ok-so i was at the bus-stop yesterday after picking up my methdone and oveheard a man asking if anyone wanted to buy some bar xanax-i relapse on those a year ago-well i didnt say anything but when he walked away i immediately started following him and thinking about how mu ch $ i had on me. i quickly came to my senses but it really made me realize where im at right now--im so very unhappy and i worry constantly i have very little hope for my future i havent felt this depressed in a long time and im really worried i dont want to fall into my ld habits -i cant i have to pay my rent and keep up with this program im determined to get out on my own--dangit dangit dangit like i said in a post responding to the thought for my future-i owe 1500.00 in backrent from when i came to this place and had to quit my job because its too far-they said "dont worry sweety we'll work with you-no one ever has a job when they move in" little did i know most people have their rent paid by other sources and working with me meant billing me for the time im here then taking every check off my hands the minute i get it--does this sound like "working" with me ive looked into a COUPLE OTHER PLACES AND ITLL STILL BE LIKE 3 MONTHS TILL THAT HAPPENS, but i dont know how i will save up my first months rent--i cannot this place also wants verification of past rent so they are sending the place im at now a letter, but im afraid if they find out im trying to move they will find make me leave--so im so scared everday is getting harder all i want to do is sleep--and thats not a good sign--im not doing that butmy days are just dragggging--i havent been feeling this depressed for awhile i just dont see any way out
You sound like your feeling unstable. It's totally understandable. I still have debt out the rear end "from using" that is stoping me from advancing in life "biggest thing" my fiance wants me to pay that debt before we can marry. I want to start school i'm already money wise in the - so school $ is only a DREAM!. It gets very DARN frustrating to not be using but, still have some addict baggage!.
Yes, it is easier to not try. I've day-dreamed about just getting a lil bag letting go of the daily grind of life. That's going back not forwords that's clearly self destructive. YOU MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE i'm so glad for you that you did not get those xanax that was very WISE. One simple choice to take some pills do a lil dope can have terrible consequences "jail, relaspe, loss of housing, loss of kids, lose respect with family, exc, exc. It's nuts how one bad choice feeds right into more bad choices. Anyone who said your situation did not SUCK BIG TIME would be lying. Your making it alone with a child that's tough chit to deal with. Your strong and brave it won't break you because your not gonna let it!. You are doing things to go forwords in life even thou you think your going slow it's progress.
Yes, it is easier to not try. I've day-dreamed about just getting a lil bag letting go of the daily grind of life. That's going back not forwords that's clearly self destructive. YOU MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE i'm so glad for you that you did not get those xanax that was very WISE. One simple choice to take some pills do a lil dope can have terrible consequences "jail, relaspe, loss of housing, loss of kids, lose respect with family, exc, exc. It's nuts how one bad choice feeds right into more bad choices. Anyone who said your situation did not SUCK BIG TIME would be lying. Your making it alone with a child that's tough chit to deal with. Your strong and brave it won't break you because your not gonna let it!. You are doing things to go forwords in life even thou you think your going slow it's progress.
..Amity..
..Even with the way your feeling..you should be proud of yaself for having the strength not to buy any pills off that geezer at the bus stop..i just hope you can find a way of getting ya backrent sorted and you can move on..easier said than done i know..but try stay strong..Robbie..
..Even with the way your feeling..you should be proud of yaself for having the strength not to buy any pills off that geezer at the bus stop..i just hope you can find a way of getting ya backrent sorted and you can move on..easier said than done i know..but try stay strong..Robbie..
You walked away Amity. You are strong. You are amazing. You are wise, caring, giving... Every post I've ever read from you demands my respect. There is a way forward and it's worth looking for. I truly wish I could post you all the answers you need...although finding them yourself is all part of the journey...and I don't know the answers. Sending you love and energy to carry on.
You'll be on my mind today,
Maddy x
You'll be on my mind today,
Maddy x
Amity...ya looked into the dark hole and said no not for me so well done..it took balls and strength to do that..so you got it...just another day trying to stay clean...and im sorry to say you ..Amity or any of us will be tempted...like the situ.ya mentioned...but ya came out of it you should feel good for that.Take care ...Davey
Just wanted to say what everyone else is saying really... WELL DONE for walking away and recognising you are in a bad place right now.
Kym x
Kym x
thanks y'all i wanns cry--i feel so loved-i realise i cannot have everything right at this minute but man o man if it would just steadily get easier instead of harder i would be ok--i guess its all perspective though-im no longer living on the streets getting rained on, dodging the cops and chasing dope everyday, so i have it good in comparison--im still here my job isnt going too good the hours and daycare here at the house are making it hard for my boss to work with me-but i gotta keep trying the past couple of days ive been falling into this darkness and i havent done any of the stuff i usually do to keep up with my life and get me out of this situation i dont feel strong or brave-i just feel yucky but not everyday can be great-right--thanks for your support-this site is my saving grace
