I am writing this in hope to gain some help and guidance through this change I have decided to make in my life.
Three nights ago I was pulled over after leaving a concert with a girl. We drove nearly twenty miles on the freeway when I suddenly realized I was lost. The reason why I got lost was because I had drunk about five alcoholic beverages and thought I was able enough to drive. In the past I had gotten away with such actions, but the other night I didn't.
I was arrested, taken to detox, and given a court date. Now my court date is about three weeks away and I have already contacted an attorney, with whom I still haven't discussed the elements of my case. I am worried, scared, and I want to crawl into a hole and die.
I am a senior at the state university and am in the finalist process of gaining admittance to Teach For America, a program that places high achieving college graduates in low performing school districts in an attempt to mediate the disparities in the educational system. I have worked hard these past four years and have achieved a lot at my school. This is a program that I really want to do, but am afraid I will lose. It seems as if my life is over.
I have decided to begin the path of sobriety. Although my drinking has not been impactful on my life until this DUI I still know there is a knot, hole, or something inside that will not allow me to get better if alcohol is still in my life, or any drug of that matter. I want better for myself and am afraid that there is not much hope.
Life is unbearably hard right now and all I can think of is killing myself. I have brought shame to my family and myself. And now I may see the future I had planned for myself slip away. I am barely 21 years old.
-Jim
Jim, I just had to post to you...don't feel alone, there are plenty of people on the alcohol board, it's the weekend and people are busy with families.
DUI's suck...but then sometimes it really makes you wake up and see where you are headed.
I admire that you are 21 and making this discovery. I used to drink alot when I was younger...and then it started me down the road to cocaine addiction when I was older...pot and alcohol are gateway drugs in my opinion...yes, I am an alcoholic and addict...
Alcohol made it easier for me to start taking prescription drugs, while I was drinking....many a night I drove home drunk. I am fortunate that I never killed myself or anyone else...hell...I used to kid around and say that I could teach a course on how to drive drunk. I got stopped one time..I was taking Xanax and had about 7 or 8 drinks...fortunately the officer felt sorry for me and called my husband...did that stop me...no, I took the backroads so I wouldn't get caught. My alcohol consumption helped me to start using cocaine...nothing like a good little pick me up so I could go drink more.
I ended up broken...using cocaine IV...
I am a wife and mother, when I was using I had teenage kids...
You are welcome to read my story...let me speak from experience...you are on the road to hell...
God Bless You on your journey...go to some AA meetings...lots of stories there that may help to convince you that drinking is not the way to go....
Don't kill yourself...we all have thoughts like that...it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Keep posting and reading!
DUI's suck...but then sometimes it really makes you wake up and see where you are headed.
I admire that you are 21 and making this discovery. I used to drink alot when I was younger...and then it started me down the road to cocaine addiction when I was older...pot and alcohol are gateway drugs in my opinion...yes, I am an alcoholic and addict...
Alcohol made it easier for me to start taking prescription drugs, while I was drinking....many a night I drove home drunk. I am fortunate that I never killed myself or anyone else...hell...I used to kid around and say that I could teach a course on how to drive drunk. I got stopped one time..I was taking Xanax and had about 7 or 8 drinks...fortunately the officer felt sorry for me and called my husband...did that stop me...no, I took the backroads so I wouldn't get caught. My alcohol consumption helped me to start using cocaine...nothing like a good little pick me up so I could go drink more.
I ended up broken...using cocaine IV...
I am a wife and mother, when I was using I had teenage kids...
You are welcome to read my story...let me speak from experience...you are on the road to hell...
God Bless You on your journey...go to some AA meetings...lots of stories there that may help to convince you that drinking is not the way to go....
Don't kill yourself...we all have thoughts like that...it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Keep posting and reading!
Hello Jim.
First of all suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. And theres always Hope So forget it and get on with what needs to be done.
You havent seen your attorney yet and court date isnt for three weeks. That doesnt mean your case will be heard that day. And because this is your first offence and if the court can see that youre doing something to address what may be a drinking problem such as attending detox or drug and alcohol counselling they will take that into account and theres a good chance there will be no conviction, maybe a fine and lost of driving licence.
This may be a sign to have a look at what affects alcohol is having on your life. If alcohol is costing you more than money. Youre drinking is being talked about, if it affecting youre relationships with friends, family, work, ext. Than there is a good chance you could have a problem with alcohol. You cant be too young to have problems with alcohol or be an alcoholic.
I suggest you might look up AA in youre local phone book and talk to someone find out if there is an AA meeting near you and go along and have a listen .AA is an anonymous fellowship of men and women we dont use surnames. Keep an open mind listen to the similarities. It may help you if you want to stop drinking or stay stopped. If not its still all out there.
Jim I have been in the same position as you are in now and understand to some degree the mental and emotional torment you must be going through but it will pass .So take care of what needs to be done .You dont need to do it alone we are all here to help if we can. Please keep posting let us know how things are going.
Yesterday is history and tomorrow a mystery all we have is today so take good care of it.
God bless..
Lionel
First of all suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. And theres always Hope So forget it and get on with what needs to be done.
You havent seen your attorney yet and court date isnt for three weeks. That doesnt mean your case will be heard that day. And because this is your first offence and if the court can see that youre doing something to address what may be a drinking problem such as attending detox or drug and alcohol counselling they will take that into account and theres a good chance there will be no conviction, maybe a fine and lost of driving licence.
This may be a sign to have a look at what affects alcohol is having on your life. If alcohol is costing you more than money. Youre drinking is being talked about, if it affecting youre relationships with friends, family, work, ext. Than there is a good chance you could have a problem with alcohol. You cant be too young to have problems with alcohol or be an alcoholic.
I suggest you might look up AA in youre local phone book and talk to someone find out if there is an AA meeting near you and go along and have a listen .AA is an anonymous fellowship of men and women we dont use surnames. Keep an open mind listen to the similarities. It may help you if you want to stop drinking or stay stopped. If not its still all out there.
Jim I have been in the same position as you are in now and understand to some degree the mental and emotional torment you must be going through but it will pass .So take care of what needs to be done .You dont need to do it alone we are all here to help if we can. Please keep posting let us know how things are going.
Yesterday is history and tomorrow a mystery all we have is today so take good care of it.
God bless..
Lionel
Whoa Jim slow down use the positive thinking that has helped you so much in the past. You have made a mistake and now you must learn from it and the experience will help many others as well as yourself in the long run. If you die who gets hurt? Your family and friends and all the kids who would of benefitted from your expertice.
Talk to your family they will see that you are truely remorseful about what happened and use that feeling of guilt you have positively and offer your services for any service work that you can do in lieu of any fines etc, tell your lawyer and the judge how this has impacted you and show you are determined to make better of a mistake.
Sometimess Jim life takes a twist and it is about seeing the positives that can emerge out of the debris of fear and guilt, stand proud own up to what you have to and learn from it positively as you have so much to offer.
Light and love Zac
Talk to your family they will see that you are truely remorseful about what happened and use that feeling of guilt you have positively and offer your services for any service work that you can do in lieu of any fines etc, tell your lawyer and the judge how this has impacted you and show you are determined to make better of a mistake.
Sometimess Jim life takes a twist and it is about seeing the positives that can emerge out of the debris of fear and guilt, stand proud own up to what you have to and learn from it positively as you have so much to offer.
Light and love Zac
Thanks for all the responses guys.
I really needed to hear some other voices.
I talked to my parents again today and they seem ok now.
I am just depressed and being at home for the first time on a Saturday night while all my friends are downtown partying with their vodka tonics and beers makes me feel all the more alone. I have talked to a few of them and they seem to be cool with my decision to not drink. Even though one called tonight to remark on the size of his margarita class after hearing me talk about me wanting to stop the other day.
I am going to ask the lawyer if he can plea bargain for me to do a lot of community service in lieu of losing my license or anything else. I need it to go to school and work.
I will keep you all updated.
-Jim
I really needed to hear some other voices.
I talked to my parents again today and they seem ok now.
I am just depressed and being at home for the first time on a Saturday night while all my friends are downtown partying with their vodka tonics and beers makes me feel all the more alone. I have talked to a few of them and they seem to be cool with my decision to not drink. Even though one called tonight to remark on the size of his margarita class after hearing me talk about me wanting to stop the other day.
I am going to ask the lawyer if he can plea bargain for me to do a lot of community service in lieu of losing my license or anything else. I need it to go to school and work.
I will keep you all updated.
-Jim
Hey Jim i see by your last post that hindsight is kicking in and the dust has settled, have you sussed out any AA meetings yet? Sitting at home and feeling bored and sorry for yourself is what addiction wants you to be doing. I have seen a lot of people who get caught and do all the recovery process to impress the court and then as soon as the court is over and they get let off, they are in the pub laughing about it, you know what, they usually end up back in AA or jail and in some cases dead. I missed so many chances to stop drinking when i was younger and a lot of my friends were just there for the drinking and they ran a sweepstake to see how long i would last when i stopped drinking. As i said use your time to access information on recovery and you will meet so many more friends, your university may have an AA meeting already sorted. If AA is not for you i hope you find something to do after the community service is finished. Again good luck and as i said sometimes life throws opportunitys at us that at the time seem unfair but can if we take them open up a whole new world.
Light and love Zac
Light and love Zac
Hey Zac,
Yeah, the dust has settled somewhat, but I am still lost in thought and sadness ever so often throughout the day.
I am very scared and according to everyone I am not an alcoholic. I don't know what that means, but in my own mind I know that there has always been a personal trait of mine that leans towards using substances, whether food, alcohol, or cigarettes in order to cope with stress. I am seeing my old therapist again next week and hope I can undergo therapy again. I want so much better for myself and I want to change it now. I have been thinking about the friends I have and the knowledge that perhaps I should begin distancing myself from them. None of them are in school. One is living with his girlfriend and is a recoverying meth addict. Another is living at home with no car, nothing, but pot. And another has already knocked out a kid. I don't want any of that.
I am going to do better. Day by day I will live my life. And I will invest my faith in Jesus.
Thanks Zac and I hope to hear from you again.
-Jim
Yeah, the dust has settled somewhat, but I am still lost in thought and sadness ever so often throughout the day.
I am very scared and according to everyone I am not an alcoholic. I don't know what that means, but in my own mind I know that there has always been a personal trait of mine that leans towards using substances, whether food, alcohol, or cigarettes in order to cope with stress. I am seeing my old therapist again next week and hope I can undergo therapy again. I want so much better for myself and I want to change it now. I have been thinking about the friends I have and the knowledge that perhaps I should begin distancing myself from them. None of them are in school. One is living with his girlfriend and is a recoverying meth addict. Another is living at home with no car, nothing, but pot. And another has already knocked out a kid. I don't want any of that.
I am going to do better. Day by day I will live my life. And I will invest my faith in Jesus.
Thanks Zac and I hope to hear from you again.
-Jim
Hey Jim... I am 21 also and am just started on my road to recovery... I never thought alcohol was a problem til I got myself arrested and found myself unable to say no to a drink...
Don't feel you're alone... there's loads of lovely people here who'll give you great advice...
Best wishes...
Izzy X
Don't feel you're alone... there's loads of lovely people here who'll give you great advice...
Best wishes...
Izzy X
Thanks Izzy for the response. I just want to connect with people that can help me along with this journey. I am in a fairly lonely place and would like to know that I am not alone.
-Jim
-Jim
Jim, Welcome...let us know how you are doing.
Yeah Jim... we're all really friendly here :-D
Keep posting! Let us know how you're doing.... or even just vent!
Izzy X
Keep posting! Let us know how you're doing.... or even just vent!
Izzy X
We are glad you are here :)
Hi Jim,
I am a mother of 21 year old son, He has got into trouble recently with drink and has been given a probabtion period, I wish he would have the insight you have, he is only doing the counselling for the court appearance and is still out drinking and partying. its great that you see it as a wake up call. The saddness is just realising what you could have lost, all those years in college.
The consequences,
My son is not near having that insight and there will be "the next time" I know that this is how it works. I just have to stand back and let him make the mistakes until he learns consequences. I just hope they are not to serious. your friends that are teasing you are not friends, a true friend is someone who can be with you without drink. I know I am probably much older and young lads want to fit in and not be different. You are only 21, your whole life is ahead of you, get in with people who have fun without booze, outdoor sports, music whatever, get active in what you are good at. Rebuild your confidence . If my son saw this post he would say I was lecturing but you know what I mean. You are only drinking a few years, how would you feel when it is twenty years and you hit this spot again, There is great support here, keep posting and get the support you need you have so much to offer.
Love and hugs
Cath
I am a mother of 21 year old son, He has got into trouble recently with drink and has been given a probabtion period, I wish he would have the insight you have, he is only doing the counselling for the court appearance and is still out drinking and partying. its great that you see it as a wake up call. The saddness is just realising what you could have lost, all those years in college.
The consequences,
My son is not near having that insight and there will be "the next time" I know that this is how it works. I just have to stand back and let him make the mistakes until he learns consequences. I just hope they are not to serious. your friends that are teasing you are not friends, a true friend is someone who can be with you without drink. I know I am probably much older and young lads want to fit in and not be different. You are only 21, your whole life is ahead of you, get in with people who have fun without booze, outdoor sports, music whatever, get active in what you are good at. Rebuild your confidence . If my son saw this post he would say I was lecturing but you know what I mean. You are only drinking a few years, how would you feel when it is twenty years and you hit this spot again, There is great support here, keep posting and get the support you need you have so much to offer.
Love and hugs
Cath
Thanks Cathy for the support. I am sorry to hear about your son. I hope things work out well for him in one way or another.
I find it interesting that you are on here looking for help for your son. Not interesting in a bad way, but curiously good. The reason why I decided to search for a support group online and even go to AA meetings is because I know all of this hurts my mom. She is not lecturing me, nor is she condemning me, but she tells me repeatedly that she wishes she could take away my problems and pain. All I know is that she has had too much suffering in her life and I don't want to add mine to make her life more difficult than it has already been. I want her to see me happy for once and successful as well. I want her to live the rest of her years in peace because she has been so good to me. So that is what I will do.
Have you tried talking to your problem to get to the core of what is fueling his drinking. I know for myself that I have struggled with depression for years and have been using drink to fill that hole in my soul. But, you know what? The more I want and want, the harder and harder it will be for me to close that hole. There will never be enough, just more, now, and again and again. I only have one week sober, but I am working on it. And believe me, it is hard, especially for a student at the University of Colorado at Boulder, one of the biggest party schools in the nation. It's everywhere, drink, pot, coke, speed, X. It's everywhere.
But I digress. Really, all i wanted to say was thank you. And I will keep posting. I am a writer and have published a small book of short stories. Now I am trying to turn my experience, and all the s*** that has been with me since high school, into a short story. It is what keeps me busy during my nights and times alone. It wont be done until i have one year sober. I hope this project keeps me sober.
One love,
Jim
I find it interesting that you are on here looking for help for your son. Not interesting in a bad way, but curiously good. The reason why I decided to search for a support group online and even go to AA meetings is because I know all of this hurts my mom. She is not lecturing me, nor is she condemning me, but she tells me repeatedly that she wishes she could take away my problems and pain. All I know is that she has had too much suffering in her life and I don't want to add mine to make her life more difficult than it has already been. I want her to see me happy for once and successful as well. I want her to live the rest of her years in peace because she has been so good to me. So that is what I will do.
Have you tried talking to your problem to get to the core of what is fueling his drinking. I know for myself that I have struggled with depression for years and have been using drink to fill that hole in my soul. But, you know what? The more I want and want, the harder and harder it will be for me to close that hole. There will never be enough, just more, now, and again and again. I only have one week sober, but I am working on it. And believe me, it is hard, especially for a student at the University of Colorado at Boulder, one of the biggest party schools in the nation. It's everywhere, drink, pot, coke, speed, X. It's everywhere.
But I digress. Really, all i wanted to say was thank you. And I will keep posting. I am a writer and have published a small book of short stories. Now I am trying to turn my experience, and all the s*** that has been with me since high school, into a short story. It is what keeps me busy during my nights and times alone. It wont be done until i have one year sober. I hope this project keeps me sober.
One love,
Jim
jim- hi i read your post and i guess mostly related because of our similarity in age. I am 22 years old and have luckily avoided a dui but i have the same drinking issues, i can't socially drink like everyone else our age seems to be able to do, i take it to a whole new level. i don't drink everyday all day or anything, but still regurlarly out on the weekends, going to a game, hanging with friends....to everyone else it is the norm. I have as well dissapointed my family with some of my foolish escapades that they are aware of. It seems like now that i realize i don't want to go down that road it is that much harder. I am a very intelligent young woman with a future ahead of me and i see what you do that if we don't stop it now what will become of what we have accmoplished? I am very comforted that someone my age is where i am. I think we are very lucky to recognize this so early in our lives. I will keep you in my prayers and i hope the best for you and i.
It's happened to a lot of us. I got a DUI in 2004. I'd been driving drunk for 20 years. (ashamed to admit it, but true.) They made my life hell for a year, but I got through it and you will too. They took my licence for 3 months, but I was able to obtain a permit during that time because I needed to work, and had a daughter that just had surgery and had to go to doctor's appointments. You request a hearing at the Department of Motor Vehicles for that. Six months of classes at $20/pop, a year of random breath tests while I was on probabtion (1 year as well), Victims Impact Panal hosted by Mothers Against Drunk Drivers (1 evening), 25 hours community service, ankle moniter for 20 days (avoided jail time, but 10 days of weekenders in work release facility is common), fines imposed of around $2, 000 to the courts. I had a friend who also got a DUI about the same time as me and did not do many of her breath tests and blew hot 4 times from alcohol she comsumed the night before. Don't do that. Today, she wears an ankle monitor.
I know it stinks, but there are reasons why the laws are so strict and why law enforcement are well trained to get drunk drivers. Many have died. Assign a designated driver or stay sober or just plain don't go. I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but this is reality.
I wish you the best of luck. Like I said earlier in the message, you will get through it. Thowing away a promising life is not the answer. Things will get better and you will be a better person for it.
TB
I know it stinks, but there are reasons why the laws are so strict and why law enforcement are well trained to get drunk drivers. Many have died. Assign a designated driver or stay sober or just plain don't go. I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but this is reality.
I wish you the best of luck. Like I said earlier in the message, you will get through it. Thowing away a promising life is not the answer. Things will get better and you will be a better person for it.
TB
P.S. I was also arrested in Boulder County....really. I live in Colorado as well. So, what I stated will probably be about the same for you as well.
Glad you are feeling better.
Glad you are feeling better.
Hi Jim...
I just wanted to say that 20 years ago I was a 19 year old college girl...well ex-college girl b/c I got kicked out for drinking...I didn't get "caught" so to speak but my behavior indicated a huge problem...I felt alone and suicidal...In one way I disappointed my loved ones but in another way they saw the road I was on...
My "friends" were not very supportive after about 2 days sober...They kept telling me I was too young, its a phase, we are all doing it...
I went to AA...and what I discovered was my drink-a-log was not as important as how drinking made me feel...One was NEVER enough but it was always too much...I hated myself...I knew I wasn't living to my potential...I knew there was something wrong but I could never pinpoint it until I stopped drinking...I did 90 meetings in 90 days...I Listened...without comparing or judging...and I did everything suggested....I went to therapy too.
20 years later I am still sober one day at a time...Many people bet against me b/c of my age...But when I finally felt some peace with myself I wanted to find more and more...
When I look back from where I came from...I am amazed and so very grateful I found AA when I did...or should I say when it was Highly suggested I go and I went...
It was hard in the beginning but I did meet a lot of "young" people and we formed a social group...I realized I wasn't as alone as I thought...
As for your legal problems...try not to project and see what your lawyer can do for you...sometimes it is hard to pay the consequences of our actions but hopefully it is a lesson learned...Good Luck...Gina
I just wanted to say that 20 years ago I was a 19 year old college girl...well ex-college girl b/c I got kicked out for drinking...I didn't get "caught" so to speak but my behavior indicated a huge problem...I felt alone and suicidal...In one way I disappointed my loved ones but in another way they saw the road I was on...
My "friends" were not very supportive after about 2 days sober...They kept telling me I was too young, its a phase, we are all doing it...
I went to AA...and what I discovered was my drink-a-log was not as important as how drinking made me feel...One was NEVER enough but it was always too much...I hated myself...I knew I wasn't living to my potential...I knew there was something wrong but I could never pinpoint it until I stopped drinking...I did 90 meetings in 90 days...I Listened...without comparing or judging...and I did everything suggested....I went to therapy too.
20 years later I am still sober one day at a time...Many people bet against me b/c of my age...But when I finally felt some peace with myself I wanted to find more and more...
When I look back from where I came from...I am amazed and so very grateful I found AA when I did...or should I say when it was Highly suggested I go and I went...
It was hard in the beginning but I did meet a lot of "young" people and we formed a social group...I realized I wasn't as alone as I thought...
As for your legal problems...try not to project and see what your lawyer can do for you...sometimes it is hard to pay the consequences of our actions but hopefully it is a lesson learned...Good Luck...Gina
Gina...
I am in awe everytime you share your story...You are a miracle...
xoxo
Stacey
I am in awe everytime you share your story...You are a miracle...
xoxo
Stacey
Stacey...Thank you...We are all miracles...I feel truly blessed and grateful...Recovery is not easy...a lot of hard work on self but so worth it...
Thank you again...Love Gina
Thank you again...Love Gina
