Should I let go of my hope and walk away?
Eloisa if you don't you will only regret it later , put your children and you first.
Eloisa,
I am so sorry to hear of your current hardship.
Dian is right in the sense that you must put yourself and your children first and ensure they are in an environment that is free of any harm and is completely safe.
Is there any way you can reach out to your own or his family for support, both for your own sake and for his sake?
Is there a way he can get into recovery program or rehab? In saying this however, he must want to get clean and want to get into recovery.
How is he funding the habit, ensure you stop providing any money for him to continue using.
I hope you are doing okay please keep coming back here for support, questions, advice etc.
Cheers,
Circa.
I am so sorry to hear of your current hardship.
Dian is right in the sense that you must put yourself and your children first and ensure they are in an environment that is free of any harm and is completely safe.
Is there any way you can reach out to your own or his family for support, both for your own sake and for his sake?
Is there a way he can get into recovery program or rehab? In saying this however, he must want to get clean and want to get into recovery.
How is he funding the habit, ensure you stop providing any money for him to continue using.
I hope you are doing okay please keep coming back here for support, questions, advice etc.
Cheers,
Circa.
I did distance myself from the addict mother of my daughter. Works totally different for guys though. Babies grandma has temporary custody. I'm now stuck in a wheelchair for next 3months minimum..Gf went on suboxone I think but stormed through my house Thursday morning at 5:00am, crazed.I rolled to garage door, grabbed crutches, fell down two steps into garage got into my car with a thigh to toe l right leg cast.she followed saying" where the hell do you think you're going to go". she had taken the key out of the car fortunately I have the spare right next to car in the garage. somehow managed to drive way pushing down on my cast to control gas pedal. I was terrified of what she became. I had not much clothing, no money, she took my phones. I drove to the gas station, called my ex to help or for advice. SHE told me to just go home it's my house. (not rental-own). Arriving back home was surrounded by police officers on the street, yanked out of my car, forced to stand in the near zero cold with all my crutches because they may be a weapon. Tossed in the back of a police car with out being restrained they drove erratically I requested hospitalization or ambulance due to the intense pain of the 5 breaks in my ankle that I'm awaiting surgery for. They were arresting me for false imprisonment. 2 hours later he found out it was impossible since my girlfriend had been to numerous appointment on the alleged 3 days. Like picking up a prescription after seeing a doctor on her way to therapy- not a joke. after they brought me back home realized that she had taken my new pain meds, $500 cash and key to my Audi. A new low for her.I can't run, why should I leave my home have no contact order. Not being enforced because she portrays herself as innocent 14year old looking girl. Have my dog and no freinds. Family wants no involvment.wow. at least I got to visit my daughter yesterday otherwise wishing I life would end. IF you can get away please do..I went from a simple life excited to be a father to this because I knew nothing of addiction and still can't do anything about it even with my life right now
Hey, beingme , i have read alot of your posts- time to get this girl out of your head, out of your house and out of your life- you need to move on- you have tried your best for this girl- look after you and look after your daughter- you got an emotional kicking, learn from it-dont trust addicts that are using- protect yourself and your daughter from this woman- you cant help this girl- she is just going to take, and keep taking to feed her addiction- time to get up and get on with the rest of your life-start working on building a future for you and your daughter, she needs you- best of luck -
Thank You . I know you are right. She has been out of my house. Keeps coming back. I'm in a wheelchair now. I have to file a restraining order but I am trying to get custody of my daughter.. I stopped enabling her a long time ago. We go back to court in 2 days for my daughter. I have everything ready to have a life with my daughter, except for my daughter..I made a promise to gf that I have to finally break.I have a big stupid heart. I didn't even like living with her because of sloppiness and laziness. She had no to place else to go, she won't be on the street. I cant accept she would stoop so low to whatever...
Due to my physical condition my mother will be moving back in with me. I know I keep letting the insanity continue. I said it before I need somebody hit me upside the head, maybe the broken ankle is my sign .Wanted the mother of my daughter to share a life with. ..Seriously co-dependent and in therapy. I'm on my own rollercoaster now. Maybe getting crazy like her. Idk. Again thanks needed to hear it.
Due to my physical condition my mother will be moving back in with me. I know I keep letting the insanity continue. I said it before I need somebody hit me upside the head, maybe the broken ankle is my sign .Wanted the mother of my daughter to share a life with. ..Seriously co-dependent and in therapy. I'm on my own rollercoaster now. Maybe getting crazy like her. Idk. Again thanks needed to hear it.
Dear Being Me,I'm sorry for all you have gone through...In your post you stated your stupid heart...Don't allow anyone to change your heart....You sound like a man who truly cared and cares for the girl who bore your child...I call her a girl because along with her addiction she sounds like a spoiled brat who has alot of growing up to do.....She is in the full grip of addiciton ....at this point she will only drag you down. ..You need to focus on your health and your baby daughter....You cannot help someone who is not willing to help themselves....but what you can and must do is stop allowing her to involve you with this nonsense ...take out a retraining order and if need be enforce it....You must realize now this isn't the person you created a child with...she is a drug demon. ..do all you can to protect yourself change locks phone number get the restraining order and through these actions show her your done allowing her drug life to effect you....prove to the authorities that you are not involved with the addictive nature of the addict...that you will not allow that around you...and therefore your child is safe with you...believe me the authorities will want to see that you will provide a safe environment for your baby....You need to cut the attachment with her...it is the only way you will save and preserve your own well being...You are a father now and your top concerns need to be you...as your a father you need to be there for your daughter stop the nonsense you would allow the addict to consider harming yourself...Stop that! Second your daughter was bought into this world not by her choice ...You created her now be a man take care of yourself look out for her and love her...Show her she was wanted and not a mistake ...give her your heart, you called stupid...allow your daughter to fill your heart with smiles hugs and love. ...focus on the 2 of you...when you change yourself and your thinking and cut the addict out...Realize what she does will no longer bring you down...I promise it'll start to get better for you.....also better for your daughter. ..never ever call a good heart stupid ...just realize there's some that don't appreciate it and move on from them.
Oh @beingme. I am so sorry to hear of all this turmoil. I think your ego is hurt as well as your ankle....you have tried so hard and have done all you could. please realize that her addiction has nothing to do with you! I dealt with a crack addicted husband for far too long. I finally had the courage to get the restraining order and am so happy I did. I have begun to find myself agin. Yes, there are periods where it is so hard. My 6 year old imagines her daddy is with us, riding in the passenger seat, or walking with us. My two year old really doesn't know the difference. I say this to you because your daughter is so young. Don't wait. Going to court was very hard. My husband brought his adult son to testify that I am a mentally ill alcoholic. The two of them drink a case of beer in a day. I have cared for this boy since he was 7 years old. What really struck me was how my husband could allow even his children to become code pendant and sick. The reality is he doesn't see beyond his next high. My stepson once told me that he would give his life to rid the world of crack because of what it has done to his dad. Then came to court trying to pull me down to his dad's level. I am not angry with him. I am sad and disappointed but I know that I am doing the best thing for all of us involved. Your gf is being totally ridiculous. She has no care for herself therefore cannot care for you and baby. She will respect you though if you truly set boundaries and get on with life. Addicts thrive on the drama they create. It is another any for them to escape the reality of their lives. My husband, the day after we went to court went to Canada for work. He was not allowed back into the states as he is a drug felon with a green card. He was born in Spain and has been here since a toddler, now deported because of HIS actions. The old me would have been on the phone, exhausting the little resources we have trying to clean up his mess hoping that this would be his bottom. And guess what it wouldn't have been because I would not have allowed it to be. Oh what a crazy web we weave.....I have had calls from his lawyer, from his manager, even one from him telling me how much he loves me and the kids and needs my help. I have ignored them all. Is it easy?? Not one bit, but I am not his puppet any longer. He chose this lifestyle and now he has the opportunity to mop up his own mess. Wish him well and pray for him and hope that one day we can be friends. He has no idea that I reported him for forging checks from an acct he was not on to his dope dealer. So even if he did get across the border, he would be arrested again. This weighs on my heart, but ya know HE did it and I because I love him myself and our children had to say Enough!! Sometimes I get a little scared that this guy will come looking for his money. But I pray and I refuse to live in fear. You are the one in your right mind @beingme unless you allow her disease to control you as well. I can tell you that in the long run you will not be disappointed if you stand up for yourself and baby. And being in a relationship with an addict is extremely lonely. She may offer you some affection and you guys may have a good day and then Bam! She is out the door only to leave you more broke and broke hearted. This is not to say she cannot get better but she has to do so on her own. Sorry for the long winded ness. I feel for you and wish you well.
@Eloise
You don't have to give up hope but it is in your best interest to walk away. Here is what will happen if you do, you will find strength you didn't know you had. You will have more money in the bank. You will be at ease not in a state of disease wondering about the addict and being in fear. You will gain dignity and self respect. And you can love the addict in your life, by not enabling them. I do love my husband and realized I was not loving him or myself or kids by allowing or enabling his behavior. If he does get clean, which I hope all our addicts will, he will love and respect you more for doing what was necessary when he couldn't. If he does not get clean, he may blame and resent you but at least it will be from far away
You don't have to give up hope but it is in your best interest to walk away. Here is what will happen if you do, you will find strength you didn't know you had. You will have more money in the bank. You will be at ease not in a state of disease wondering about the addict and being in fear. You will gain dignity and self respect. And you can love the addict in your life, by not enabling them. I do love my husband and realized I was not loving him or myself or kids by allowing or enabling his behavior. If he does get clean, which I hope all our addicts will, he will love and respect you more for doing what was necessary when he couldn't. If he does not get clean, he may blame and resent you but at least it will be from far away
Thank you all so much. I have set some strict rules and cried more than ever since that day. I will remain distant but kind. I can only hate who I love for so long, and hating seems to hurt more than just being strong.
