Good evening all. Fear... what is it all about? I've noticed recently that alot of things i'm going to do are blocked by negative thoughts/ fears in my head. I don't know if this has happened all my life and i've not noticed it or it has just started, but it's doing my head in.
Like going to apply for a job what pops into my head? " You'll not get it junkie, criminal, junkie, criminal..."
I've just started an open college course, but " It's too hard, you'll not complete it"
I'm going to do a 10k sponsered run for cancer reaserch, but what pops into my head? " no one will sponser you, you're a junkie"
I've always thought of myself as a positive person, but maybe all along this negative thought process has been there all along and i've not noticed it due to the drugs....
Anyone got any ideas? I know, face yours fears blah blah, but this is becoming a problem for me and is getting me down and i can't afford to be thinking like that, eh? I've got so much potential, but can't follow it through... why is that?
Help...
In my experience the only to break the negative thinking to to actually answer yourself every time one of those put-downs pops into your head. Not easy, I know, but how else can you replace those nagging self punishments?
"No one will hire me because I am....
"I am a hard worker, have many skills, and a good mind..."
"No one will sponsor a junkie..."
"I'm trying to do a good thing and raise some money for those in pain...I am a kind and caring person."
"I won't finish the course, it's too hard..."
"It's hard, but I'm smart and motivated."
It takes a while to develop the habit of positive self-talk, those voices are SO persistent and SO loud. Change is hard and if you're like a lot of folks then you are harder on yourself than anyone else ever would be and harder on yourself than you would be on a friend. Be a friend to yourself, you so deserve it. What you are doing to change your life is not easy, but you are doing it. What would you say to encourage someone else? Say it to yourself - out loud if need be. It feels forced, and corny, and silly until you get used to it, but it helps.
There was a time when the tape that played over and over in my head sounded like this, "I am a horrible mother...I have failed at my parenting job...She is right to hate me...I hate me...Why can't I ever say/do the right thing?...I should have done/said...I am useless...I should leave, my family would be better off without me." blah, blah, blah...That tape was endless and the longer I let it play the more inept I felt. I actually had to write down the positive things about myself and believe me, it wasn't easy. But eventually I got it.
Take it easy on yourself, you are working so hard to effect some positive change. Be as respectful of yourself as you would be of a loved one...love yourself.
Peace and Positive Thoughts~MomNMore
"No one will hire me because I am....
"I am a hard worker, have many skills, and a good mind..."
"No one will sponsor a junkie..."
"I'm trying to do a good thing and raise some money for those in pain...I am a kind and caring person."
"I won't finish the course, it's too hard..."
"It's hard, but I'm smart and motivated."
It takes a while to develop the habit of positive self-talk, those voices are SO persistent and SO loud. Change is hard and if you're like a lot of folks then you are harder on yourself than anyone else ever would be and harder on yourself than you would be on a friend. Be a friend to yourself, you so deserve it. What you are doing to change your life is not easy, but you are doing it. What would you say to encourage someone else? Say it to yourself - out loud if need be. It feels forced, and corny, and silly until you get used to it, but it helps.
There was a time when the tape that played over and over in my head sounded like this, "I am a horrible mother...I have failed at my parenting job...She is right to hate me...I hate me...Why can't I ever say/do the right thing?...I should have done/said...I am useless...I should leave, my family would be better off without me." blah, blah, blah...That tape was endless and the longer I let it play the more inept I felt. I actually had to write down the positive things about myself and believe me, it wasn't easy. But eventually I got it.
Take it easy on yourself, you are working so hard to effect some positive change. Be as respectful of yourself as you would be of a loved one...love yourself.
Peace and Positive Thoughts~MomNMore
Kev, if we were truly such positive people we wouldn't have done junk in the first place............fear of failure............we're not the most self-esteemed bunch are we?......I know exactly what ya mean and I do the same exact things, Kev.......and it comes down to missing out on life.
What to do?.............my therapist did the ol' What's thw worse will happen if ya don't get any sponsors?"...........I'll be mortified and it will just reinforce I am a failure and might as well just go back to using.........NOPE.......somebody says no don't mean all that much and ya go on to the next.............it don't define who we are............meanwhile I think mantras help............much like Mom&More just said.
Weird though, Kev ain't it we're all so fun loving and supportive and tell eachother we all can do this..........we're proud of all our loved ones..........we encourage everybody else..............EXCEPT US! We may be on to something.
What to do?.............my therapist did the ol' What's thw worse will happen if ya don't get any sponsors?"...........I'll be mortified and it will just reinforce I am a failure and might as well just go back to using.........NOPE.......somebody says no don't mean all that much and ya go on to the next.............it don't define who we are............meanwhile I think mantras help............much like Mom&More just said.
Weird though, Kev ain't it we're all so fun loving and supportive and tell eachother we all can do this..........we're proud of all our loved ones..........we encourage everybody else..............EXCEPT US! We may be on to something.
hi kev
a,ll f***in sponsor u mate,as long as your not from aberdeen....f*** them all m8,and it,s not how much u bring in coz everyones mounts up.good to know u r still there m8...bonnie scotland....
a,ll f***in sponsor u mate,as long as your not from aberdeen....f*** them all m8,and it,s not how much u bring in coz everyones mounts up.good to know u r still there m8...bonnie scotland....
Kev,
The life of addiction (active or not) can beat us down in so many ways that when we look up all we see is negativity, fear, uncertainty, and doubt. Even if you are having your most positive day out of no were that ol addict way of thinking can creep right up on us and bring with it grey skies and ways of thinking. Facing yourself and your fears can be the hardest part of this process and takes SO much time to work out. Talking about it helped me a great deal because for so long I thought I was "smart enough" to come up with the answers and kept it all to myself but that only made matter worse. Do you have a suppot nettwork of folks you can call on??
The life of addiction (active or not) can beat us down in so many ways that when we look up all we see is negativity, fear, uncertainty, and doubt. Even if you are having your most positive day out of no were that ol addict way of thinking can creep right up on us and bring with it grey skies and ways of thinking. Facing yourself and your fears can be the hardest part of this process and takes SO much time to work out. Talking about it helped me a great deal because for so long I thought I was "smart enough" to come up with the answers and kept it all to myself but that only made matter worse. Do you have a suppot nettwork of folks you can call on??
There ya go Kev ya got Eckie in your corner.
O.K. I was googling about this.........and before I even start that Kev!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What were we good at?............gosh darn I'm the best junkie out there.......hey, look at me I'm so good I conned my own mother, neighbor and best friend......I rock at being a low life.........watch me how good I am..............that's how I thought............AND did we fear some of them mad runs we went on......NOPE!
No fear of going in an abandoned house in the pitch dark with a dealer I never saw before in my life............no fear my butt was gonna get busted.......none!
1.) Make a list of fears holding ya back. Like I fear doing this course because?
2.) What's the root of it? Where'd it come from? Somebody at one time tell ya
you weren't intelligent?
3.) Star off small. Don't be signing up for calculus.
Blah, blah, but it's something to look at...............we internalize the fear so much it becomes the truth.............he*l yeah.........take that course........if it's hard then you will try harder............if ya don't pass ya take it again........them things I just read were saying and so what ya fail it.........worse thing can happen to ya is you die and not passing a course won't do that........but heroin will, right?
*****Somebody looks at ya Kev they can begin to know nothing about ya.......they can tell you're male, and approximate age.............that's it.......if fear is what other people are thinking of ya........they don't got a clue*******
Hope somehow a little bit it helped...........Kev each time we do this we're squashing LIFE...........we might be clean ff the dope, but we ain't living.
This I know cause I do the same exact thing all the time.........you just helped me look at this more...........I gotta stop this as well.........yes you can do this all of it yes you can!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
O.K. I was googling about this.........and before I even start that Kev!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What were we good at?............gosh darn I'm the best junkie out there.......hey, look at me I'm so good I conned my own mother, neighbor and best friend......I rock at being a low life.........watch me how good I am..............that's how I thought............AND did we fear some of them mad runs we went on......NOPE!
No fear of going in an abandoned house in the pitch dark with a dealer I never saw before in my life............no fear my butt was gonna get busted.......none!
1.) Make a list of fears holding ya back. Like I fear doing this course because?
2.) What's the root of it? Where'd it come from? Somebody at one time tell ya
you weren't intelligent?
3.) Star off small. Don't be signing up for calculus.
Blah, blah, but it's something to look at...............we internalize the fear so much it becomes the truth.............he*l yeah.........take that course........if it's hard then you will try harder............if ya don't pass ya take it again........them things I just read were saying and so what ya fail it.........worse thing can happen to ya is you die and not passing a course won't do that........but heroin will, right?
*****Somebody looks at ya Kev they can begin to know nothing about ya.......they can tell you're male, and approximate age.............that's it.......if fear is what other people are thinking of ya........they don't got a clue*******
Hope somehow a little bit it helped...........Kev each time we do this we're squashing LIFE...........we might be clean ff the dope, but we ain't living.
This I know cause I do the same exact thing all the time.........you just helped me look at this more...........I gotta stop this as well.........yes you can do this all of it yes you can!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hi i totally know what you mean. the negative thoughts are what always get me normally centred on fear of life without gear. silly thing is, i know it's possible and i know the fear is in my head but it often feels like an actual physical thing rather than just things in my head. some i know what you mean and though i don't really have anything to suggest that hasn't been said by the others, you're certainly not alone in feeling like that. if you find a way out yourself, let me know!!!
ps - that's bloody good going doing a sponsored anything let alone that distance!!
ps - that's bloody good going doing a sponsored anything let alone that distance!!
Thanks for the replies guys, as always greatly appreciated. It's a f&*&*&*& enigma as i KNOW i'm capable of the things that i'm scared of...( i know, one mixed up cookie haha) it's just having that oompphh to do it, BUT i'll get nowhere in life if i keep on letting the negative thooughts win.
GYAC, i've got a few friends who are trying to stay clean and go through the same so i've people who understand who i can talk to.
JAR, we are going to need to start pushing all those negative thoughts out my head when they come in.... that is the plan. I'll keep you posted. Take care all, Kev
GYAC, i've got a few friends who are trying to stay clean and go through the same so i've people who understand who i can talk to.
JAR, we are going to need to start pushing all those negative thoughts out my head when they come in.... that is the plan. I'll keep you posted. Take care all, Kev
its all about self esteem--the best thing for me is to write out my abc's and write something im gratefull for for each letter--i know it seems redundant but it will make you feel much better and stronger--just try it ans see what happens
Kev, you better run.................we'll be like "Run Forrest, Run".
Go on now, Kev you can do that run.
Academics now that I know you can excell.............plus learning older rocks...........you appreciate it more..............and actually it's a whole like social scene.............you'll rule.
Go on now, Kev you can do that run.
Academics now that I know you can excell.............plus learning older rocks...........you appreciate it more..............and actually it's a whole like social scene.............you'll rule.
