So what is feeling good anyway?
I can't even comprehend the feeling, I dont think i've been really happy and secure since I was mabye 8 or 9 and first imagined killing myself. Well I'm past suicidal feelings, but I cant say i'm happy. When i'm high I'm not happy, but i'm not caring about anything anyway, i'm just enjoying the fog and the daze that blocks everything else out. I'm basically clean now, but I cant say im happy or feeling good. Life has too many worries for me.
Am I proud that i'm clean? Yes. Do I feel safe and euphoric? no
Sorry if i'm burdening you with my problems/thoughts, but this board and the people on it are the only ones who can mabye empathize.
Thanks, I love you all.
josh, I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL.
Have you been to aa or na? I am not sure where you live, but just going there helped me.
Sometimes when I feel like that, going to a room where people feel like that, or have felt like that and are feeling better helps me see some light at the end of the tunnel.
Here I go....I never thought that i would say this because when someone said it to me I wanted to punch them, but...........Don't use because This Too Shall Pass....
kerry
Have you been to aa or na? I am not sure where you live, but just going there helped me.
Sometimes when I feel like that, going to a room where people feel like that, or have felt like that and are feeling better helps me see some light at the end of the tunnel.
Here I go....I never thought that i would say this because when someone said it to me I wanted to punch them, but...........Don't use because This Too Shall Pass....
kerry
Jason, the search to find a basic sense of happiness and contentment is one that often takes a lifetime. Personally, I went about it on a trial and error basis. When I was closer to your age, I was pretty sure that I could find it in sex. Later, I thought that money and power were the real key. Many people believe they find completion in having children, only to learn later that while there is joy in watching them grow, they come with a number of problems as well.
An overlay to all of this for me was that getting high was as close as I could come to being happy. Maybe it was not happiness but it felt like an escape from my troubles. Sadly, they were always there waiting for me when I came down.
Happiness and contentment can be found but for me money, power, sex or relationships became hollow so long as I remained uncomfortable with myself, inside my own skin.
A buddist way of looking at it would be that happiness lies in a state of no longer desiring that which we do not have or fearing losing that which we do have. The longer I live, the less I really need to be happy.
Learning to be happy without drugs is what recovery from addiction is all about.
August
An overlay to all of this for me was that getting high was as close as I could come to being happy. Maybe it was not happiness but it felt like an escape from my troubles. Sadly, they were always there waiting for me when I came down.
Happiness and contentment can be found but for me money, power, sex or relationships became hollow so long as I remained uncomfortable with myself, inside my own skin.
A buddist way of looking at it would be that happiness lies in a state of no longer desiring that which we do not have or fearing losing that which we do have. The longer I live, the less I really need to be happy.
Learning to be happy without drugs is what recovery from addiction is all about.
August
Once again, an intelligent and eloquent post from August.
I found this in the Tao of Sobriety..."The noted analyst Carl Jung once referred to alcoholics and addicts as 'frustrated mystics' . Jung believed that many people who are attracted to alcohol and drugs are drawn to the experience of altered states becasue of their ostensible similarity to transcendental sprirtual expereinces..."
That would be me..
I think that most of us are trying to fill that hole. I think that the human race is infected with that "hole" disease. Somewhere along the line our pshyche gets caught up, like August refers to, with filling the whole with outside things. It may work for a while, but once we get what we think will make us happy, we feel even more lost.
I don't know much about anything, but for me, I have learned a few things from the steps and the art of simplicity. I was taught that simplicity is for stupid, simple people, and sucess is the measure of who you are. I want certain material things, but that is for comfort, not because I need the neighbors to like me because of a mercedes. Don't get me wrong, money is nice and it is nescessary, but I learned that it doesn't take away the hole.
In my disease, I have aquired material wealth, but couldn't spend it because it wasn't enough??? Money was just security...another bandaid.
Today, I find the greatest joy in realizing that all along, I had everything I needed to be happy, I just had to look around. And I had to listed very carefully to that little voice inside of me, or lest I face the consequences.
I tried time and time again to fill that hole. But for me, and for today, simplicity is best for me. The hardest part is to change my conditioning from what I think will make me happy to what I know will make me happy. I find happiness in seeing people smile, doing the right thing, and thosesweetestlittlevoicesthatyouhaveeverheard tell me that they love me.
Now, if I can just make that hole smaller at times, I feel that is progress..
I found this in the Tao of Sobriety..."The noted analyst Carl Jung once referred to alcoholics and addicts as 'frustrated mystics' . Jung believed that many people who are attracted to alcohol and drugs are drawn to the experience of altered states becasue of their ostensible similarity to transcendental sprirtual expereinces..."
That would be me..
I think that most of us are trying to fill that hole. I think that the human race is infected with that "hole" disease. Somewhere along the line our pshyche gets caught up, like August refers to, with filling the whole with outside things. It may work for a while, but once we get what we think will make us happy, we feel even more lost.
I don't know much about anything, but for me, I have learned a few things from the steps and the art of simplicity. I was taught that simplicity is for stupid, simple people, and sucess is the measure of who you are. I want certain material things, but that is for comfort, not because I need the neighbors to like me because of a mercedes. Don't get me wrong, money is nice and it is nescessary, but I learned that it doesn't take away the hole.
In my disease, I have aquired material wealth, but couldn't spend it because it wasn't enough??? Money was just security...another bandaid.
Today, I find the greatest joy in realizing that all along, I had everything I needed to be happy, I just had to look around. And I had to listed very carefully to that little voice inside of me, or lest I face the consequences.
I tried time and time again to fill that hole. But for me, and for today, simplicity is best for me. The hardest part is to change my conditioning from what I think will make me happy to what I know will make me happy. I find happiness in seeing people smile, doing the right thing, and thosesweetestlittlevoicesthatyouhaveeverheard tell me that they love me.
Now, if I can just make that hole smaller at times, I feel that is progress..
I think it was Sharon that said it takes the brain about a year to heal and for your body to feel "normal" again. Something to do with the receptors. We have a brain disease and it won't heal overnight. I've got 6 months and still don't feel the happiness and ephoria that I thought I had found with the pills. The pills make us numb and helps us hide from all of the problems and hurt in our lives. When we aren't numb anymore, yea, all of the pain comes back and it's going to take awhile to find that peace and serinity again. I'm so sorry for you darlin, but it will get better if you start doing some "you" work. None of this is ever going to be easy, it will be a life long struggle. BUT, we don't have to do it alone. It doesn't have to be scary or painful if you reach out to those who know what you've been through so that they can help you figure out what went wrong in your life when you were a child. You have to love that child so that it can heal...
In the meantime, we'll love you until you can love yourself.
Cowgirl
In the meantime, we'll love you until you can love yourself.
Cowgirl
