Tell me how is one supposed to not worry about their child?
My daughter who does not live with me anymore........17 years I raised this kid.
Yes, I became a heroin addict around when she turned 8........I'm wholeheartedly sorry........I can't take it back..........I told her I was sorry and staying clean for almost three years I thought maybe at some point that would mean something?????????????
Yeah so she walked out to go live with her dad.........last time I called her when she finally answered she said "What the f*ck do you want? You woke me the f*ck up"...........I'mma be honest I'd like to knock that fresh mouth into next year.......BUt I tried every angle..........I'm sorry, I am here for you, I love you.
To "Listen ya smart a*s I don't know where you get off treating your grandmom like that after she helped raise you".......yeah.
So, now my girlfriend says "Oh that kids out of control".........then she sends me a link to her myspace............this kid looks stoned.......so who knows?
All thinking she's tough giving the finger on a picture on the world wide web....very ladylike........BUT all that is one thing.........my girlfriend sends a link to other things and my kid is right on there saying "Oh sorry so and so I never went home last night.........F this and that and no she don't care what they say"..........I know what they said.......meaning my ex husband and his family........they said jack............they have no idea where she is..
I mean I know it's HER stuff, but this is my child.......she's getting worse.....and the amount of weight she gained I mean it is obvious there's a problem.......and I don't mean like oh she's fat.........I mean this is serious.........BAD.
So, right about now after almost six months of this nonsense.......I swear I am about ready to go up to her school and take her out of there.........I have full custody..........she won't be 18 for months.........but like my siblings said "Then what? She drives you nuts and kills mommy?"
What am I to do? Please tell me. I mean she already hates me. What do I have to lose. Kids out walking in bad neighborhoods all alone late at night. Her father is clueless. He's out with his girlfriend. Not a clue.
I mean she could get attacked. Pulled in a car or something. Nobody would know. Nobody until it was too late. Ya live under my roof you at least call if you are going to be late. Yeah, now graduation too. 17 years ya raise somebody and now the graduation and you ain't even talked to unless it's cursing?
Sorry.
You are not suppose to not worry. Not thinking there is a way not to worry.
You are kinda in this all backwards. She split before you ever really knew wtf was going on. She started to change so fast, blame so fast and boom took off.somewhere part of the normal process of insanity got skipped..
If you could just find out why. What set this madness into motion. It might be time.
I would demand, ( and that is not me ) a day and it is mandatory she has no say. I would take her away from your house, her dads house and talk to her. Tell her you dont really care what she thinks but that you are worried for her..Not for anything lse, just her, based on what you see, what you are hearing through the grapevine. Dont bring in how she treats you , how she treats your mom. That is a guilt trip type thing and it means nothing right now. You need to find out what she feels, why she feels the way she does. What her perceptions are of life around, and why the change, why so fast and drastic, cutting out all she ever knew she could count on. There is something that doesnt make sense.
She could find some validity in hating you. That would be normal.You were an addict, you missed time. But you got things back, found life again. You were there..
This is normal for addiction, her anger, her pain is justified in someway, and yet so unhealthy. This is a process that must be gone through for her to find the other side. It is wrapped in some codependency, and some other twisted stuff. You read the family board, see the reactions after the addict becomes clean. Not all that normal is it. It is worry, and fear, future tripping, whatever.But it isnt well they arent using I am fine. There is no fine during, after unless this side changes and heals as well..
But to run from your mom, your family who made sure no matter what that she was ok, had a good life is the part in this that might show that it has nothing to do with any of you. That it is something that is in her, and what that is.
I cant believe she is just a spoiled rotten selfish brat. It just doesnt work that this is a kid who split cause of rules..Makes no damn sense, none at all. I did say that already.
Not with the appearance changes, not with how she ran, cut everyone off, was looking for acceptance in some bad ways right before she left.The pot if she is. I dont know I see drug use in kids different then most. If she is getting high, she is.It isnt good but right now that is the least of her problems, and it only gets bad in my head if she doesnt stop this craziness and let go or ask for help, or open up and share what is really going on..
There is no right or wrong answer in this, never was with parenting. YOU know her, you are worried..
And more so then just that what might happen to her. She isnt at all like her normal self. Time to take her on. But you really cant say anything, just listen, let her share, and rant and rave and scream all she wants. Hopefully she will go on and on, exhaust herself and the really open up and share what might be going on.....
Hang in there, parenting sucks at times.
Hugs,
Tina
You are kinda in this all backwards. She split before you ever really knew wtf was going on. She started to change so fast, blame so fast and boom took off.somewhere part of the normal process of insanity got skipped..
If you could just find out why. What set this madness into motion. It might be time.
I would demand, ( and that is not me ) a day and it is mandatory she has no say. I would take her away from your house, her dads house and talk to her. Tell her you dont really care what she thinks but that you are worried for her..Not for anything lse, just her, based on what you see, what you are hearing through the grapevine. Dont bring in how she treats you , how she treats your mom. That is a guilt trip type thing and it means nothing right now. You need to find out what she feels, why she feels the way she does. What her perceptions are of life around, and why the change, why so fast and drastic, cutting out all she ever knew she could count on. There is something that doesnt make sense.
She could find some validity in hating you. That would be normal.You were an addict, you missed time. But you got things back, found life again. You were there..
This is normal for addiction, her anger, her pain is justified in someway, and yet so unhealthy. This is a process that must be gone through for her to find the other side. It is wrapped in some codependency, and some other twisted stuff. You read the family board, see the reactions after the addict becomes clean. Not all that normal is it. It is worry, and fear, future tripping, whatever.But it isnt well they arent using I am fine. There is no fine during, after unless this side changes and heals as well..
But to run from your mom, your family who made sure no matter what that she was ok, had a good life is the part in this that might show that it has nothing to do with any of you. That it is something that is in her, and what that is.
I cant believe she is just a spoiled rotten selfish brat. It just doesnt work that this is a kid who split cause of rules..Makes no damn sense, none at all. I did say that already.
Not with the appearance changes, not with how she ran, cut everyone off, was looking for acceptance in some bad ways right before she left.The pot if she is. I dont know I see drug use in kids different then most. If she is getting high, she is.It isnt good but right now that is the least of her problems, and it only gets bad in my head if she doesnt stop this craziness and let go or ask for help, or open up and share what is really going on..
There is no right or wrong answer in this, never was with parenting. YOU know her, you are worried..
And more so then just that what might happen to her. She isnt at all like her normal self. Time to take her on. But you really cant say anything, just listen, let her share, and rant and rave and scream all she wants. Hopefully she will go on and on, exhaust herself and the really open up and share what might be going on.....
Hang in there, parenting sucks at times.
Hugs,
Tina
Dear Bryn,
It sounds like she needs a "Boot Camp" experience like what you see on TV. I don't know how you go about finding one. Wish I did.
As for what you do. For me, it would be about what I can live with. That's how it was in dealing with my son's addiction. I had to do what I could live with with ALL things considered. There was NO HAPPY OR EASY SOLUTION because it was a DIFFICULT situation (like yours), but I had to analyze what I could live with thinking of what all could happen if I did this or didn't do that.
Sorry I can't be of more help. I will pray for God to move you to do what is best for you and your daughter.
Love,
Susan
It sounds like she needs a "Boot Camp" experience like what you see on TV. I don't know how you go about finding one. Wish I did.
As for what you do. For me, it would be about what I can live with. That's how it was in dealing with my son's addiction. I had to do what I could live with with ALL things considered. There was NO HAPPY OR EASY SOLUTION because it was a DIFFICULT situation (like yours), but I had to analyze what I could live with thinking of what all could happen if I did this or didn't do that.
Sorry I can't be of more help. I will pray for God to move you to do what is best for you and your daughter.
Love,
Susan
..Hey Bryn..
..This aint aimed at you in a bad way..its just a personal view from my point..As you know all kids are different (just like adults )..some wanna rebel against the system of parenting/lifes rules..some just wanna keep to the rules of adults and hope to grow up to be like their mum or dad ? wotever..some just wanna grow without the thought or hassles of who they are/wanna be..does your child hate you ? maybe she does ?..is that because of wot you were or is it just your daughter growing up and sticking 2 fingers up to the world cos shes a bad lil mother f***er ? and she aint got time for your bulls*** (in her mind its bulls***) ..and she just wants to crack on in life with the hate..disrespect..
uninterested feelings she has towards you and others..when our kids go out and do things we dont agree with its natural we blame ourselves..but we cant control those issues until our kids open up to us as to why they're doing the things they do ?..maybe your daughter prefers to be with your ex as he gives her the freedom to do wot she wants..i know its a dangerous kinda freedom..but she gets it all the same..she get wot she wants and she dose'nt care who she hurts in the process of getting it ?..she likes to be the bad girl with her bad lil posse of mates..she likes to be able to turn round to you and tell ya to f***off and leave her alone ?..its in her attitude and i know it sucks bigtime for ya but its there ?..thers sum bad kids out there in the world..maybe your daughter wants to be one of em ?..maybe its her way of sticking 2 fingers up at you for wot you were as she was growing up..as much as we would like our kids to be angels (you know wot im saying) it aint gonna happen if the attitude is there?..
or is she just a girl whos crying out to be loved unconditionally but is hiding that fact with attitude cos she dose'nt know how to take or give the love she needs ?.. you say ya ex is always with his g/f and lets your daughter do as she pleases..your daughter must feel like she comes 2nd place to ya ex's g/f and then theres you getting angry with her over stuff (which you have a right to do as her mum ) but is she feeling any true love from any of you ?..things beween you might be ok for a day or two..then it all blows up again with arguments and shouting..then hateful words come out cos of the anger ?..has she really felt loved by both of you as she was growing up..plz dont take my words as a slight on you bryn..its just a personel view on my part ?..sometimes kids get to a certain age where something from the past cant be fixed ..it can be covered up with pretence that its all ok now..but the damage thats been done sometimes cant be mentally fixed ?..i hope you know my words to you are sincere and without judgement..take care bryn and i do hope your daughter stays safe..Robbie..
..This aint aimed at you in a bad way..its just a personal view from my point..As you know all kids are different (just like adults )..some wanna rebel against the system of parenting/lifes rules..some just wanna keep to the rules of adults and hope to grow up to be like their mum or dad ? wotever..some just wanna grow without the thought or hassles of who they are/wanna be..does your child hate you ? maybe she does ?..is that because of wot you were or is it just your daughter growing up and sticking 2 fingers up to the world cos shes a bad lil mother f***er ? and she aint got time for your bulls*** (in her mind its bulls***) ..and she just wants to crack on in life with the hate..disrespect..
uninterested feelings she has towards you and others..when our kids go out and do things we dont agree with its natural we blame ourselves..but we cant control those issues until our kids open up to us as to why they're doing the things they do ?..maybe your daughter prefers to be with your ex as he gives her the freedom to do wot she wants..i know its a dangerous kinda freedom..but she gets it all the same..she get wot she wants and she dose'nt care who she hurts in the process of getting it ?..she likes to be the bad girl with her bad lil posse of mates..she likes to be able to turn round to you and tell ya to f***off and leave her alone ?..its in her attitude and i know it sucks bigtime for ya but its there ?..thers sum bad kids out there in the world..maybe your daughter wants to be one of em ?..maybe its her way of sticking 2 fingers up at you for wot you were as she was growing up..as much as we would like our kids to be angels (you know wot im saying) it aint gonna happen if the attitude is there?..
or is she just a girl whos crying out to be loved unconditionally but is hiding that fact with attitude cos she dose'nt know how to take or give the love she needs ?.. you say ya ex is always with his g/f and lets your daughter do as she pleases..your daughter must feel like she comes 2nd place to ya ex's g/f and then theres you getting angry with her over stuff (which you have a right to do as her mum ) but is she feeling any true love from any of you ?..things beween you might be ok for a day or two..then it all blows up again with arguments and shouting..then hateful words come out cos of the anger ?..has she really felt loved by both of you as she was growing up..plz dont take my words as a slight on you bryn..its just a personel view on my part ?..sometimes kids get to a certain age where something from the past cant be fixed ..it can be covered up with pretence that its all ok now..but the damage thats been done sometimes cant be mentally fixed ?..i hope you know my words to you are sincere and without judgement..take care bryn and i do hope your daughter stays safe..Robbie..
I'm just a young las...... 29 myself so it's hard for me to offer input on the matter. This is my take on the situation. Good reply Robbie I do get what you were saying at the end. My own relationship with my mom is strained.... growing up she was not there neither was dear ol' dad. Mom drank and ran a round nothing stable for me to cling to at all. It caused me to dis respect her when I was a teen. I moved away from home at 17 "pregnant"with my own kid. I always loved my mom I did not understand her thou...maybe your kid is going thru that. I'm seeing the same thing happen with my own daughter now. My daughter is sassy mouthed we clash poor kids NINE years old. She got to be around when I was noding out or strug out. All the sickness of my addiction she witnessed with her eyes from age 4 till 7. I don't expect my 2 years clean to cover up the utter screw ups I made for most of her life. She has been through a whole lot it was due to my ACTIONS. Parents always blame themself it comes with being a parent. Now that i'm older I understand my mom on a level I never could understand her on before. As a teen I had a huge dis like for her "it was part of growing up for me". Now I don't see her as the enemy. Your kid is close to 18 the only thing you can do is try to get across to her that even when you dis agree your the only mom she'll ever get and you do love and worry about her. Some things the teen age mind dose not grasp. As a teen I thought WAY WAY DIFFRENT then i do now. Nodody could tell me jack i knew it all at 17. At 29 I know i don't know nothing. AGE is not just a number. I was 14 would stay out all night not call drank smoked pot droped acid. Everything anyone said bounced off me .....I'm rubber your glue everything you say bounces off of me sticks to you. ....You guys don't know how much I FEAR my kid turning into A TEEN that's a four letter word for me. I was a terror i'm better now. I read once the hormonal changes that occur in the teen years throw the barin into a kind of state of insanity. Yes there is Chemical changes your kid is going thru. Her brain is still maturing.
Hey Bryn....you kow what? I was a total a****** to my Mom when I was a teenager. I didn't want to hear a damn thing she had to say becasue to me she was always wrong. I used to tell her the same s*** like "What the hell do you want"? I literally could not stand her. I ran away from home THREE times. Thought that I was tough s***. Then once I got a little older, I realized something.....my Mom was right about 98% of the things she used to preach to me. She will come around. She's a teenager. Her behavior sounds like every one off my family and friends with teens. This too shall pass. Obviously she can see that you quit the dope. That was a MAJOR accomplishment and you should feel like a million bucks because of that alone. Kids are kids. She will turn around, you just watch and see.
One thing though........even though I treated my Mom terrible when I was your daughter's age.............SHE NEVER once lost faith in me. She always told me how much she loved me. Just keep telling her you love her Bryn. Be there whenever she needs you, that's all you can do.
HUGS & Smooches
Danie
One thing though........even though I treated my Mom terrible when I was your daughter's age.............SHE NEVER once lost faith in me. She always told me how much she loved me. Just keep telling her you love her Bryn. Be there whenever she needs you, that's all you can do.
HUGS & Smooches
Danie
Awww Bryn. I wish I knew what to tell you.
Miss ya, Bryn. Sorry I don't have anything to offer. Hopefully she will come around but if you feel in your heart that you should do something, then maybe that is God speaking to you. I don't know what to tell you but hang in there?
love love love,
Marla
Miss ya, Bryn. Sorry I don't have anything to offer. Hopefully she will come around but if you feel in your heart that you should do something, then maybe that is God speaking to you. I don't know what to tell you but hang in there?
love love love,
Marla
B
My son will be 21 Saturday- I still worry l. I mean he is an adult ,he is a good person, but he is still my flesh and blood.
He want to go see his Mom more and more- and this is a woman who sowasnt a part of his life. It only bothers me because she has nothing good to say about me- and I took the high road & never bad mouthed her to him -ever.
I was the one who when to parent teacher meetings, little league, clothed and fed him and helped with school work and all his growing pains- right up to getting his drivers lic. & questions about birds and bees,- Yet, he still treats her with more concern then he does for me.- Maybe its because Im his father and as a guy I should be less sensitive towards sh*t . -
I dont dwell on it to much,but now her birthday is coming up and he asked me if he can skip the rent money this week to buy her a gift- WTF??
kids can be tough on us without knowing it. I try all the time to help him become more independent,maybe because she still coddles him he is a "young"
21 year old.
My gramma used to say>
"problemi grandi dei piccoli dei bambini piccoli bambini grandi di problemi"
"small boy-small problems> big boy big problems"
Hang in there
jack
My son will be 21 Saturday- I still worry l. I mean he is an adult ,he is a good person, but he is still my flesh and blood.
He want to go see his Mom more and more- and this is a woman who sowasnt a part of his life. It only bothers me because she has nothing good to say about me- and I took the high road & never bad mouthed her to him -ever.
I was the one who when to parent teacher meetings, little league, clothed and fed him and helped with school work and all his growing pains- right up to getting his drivers lic. & questions about birds and bees,- Yet, he still treats her with more concern then he does for me.- Maybe its because Im his father and as a guy I should be less sensitive towards sh*t . -
I dont dwell on it to much,but now her birthday is coming up and he asked me if he can skip the rent money this week to buy her a gift- WTF??
kids can be tough on us without knowing it. I try all the time to help him become more independent,maybe because she still coddles him he is a "young"
21 year old.
My gramma used to say>
"problemi grandi dei piccoli dei bambini piccoli bambini grandi di problemi"
"small boy-small problems> big boy big problems"
Hang in there
jack
Bryn sending Cyber Huggz...............you guys rawk.....and Jack, well I hear ya loud and clear..........what can we do though?
Thanks one and all for all the sound advice and experiences........I appreciate it.
Bottom line...........as a human being.......ain't nobody going to continue to call me names and get smart mouthed with me.........and even more.......NOBODY is going to jump all over my mom..........not even my daughter.
She feels being rude, and insubordinate is making her cool.......naw, it ain't.
Now she's into DEATH METAL.......she's cursing The Blessed Mother......and loves Decaying Christ..........Beelzabubba is her man.......yeah........hey, I never pushed religion on her........gave her a base........but the Nun who told me last week she is wonderful........she's missing something...........so be it.
Only way someone can treat you like crap is if you let them........I'm not.
Thanks one and all for all the sound advice and experiences........I appreciate it.
Bottom line...........as a human being.......ain't nobody going to continue to call me names and get smart mouthed with me.........and even more.......NOBODY is going to jump all over my mom..........not even my daughter.
She feels being rude, and insubordinate is making her cool.......naw, it ain't.
Now she's into DEATH METAL.......she's cursing The Blessed Mother......and loves Decaying Christ..........Beelzabubba is her man.......yeah........hey, I never pushed religion on her........gave her a base........but the Nun who told me last week she is wonderful........she's missing something...........so be it.
Only way someone can treat you like crap is if you let them........I'm not.
That's that........officially my ex husband went ballistic......yeah, my daughter she does that to people..........gets everyone all rilled up.
I'm never to even look at her again........he left not only messages to me, but to my siblings as well..........at their work numbers too...........he's mighty mad.
Apparently ringing her back after she asked me to call her........not giving her what she wanted.........yepper, that all equals I am a stalker, and I harass her.
Do I feel like going and booting up some dope.........no.........will I still be clean on this May 19th............yes I will......what a mess, but I did all I could do.
I'm never to even look at her again........he left not only messages to me, but to my siblings as well..........at their work numbers too...........he's mighty mad.
Apparently ringing her back after she asked me to call her........not giving her what she wanted.........yepper, that all equals I am a stalker, and I harass her.
Do I feel like going and booting up some dope.........no.........will I still be clean on this May 19th............yes I will......what a mess, but I did all I could do.
