Since I quit pills in Dec, I severed any connection to them I had, therefore have not had to deal with a problem such as this.
I received a phone call from a friend about 15 minutes ago asking me if I was still looking for what I was last spring (percocets). I remember asking him if he knew of anyone then (i was actually looking for a better price for them, other than my connection) I asked him because he is the type that travels in such circles, drugs, partying, if I ever wanted something, he would be the one to ask.
He told me, "It took almost a year, but I found some for you". I hesitated, then said, I pass. I am pissed off that I even hesitated.
Then the mind games began, I started telling myself, maybe I will buy them just to have around every once in a while, and, hey I take just a couple. I know this is not true and I am lying to myself, but wow, this mind stuff can play tricks on you. I came here just to get it out in the open.
Best Regards,
Tom
tom, i got a phone call from a girl and i just didnt even answer the dang phone, i didnt have a desire to use however i didnt even want to talk to her at all. i completly stopped going to get gas where she worked just to avoid such a confrontation, i got really what i needed from my dr but once in awhile i needed her, they like never called when you are using and then you stop is this for real? maybe these are our tests. i just know they never called hardly and now they come out of the woodwork. good for you on passing and dont worry about that second in passing to use, just go forward, another day clean!!
take care
carol
take care
carol
I assume this is where a sponsor would be a good idea, I guess I picked the wrong night to need some help.
Regards,
Tom
Regards,
Tom
Hey Tom,,, Good that you came here and dumped it. Just got to let it go. I stopped by an old dealers house today, cause a mutual friend had a death in the family. She asked me if I wanted anything.(Pills). I said, No, Iam clean,don't want anything. She came up and gave me hug and said good, wish I could stop. You got something sobriety, thru hard work, there will always be those calls or run ins. For me, using is not a choice, I just tell my mind, cause it is not my friend. Using is not even a choice that I have. I used up that right even just a few....I usually just say Iam an addict and can't use...
You'll be o.k. just turn it over, don't get mad at yourself, just accept the fact that this is a using world. Its going to be out there, our disease always wants us back. Its cunning,baffling, powerful.. But, my higher power is stonger and I turn those thoughts over to my higerpower...and then Iam o.k. Just let it go..
T-
You'll be o.k. just turn it over, don't get mad at yourself, just accept the fact that this is a using world. Its going to be out there, our disease always wants us back. Its cunning,baffling, powerful.. But, my higher power is stonger and I turn those thoughts over to my higerpower...and then Iam o.k. Just let it go..
T-
Hey Tom, for sure this is what sponsors are for... if you believe in a higherpower. I just get on my knees. and tell him how Iam feeling, that Iam confused, scared, etc. then I go over the steps 1,2,3, I repeat them. and then say the serinty prayer over and over even if its all night long... Acceptance is the answer to all our problems...I accept the fact that Iam powerless over drugs, he can restore me to sanity, and I turn my will and my life over to him... It will pass. Its just your disease messing with you..
Hey Tom:
Geesh, I know getting that phone call was a trigger. Our head begins to tell us this is an "opportunity" for us. The reality of the situation is that the connection does not have enough pills to satisfy your needs. "One pill is too many and a thousand isn't enough." Once we accumulate some clean time and get through the obsessive thinking we gain an arsenal of sober experience from which we can draw upon. Meaning, the next time an "opportunity" arises you will have walked through a tough time prior to this one and known a new freedom. You will have gained sober experience. I hope you are feeling better.
Peace,
Rachel
Geesh, I know getting that phone call was a trigger. Our head begins to tell us this is an "opportunity" for us. The reality of the situation is that the connection does not have enough pills to satisfy your needs. "One pill is too many and a thousand isn't enough." Once we accumulate some clean time and get through the obsessive thinking we gain an arsenal of sober experience from which we can draw upon. Meaning, the next time an "opportunity" arises you will have walked through a tough time prior to this one and known a new freedom. You will have gained sober experience. I hope you are feeling better.
Peace,
Rachel
Hi Tom I know that must have been hard, I know you said you are upset because you hesitated but don't be, you may have hesitated but you did not cave, you told him you did not want them.. You are so strong and you are doing so good. Keep up the good work and be proud of yourself you have a right to be.
Tom, Ive gotten a couple calls since I quit too, I know thats not an option so I quickly turned them down and put my mind on something else. Try not to let it get in your head and just say I cant and move on.
JohnDee
JohnDee
Thank you, you are all correct. I guess this was the first REAL trigger for me. I have my ups and downs, but I havent been tempted to use like I was tonight. My heart has been racing since that call, starting to slow now though.
Rachel, thank you for the "One pill is too many and a thousand isn't enough."
cliche, its what I have to keep in my head, buried there to combat another one of these triggers.
Best Regards,
Tom
Rachel, thank you for the "One pill is too many and a thousand isn't enough."
cliche, its what I have to keep in my head, buried there to combat another one of these triggers.
Best Regards,
Tom
Hey Tom, you did good. Temptation will always be there. And you woke up the gorrilla..it will probably be on your back for a few days.
Good for you for not using....way to go....
Kerry
Good for you for not using....way to go....
Kerry
I know that feeling....
I had a message on my phone the other day.... A girl I used to work with called to tell me about the "tons" of things she had for me. I just deleted the message without calling her back, because I didn't want to have a conversation with someone who had access to what I was addicted to!
Even worse, my friend who OWNS a pharmacy (and actually distributes pills to people at a pain clinic I used to go to, so all they really stock is pain pills, millions of them, and benzos) called yesterday..... talk about temptation.... I deleted his message AND his number out of my cellphone.
Danni
I had a message on my phone the other day.... A girl I used to work with called to tell me about the "tons" of things she had for me. I just deleted the message without calling her back, because I didn't want to have a conversation with someone who had access to what I was addicted to!
Even worse, my friend who OWNS a pharmacy (and actually distributes pills to people at a pain clinic I used to go to, so all they really stock is pain pills, millions of them, and benzos) called yesterday..... talk about temptation.... I deleted his message AND his number out of my cellphone.
Danni
Tom,
I'm proud of you buddy, and it was OK that you hesitated. You still said no thanks. This was the first of many triggers for you, so thats one down.
I'm glad you are here on this board.
Redd
I'm proud of you buddy, and it was OK that you hesitated. You still said no thanks. This was the first of many triggers for you, so thats one down.
I'm glad you are here on this board.
Redd
Hey Tom,
I am so proud of you too, now of course you hesitated, you are only human after all, but mst of all you didnt give in to temptation, thats a hugh achievement,
so well done you xxx
love
Gabs
I am so proud of you too, now of course you hesitated, you are only human after all, but mst of all you didnt give in to temptation, thats a hugh achievement,
so well done you xxxlove
Gabs
Hey Tom, "you done good." For me, that would have been like an online pharmacies calling me out of the blue and saying they wanted to send my last refill of norcos to me......or even worse, a FedX truck pulling up with one of those packages all rolled up....
Rachel is right about the importance of that saying, "one pill is too many, a thousand is never enough." I practically meditated on that saying when I was first getting clean, trying to re-wire my brain so that when temptations like yours came up, it would be easier to resist. It has saved me more than once, I think, but my brain sure isn't completely re-wired yet....lol. Glad you passed on the "opportunity," Tom.
Rachel is right about the importance of that saying, "one pill is too many, a thousand is never enough." I practically meditated on that saying when I was first getting clean, trying to re-wire my brain so that when temptations like yours came up, it would be easier to resist. It has saved me more than once, I think, but my brain sure isn't completely re-wired yet....lol. Glad you passed on the "opportunity," Tom.
tom,
dont beat yourself up, i know its a crappy feeling. definately feel proud of yourself. i know i am super proud of you, that was a hard thing to do. its just all part of the process and you passed that part with flying colors. you need to have a plan of action for next time. be prepared as well as you can. what i did is check my caller i.d. before answering. if it was a drug pal or a suspisious number i just simply didnt answer. they eventually got the hint and quit calling. if i am out and i see someone who i used to associate with for drugs i will leave the store if i have to. the longer the time goes by the easier it gets to handle. practicing becomes second nature after a while. you did everything right this time. i hope after you slept on it you feel better about it now. that usually works for me. keep fighting the good fight. your doing so well and you are so worth it : )
terrianne
dont beat yourself up, i know its a crappy feeling. definately feel proud of yourself. i know i am super proud of you, that was a hard thing to do. its just all part of the process and you passed that part with flying colors. you need to have a plan of action for next time. be prepared as well as you can. what i did is check my caller i.d. before answering. if it was a drug pal or a suspisious number i just simply didnt answer. they eventually got the hint and quit calling. if i am out and i see someone who i used to associate with for drugs i will leave the store if i have to. the longer the time goes by the easier it gets to handle. practicing becomes second nature after a while. you did everything right this time. i hope after you slept on it you feel better about it now. that usually works for me. keep fighting the good fight. your doing so well and you are so worth it : )
terrianne
Tom i can so relate to your situ hun when i was told i could take pain pills wow did i have a nightmere and i even brought my old tipple byt someone somewhere knocked me on the head and said slow up jax and i got back on the straight. Its so hard to stay away even harder to say no proud of you hun jackie xxxxxxxxxxxx
Tom, good morning! sorry I missed you last night when you wanted to talk.
You won a battle in your ongoing war. Congratulations! You should be very proud. These situations are going to come up for us all, and it will only take being weak once to put us right back in the hell of addiction. We both know neither of us want to go back there, and I don't think we will. When the stinking thinking comes on, just tell yourself you will not use today, can't say what might happen tomorrow, but do not give in today.
Go and fire up those power tools today and keep your thoughts centered on what you love most......your little son and power tools! LOL
Have a great weekend! I will have you in my prayers, buddy.
Hey Tom, last week at the grocery store I ran into my old dealer. She was at the pharmacy inside the store waiting for her enormous supply of my docs. We were actually pretty good friends at one time, not just drug buddies. So she followed me around while I did my shopping. There was some friendly chit chat but my mind couldnt let go of why she was there and what she was getting. At one point she offered to give me a few for free, no problem, she had plenty. I managed to say no, but it was by no means easy and my mind played every trick in the book. They're free, just a few, no one will know, I feel lousy today it could really help, bla bla bla. I don't feel bad about the temptation, and you shouldn't either.Just feel good that you overcame it. I left there feeling pretty good about myself. I just hope that doesn't happen again anytime soon, lol. Love, Kat
Hey Tom - being human sucks some time doesn't it? You handled it really well I think. Interesting topic cuz out of the blue I got a call at work on Thursday from one of my OP's...all I had to do was say the magic word and a refill would be on its way. I said simply that I don't use that med anymore and we hung up. But it did mess my mind for awhile. I haven't heard from an OP in weeks, kind of thought it was over and done with. I had already cancelled the company credit card that I used to get the pills (told Amex I "lost" it), and also got rid of the yahoo email account that I used to register all over the place. But since my phone number is still "out there" I went to a couple of the OP sites I could remember using, logged in, and modified all of my contact info. One more thing I should have done before. I guess we live and learn huh? Keep up the good work! Jim
You op people confuse me....don't you need a script for the pills online?? I never used ops...and never will...but one bad day I was searching, and all ops needed scripts...?? I really think that is dangerous...especially for me at the end. I payed only $5 for 240 pills...I spent more money getting clean that I did getting loaded...
Kerry
Kerry
