Hello guys and gals,
i've read a lot of your postings, and am so, so relieved to have found this site and board. I understand and can totally empathise with all the comments. August, silverado, rubie, to name a few. I checked out the MA site and found that good too.
I'm 32, female, in the UK (rural place) and addicted to pot, started when i was 17, smoking daily for about ten years. All the comments about it running my life and controlling me i can see now. I tried to stop last November, and managed 5 weeks, and before i knew it i was right back on it.
I realise now just what a trecheruous drug pot is. It changes your personality, identity, makes you feel you can't cope or function without it. Well sod that, i am not letting it.
I'm giving this my best ever shot. I know i'm very early on in the recovery process and like many of you, not scoring/smoking isn't really a problem, coping with how i feel is. I worry i'll never enjoy myself again etc, etc.
I have two little boys and they deserve a mummy who is really there, not on a cloud and pretending to be there. All i cared about was pot. My first thought when i woke up was 'when can i have my first spliff?'. It totally took over, and, until i stopped, i couldn't even see it. My mum, who only lives close by, had no idea. Trecherous indeed.
I hope i can carry on and stay clean. I'm having all the dreams, night sweats, nausea and am up and down in mood. But it's better than what i was like before.
To all you you quitters, good luck and big hugs.
I will post again as i progress.
smokefree12xxx
Hey Smokefree, glad you have a program together! Drop us a line from time to time and let us know how you are doing or ask for help if you need it.
August
August
Hi August,
How are you? I'm into week two now and feeling much much better. I reckon i am perspiring an awful lot of the cannabis toxins out at night, need to change sheets lots but the dreams are actually quite interesting. Already i can feel my mind working better and yesterday managed to do some mental arithmetic quite well, something i could never have done whilst on pot.
I've also given up alcohol, following a serious O/D on 28-09-04. I've been off booze since then, and my goal is three months, then 'sensible' drinking, remaining ladylike and in control.
After i stopped drinking ( i was a 'binge' drinker, not everyday, just weekends) my pot use soared and i was smoking huge ammounts and coughing a lot. I was on another planet. My children (aged 3 and 2 yrs) have now got much more of my time, as i'm no longer constantly skinning up and nipping outside to smoke. My sense of humour has also come back!
| am aware that i may be on a bit of a 'high' and know that i may well come crashing down and seriously want to score, i could do so very easily here in my village but not going to.
Anyone reading this please take hope from the fact that if I can do it, then you can too, but only if you WANT TO. If you think "i've GOT TO" give up pot then you will feel as if you are denying yourself. If you say to yourself "i want to" then you are doing it because you want control and don't want to be a slave to it anymore.
I will post again with research findings my counsellor gave me from this centre in Switzerland, which is amazing. That infromation was what showed me just how cannabis controls YOU, not the other way round.
I hope i don't come acrross as patronising, as it's not my intention. It's just that i want to share the infromation and let people decide for themselves.
Will post the info over this weekend.
still smokefree, and proud to be,
GOOD LUCK ALLxxx
How are you? I'm into week two now and feeling much much better. I reckon i am perspiring an awful lot of the cannabis toxins out at night, need to change sheets lots but the dreams are actually quite interesting. Already i can feel my mind working better and yesterday managed to do some mental arithmetic quite well, something i could never have done whilst on pot.
I've also given up alcohol, following a serious O/D on 28-09-04. I've been off booze since then, and my goal is three months, then 'sensible' drinking, remaining ladylike and in control.
After i stopped drinking ( i was a 'binge' drinker, not everyday, just weekends) my pot use soared and i was smoking huge ammounts and coughing a lot. I was on another planet. My children (aged 3 and 2 yrs) have now got much more of my time, as i'm no longer constantly skinning up and nipping outside to smoke. My sense of humour has also come back!
| am aware that i may be on a bit of a 'high' and know that i may well come crashing down and seriously want to score, i could do so very easily here in my village but not going to.
Anyone reading this please take hope from the fact that if I can do it, then you can too, but only if you WANT TO. If you think "i've GOT TO" give up pot then you will feel as if you are denying yourself. If you say to yourself "i want to" then you are doing it because you want control and don't want to be a slave to it anymore.
I will post again with research findings my counsellor gave me from this centre in Switzerland, which is amazing. That infromation was what showed me just how cannabis controls YOU, not the other way round.
I hope i don't come acrross as patronising, as it's not my intention. It's just that i want to share the infromation and let people decide for themselves.
Will post the info over this weekend.
still smokefree, and proud to be,
GOOD LUCK ALLxxx
Hey smokefree, keep up the good work. Your drinking habits sound oddly familar to me. I used to get into pot, get strung out, then switch to drinking. Then I would have a bad experience and switch to something else.
It took my years to realize this pattern and to understand that it was not in me to drink socially and politely. It just does not work for me.
I wish you luck. Be careful through the holidays. It is easy to slip this time of year. On the other hand, you will probably not have as hard a time finding your car keys now that you are not smoking!
August
It took my years to realize this pattern and to understand that it was not in me to drink socially and politely. It just does not work for me.
I wish you luck. Be careful through the holidays. It is easy to slip this time of year. On the other hand, you will probably not have as hard a time finding your car keys now that you are not smoking!
August
August, Thanks for your message.
I never lose my car keys because....i never take them out of the car! It's so rural here that i don't ever lock my doors.
So you used to be a polydrug abuser too then? What do you mean by "strung out" after having pot? How did you feel?
What happened when you used to drink?
I totally empathise with you on the 'not being able to drink politely' bit. I was an all or nothing lass, i never set limits and just got drunk very fast, on an empty stomach and cus i'm slim it went straight to my head. I was such an idiot, passing out or getting aggressive.
Now 7 weeks with none. Day 8 no pot. I am thinking that pot is WORSE than alcohol, as it changes ones personality/identity so much.
I am upset to read that someone has posted about smoking pot whilst pregnant doesn't hurt the foetus....how utterly ridiculous. There is much evidence, from Holland, and decent longitudonal studies they are too, that pot smoking really does negatively affect the baby. On top of the dangers of smoking per se when pregnant. I can't believe someone is saying that it won't harm the foetus. It will.
Anyway, that is their opinion but i cannot reply to that message as i am angry. People shopuldnt come on this site if they are going to big-up pot use. we are all trying very hard to kick this foul stuff!!
My brother and many of my friends smoke pot, heavilly, like i used to. There is a party on 27th December and i really want to go, and take my little boys too, but there will be much smokin and drinking going on. I don't know if i will be strong enough to smell it, see it being skinned up etc and not partake. But these people are my close friends and we only see each other a few times a year as we live all over the UK. What do you rekon? Do you socialise with people who still smoke, or ever go to places where alcohol is being drunk?
I have been around people drunk, and found them to be rather silly, and felt smug that i wasn't doing it, but not 'tested' myself with pot smokers yet. Hhhhmmm. I am strong, but also weak. The smell i think would entice me, and it being so trecherous, i'd think 'as long as i don't buy any' and just have a few drags i'll be ok, but is that the drug talking, as it's still in my system. It akes 6-10 weeks to be THC free.
How did you cope?
I gahter you've been off for some years now, BIG congratulations. I read also that you are recovering from chemo, and i wish you a speedy recovery and hope you regain your physical strength soon.
Just going to change my soaked sheets again! I dreamt i was assessing Prince Harry last night (i'm an educational psychologist, assess adults for dyslexia) how strange!!
Nice sunny day here so i'm off to see how my perceptions have changed and walk in the woods after a nice fry up :)
Best regards and thatk you again for replying to me.
Later i will post info from the Sweden place and see what folks on here say to that...should be intersting.
somkefree12 but smoking far too many roll up's, my one and only vice now!xx
I never lose my car keys because....i never take them out of the car! It's so rural here that i don't ever lock my doors.
So you used to be a polydrug abuser too then? What do you mean by "strung out" after having pot? How did you feel?
What happened when you used to drink?
I totally empathise with you on the 'not being able to drink politely' bit. I was an all or nothing lass, i never set limits and just got drunk very fast, on an empty stomach and cus i'm slim it went straight to my head. I was such an idiot, passing out or getting aggressive.
Now 7 weeks with none. Day 8 no pot. I am thinking that pot is WORSE than alcohol, as it changes ones personality/identity so much.
I am upset to read that someone has posted about smoking pot whilst pregnant doesn't hurt the foetus....how utterly ridiculous. There is much evidence, from Holland, and decent longitudonal studies they are too, that pot smoking really does negatively affect the baby. On top of the dangers of smoking per se when pregnant. I can't believe someone is saying that it won't harm the foetus. It will.
Anyway, that is their opinion but i cannot reply to that message as i am angry. People shopuldnt come on this site if they are going to big-up pot use. we are all trying very hard to kick this foul stuff!!
My brother and many of my friends smoke pot, heavilly, like i used to. There is a party on 27th December and i really want to go, and take my little boys too, but there will be much smokin and drinking going on. I don't know if i will be strong enough to smell it, see it being skinned up etc and not partake. But these people are my close friends and we only see each other a few times a year as we live all over the UK. What do you rekon? Do you socialise with people who still smoke, or ever go to places where alcohol is being drunk?
I have been around people drunk, and found them to be rather silly, and felt smug that i wasn't doing it, but not 'tested' myself with pot smokers yet. Hhhhmmm. I am strong, but also weak. The smell i think would entice me, and it being so trecherous, i'd think 'as long as i don't buy any' and just have a few drags i'll be ok, but is that the drug talking, as it's still in my system. It akes 6-10 weeks to be THC free.
How did you cope?
I gahter you've been off for some years now, BIG congratulations. I read also that you are recovering from chemo, and i wish you a speedy recovery and hope you regain your physical strength soon.
Just going to change my soaked sheets again! I dreamt i was assessing Prince Harry last night (i'm an educational psychologist, assess adults for dyslexia) how strange!!
Nice sunny day here so i'm off to see how my perceptions have changed and walk in the woods after a nice fry up :)
Best regards and thatk you again for replying to me.
Later i will post info from the Sweden place and see what folks on here say to that...should be intersting.
somkefree12 but smoking far too many roll up's, my one and only vice now!xx
Hi SM, congratulations on your time clean. Hey, if you really want to have some vivid dreams, try withdrawing from pain meds while undergoing chemo. That is what brought me to this site a few months ago. Me, when I got high, I would wander the house for what seemed like ages wondering where my keys were. It was one of the first signs that I was getting better when I realized that all I had to do was remember where I put themwhat a concept!
Yes, I used a variety of drugs during my using career. I started using as a teenager. It started with beer, and quickly moved to pot. There was never a time where I was very restrained with my use of either.
This was in the early 70s and were a variety of drugs circulating in those days, some of them very dangerous. Later, many of us cleaned up our acts and for me this meant sticking to alcohol and pot. After I graduated from grad school, I had money to dabble in yet another drug that was then considered glamorous: cocaine.
I was working a high-pressure job in the financial services industry and decided to back off my drug of choice, marijuana, because I seemed to lose perspective on things when I smoked pot regularly. Even in those days, I could tell it scrambled my higher logic functions. I would come up with ideas that seemed brilliant at first but which would turn out to be half baked. I switched to imported beers and wines, as well as 25-year-old scotch.
I was very career oriented and would cut back during the workweek but then Friday would come around and I would let loose. Often I would plan on having just one or two, but I liked to drink hard and fast and after a couple, I would loosen up and just keep going.
Often, the partners in my firm would join us young associates on Friday nights and pick up the tab for the drinks. I will never forget the disgusted look on one partners face as he looked at me, and I did not realize to that point that I was even doing something wrong.
Cocaine use was even more of a binge drug. I had friends who were criminal defense lawyers and those guys had good connections for coke. Someone would suggest that we get an 8-ball on a Friday night for the weekend. As often as not, we would go through the 8-ball that night and go back for a second in the early morning hours. I liked coke to the extent that it allowed me to drink more. What I did not realize is that when I had it in me, I turned into a royal a**hole.
Thus, my pattern for many years was to be moderate in my drug use during the workweek and then use on the weekend. At one point I quit pot completely for two or three years, though I continued to drink and use cocaine occasionally.
In 1986, at the wedding of an old friend, while on a combination of alcohol, pot, and cocaine, I apparently misbehaved so badly that all of my friends ridiculed and shunned me. I lost all my friends and began a downward spiral. I decided that alcohol and cocaine were to blame and quit those but resumed smoking pot. I mark this as the beginning of my final slide into addiction. The centerpiece drug was pot, with alcohol a close second. It seemed that I could back away from the others, but I always came back to the pot. It would be another three long painful years before I finally figured out how to live without drugs and alcohol.
I took an ultra high-pressure job. I had lost my friends, and did not go out much. I eventually made new friends who were very into smoking pot. Ill spare you the gory details of the final days, only to say that by the end, I would smoke high grade pot and would enjoy about 5 or 10 minutes of a good buzz, followed by an hour or two of paranoia and remorse for the past. Although I was a well-educated professional, I felt trapped in my life and trapped in my work. I felt that I was living a lie. A relationship with a girl failed. I was extremely unhappy. I began to contemplate suicide.
I finally realized what I am: a common drug addict. At age 34, I decided to give NA a try, and a few weeks later, I switched to AA.
In AA I met a lot of binge drinkers. SM, one of the key indicators of alcoholism is someone who blacks out when they drink. The problem is that they start out to have one or two but then they let loose and black out. Once that happens, well, all bets are off.
I know those who speak of waking up to a disgusted look on the face of a loved one and no idea of what happened the night before. Some have woken up in bed beside a stranger (and that is a little more dangerous than it used to be). Others have woken up in jail. I know a man who woke up with a charge of manslaughter after he killed someone while driving in a blackout. He has no memory of what happened.
In any event, when I started going to 12 step meetings, for the first time in my life I realized that I was not the only person who had these feelings and that I neednt live in such pain anymore. I embraced the program completely. It was through a daily commitment to living sober, by attending 12 step meetings, and working the steps with a sponsor that I was able to keep off the drugs and build a new life for myself. It was not a hard decision for me: I knew that if I did not get off the drugs and alcohol that I was going to die.
I was already in serious trouble with my career by that timenot due to lack of competence, but rather due to lack of people skills. I thought that if I quit the drugs and alcohol, I could save my job. It did not work that way. As I cleaned up, I began asking myself why was I willing to take all of that abuse and I started pushing back. Eventually I left that job and struck out on my own, totally ill prepared and ill equipped to do so.
Through the program, I put one foot in front of another, stayed clean, and slowly got a new life. Today, nearly 15 years later, I am still clean and much happier than I have ever been. Life still deals me the occasional setback such as cancer, but I take these little bumps in the road in stride.
When I was diagnosed with cancer, I began looking back on my life. I really do not count anything that happened prior to getting sober as living in any real sense of the word. As to the past 14 or 15 years, I look at that time with a smile on my face for the times I have had. While I lived in a state of remorse when I drank and drugged, now I am grateful for my friends, my work, my adventures, and I have absolutely no regrets and only a few unfulfilled hopes and dreams.
One thing I will say about being around drugs and alcohol during the holiday season. When I announced that I was quitting pot, my friends fell into two categories: some supported me enthusiastically and refrained from rubbing my nose in it by lighting up around me. Others decided that the right thing to do was to subvert my plan by trying to get me stoned. I am no longer friends with this latter category of people. It is best to stay away from the dope altogether. If you really feel a need to see some of these old friends, my advice would be to arrive late, leave early.
I dont seem to mind being around alcohol too much, looking at how stupid people get when they drink it reinforces my desire to stay away from it. I do tend to avoid places and people who smoke pot these days. It brings back too many bad memories.
Well, that is a lot and I am sorry for the long post. I hope some of this helps. Feel free to ask questions, and be sure to let me know how you are doing.
August
Yes, I used a variety of drugs during my using career. I started using as a teenager. It started with beer, and quickly moved to pot. There was never a time where I was very restrained with my use of either.
This was in the early 70s and were a variety of drugs circulating in those days, some of them very dangerous. Later, many of us cleaned up our acts and for me this meant sticking to alcohol and pot. After I graduated from grad school, I had money to dabble in yet another drug that was then considered glamorous: cocaine.
I was working a high-pressure job in the financial services industry and decided to back off my drug of choice, marijuana, because I seemed to lose perspective on things when I smoked pot regularly. Even in those days, I could tell it scrambled my higher logic functions. I would come up with ideas that seemed brilliant at first but which would turn out to be half baked. I switched to imported beers and wines, as well as 25-year-old scotch.
I was very career oriented and would cut back during the workweek but then Friday would come around and I would let loose. Often I would plan on having just one or two, but I liked to drink hard and fast and after a couple, I would loosen up and just keep going.
Often, the partners in my firm would join us young associates on Friday nights and pick up the tab for the drinks. I will never forget the disgusted look on one partners face as he looked at me, and I did not realize to that point that I was even doing something wrong.
Cocaine use was even more of a binge drug. I had friends who were criminal defense lawyers and those guys had good connections for coke. Someone would suggest that we get an 8-ball on a Friday night for the weekend. As often as not, we would go through the 8-ball that night and go back for a second in the early morning hours. I liked coke to the extent that it allowed me to drink more. What I did not realize is that when I had it in me, I turned into a royal a**hole.
Thus, my pattern for many years was to be moderate in my drug use during the workweek and then use on the weekend. At one point I quit pot completely for two or three years, though I continued to drink and use cocaine occasionally.
In 1986, at the wedding of an old friend, while on a combination of alcohol, pot, and cocaine, I apparently misbehaved so badly that all of my friends ridiculed and shunned me. I lost all my friends and began a downward spiral. I decided that alcohol and cocaine were to blame and quit those but resumed smoking pot. I mark this as the beginning of my final slide into addiction. The centerpiece drug was pot, with alcohol a close second. It seemed that I could back away from the others, but I always came back to the pot. It would be another three long painful years before I finally figured out how to live without drugs and alcohol.
I took an ultra high-pressure job. I had lost my friends, and did not go out much. I eventually made new friends who were very into smoking pot. Ill spare you the gory details of the final days, only to say that by the end, I would smoke high grade pot and would enjoy about 5 or 10 minutes of a good buzz, followed by an hour or two of paranoia and remorse for the past. Although I was a well-educated professional, I felt trapped in my life and trapped in my work. I felt that I was living a lie. A relationship with a girl failed. I was extremely unhappy. I began to contemplate suicide.
I finally realized what I am: a common drug addict. At age 34, I decided to give NA a try, and a few weeks later, I switched to AA.
In AA I met a lot of binge drinkers. SM, one of the key indicators of alcoholism is someone who blacks out when they drink. The problem is that they start out to have one or two but then they let loose and black out. Once that happens, well, all bets are off.
I know those who speak of waking up to a disgusted look on the face of a loved one and no idea of what happened the night before. Some have woken up in bed beside a stranger (and that is a little more dangerous than it used to be). Others have woken up in jail. I know a man who woke up with a charge of manslaughter after he killed someone while driving in a blackout. He has no memory of what happened.
In any event, when I started going to 12 step meetings, for the first time in my life I realized that I was not the only person who had these feelings and that I neednt live in such pain anymore. I embraced the program completely. It was through a daily commitment to living sober, by attending 12 step meetings, and working the steps with a sponsor that I was able to keep off the drugs and build a new life for myself. It was not a hard decision for me: I knew that if I did not get off the drugs and alcohol that I was going to die.
I was already in serious trouble with my career by that timenot due to lack of competence, but rather due to lack of people skills. I thought that if I quit the drugs and alcohol, I could save my job. It did not work that way. As I cleaned up, I began asking myself why was I willing to take all of that abuse and I started pushing back. Eventually I left that job and struck out on my own, totally ill prepared and ill equipped to do so.
Through the program, I put one foot in front of another, stayed clean, and slowly got a new life. Today, nearly 15 years later, I am still clean and much happier than I have ever been. Life still deals me the occasional setback such as cancer, but I take these little bumps in the road in stride.
When I was diagnosed with cancer, I began looking back on my life. I really do not count anything that happened prior to getting sober as living in any real sense of the word. As to the past 14 or 15 years, I look at that time with a smile on my face for the times I have had. While I lived in a state of remorse when I drank and drugged, now I am grateful for my friends, my work, my adventures, and I have absolutely no regrets and only a few unfulfilled hopes and dreams.
One thing I will say about being around drugs and alcohol during the holiday season. When I announced that I was quitting pot, my friends fell into two categories: some supported me enthusiastically and refrained from rubbing my nose in it by lighting up around me. Others decided that the right thing to do was to subvert my plan by trying to get me stoned. I am no longer friends with this latter category of people. It is best to stay away from the dope altogether. If you really feel a need to see some of these old friends, my advice would be to arrive late, leave early.
I dont seem to mind being around alcohol too much, looking at how stupid people get when they drink it reinforces my desire to stay away from it. I do tend to avoid places and people who smoke pot these days. It brings back too many bad memories.
Well, that is a lot and I am sorry for the long post. I hope some of this helps. Feel free to ask questions, and be sure to let me know how you are doing.
August
August, You inspire me. You have indeed 'been though the mill' as we say in the Uk. It all sounds so familiar to me. I understand why you did what you did, and i know what coke is like. Fortunately, i can't have it as i'm allergic to snorting the stuff. I used to be a speed head whilst a student. Like you, it basically enabled me to drink more and stay up longer using pot and being with so called friends.
Isn't interesting the way we always went back to pot and alcohol. I was just the same. Unlike you, i'm still very early days. It sounds like you almost went to hell and back. You sound strong. I am sad that you felt you were living a lie (when using) - it helped you at the time. I think looking back at ones life, as we all do, is sometimes dangerous, 'cus we have that thing called hindsight. Then all the "i wish i'd never's" come and you feel guilty and disgusted at the things you did. But effectively, we were different people then weren't we? Perhaps it was what we needed at the time, maybe we were not ready to quit at those times.
Like you, i also managed to quit pot for 6 weeks to a few months but i always went back to it. It was like it had a hold on me and i couldn't resist it. I loved the taste, smell, making the spilffs, getting munchies, making love, sleeping and not dreaming, forgetting how crap i was and how much i hated myself.
I have a history of 'attempted' suicides, probably more cries for help.
This summer just gone things got right out of hand. I was binge drinking 2-3 times a week, when my boys went to Dad's (we're divorced) as i felt empty, and my heavy pot use had started to make me think i'd been abused in some way as a child. I couldn't recall my childhood at all. I didn't know who i was or what i wanted and i was so very scared of being me, straight, i'd do anything not to be me. I was also scared of my mind, my intelligence and my appearance. I hated men and used them and thought they were all weak and pathetic. Pot and booze i thought helped me to block out 'me', and let me pretend to be someone else.
I defended it strongly. I was different, i could handle it, i was in control, i could stop if i wanted to but i never ever wanted to. It was the centre of my life from age 17. I even sold it so i could get it almost for free. I can't believe i have never been caught or arrested for all the things i've done!
Bingeing started to take over. After 3 pints of this drink called Stella Artois i'd lose control and then consciousness. I'd be a walking, talking, aggressive, loud, argumentative over-emotional nutter. Effectively i was already blacked out. Next day i'd be told what i'd done. I never knew. How could that be? How many brain cells was i killing each time? I was never sick, never really suffered the next day and had a real thirst for it, organising my life so i could go off on one with my chap. He tried to stop me but as we know no=one can stop you, only you can:)
But i didn't want to. Like you at the wedding, i have made such an a** of myself and got a reputation in my village, but was oblivious, thinking i was just good fun. Uh-oh, grown men were terrified of me!
After my 32nd birthday (spetember 04) i ran out of pot one day. There was aboslutely NONE anywhere, i tried and tried all day to score, no luck. I was absolutely devastated. So of course i got drunk, on empty tummy, very fast, refused to eat tea. I then O'D'd on tamazepan (quite paradoxically given to me by a psychiatrist to help me sleep as he'd told me to stop smoking pot...) and actually stopped breathing for 3 hours. They got the Doc's here in time and thank GOD i was kept resuscitated and oxygenated til i came round.
So like you, it got very messy. Sometimes it takes somthing as bad as that, and as bad as you felt, to show you that there really is no option, if you want to live, but stop doing these things.
So the alcohol counsellor told me my personality isn't strong enough to carry on this cycle of bingeing and to stop for 3 months to find other ways of filling my time. I have managed since 9th October. At first it was hell and i just fought it, feeling sorry for myself, but now i feel quite smug and do NOT want to drink. Amazing revelation. I can socialise without it.
But, my pot use increased hugely. An ounce a week. I hated it but felt trapped. Then my alcohol counsellor gave me the article from Sweden and that night i threw the last of my gear on my fire (a week last friday) and that was it. Everything makes sense to me now.
I know i was not abused as a child, i know my daddy loved me and i am not feeling guilty for the decisions i made. I am not cross with myself for 'wasting' so many years. I will not let myself say "what if i hadn't done that", as it doesn't help.
Anyway. Here i am, sober and smokefree. The pot is more dangerous, i'm convinced of it. Unlike you August, i never really suffered the paranoia thing. I want to know why, if you only felt good for max 10 mins, then para, why did you continue to smoke it? What hold did it have on you? Were you scared of being you, if you get what i mean?
Are you off the painkillers now then? Which was worse to kick out of - booze, pot or painkillers?
At least we can say we've had interesting lives huh?!
I don't know why but since 6 pm today (sunday) i am desperate to smoke. I jst fancied the taste, to turn off 'me' and eat chocolate and stop the nausea i;m still getting. I'm thin anyway and pot helped me eat. Have had dinner now and feel better, and did not go and get any pot so ok now.
I'm wandering what sort of person i'll turn into as i mature without pot. How will my friends take it? I reckon that, like yours, they'll fall into those categories you mentioned. You are right about just staying away from it, pot i mean.
My brother is still very much into it, and he's 2 years older than me but no children.
Part of me right now thinks that this is all so unfair. So rotten that pot, which i still, if i'm honest, wish i could smoke but be in control of it, is such a nasty drug. It has the veneer of respectability about it. In the UK they've recently downgraded the classification of it. Loads of people smoke it every day in the UK. It tastes nice. I wish i was one of those people who are not addictive and can just have some evry now and again and not NEED it all the time, like i always did. I want to let go of that or i won't move forward. I think i have a long way to go.
I'm interested in this 12 step thing. I think that like you did i am going to try the NA one first as although i'm Christian and believe, i don't like "happy clappy" religious nuts and people telling me that if i have God then everything will be fine.
I'm also very afraid of becoming boring, not being a rebel anymore, just boring old normal same as everyone else, which i'm not because i;m very intelligent and funky. So i guess i'm still confused.
Please don't apologise for long messages! It was very interesting to read and v. brave of you to share that. Thank you. It has helped me, but a silly part of me is actually jelous that other people are still doing it and i'm not! I reckon the old THC is still very much in my system.
As a previous heavy user on par with my prev. heavy use, how long did it take for you to feel straight? What things did you do? Was it 12 steps alone that helped you stay off?
I was going to post about this Swedish info but i'm too tired now as it's very long. I will put it up when i can face lots of typing! I know once folk here read it they will be amazed, and certain that most of them will have the same feelings i did when i read it, as "oh my goodness, that is ME!!!".
3 months ago evrything was different. I still can't quite believe how far i've come and parts of me are a little afraid of where all this is going, but it has to be better than where i was headed with pot ruling my whole life. Why oh why couldn't it just not be addictive? Why is evrything that's 'nice' (sugar, butter, smoking, alchol, driving fast, risk taking etc) bad for you.....
Sorry to moan, it's stupid i know. I feel better for talking though!
Last thought - why did you come onto this site? I got the impression you're clean for 14-5 years? Sorry of too nosy. Are there any other sites like this?
I'm so glad the big C has left your body and hope very much it never darkens your horizon again. Glad to hear you're happier than you have ever been.
I replied to the person who advocated smoking whilst pregnant...i was so cross.
Have to say bye for now it's getting late and my 2 and 3 yr old lads will be home early tomorrow and i can't wait!
Lovely to hear and thanks again
Smfreex
Isn't interesting the way we always went back to pot and alcohol. I was just the same. Unlike you, i'm still very early days. It sounds like you almost went to hell and back. You sound strong. I am sad that you felt you were living a lie (when using) - it helped you at the time. I think looking back at ones life, as we all do, is sometimes dangerous, 'cus we have that thing called hindsight. Then all the "i wish i'd never's" come and you feel guilty and disgusted at the things you did. But effectively, we were different people then weren't we? Perhaps it was what we needed at the time, maybe we were not ready to quit at those times.
Like you, i also managed to quit pot for 6 weeks to a few months but i always went back to it. It was like it had a hold on me and i couldn't resist it. I loved the taste, smell, making the spilffs, getting munchies, making love, sleeping and not dreaming, forgetting how crap i was and how much i hated myself.
I have a history of 'attempted' suicides, probably more cries for help.
This summer just gone things got right out of hand. I was binge drinking 2-3 times a week, when my boys went to Dad's (we're divorced) as i felt empty, and my heavy pot use had started to make me think i'd been abused in some way as a child. I couldn't recall my childhood at all. I didn't know who i was or what i wanted and i was so very scared of being me, straight, i'd do anything not to be me. I was also scared of my mind, my intelligence and my appearance. I hated men and used them and thought they were all weak and pathetic. Pot and booze i thought helped me to block out 'me', and let me pretend to be someone else.
I defended it strongly. I was different, i could handle it, i was in control, i could stop if i wanted to but i never ever wanted to. It was the centre of my life from age 17. I even sold it so i could get it almost for free. I can't believe i have never been caught or arrested for all the things i've done!
Bingeing started to take over. After 3 pints of this drink called Stella Artois i'd lose control and then consciousness. I'd be a walking, talking, aggressive, loud, argumentative over-emotional nutter. Effectively i was already blacked out. Next day i'd be told what i'd done. I never knew. How could that be? How many brain cells was i killing each time? I was never sick, never really suffered the next day and had a real thirst for it, organising my life so i could go off on one with my chap. He tried to stop me but as we know no=one can stop you, only you can:)
But i didn't want to. Like you at the wedding, i have made such an a** of myself and got a reputation in my village, but was oblivious, thinking i was just good fun. Uh-oh, grown men were terrified of me!
After my 32nd birthday (spetember 04) i ran out of pot one day. There was aboslutely NONE anywhere, i tried and tried all day to score, no luck. I was absolutely devastated. So of course i got drunk, on empty tummy, very fast, refused to eat tea. I then O'D'd on tamazepan (quite paradoxically given to me by a psychiatrist to help me sleep as he'd told me to stop smoking pot...) and actually stopped breathing for 3 hours. They got the Doc's here in time and thank GOD i was kept resuscitated and oxygenated til i came round.
So like you, it got very messy. Sometimes it takes somthing as bad as that, and as bad as you felt, to show you that there really is no option, if you want to live, but stop doing these things.
So the alcohol counsellor told me my personality isn't strong enough to carry on this cycle of bingeing and to stop for 3 months to find other ways of filling my time. I have managed since 9th October. At first it was hell and i just fought it, feeling sorry for myself, but now i feel quite smug and do NOT want to drink. Amazing revelation. I can socialise without it.
But, my pot use increased hugely. An ounce a week. I hated it but felt trapped. Then my alcohol counsellor gave me the article from Sweden and that night i threw the last of my gear on my fire (a week last friday) and that was it. Everything makes sense to me now.
I know i was not abused as a child, i know my daddy loved me and i am not feeling guilty for the decisions i made. I am not cross with myself for 'wasting' so many years. I will not let myself say "what if i hadn't done that", as it doesn't help.
Anyway. Here i am, sober and smokefree. The pot is more dangerous, i'm convinced of it. Unlike you August, i never really suffered the paranoia thing. I want to know why, if you only felt good for max 10 mins, then para, why did you continue to smoke it? What hold did it have on you? Were you scared of being you, if you get what i mean?
Are you off the painkillers now then? Which was worse to kick out of - booze, pot or painkillers?
At least we can say we've had interesting lives huh?!
I don't know why but since 6 pm today (sunday) i am desperate to smoke. I jst fancied the taste, to turn off 'me' and eat chocolate and stop the nausea i;m still getting. I'm thin anyway and pot helped me eat. Have had dinner now and feel better, and did not go and get any pot so ok now.
I'm wandering what sort of person i'll turn into as i mature without pot. How will my friends take it? I reckon that, like yours, they'll fall into those categories you mentioned. You are right about just staying away from it, pot i mean.
My brother is still very much into it, and he's 2 years older than me but no children.
Part of me right now thinks that this is all so unfair. So rotten that pot, which i still, if i'm honest, wish i could smoke but be in control of it, is such a nasty drug. It has the veneer of respectability about it. In the UK they've recently downgraded the classification of it. Loads of people smoke it every day in the UK. It tastes nice. I wish i was one of those people who are not addictive and can just have some evry now and again and not NEED it all the time, like i always did. I want to let go of that or i won't move forward. I think i have a long way to go.
I'm interested in this 12 step thing. I think that like you did i am going to try the NA one first as although i'm Christian and believe, i don't like "happy clappy" religious nuts and people telling me that if i have God then everything will be fine.
I'm also very afraid of becoming boring, not being a rebel anymore, just boring old normal same as everyone else, which i'm not because i;m very intelligent and funky. So i guess i'm still confused.
Please don't apologise for long messages! It was very interesting to read and v. brave of you to share that. Thank you. It has helped me, but a silly part of me is actually jelous that other people are still doing it and i'm not! I reckon the old THC is still very much in my system.
As a previous heavy user on par with my prev. heavy use, how long did it take for you to feel straight? What things did you do? Was it 12 steps alone that helped you stay off?
I was going to post about this Swedish info but i'm too tired now as it's very long. I will put it up when i can face lots of typing! I know once folk here read it they will be amazed, and certain that most of them will have the same feelings i did when i read it, as "oh my goodness, that is ME!!!".
3 months ago evrything was different. I still can't quite believe how far i've come and parts of me are a little afraid of where all this is going, but it has to be better than where i was headed with pot ruling my whole life. Why oh why couldn't it just not be addictive? Why is evrything that's 'nice' (sugar, butter, smoking, alchol, driving fast, risk taking etc) bad for you.....
Sorry to moan, it's stupid i know. I feel better for talking though!
Last thought - why did you come onto this site? I got the impression you're clean for 14-5 years? Sorry of too nosy. Are there any other sites like this?
I'm so glad the big C has left your body and hope very much it never darkens your horizon again. Glad to hear you're happier than you have ever been.
I replied to the person who advocated smoking whilst pregnant...i was so cross.
Have to say bye for now it's getting late and my 2 and 3 yr old lads will be home early tomorrow and i can't wait!
Lovely to hear and thanks again
Smfreex
Hi smokefree, I need to start my days work but I will try to respond to a couple of the things you mentioned in your post.
As far as looking back on ones life, I believe that if we do not learn from our past mistakes we are destined to repeat them. Interestingly, there is a passage in the AA text that relates to the issue of remorse over the past:
"If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
This passage has certainly come to fruition in my life. It took time and quite a bit of work, but it did come true. I no longer run away from who I am. I can face the problems that life serves me with more balance and grace than I ever could before. The answer for me was simple, but not easy. I had to commit to a life of abstinence and I had to take the suggestions offered in AAaggressively.
I doubt that the alcohol counselor had in mind that you switch from alcohol to pot, though as I mentioned earlier, this is not an uncommon approach to take when trying to control ones use. This is what the AA text has to say about that:
We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals usually brief were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.
We are like men who have lost their legs; they never grow new ones. Neither does there appear to be any kind of treatment, which will make alcoholics of our kind like other men. We have tried every imaginable remedy. In some instances there has been brief recovery, followed always by a still worse relapse. Physicians who are familiar with alcoholism agree there is no such thing a making a normal drinker out of an alcoholic. Science may one day accomplish this, but it hasn't done so yet.
Despite all we can say, many who are real alcoholics are not going to believe they are in that class. By every form of self- deception and experimentation, they will try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule, therefore nonalcoholic. If anyone who is showing inability to control his drinking can do the right-about- face and drink like a gentleman, our hats are off to him. Heaven knows, we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink like other people!
Here are some of the methods we have tried: Drinking beer only, limiting the number of drinks, never drinking alone, never drinking in the morning, drinking only at home, never having it in the house, never drinking during business hours, drinking only at parties, switching from scotch to brandy, drinking only natural wines, agreeing to resign if ever drunk on the job, taking a trip, not taking a trip, swearing off forever (with and without a solemn oath), taking more physical exercise, reading inspirational books, going to health farms and sanitariums, accepting voluntary commitment to asylums we could increase the list ad infinitum.
We do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself, step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking. Try to drink and stop abruptly. Try it more than once. It will not take long for you to decide, if you are honest with yourself about it. It may be worth a bad case of jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition.
I would add to the list, switching from pot, to beer, to pot, to scotch, to pot, to coke, etc. BTW, the text of this book is sexistit was written nearly 70 years ago in a different era. The message remains very potent, however.
As for my continued using in the face of paranoia, my belief is that once we succumb to a state of addiction, we find ourselves chasing the memory of better times with our drugs. At the same time, the good effects begin to diminish and those worrisome side effects begin to be the predominant effect of the drug. Nonetheless, I continued to use because I needed to feel good again or at least different, and I kept on thinking that the next time it would be different. It was, too. It got progressively worse. Many switch at that point to harder drugs. Luckily, I had ridden that merry go round and decided to get off and start afresh.
As to which was worse to kick, without question, the most difficult time in my life was when I committed to abstinence and AA. The difficult part was not the physical aspect, but rather, simply learning to live within my own skin without resorting to something, anything, to escape. That first year had some rough patches but it was worth it. By contrast, when I had to take the pain meds, I did so with quite a bit of discipline, and when my pain decreased, I was able to withstand about 6 weeks of withdrawals and walk away from them without having to once again go through the torture of that first year in recovery. The physical discomfort was substantial, but by working my program I avoided having those meds get a grip on me from an addiction standpoint.
The cravings you are experiencing sound very familiar. This was an aspect of my final slide. Even though I knew the pot was insidious, I would use it because anything was better than simply being me.
I appreciate your interest in AA, and like you, I was extremely concerned about falling in amongst religious nuts. My suggestion would be to not worry about the religion aspect of AA in the beginning. I found a group of friends in AA and we had great times, all of them sober. We went to rock concerts, had outdoor adventures, and hit on every girl with a skirt on. We hardly resembled churchgoers, but we stayed sober. In fact, my screen name is taken from a Grateful Dead song (you may have heard of themthey were an American band known for their excesses). In fact, when I got sober, I found that I was able to break free of all of the constrictions that I had faced in my earlier life. Instead of imagining myself as a noble rebel, I actually became one.
Lastly, you asked what I am doing here? Well, when I was diagnosed with cancer, I had to take some pretty heavy pain medication. By the time I began to taper down, I was on very high dosages of a chemical that is 50 times more addictive than morphine. I feared becoming emotionally dependent on the meds and I was too sick to go to AA meetings so I came here. Although the physical withdrawal was difficult, I managed to be delivered from addiction a second time by doing service work to help others with addiction issues. I am grateful for having my life back and persuaded the moderators to create this marijuana forum in hopes of catching people before they travel as far down that dark road as I did.
I must return to work now.
All the best,
August
As far as looking back on ones life, I believe that if we do not learn from our past mistakes we are destined to repeat them. Interestingly, there is a passage in the AA text that relates to the issue of remorse over the past:
"If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.
This passage has certainly come to fruition in my life. It took time and quite a bit of work, but it did come true. I no longer run away from who I am. I can face the problems that life serves me with more balance and grace than I ever could before. The answer for me was simple, but not easy. I had to commit to a life of abstinence and I had to take the suggestions offered in AAaggressively.
I doubt that the alcohol counselor had in mind that you switch from alcohol to pot, though as I mentioned earlier, this is not an uncommon approach to take when trying to control ones use. This is what the AA text has to say about that:
We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals usually brief were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.
We are like men who have lost their legs; they never grow new ones. Neither does there appear to be any kind of treatment, which will make alcoholics of our kind like other men. We have tried every imaginable remedy. In some instances there has been brief recovery, followed always by a still worse relapse. Physicians who are familiar with alcoholism agree there is no such thing a making a normal drinker out of an alcoholic. Science may one day accomplish this, but it hasn't done so yet.
Despite all we can say, many who are real alcoholics are not going to believe they are in that class. By every form of self- deception and experimentation, they will try to prove themselves exceptions to the rule, therefore nonalcoholic. If anyone who is showing inability to control his drinking can do the right-about- face and drink like a gentleman, our hats are off to him. Heaven knows, we have tried hard enough and long enough to drink like other people!
Here are some of the methods we have tried: Drinking beer only, limiting the number of drinks, never drinking alone, never drinking in the morning, drinking only at home, never having it in the house, never drinking during business hours, drinking only at parties, switching from scotch to brandy, drinking only natural wines, agreeing to resign if ever drunk on the job, taking a trip, not taking a trip, swearing off forever (with and without a solemn oath), taking more physical exercise, reading inspirational books, going to health farms and sanitariums, accepting voluntary commitment to asylums we could increase the list ad infinitum.
We do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself, step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking. Try to drink and stop abruptly. Try it more than once. It will not take long for you to decide, if you are honest with yourself about it. It may be worth a bad case of jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition.
I would add to the list, switching from pot, to beer, to pot, to scotch, to pot, to coke, etc. BTW, the text of this book is sexistit was written nearly 70 years ago in a different era. The message remains very potent, however.
As for my continued using in the face of paranoia, my belief is that once we succumb to a state of addiction, we find ourselves chasing the memory of better times with our drugs. At the same time, the good effects begin to diminish and those worrisome side effects begin to be the predominant effect of the drug. Nonetheless, I continued to use because I needed to feel good again or at least different, and I kept on thinking that the next time it would be different. It was, too. It got progressively worse. Many switch at that point to harder drugs. Luckily, I had ridden that merry go round and decided to get off and start afresh.
As to which was worse to kick, without question, the most difficult time in my life was when I committed to abstinence and AA. The difficult part was not the physical aspect, but rather, simply learning to live within my own skin without resorting to something, anything, to escape. That first year had some rough patches but it was worth it. By contrast, when I had to take the pain meds, I did so with quite a bit of discipline, and when my pain decreased, I was able to withstand about 6 weeks of withdrawals and walk away from them without having to once again go through the torture of that first year in recovery. The physical discomfort was substantial, but by working my program I avoided having those meds get a grip on me from an addiction standpoint.
The cravings you are experiencing sound very familiar. This was an aspect of my final slide. Even though I knew the pot was insidious, I would use it because anything was better than simply being me.
I appreciate your interest in AA, and like you, I was extremely concerned about falling in amongst religious nuts. My suggestion would be to not worry about the religion aspect of AA in the beginning. I found a group of friends in AA and we had great times, all of them sober. We went to rock concerts, had outdoor adventures, and hit on every girl with a skirt on. We hardly resembled churchgoers, but we stayed sober. In fact, my screen name is taken from a Grateful Dead song (you may have heard of themthey were an American band known for their excesses). In fact, when I got sober, I found that I was able to break free of all of the constrictions that I had faced in my earlier life. Instead of imagining myself as a noble rebel, I actually became one.
Lastly, you asked what I am doing here? Well, when I was diagnosed with cancer, I had to take some pretty heavy pain medication. By the time I began to taper down, I was on very high dosages of a chemical that is 50 times more addictive than morphine. I feared becoming emotionally dependent on the meds and I was too sick to go to AA meetings so I came here. Although the physical withdrawal was difficult, I managed to be delivered from addiction a second time by doing service work to help others with addiction issues. I am grateful for having my life back and persuaded the moderators to create this marijuana forum in hopes of catching people before they travel as far down that dark road as I did.
I must return to work now.
All the best,
August
August,
I understand now. Thank you so very, very much for taking time out to reply to me. It means so much, and you talk very wisely but never partonisingly.
I'm very, very proud that you have come off the pain meds. I know how awfully addictive morphine is, so i cannot even begin to imagine how 50x's that must be like. But YOU DID IT! and you are kind enough to come on this (fantastic) site and share your stories honestly and try to help others.
The next thing i want to say thank you for is that you persuaded the moderators to have pot listed, and look at the response!! It's a shame to see so many parents here desperate for help with teens, is there no other help available in the US? There certainly isn't here, it's appalling. Anyway, good on you. I won't reply to parents as i'm in no postion to.
I assume that you used the 12 step programme to help you come off pain meds. It sounds very powerful stuff. Why the AA not NA?
I'm grateful for the quotes, and don't mind them being in male terms at all! They make sense. I have already used most of those excuses. My father was an alcoholic, and it very nearly killed him. I inherited my liver (and drinking capacity) from him but i don't want to end up like he did.
I am going to explore both the NA and AA websites (UK) and see if there are any meetings nearby and try both. Thanks for reassuring me about the religious aspects as well. It sounds like you have a good support network and good friends there, and i love the stories about girls and rock concerts! Cool man. I bet you like yourself (love yourself i hope) a whole lot more than when you were running away from being you. It sounds like a very, very worthwhile journey and you give me hope when you say you have as much (better) fun now than when using. I am aiming for exactly the same.
I think i'm in denial that i'm an alcoholic. The nurse who visited me at home three times did not say i was, as i never drank daily but boy did i 'need' to binge at least once a week. So i'm not sure. He told me i wasn't psysiologically addicted (yet) but was drinking at levels damaging my health (mental/physical). Still dry, and still off pot. Notce Just J is at the 7 week point and hope he keeps going, i think he will.
I feel better as each day goes on. I'm laughing more and perspiring less at night. Ignoring all negative/irrational thoughts of 'giving in' or 'just having a bit' as i know that's not possible. I have faced up to the fact that i am an addict.
Lots of my friends (my brother included) seem to be able to keep their habits under control. One couple smoke it every other month (at nights), my brother every 6-8 weeks (in the school hols as he is a teacher) and other mates only when us guys all meet up a few times a year. They certainly go for it when they do smoke it, but then stop. I wander if they're able to to do this because they KNOW they can have it again in X amount of weeks? Are they deluding themselves?
There again, i may just be 'jelous' that they are still using, and i'm not. I am unlikely to go to the party on 27th dec because although they're all very close friends and even family, they won't understand. My brother won't even talk about this reasearch i've got that changed my mind about how pot controls one so. He is happy in his little world and they are, too. So...i don't want to go and be seen as 'boring' or preaching or worse still end up having some.
Is there a chance you'd reply to private emails or not? (from me i mean!?) You do sound very busy. How is work going? How are you feeling? Are you leading an active life yet? You mentioned not going to meetings due to being ill - are you able to go out now? Hope you are ok and sending you BIG hugs from Norfolk (England), and hope to write you and everyone else here soon.
Off to look at AA and NA websites now but i reckon there won't be any meetings in my area due to living so rural. Will keep you all posted.
Cheerio
Somkefree12x
I understand now. Thank you so very, very much for taking time out to reply to me. It means so much, and you talk very wisely but never partonisingly.
I'm very, very proud that you have come off the pain meds. I know how awfully addictive morphine is, so i cannot even begin to imagine how 50x's that must be like. But YOU DID IT! and you are kind enough to come on this (fantastic) site and share your stories honestly and try to help others.
The next thing i want to say thank you for is that you persuaded the moderators to have pot listed, and look at the response!! It's a shame to see so many parents here desperate for help with teens, is there no other help available in the US? There certainly isn't here, it's appalling. Anyway, good on you. I won't reply to parents as i'm in no postion to.
I assume that you used the 12 step programme to help you come off pain meds. It sounds very powerful stuff. Why the AA not NA?
I'm grateful for the quotes, and don't mind them being in male terms at all! They make sense. I have already used most of those excuses. My father was an alcoholic, and it very nearly killed him. I inherited my liver (and drinking capacity) from him but i don't want to end up like he did.
I am going to explore both the NA and AA websites (UK) and see if there are any meetings nearby and try both. Thanks for reassuring me about the religious aspects as well. It sounds like you have a good support network and good friends there, and i love the stories about girls and rock concerts! Cool man. I bet you like yourself (love yourself i hope) a whole lot more than when you were running away from being you. It sounds like a very, very worthwhile journey and you give me hope when you say you have as much (better) fun now than when using. I am aiming for exactly the same.
I think i'm in denial that i'm an alcoholic. The nurse who visited me at home three times did not say i was, as i never drank daily but boy did i 'need' to binge at least once a week. So i'm not sure. He told me i wasn't psysiologically addicted (yet) but was drinking at levels damaging my health (mental/physical). Still dry, and still off pot. Notce Just J is at the 7 week point and hope he keeps going, i think he will.
I feel better as each day goes on. I'm laughing more and perspiring less at night. Ignoring all negative/irrational thoughts of 'giving in' or 'just having a bit' as i know that's not possible. I have faced up to the fact that i am an addict.
Lots of my friends (my brother included) seem to be able to keep their habits under control. One couple smoke it every other month (at nights), my brother every 6-8 weeks (in the school hols as he is a teacher) and other mates only when us guys all meet up a few times a year. They certainly go for it when they do smoke it, but then stop. I wander if they're able to to do this because they KNOW they can have it again in X amount of weeks? Are they deluding themselves?
There again, i may just be 'jelous' that they are still using, and i'm not. I am unlikely to go to the party on 27th dec because although they're all very close friends and even family, they won't understand. My brother won't even talk about this reasearch i've got that changed my mind about how pot controls one so. He is happy in his little world and they are, too. So...i don't want to go and be seen as 'boring' or preaching or worse still end up having some.
Is there a chance you'd reply to private emails or not? (from me i mean!?) You do sound very busy. How is work going? How are you feeling? Are you leading an active life yet? You mentioned not going to meetings due to being ill - are you able to go out now? Hope you are ok and sending you BIG hugs from Norfolk (England), and hope to write you and everyone else here soon.
Off to look at AA and NA websites now but i reckon there won't be any meetings in my area due to living so rural. Will keep you all posted.
Cheerio
Somkefree12x
Hi, Smokefree, although I consider pot to be my drug of choice, I switched from NA to AA about three weeks into my recovery.
My logic was two fold: first, I began to see clearly that addiction is a very generic condition. It is the same disease regardless of the drug that we choose to use. AA was the organization that developed the 12 Step method and I am a stickler for going back to the original source of things to make sure that I get an undiluted message. AA developed the original literature on addiction and 12 step recovery, and modern science, in all of its infinite wisdom, has yet to improve on it substantially, IMHO. Given my past pattern of switching from one substance to another (including alcohol) and in light of my family history of alcoholism, I had no problem in admitting that I was an alcoholic. While the language of AA is couched in terms of alcohol, it applies equally to all drug addictions. In my home group most folks partook of whatever was popular when they were using. As a matter of courtesy, however, I take care to couch my words in terms of alcoholism.
The second reason that I chose AA was that I checked out many meetings and I felt more at home in AA. The meetings seemed more focused than the NA meetings.
Alcoholism and drug addiction are fairly complex diseases. There appears to be a definite trend for it to run in the family. I cannot speak to whether this is nature or nurture, but I have noticed that children of alcoholics often marry other children of alcoholics. I was one of five children and the only one who has faced addiction issues. While the other four have their issues, drug and alcohol abuse is not among them. However, I have a niece (one of 5 siblings) and a nephew (one of 4 siblings) who are both showing tendencies toward addictive behavior. Both were born into teetotaling families. Lucky them, they take after their uncle.
At the point that I quit, I had no liver damage but had developed bronchitis due to years of cigarette (I quit at age 23) and pot smoking. Nevertheless, I did contract cancer years later, and who can say whether or not that is attributable to my past history of substance abuse? Being a smoker is a risk factor and cannabis smoke is at least as hamful to the lungs as cigarette smoke.
Thanks for you offer of private emails. I prefer to post on forums such as this because I always hope that someone might benefit from the stories here even if they do not have to courage or conviction to post. My email correspondence list is already massive, and I tend to fall behind in that mode of correspondence.
Lastly, I am feeling much better, particularly during the last week. I got out each day of my cancer journey to walk my dog and that helped quite a bit. I also get out for errands, but only recently have I felt good enough to go out just for the heck of it. Last Friday, I actually got in the car and drove to the store to rent a DVD: the first time I have done that in over a year. I am gradually feeling better. Thanks for asking.
All the best,
August
My logic was two fold: first, I began to see clearly that addiction is a very generic condition. It is the same disease regardless of the drug that we choose to use. AA was the organization that developed the 12 Step method and I am a stickler for going back to the original source of things to make sure that I get an undiluted message. AA developed the original literature on addiction and 12 step recovery, and modern science, in all of its infinite wisdom, has yet to improve on it substantially, IMHO. Given my past pattern of switching from one substance to another (including alcohol) and in light of my family history of alcoholism, I had no problem in admitting that I was an alcoholic. While the language of AA is couched in terms of alcohol, it applies equally to all drug addictions. In my home group most folks partook of whatever was popular when they were using. As a matter of courtesy, however, I take care to couch my words in terms of alcoholism.
The second reason that I chose AA was that I checked out many meetings and I felt more at home in AA. The meetings seemed more focused than the NA meetings.
Alcoholism and drug addiction are fairly complex diseases. There appears to be a definite trend for it to run in the family. I cannot speak to whether this is nature or nurture, but I have noticed that children of alcoholics often marry other children of alcoholics. I was one of five children and the only one who has faced addiction issues. While the other four have their issues, drug and alcohol abuse is not among them. However, I have a niece (one of 5 siblings) and a nephew (one of 4 siblings) who are both showing tendencies toward addictive behavior. Both were born into teetotaling families. Lucky them, they take after their uncle.
At the point that I quit, I had no liver damage but had developed bronchitis due to years of cigarette (I quit at age 23) and pot smoking. Nevertheless, I did contract cancer years later, and who can say whether or not that is attributable to my past history of substance abuse? Being a smoker is a risk factor and cannabis smoke is at least as hamful to the lungs as cigarette smoke.
Thanks for you offer of private emails. I prefer to post on forums such as this because I always hope that someone might benefit from the stories here even if they do not have to courage or conviction to post. My email correspondence list is already massive, and I tend to fall behind in that mode of correspondence.
Lastly, I am feeling much better, particularly during the last week. I got out each day of my cancer journey to walk my dog and that helped quite a bit. I also get out for errands, but only recently have I felt good enough to go out just for the heck of it. Last Friday, I actually got in the car and drove to the store to rent a DVD: the first time I have done that in over a year. I am gradually feeling better. Thanks for asking.
All the best,
August
Hi August this is smokefree's partner she is cross because she fell off the wagon has smoked for 24 hrs plus vodka I am 20 years older than her and did not start smoking until I was 50 years old. I smoked for a year continuously then decided that I had to give it up. I was there when smokefree cried and died I suppose I saved her life but also caused her para-suicide.I could see that her addictions were putting her in danger especially alcohol. I ( he who can be persuasive ) encouraged her to give up pot first this then led to excessive booze intake. Then I tried to help her by trying it the other way around. Disaster ensued when her new addiction became the addiction of giving up everything including powerful anti-depressants hence chemical inbalance then she tried to give up life as well.
She is now persuading me to return to pot; very hard as T H C is a powerful persuader.f*** it! life would be so much easier and sex would be better and I would sleep better even my bowels would behave better. Get my drift?
Of course you know better the trouble is I know she wants to be free it is just how do you do it? even I am finding it hard and I have only been a user for 18 months.
I will say to all those who wish to do it Good Luck I hope that smokefree is able to try again I hope that those of you who have managed can somehow find the key for smokefree by posting your experiences. Me I am just a stubborn old b****** who knows that I do not wish to waste the rest of my life controlled by a very pervasive and persuasive drug I am worth more than that.Thank you.
She is now persuading me to return to pot; very hard as T H C is a powerful persuader.f*** it! life would be so much easier and sex would be better and I would sleep better even my bowels would behave better. Get my drift?
Of course you know better the trouble is I know she wants to be free it is just how do you do it? even I am finding it hard and I have only been a user for 18 months.
I will say to all those who wish to do it Good Luck I hope that smokefree is able to try again I hope that those of you who have managed can somehow find the key for smokefree by posting your experiences. Me I am just a stubborn old b****** who knows that I do not wish to waste the rest of my life controlled by a very pervasive and persuasive drug I am worth more than that.Thank you.
Hi SmokeFrees Partner (SP). Thanks for letting me know how she is doing. This forum recently added a site for loved ones of addicts and I would recommend that you take a look at it.
Sorry to learn of SFs slip. As difficult as this sounds, it is important that she learn from this and resume her efforts to get free of the pot and alcohol. For those with her types of issues (which includes me) I strongly believe that the only solutions lies in complete abstinence.
I would urge you to resist her efforts to subvert your committment to be free of the dope. I urge you to do your best to set a good example and seek abstinence. There is an excellent essay by Silent Partner on the Friends and Family forum that addresses what you can do as a loved one to deal with this issue.
Thanks again for touching base. Good luck. You are both in my thoughts and prayers.
August
Sorry to learn of SFs slip. As difficult as this sounds, it is important that she learn from this and resume her efforts to get free of the pot and alcohol. For those with her types of issues (which includes me) I strongly believe that the only solutions lies in complete abstinence.
I would urge you to resist her efforts to subvert your committment to be free of the dope. I urge you to do your best to set a good example and seek abstinence. There is an excellent essay by Silent Partner on the Friends and Family forum that addresses what you can do as a loved one to deal with this issue.
Thanks again for touching base. Good luck. You are both in my thoughts and prayers.
August
SP here thanks AUGUST other site very intersting SF is going to smoke her last supply then start again This is good news it was a shame that her dealer offered her the last lot free though. I have taken your advice and despite very persuasive attempts by SF I have resisted the temptation and now feel empowered SF will have to make her own mind up but I am positive that even if it takes 100 attempts she will win. All I can do is encourage her positive feelings and not moralise after all it is her life not mine.I know that to all addictive people out there that they just have to believe that at the end of the day life will be better smokefree they just have to believe.
Thanks again this stubborn old man is going to make it.
Thanks again this stubborn old man is going to make it.
SP, congratulations on holding fast to your committment. Setting a good example is the best thing you can do for SF right now.
I was a little saddened to hear the story about her deciding to play out her stash before she kicks. If I had a nickel for everytime I thought that thought....
August
I was a little saddened to hear the story about her deciding to play out her stash before she kicks. If I had a nickel for everytime I thought that thought....
August
