My 27 yr old son has a BD next week. I was addressing a BD card for him and my boyfriend asked why was I sending him a card. "I''m to nice". Background_ My son is an addict and is currently in jail. He pawned my favorite things before he was arrested. I was deeply offended because I still love my son but hated his behavior. My boyfriend has 3 young girls and he has not experienced his children in adult status and areas that a parent does not have control. I feel very blessed, my son as been sober 1 year even though it is "forced remission" he could have been dead and now he has a 2nd chance. Again I feel very blessed, I have a daughter in college and she is doing great. I need some advice. Thank you
Dear Margie...I'm sorry I don't have any advice, just hated that you had no responses yet. These situations with our addicted children are very painful. I will pray for you though and your decision to send him a birthday card.
I assume BD means "Birthday"? I don't see an issue with this. The advice I was given for estranged family relationships is to still connect in small ways - sending a birthday card, calling to wish him the best, etc. The behavior to be avoidis is anything enabling such as giving him money, and roof over his head, etc..
Hopefully your son will get into a program of recovery. In my experience, sometimes people who spend time in jails dedicate themselves to AA or NA meetings when they get out. If so, it will be his job to mend fences as part of the 12 step program, including paying back anything that he stole. However, this is his program to work. You are powerless over his addiction and recovery.
For you, codependent meeting such as Al Anon or NAR Anon could be extremely helpful. It teaches life lessons that extend beyond having a family member who is an alcoholic or drunk. You learn to control what you can, be thankful for small blessings, and life live on it's terms more happy, joyous, and free.
I hope this helps,
Fly
Hopefully your son will get into a program of recovery. In my experience, sometimes people who spend time in jails dedicate themselves to AA or NA meetings when they get out. If so, it will be his job to mend fences as part of the 12 step program, including paying back anything that he stole. However, this is his program to work. You are powerless over his addiction and recovery.
For you, codependent meeting such as Al Anon or NAR Anon could be extremely helpful. It teaches life lessons that extend beyond having a family member who is an alcoholic or drunk. You learn to control what you can, be thankful for small blessings, and life live on it's terms more happy, joyous, and free.
I hope this helps,
Fly
Dear Margie, No matter what your son is Your son.As a parent of an addicted child, I do not like condone care for I truly hate what drug addiction has done to my son.I do not care for what he has done and he has done alot ....but I am a mother I need to separate his actions and the damage he has done as I know they are being commited by his drug addiction.Does it make his actions right absolutely not.....I knew my son before this rotten addiction reared it's ugly head into our lives.....I remember the joy we shared for many a year before this occurred....to extend a happy birthday to him It is the day that you share together. ..Your boyfriend has no right to tell you whether to send it or not...if he had a child who had a sickness or a diease would he appreciate you saying don't send one ...what your son did he did TO YOU....it is something you and your son alone together will come to terms with....without outside interference. I WILL not support my sons addiction I am angry at the act of his actions through addiction but do I love him you bet I do. SEND THE CARD...don't let others dictate your realtionship with the child you gave life to.
