it's been 13 days today and I still feel like a truck ran over me in the morning....I would do anything to be free of this at this point....but both my docs want me to keep taking the morphine and the doxepin....I wanted to completely cut out the morphine as I feel like it's just prolonging the inevitable...but they wont let me...so I've gone down to the lowest dose I can without instigating another hard withdrawal...I just don't know enough about this...the doxepin seems to assist just fine when I need it...primarily to be able to go to work every day...but between 3 and 5pm It all wears off and I'm back at square one again..has anyone has ever come off of methadone like this ?... I'm so sick of being sick ...
Constantine, I wouldn't think the doctors couldn't force you to stay on the morphine..but either way since you are taking it, try not to think you're prolonging the innevitible. I get what you are saying but honestly unless a high dose it's probably just easing some. and if you feel like you got hit by a train, well there you go..not working wonders. Though if you are working at 13 days out its definitly assisting. I'm not familiar with other medication you mentioned, what is it? Well keep up the fight/war! Keep reminding yourself IT WILL pass..and you can get through it. -Mary
Thanks MaryKat...too much hitting me at the same time maybe....the doxeprin as far as I can tell is a type of anti depressant with benefits...best I can describe it...I suppose the morphine is easing something...but...it just doesn't make much sense to me....I just hurt as to be expected I guess...but...crap...13 days out...God I hate this kick ! Just tell me it gets better soon....
How are you holding up? It will get better. The physical part especially..you have gotten through worst, and some of the stuff just lingers for awhile. I'm not sure though once you stop taking morphine, I doubt the w/d would come back any crazier or anything. How much morphine were/are you taking..either way it WILL GET BETTER :)
Thanks mk...I needed to hear that...eh...the morphine is more trouble than its worth...and the dose varies depending on how bad I get...less than 5 mg on a good day....im so glad it's Friday I could cry...that was one hell of a week...
Hey Constantine, are things getting better/different? Just checking in..
good days bad days...my head feels really messed up today...trying to get in to see doc this week...im just strung out....but not in a good way...cant concentrate...headaches..ya I'm whining.. sorry...thanks for checking in on me...there is no body to talk to about this...just out of sorts...
well as I live and breath...Con, its so good to hear from you. I am sorry for what you are going thru!!! We are on year 22 and life is good. My grandkids are doing well, my granddaughter is graduating from high school on 5-18 and they will be 19 on May 7th. The time has gone by SO fast.
We still run the K2R meetings at our clinic and I am in the 4th? yr of writing the clinic newsletter.
Hang tough.
granny
We still run the K2R meetings at our clinic and I am in the 4th? yr of writing the clinic newsletter.
Hang tough.
granny
God Damn !! Granny, am I glad to see a familiar face !! 22 years now ? really ?...dear God how time goes by....I think for most of us things got a bit better...I'm 9 years or so clean now...well, if you don't count methadone...but I know you know that old go around ..degree of clarity...last years have been good to me too...change however, seems to come when you least want it...I had no intention of doing this...made peace with that a long time ago...after the 3rd attempt off methadone...so this wasn't by choice..came as an unwelcome surprise actually...no taper and a jump...damn if I'm too old for this crap again...already probably know I'm not going to be safe without it...so...we'll see where this goes for the moment...God Granny...really really good to hear from you....I miss a lot of the folks we use to have on here for sure !
con ( smiling a big ole smile )
con ( smiling a big ole smile )
Hey Con,
It is good to talk to you too. I am not here much any more, got so many things going on, just life in general.
My granddaughter is graduating high school on the 18th among other things. I remember being a little panicky when I first was going to go get her and here we are almost 5 yrs later and she's graduating with a 4.0! She is interested in illustration. This gal can DRAW! Has no interest in college anymore though, at least at the moment.
Her twin hates school and wants to do nothing more than hang out, play video games...blah, blah. I guess one out of 2 ain't bad. Not at all sure what I'm going to do with him.
Most of the people that were here all the time when I first came here are not around much, including Jack. We don't chat at all like we used to. I know he was going thru some tough times too. He said he talked to you too, have you been in contact with him lately?
Do you see how busy the methadone board is??? I am SO HAPPY they added it when I asked. It was Oct 2011, and after the first few months it went crazy, ALT of talk about detoxing, tapering, etc.
I am glad you were doing well, 9 yrs?? That's fantastic, but what was up with the clinic and the abrupt changes? Can they do that to you?? DUH..they did! Even over here in the states the GOV is coughing up $96million to HELP addicts, like instead of throwing them in jail, and are instead helping them with their addictions. Never thought I'd see the day. Also places to safely shoot, clean needles, nurses to help, all that jazz. Jack, I am sure would know more about that as its being done on the east coast.
Take care sweetie! Feel better, take a deep breath...don't use...
granny
It is good to talk to you too. I am not here much any more, got so many things going on, just life in general.
My granddaughter is graduating high school on the 18th among other things. I remember being a little panicky when I first was going to go get her and here we are almost 5 yrs later and she's graduating with a 4.0! She is interested in illustration. This gal can DRAW! Has no interest in college anymore though, at least at the moment.
Her twin hates school and wants to do nothing more than hang out, play video games...blah, blah. I guess one out of 2 ain't bad. Not at all sure what I'm going to do with him.
Most of the people that were here all the time when I first came here are not around much, including Jack. We don't chat at all like we used to. I know he was going thru some tough times too. He said he talked to you too, have you been in contact with him lately?
Do you see how busy the methadone board is??? I am SO HAPPY they added it when I asked. It was Oct 2011, and after the first few months it went crazy, ALT of talk about detoxing, tapering, etc.
I am glad you were doing well, 9 yrs?? That's fantastic, but what was up with the clinic and the abrupt changes? Can they do that to you?? DUH..they did! Even over here in the states the GOV is coughing up $96million to HELP addicts, like instead of throwing them in jail, and are instead helping them with their addictions. Never thought I'd see the day. Also places to safely shoot, clean needles, nurses to help, all that jazz. Jack, I am sure would know more about that as its being done on the east coast.
Take care sweetie! Feel better, take a deep breath...don't use...
granny
You did good Granny...amazingly incredibly good...other twin might just be a bit of a late bloomer...I do remember how scary that all was for you at the time....your a brave lady...respect...I haven't seen jack of hearts in long long time...do speak w eck sometimes though...Facebook an chat have taken over alot...thanks for popping in an being a friendly face...
Roger that Granny....no using..might be a bit of a hold...but I'll do my best...hugs
Roger that Granny....no using..might be a bit of a hold...but I'll do my best...hugs
Hey Con,
Keep hangin' tough...
So you talk to Eckie on occasion? We used to talk some, not too much, but he was trying to get back with the wife and kids I think..it has been a while. Tell him hello.
Remember Dirty Dingus, aka Bob? Theres a note from him somewhere, quite a while back, seems he FINALLY is doing well, with MMT and got a job helping other addicts to boot! was doing well and really enjoying life.
Husbutt needs the computer, so take care.
Keep hangin' tough...
So you talk to Eckie on occasion? We used to talk some, not too much, but he was trying to get back with the wife and kids I think..it has been a while. Tell him hello.
Remember Dirty Dingus, aka Bob? Theres a note from him somewhere, quite a while back, seems he FINALLY is doing well, with MMT and got a job helping other addicts to boot! was doing well and really enjoying life.
Husbutt needs the computer, so take care.
I do what I can Granny...thanks...glad to hear about Bob...he struggled..that's good news...Eck is indeed w his kids....but he lost his wife an brother. ..not my story to tell...he's doing the best he can..
He's a good friend...im pulling for him....take good care Granny
He's a good friend...im pulling for him....take good care Granny
Con, I'm around here and there...mostly there, but you know how to find me if I can help. Saw your recent photo and you are still a beautiful woman. How's the wife with all that appears to be going on? Read your journal posts...be good to yourself, you are SO worth it.
((((HUGS))) M&M
((((HUGS))) M&M
M&M
You just tore my heart out reading your name...im doing ok...better...wife is good...we're ok....and..well...im doing the best I can...considering. ..but good...I see u r kids and always smile !! Thanks for the drop in...it means a lot to me...
You just tore my heart out reading your name...im doing ok...better...wife is good...we're ok....and..well...im doing the best I can...considering. ..but good...I see u r kids and always smile !! Thanks for the drop in...it means a lot to me...
Hang tough, Con...much love and strength to you. Granny, good to see you, too. How's them grandkids?
Peace, ladies (and gents) ~ M&M
Peace, ladies (and gents) ~ M&M
I kept fighting until I was on death's door - I was out of gas and out of options.
In 1989 I wanted my painful life to end, I just had to decide on a gun or a rope.
I had just enough power left to apply to AA's (Na's) 12 Steps:
"Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path."
I grasped that seemingly elusive straw of hope and committed to The 12 Steps.
I knew my way didn't work any more and hadn't for many years.
I knew I had gotten progressively worse instead of better.
I had come to the point where I had to fight harder & harder just to hang on.
Fighting, for a true alcoholic/addict, is futile and deadly. I was fighting myself !!
I had to admit that I was indeed powerless, my best thinking was killing me.
When I decided to CHANGE (let go of my old self) I began to recover. I QUIT fighting.
All the best.
Bob R
In 1989 I wanted my painful life to end, I just had to decide on a gun or a rope.
I had just enough power left to apply to AA's (Na's) 12 Steps:
"Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path."
I grasped that seemingly elusive straw of hope and committed to The 12 Steps.
I knew my way didn't work any more and hadn't for many years.
I knew I had gotten progressively worse instead of better.
I had come to the point where I had to fight harder & harder just to hang on.
Fighting, for a true alcoholic/addict, is futile and deadly. I was fighting myself !!
I had to admit that I was indeed powerless, my best thinking was killing me.
When I decided to CHANGE (let go of my old self) I began to recover. I QUIT fighting.
All the best.
Bob R
Point taken papabear
MomNMore,
Well hey there, good to know you are still around.
It was great to find Con around and about. I hope she hangs tough.
Thanks for asking about the grandkids...
They turned 19 the 7th of this month and Amber just graduated from high school on Wed night. It was the largest graduating class in the history of the school, with 774 kids and the first class to graduate on their new field/stadium. Her brother has no interest in school, graduating, etc, at least at this point in time. He can go until he's 22 in the IEP program here and he may just do that. At this point I just want him to graduate.
The time has gone by so fast. I remember telling you guys about my getting her in Oct 2011 and then I got Cash in Feb 2012. Has it really been that long???
How is your daughter doing? Is she still clean?
AND, has anyone heard from Jessica? She was ill I remember and having trouble with one of her kids? ,a son ? and her ex? I hope she is doing OK.
Take care.
granny
Well hey there, good to know you are still around.
It was great to find Con around and about. I hope she hangs tough.
Thanks for asking about the grandkids...
They turned 19 the 7th of this month and Amber just graduated from high school on Wed night. It was the largest graduating class in the history of the school, with 774 kids and the first class to graduate on their new field/stadium. Her brother has no interest in school, graduating, etc, at least at this point in time. He can go until he's 22 in the IEP program here and he may just do that. At this point I just want him to graduate.
The time has gone by so fast. I remember telling you guys about my getting her in Oct 2011 and then I got Cash in Feb 2012. Has it really been that long???
How is your daughter doing? Is she still clean?
AND, has anyone heard from Jessica? She was ill I remember and having trouble with one of her kids? ,a son ? and her ex? I hope she is doing OK.
Take care.
granny
My daughter is well and happy, Granny. Her son just turned 6 last week and she works like a dog to keep a roof over both of their heads (with some help from us). We helped her purchase a condo 4 years ago with an FHA loan, bought in foreclosure and in need of some repair, but a really nice 3-story townhouse in a good town about 30 minutes from us. Her sister married in March and is living in Philly, they are very close.
She has decided she wants to be a midwife and go to nursing school. I asked her if she thought having access to drugs in this profession was a the best choice for her and she said she has thought a lot about it and can't imagine anything driving her back to "the life" - short of losing her son. She has no desire to use, ever, even on her worst days when anxiety and depression come back to plague her.
I have had concerns over the years as she does drink and is not good at it (lol), but it's not my journey. I just keep a watchful eye on her child-rearing and let her know when he was born that if I ever suspect there are issues with drugs or alcohol that I will not hesitate to get him removed from her care. She knows, we know, it's all good.
She is an excellent mother, providing him with rich experiences and a loving home. He is a loving, kindhearted little individual and we are proud of the job she is doing with him. She is in a relationship with a very nice young man who treats both of them with respect and great consideration...we like him a lot...they are moving very slowly because of the child.
All's well in my corner of the world =) Thanks for asking...and yeah, the time does fly, huh?
Peace, lady~ M&M
She has decided she wants to be a midwife and go to nursing school. I asked her if she thought having access to drugs in this profession was a the best choice for her and she said she has thought a lot about it and can't imagine anything driving her back to "the life" - short of losing her son. She has no desire to use, ever, even on her worst days when anxiety and depression come back to plague her.
I have had concerns over the years as she does drink and is not good at it (lol), but it's not my journey. I just keep a watchful eye on her child-rearing and let her know when he was born that if I ever suspect there are issues with drugs or alcohol that I will not hesitate to get him removed from her care. She knows, we know, it's all good.
She is an excellent mother, providing him with rich experiences and a loving home. He is a loving, kindhearted little individual and we are proud of the job she is doing with him. She is in a relationship with a very nice young man who treats both of them with respect and great consideration...we like him a lot...they are moving very slowly because of the child.
All's well in my corner of the world =) Thanks for asking...and yeah, the time does fly, huh?
Peace, lady~ M&M
