Encouragement

I've been reading through this site for some months now and have found it to be so interesting and encouraging to those in a similar situation to myself, as the mum of a heroin user. I had never before thought of myself as an addict, but your posts have shown me that I have an addiction to suffering on my son's behalf and given me the courage to finally say enough's enough. Last night I had the third police raid in two years, although nothing was found, and finally told my son that I could take no more and he had to leave. l mistakenly believed that I was protecting him and not letting him slip deeper into the hole he has been digging for himself, but I have finally come to see that all this time I have been enabling him to carry on using. Today for the first time I no longer have to carry my handbag everywhere indoors, and I have control of my own home, without the worry of windows, doors and fences being smashed . Hopefully all the odd bods will now stop calling and ringing. But I feel so guilty at throwing him out and wondering how he will cope without me. Thank you so much, Kyle, Gary C, Morph, Jemima, Bette, Laulau, NewBrighton etc. for showing me the way and sharing your inner thoughts, which have enabled me to be strong enough to finally do the right thing.
Dear Another Mum, I can't imagine how hard it is for you to have made that decision, though by keeping him at home is just sheltering/distorting his addiction to Heroin further. If he is an adult he needs to go out there , make his choices and realize the consequences that come with it (on his own). This is a great place, glad you found some support, I know I was. Dora
hello to everyone who replied to my messages two weeks ago. It sure helps to read letters from other mothers who have walked this path.
I flew out to AZ to do what I could and after numerous attempts to have him sign into a detox(he kept leaving), my son finally went through a 5 day detox for heroin and crack. He looked sicker than I have ever seen him. So shocking and sad. He was then released to a decent halfway house with support and help available to him Got a call in the middle of his first night there with him saying that he had to get out,there was a contract out on his life and that the mexican mafia was after him. Im sure this was a result of the paranoia from the crack and his damaged mind. My brother and I told him to stay and do whatever he was told to do so he could get the help he needs..My brother was to go yesterday and take him some cigs and personal items and visit a bit. Unfortunately he had packed his bags and left the night before. My brother tried to locate him on the streets and could not. My son called collect this morning, claimed they had found him and beat him up. I told him that I had talked to one of his counselors and they said he could still go back and they would help him.I told him not to call me until he had gotten back into treatment, that I could not talk to him when he his actively using. He said he was going to die and I told him that if he continued to use and not go for help, there was a good chance this could happen. He told me to prepare myself and that since he has an insurance policy, it wouldnt cost me anything. This was the most painful thing I have ever had to do, but after ten years of addiction struggle, I cant think of anything else. He is so resistant to the help that is available. I truly feel that this time the respnosibility to get help depends on him. My son is 30 years old
I have found out that all the stories he has told about being molested, having hep C, being in prison and being raped there are all a lie. He is a master at getting sympathy, even from the police. It is unbelievable.
Please someone share with me and help me come to peace with this decision I have made. Kyle and Laulau, youve been on the other side of this, any words?

God bless all of you who are dealing with this everyday.

TE
So many mothers are living a miserable life because of the evil of heroin. I'm sure our children never imagined the misery they were about to inflict when they first tried it out. My heart bleeds for my son and the torment he is going through, and I know he hates what he has become and what he has caused me over the years. Now that I have made him leave (age 38) he is about to find life so much more difficult and I pray that he will come to his senses and give Subutex another try. I was so thrilled when he started on it six months ago, but he lasted only a week before falling. Since he had a couple of breakdowns before I was widowed ten years ago I know I have been far too over-protective, in the mistaken belief that I was saving him from becoming ill again, but since finding this site I have come to realise I have been aiding and abetting instead. I could cry when I read about others with exacly the same problems I have been going through. Now let's all start being positive and pick up the threads of our own lives. We owe it to ourselves! And just maybe they will one day soon see the light and take the help on offer. (Doesn't it help so much to get things off your chest and share one's thoughts with others in a similar situation?). Stay strong!
I have been reading these posts for several months. I cannot tell you how my heart breaks when I read about the struggles we face being the parents of heroin addicts.My daughter is 25 and has been using heroin off and on for about 3 years. Rehab would work for a few weeks, but she always went back to the drug. Her life was totally run by this drug, from the time she woke up until she went to bed at night. She lied, cheated, stole from me, charged on my credit cards, and I shudder to think what else she might have done to get high. She also has Hepatits C. I am more in debt now than I have ever been in my life.My marriage has suffered, I have not given the attention to my son that he deserves, and on some days I didn't have the ambition to get out of bed.My biggest relief each night was to hear her car pull up.I considered it a victory that she was alive another day. But....
PLEASE know there is hope. This past April she found a doctor to prescribe Suboxone. She fought for a few days, still trying to get high while taking it, but finally gave in and accepted the fact that she could not continue on the path she was following. She has been a different person since then, and has just celebrated 4 months clean from heroin, and over 2 months off Suboxone. She let her old "friends" go, attends meetings regularly,and hands over her paychecks to me. You all know how addicts lie...they should all become actors, they are sooo good at it. But I see absolutely no signs of drug use. I know a relapse can come at any time, and I pray every day thay she is strong enough to live a clean life. I am still suspicious,but I am getting better at trusting her again, a little at a time.Many times she said to me, it is her life, that I should leave her alone, but I never could.Seeing what this horrible drug was doing to her was like watching her being raped or tortured day after day.I had to fight for her life. I did the research about Suboxone, and encouraged her to try it.Thank God it has saved her life. I know there are no guarantees, but for now, things are good. Please don't give up hope...I know you never will, and if you haven't looked into Suboxone, please do.
To all the Moms who have posted, please keep posting. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Hi,

I have a 25 year old daughter who is a herion addict. She has been through rehab and has relapsed several times. She has been on suboxone for over 6 months and has relapsed on that too, but was doing good for 4-5 months. She never was weaned off anf now her insurance will not pay for it anymore. She now is on herion again. Can someone tell me how soboxone is suppose to work? How long is someone suppose to be on it? Why would insurance not pay for it if needed?

JAM