do a damn thing with the physical restrictions I have right now...

I explained there about back surgery (laminectomy with diskectomy) and having to go back on pain pills (really no choice, the pain was unbearable before surgery and still have pain two weeks+ post-op which is normal)

I will need support over the next weeks as I won't "physically" need them pretty soon, but the mental stuff... well, it came back. Most of it.

Will post more tomorrow. I love all of you.

Love
Sue/Enester
Hi Sue,

Good to see you back posting. So sorry for your pain both physical and mental. I'll remember you in my prayers and I'm sure others will as well. It's so nice to know you have support and that people do care. Best wishes for a speedy recovery and (((((hugs)))))).

Oops, amended to say soft hugs!!
Thanks PetsMom. I know it is not my "fault" for needing pain meds, but the need for them coming so close to just months earlier fighting off an active addiction seems like a cruel joke.

So mentally, I am not the strong Emptynester of old.... plus a bunch of what I can only call "crap" is happening at work, and that's why I pushed myself to go back for two afternoons last week WAY too early.

Hope to hear from more of those who remember me..... it really helps.

love
Sue/Emptynester
Sue,

Sorry to hear about your surgery.

I know the mental can be as bad as the physical.

your in my prayers today,.

-Gentlepeace
Bump for myself- I am feeling sorry for myself and would love to hear from anyone, everyone, old friends, new friends, un-friends (I don't think I have any of those here!)

Love
ENester/Sue

PS My beloved and very missed daughter (who lives far away from me even here in the States) is still traveling in SE Asia - since August 06 - she's been to Indonesia, Malasia, Thailand, Laos (where she lived in a monastery and helped teach English to high school buddist monks in training)..... she's been floating down the Mekong Delta, sleeping in the jungle under orangutans in the wild.

Cannot BELIEVE the adventures she has had.. oh, and she changed her first name to Luna......not legally, someone close to her gave her that name and she is now using it.....She's picked up a LOT of Thai language which is very difficult, it is a "tonal" lanuage and very dependent on different "tones" of the words.

She recently met a guy from the Czech Republic and from the sound of her voice (I KNOW that initial "in love" voice she has) .....I swear we're going to acquire a son-in-law (or at least an interested male party) with her return ticket......

HI Sue, nice to see you! I am glad that you made it through surgery ok. That must be a horrible thing for a pain pill addict to go through. Mentally you are tough so you can do it.

I hope your hubby is holding your meds...if I remember correctly he was such a great support to you. Make sure your doctors are all aware of your addiction and get some face to face support.

Don't feel guilty or beat yourself up, I strongly believe that this is why these medicines are created. Not for recreational use and every little tiny pain real or imagined.

Wishing you a speedy and steadfast recovery. You will be ok! That is good news about your daughter, you are so proud of her...it is so obvious in your posts about her!

Stay calm, get the help you need...and you do need a certain amount of pain relief....it will help you heal. You should talk with Lisa about this...she went through a very serious surgery as well and was able to use pain meds to control pain and heal. I think she might have some great information for you!
Hi Sue! Nice to see you back.
Sorry to hear you had to have surgery. At least it's over with now and you can move forward on the road to healing. Everyone will be around to help you any way we can when your time to come off meds arrives.
This is just an unfortunate part of life, nothing that you can help, so don't feel bad about what was necessary for you to do.
Take care.
xxxoooo
Yes, hubby is holding the meds, but I've found myself wanting just ONE more and I have SUCH bad pain, please let me have two instead of one...etc.

It's been so hard for him.

But he is very supportive, and at first that was not always the case (just for a short whole), but he has been supportive since about the second day he found out that I had a problem with pills.......

Thanks, and hopefully this week I can go back to ibuprofen. Dreading w/drawals while I still have sort of "cramping" back pain!

Sue/Enester
Hey Sue...you can do it! The sooner the better...perhaps it time for the Ibuprofen now! You know that the meds are so necessary coming out of surgery...but...after a while as you know you build a tolerance and they actually make your pain worse.

Maybe its time to bite the bullet and just get it over with....who knows maybe a simple pain killer like Ibuprofen will make it better.

My thoughts and prayers are with you....kick its butt before it gets a chance to kick yours...I am so sorry that you are going through this!
Wow, wonderful story about your daughter. You must miss her a lot. It's great that she is picking up language so rapidly. I'm sure it will be a big asset to her. Do you have other "kids"?
Morning Sue...
Welcome back and I'm glad you got through surgery okay...Don't be to hard on yourself and keep it simple...You know the deal, do the deal and let the rest go. I know for me, when I can't get to a meeting and the mental crap starts running in between my ears, I write...Journaling can do wonders. Talk with others about how you're feeling and please know you are not alone. This could be huge in your recovery foundation by going through this and coming out the otherside, you never know who you might be able to help in the future by your experience....and then there's that old cliche..."this too shall pass"...

Be gentle with yourself...
(((hugs)))
Stacey
HI Sue. I sent a message to you a while back I got your email of another post and I never heard from you. I'm glad your back. Sorry your going through the pain and BS. But it's sure good to see your bright face back here. (even if I can't see it, I should say bright personality) Missed you big hug.
Love,
Jane
Sue,

Just jumped on and saw this post..............It is so good to see you :)

You are an asset to the board, and I hope we can see more of you.

Keep your chin up, You are one strong woman.

Big Hugs.
Sue,
Good to see you. Hope your recuperation from surgery goes smoother than you expect. Dont beat yourself up too much. You know the deal with pills. If we get started, we cant stop. Work out a good weaning off program. Let your doctor know the problem and between him and your husband they should be able to control what you get til you are down to zero. You dont have to cold turkey it. But you have to end it. Do it the right way with the help of your husband and your doctor. I wish you strength and luck.
Hi it's me..... haven't been here for a couple of weeks since I still am not off the pain meds...... I see my psychiatrist (I have been seeing him for a long time... before and through and after the addiction; in fact, at one time, he had referred me to an addiction specialist. Went for a few visits... sub treatment was suggested, but I had already been off the pills a week myself, and was nearly over the w/ds so decided not to do it.

Anyway... here is the blunt truth. It has been five weeks since surgery. I wasn't completely honest with the surgeon about my prior addiction. OK, the truth. I wasn't honest with the surgeon at all. If I said I was before, it wasn't true. (I think I just skipped over that part!)

I have some residual back pain but honestly? could probably get by with OTC motrin, etc. But I'm not.

I'm making up excuses to get pain meds... and they are refilling them.... even called one of the surgical residents on a weekend when I knew he would be working; looked up the call schedule (the hospital posts it on the web) to see who was working that weekend ... made sure the guy I felt was not a good "detail/documentation" person to be the one on call .....so I got an extra script....,,,,

Number of pills per day? It's not as bad as it was a year ago..... but it is not good.

I am really depressed over this.

OK I thought a good first step would be to come here and tell all of you.

A good SECOND step will be to call ALL MY DOCTORS (my primary, my surgeon) and tell all about my prior addiction. My shrink (who I had been seeing for years) knows everything, but he wasn't and wouldn't ever had prescribed me pain meds anyway...so that's not like a big safety net.

Luckily, I have an appointment with him Friday and I'll get some support.

I am back to work part-days but still not able to exercise, walk (any distance) etc.

Anyway, I'm rambling. But this is a warning to anyone having surgery/injury/etc.. of course we don't have to suffer in pain but.... I really made a mistake when I was too embarassed to tell the neurosurgeon about my past problems with pain meds.

You can't trust an addict with a bottle of pain pills. Yes, my husband held them for me, but now I have been dishonest with him again, and he doesn't know I have any pills. I have to come clean with him too, and after he has been so supportive I don't know what this will do to our relationship.

Wish me luck, prayers would be good.

I am going to beat this thing again.

I love and miss all of you.

Hey Sue, not being off the meds doesn't mean you can't post. All the more reason you should.
I'm sorry that you had to go through this, I know it must be tough.
You can beat this, never forget that.
Best of luck and prayers out for you.
And good for you for telling on your disease!!
xxxxxxooooo
thanks kat. It's only a small first step. But I have to start (over) somewhere.

Love

Sue/Enester
((((sue))))

hope your feeling better..........
back surgery is hard........

i recover lami's all the time.............

my mom is from thailand........
thailand is so beautiful.......
i am so glad your daughter is having such a nice time traveling.......
what a wonderful experience for her.........

tell your daughter i said...."sawe what dee ca"

love
thumper

Sue,

So happy that you are back again!!!! (not happy that you are not posting cause you are using though....)
I agree with Kat .... all the more reasons that you SHOULD be here posting!!!!!
Well, you have not been honest .... you are an addict .... don't beat yourself up too much ....
BUT!!!!!!! You need to get honest NOW!!!!!!!
You and I both know you can do it ..... so what are you waiting for?!?!
Take some steps .... it's all about ACTION ..... you made the first step telling us here ....
Now tell your Doctors and your hubby
Your husband loves you and will support you again!!!!!!
How about trying out the 12-step program?????
I used to have lots of reason why 12-steps were NOT for me ..... they were all just excuses.....
Please think about it ..... NA made a HUGE difference for me!!!! And many others too .....

Much love to you!!!!!
And lots of thoughts and prayers heading your way!!!!!

((((((((((BIG HUGS))))))))))


Sue I am so glad you came back here. I wanted to tell you about my experience. I recently had an accident and broke my ankle. Funny the very first thought going though my head was. "OMG, what about the pills" I know how easy it would have been to slide right back into old habits.

I took meds for about 4 days and realized what very well could and was happening. I have non zero support from home. In fact my stupid Ahole husbutt was asking me if I would like his percs?????

I flushed the pills and let w/d set in....and it did only after a few days...then took a tiny dose of suboxone. I am now back on 8mgs and will stay there for a bit...I am weaning down to be off. It will be 5 months for me on the 6th of April.

I will say unequivocally that without the help of AA and all that I learned there I would be off and running right now. Yes sub has helped me but in my opinion maybe about 25% the rest I contribute to the program. I swear to you it could be the answer. Its a way of life. I plead with you to at least give it a go.

Whatever you are taking...its time...you know that. Opiates only make pain worse. Your an addict Sue...no shame in that, you need to cut the dose you are taking and supplement it with Tylenol. There is no easy way around this.

I believe that you perhaps knew that this was going to happen. A relapse usually takes place way before we take that first pill or drink, am I right? I am so sorry that you have physical pain. I know how that just plain sucks....back surgery must be very painful. There is another way....I know that you know that!

Hugs...anytime you want to talk hope199@gmail.com I am here for you!