Hey guys,
So a little about me... I left a partner not too long ago who was very emotionally abusive. He drank and smoked weed daily, and he could drink a LOT. All though it never got in the way of his life, I believe he did use it to cope with the reality of life at times, to enjoy life, to celebrate, to sit back and relax, or to deal with stress. I developed unhealthy drinking habits with him and since I've left have been able to cut my alcohol back to four to six units a week.
I'm dating and some of my dates do include grabbing a drink together, but I never go beyond two drinks per date. I met this guy that seemed really wonderful, but in two an a half hours he put back five beers and I had two cocktails.
The first indication that something was awry was when I said, "this tastes just like lemonade!", and he said, "you should have ordered a long pour".
The second indication was when he ordered a third beer and said, "don't judge me", in kind of a joking way.
And of course by the end of the date, he was a little sloppy with his verbiage, but it was also very late.
He invited me to dinner and wine, and I told him I needed to be honest about my thoughts on how I felt about his drinking. I said it concerned me that he had five beers on our first date, and he corrected me to saying he had "four". I felt instantly like I was being gas lighted and started to get the familiar feelings of questioning my memory. I apologized. He said that he was surprised I would accuse him of having that lifestyle and that I should get to know him better, and since our date he hadn't had anything to drink He said he was nervous, but at this point I can't take excuses anymore for certain types of behavior.
Is this someone who was just taken off guard and felt unfairly judged? Or is my intuition something I should listen to and should I avoid going any further with this person?
Hi! Should you move on? You have nothing to loose by passing up on this one. Set your sights high. think about what you would want a day time date to be. What is something fun or relaxing for you? Do you have hobbies or want to try a new activity? Offer that for a first date - daytime dates - night time dates set up the same old stuff - dinner, drinks, and then what....
if the other person does not want to do a fun day time thing, PASS. It sounds like you don't have trouble getting dates - find someone who is more like you. You may have put YOUR interests on hold with your last relationships. This is the window to CHANGE the course of your life. look at other relationships and people that you admire - or that you think they are doing it right.
It sounds like you ARE setting your sights higher bc you are observing and questioning the other person's behavior. That is your survival guide. You don't want to be in the same type of relationship as the past. you are doing the right thing. when you see the red flags, bail out.
Try finding 'dates' that other respectable people recommend. you wont have to guess about their past if someone you know confirms the prospective date is a decent guy.
give a nice nerd a chance. they can be more fun and more stable in the long run.
find something to do where you will meet a higher class of people. at your job or school.
think about companionship/friendship instead of dates - a friendly person to go out for the day. change things from your usual comfort zone. write down a list and decide to do one new thing each week.
maybe ask someone to go to a community event or someone's bbq. a no pressure date.
what do you think?
if the other person does not want to do a fun day time thing, PASS. It sounds like you don't have trouble getting dates - find someone who is more like you. You may have put YOUR interests on hold with your last relationships. This is the window to CHANGE the course of your life. look at other relationships and people that you admire - or that you think they are doing it right.
It sounds like you ARE setting your sights higher bc you are observing and questioning the other person's behavior. That is your survival guide. You don't want to be in the same type of relationship as the past. you are doing the right thing. when you see the red flags, bail out.
Try finding 'dates' that other respectable people recommend. you wont have to guess about their past if someone you know confirms the prospective date is a decent guy.
give a nice nerd a chance. they can be more fun and more stable in the long run.
find something to do where you will meet a higher class of people. at your job or school.
think about companionship/friendship instead of dates - a friendly person to go out for the day. change things from your usual comfort zone. write down a list and decide to do one new thing each week.
maybe ask someone to go to a community event or someone's bbq. a no pressure date.
what do you think?
I think your a smart girl. Good for you watching out for yourself. I applaud you! I also agree with NY. Good luck!
Doesn't one put on their best behavior on the first date?
If this guys downing this much on the first date imagine what he'll be like when he starts to relax after multiple dates.
To be frank, you yourself might want to do some self exploration as to why it seems like you're attracted to lower quality men.
What was your own father like?
What's your own self esteem like?
I've heard it said that women are attracted to men that remind them of their fathers.
I've also heard it said that men are attracted to women that remind them of their mothers...but I won't elaborate about this in this post. lol
If this guys downing this much on the first date imagine what he'll be like when he starts to relax after multiple dates.
To be frank, you yourself might want to do some self exploration as to why it seems like you're attracted to lower quality men.
What was your own father like?
What's your own self esteem like?
I've heard it said that women are attracted to men that remind them of their fathers.
I've also heard it said that men are attracted to women that remind them of their mothers...but I won't elaborate about this in this post. lol
