Jodi-In my meditation this morning.I hope you get to read this:
Healing
"No matter how extreme a situation is, it will change.It cannot continue forever.Thus,a great forest fire is always destined to burn itself out;a turbulent sea will become calmer.natural events balance themselves out by seeking their opposites,and this process of balance is at the heart of all healing."
Tim, So true. Jodi, if you are reading this morning let us know how you are doing. Did you call any of the numbers that were posted to you? Shantel
Tim, Thanks for posting this..
Jodi- Thinking of you.
Please check in when you can..
Hugs.
Jodi- Thinking of you.
Please check in when you can..
Hugs.
Tim,very nice!
Jodi,we're all thinking about you and care about you.Dont forget that,no matter what.~KIM
Jodi,we're all thinking about you and care about you.Dont forget that,no matter what.~KIM
Tim well spoken as usual.
Jodi I am at a loss for words I am hopeful that you seek the help you need. I wish I would have. Use our support for the strength you need to take that next step.
Love & Respect,
Jane
Jodi I am at a loss for words I am hopeful that you seek the help you need. I wish I would have. Use our support for the strength you need to take that next step.
Love & Respect,
Jane
((((((((((((((((((jodi))))))))))))))))))))))
goos morning........
how are u?
tim you are such an old school gentlman........
i read you post about women helping women and the men helping men....
i thought that was so classy.
how is your boy reddog?
have u hear from him?
thumper
goos morning........
how are u?
tim you are such an old school gentlman........
i read you post about women helping women and the men helping men....
i thought that was so classy.
how is your boy reddog?
have u hear from him?
thumper
| QUOTE |
| how is your boy reddog? have u hear from him? |
Good Morning Thumper.I heard from him last weekend.He's doing great.He's back at the gym,makes meetings every night.If I talk him this week,I'll let him know you asked about him.He will like that.
Have a good one.
If it only it were as simple as not ever picking up that first pill or that first drink. Just don't do it. That's what alot of people would say anyways. Maybe it is that simple. Maybe I am the one complicating it so much. I honest to God don't know how to live without it.
This has gone way too far. I am physically ill when I drink. But even that doesn't stop me. I was so sick and in pain last night. I woke up (or came to) this morning to go to work. I was still sick. And it is all just sucking any ounce of energy I have right out of me. My legs felt like they were so heavy. I must've been a sorry sight dragging my a** in to work like that...pulling onto the side of the road to puke. Even forcing myself to eat didn't help.
I made a quick mention to my district manager about needing some time off for medical reasons. Without hesitation, he informed me that my route would most likely not be held for me if I were to do that. Unless I find someone to replace me while I'm gone. Let alone finding someone to pay my bills. What do I do? Just go and worry about it all later?
I don't know what to do. Maybe some sort of outpatient treatment? Will that be enough for me? I wish I could just let go of all responsibility for awhile...even a couple of weeks. In all reality, I probably need a couple of months.
I'm spinning out of control and just sitting here watching it happen.
Why can't I just quit? Just say I'm done. And quit.
I'm sick and I'm tired. I'm so damn tired. I don't have alot of fight left in me right now.
This has gone way too far. I am physically ill when I drink. But even that doesn't stop me. I was so sick and in pain last night. I woke up (or came to) this morning to go to work. I was still sick. And it is all just sucking any ounce of energy I have right out of me. My legs felt like they were so heavy. I must've been a sorry sight dragging my a** in to work like that...pulling onto the side of the road to puke. Even forcing myself to eat didn't help.
I made a quick mention to my district manager about needing some time off for medical reasons. Without hesitation, he informed me that my route would most likely not be held for me if I were to do that. Unless I find someone to replace me while I'm gone. Let alone finding someone to pay my bills. What do I do? Just go and worry about it all later?
I don't know what to do. Maybe some sort of outpatient treatment? Will that be enough for me? I wish I could just let go of all responsibility for awhile...even a couple of weeks. In all reality, I probably need a couple of months.
I'm spinning out of control and just sitting here watching it happen.
Why can't I just quit? Just say I'm done. And quit.
I'm sick and I'm tired. I'm so damn tired. I don't have alot of fight left in me right now.
| QUOTE |
| What do I do? Just go and worry about it all later? |
That's exactly what you do,Jodi.....when you are laid up with cirrohsis,you won't be able to work.
What you are describing sounds very similar to ulcers.Alcohol causes that and they can get bad.Also,I'm sure your liver isn't happy.
Large consumptions of alcohol without breaks takes the body down fast.
please get help...today.
If it only it were as simple as not ever picking up that first pill or that first drink. Just don't do it. That's what alot of people would say anyways. Maybe it is that simple. Maybe I am the one complicating it so much. I honest to God don't know how to live without it.
Yeah, Jodi. That's what you do. You don't take that first pill or drink. It IS that easy. None of us knew how to live without it either. I didn't anyway. I was scared to death. I was miserable using and I just knew I would be miserable not using. I may as well die is what I thought. Hell, I've got the scars on my arms to prove how bad I wanted to die. But I didn't. And I'm glad. It's hard to think straight when you're buzzed, Jodi. Isn't that why we get high? So we don't have to think or feel? Life is not as dramatic as it seems when we're high. The ups and downs are not as extreme. We learn we can handle a lot more straight than we can when our heads are clogged with drugs. So stop complicating it and go to a meeting and get some help. You are going to die if you keep on doing what you're doing but you already know that, don't you?
lovin you
Yeah, Jodi. That's what you do. You don't take that first pill or drink. It IS that easy. None of us knew how to live without it either. I didn't anyway. I was scared to death. I was miserable using and I just knew I would be miserable not using. I may as well die is what I thought. Hell, I've got the scars on my arms to prove how bad I wanted to die. But I didn't. And I'm glad. It's hard to think straight when you're buzzed, Jodi. Isn't that why we get high? So we don't have to think or feel? Life is not as dramatic as it seems when we're high. The ups and downs are not as extreme. We learn we can handle a lot more straight than we can when our heads are clogged with drugs. So stop complicating it and go to a meeting and get some help. You are going to die if you keep on doing what you're doing but you already know that, don't you?
lovin you
Kat's right Jodi.The solution is simple.You're making it complicated.Whatever work you lose,God will return ten fold.
Tim...thanks for posting that...how very true!
Hi Jodi..your again in my thoughts and prayers today!
Hi Jodi..your again in my thoughts and prayers today!
Kat, yes I know I am going to die one way or another if I keep doing what I'm doing. Believe me, that's all that has been on my mind lately. A few months back, I decided to write notes to my boys just in case.
It is simple, isn't it? Too simple.
It is simple, isn't it? Too simple.
what Tim said.
Jodi eventually you will lose your job to this anyway, so why not take charge of the situation now.
Your H doesn't work? You say he's a lazy SOB? Ok, why not leave him a note saying you've checked into rehab and either he covers your route while you're gone or the family goes without money for 30-60 days.
I reckon when faced with that scenario there's a better than even chance he'll get off his behind and cover you. and if he doesn't - SO WHAT?
You lose your job which doesn't sound like much fun anyway. Maybe you will go into debt, maybe all your bills will get racked up on your credit card.
Does this matter? No not really. Not compared to getting clean. Once you get clean you'll solve ALL those problems and then some without breaking a sweat.
Don't let your bottom be death Jodi.
Jodi eventually you will lose your job to this anyway, so why not take charge of the situation now.
Your H doesn't work? You say he's a lazy SOB? Ok, why not leave him a note saying you've checked into rehab and either he covers your route while you're gone or the family goes without money for 30-60 days.
I reckon when faced with that scenario there's a better than even chance he'll get off his behind and cover you. and if he doesn't - SO WHAT?
You lose your job which doesn't sound like much fun anyway. Maybe you will go into debt, maybe all your bills will get racked up on your credit card.
Does this matter? No not really. Not compared to getting clean. Once you get clean you'll solve ALL those problems and then some without breaking a sweat.
Don't let your bottom be death Jodi.
Jodi-
Just wanted to tell you it is possible to put everything on hold for a bit and go into a rehab center.
I did it. I had a one year old and a three year old, I knew I had NO other option at that point. I was staying at home with them at the time, was there full time caregiver. But, when reality finally hit me one day I realized I had to do it, and allow someone else to take care of my children and home for a while.
When I decided it was time to go, I didnt give myself ANY time to think about it, I knew I would find a way to talk myself out of going if I did.........I threw a couple of things in a bag, called a sitter, and was out the door within an hour of finding out the rehab center had a bed open for me.
Dont overthink this, just do it.
Everything did fall into place too, I have many friends and family members who helped with the kids, and everything that had to be done.
Once you get there, You will be safe.
Thinking of you.......
Hugs.
Just wanted to tell you it is possible to put everything on hold for a bit and go into a rehab center.
I did it. I had a one year old and a three year old, I knew I had NO other option at that point. I was staying at home with them at the time, was there full time caregiver. But, when reality finally hit me one day I realized I had to do it, and allow someone else to take care of my children and home for a while.
When I decided it was time to go, I didnt give myself ANY time to think about it, I knew I would find a way to talk myself out of going if I did.........I threw a couple of things in a bag, called a sitter, and was out the door within an hour of finding out the rehab center had a bed open for me.
Dont overthink this, just do it.
Everything did fall into place too, I have many friends and family members who helped with the kids, and everything that had to be done.
Once you get there, You will be safe.
Thinking of you.......
Hugs.
Jodi - this probably won't help - but - does your employer have more than 50 employees within a 70 mile radius of each other? If so he is bound to the FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act) which provides 12 weeks of JOB PROTECTION does not have to be PAID but you have to have a serious medical condition (you do, you will qualify) and then when you're done being off, they have to restore you to the same or similar position, and they have to continue your health insurance while you are out.
FMLA violations are taken VERY seriously by the government.
SO - while I'll bet (unfortunately) you may work for a smaller employer, it is worth checking out if you are covered by FMLA. You have to be employed for about a year, and work between 1000-1250 hours in that year.
If this does not help Jodi, maybe it will help someone else protect their job while they are seeking treatment.
Again, the leave does not have to be paid (except for some funky provisions in California) but it does protect your job.
Hope this helps someone, if not Jody,
Love
Sue Enester
FMLA violations are taken VERY seriously by the government.
SO - while I'll bet (unfortunately) you may work for a smaller employer, it is worth checking out if you are covered by FMLA. You have to be employed for about a year, and work between 1000-1250 hours in that year.
If this does not help Jodi, maybe it will help someone else protect their job while they are seeking treatment.
Again, the leave does not have to be paid (except for some funky provisions in California) but it does protect your job.
Hope this helps someone, if not Jody,
Love
Sue Enester
Jodi,
Hi I'm new here but of been reading the threads all day trying to keep my mind off of not having percs to take.. But I wanted to let you know that I got to that point where I did have to leave the job or else kill myself. Last tuesday was my breaking point I could not take the guilt any longer of stealing from my employer not just stealing taking drugs and the biggest problem is my employer is a very dear friend to me. she trusted me with her office and I'm only thinking about the drugs and not the job anymore or the risk I'm putting her at with the DEA all for pills to numb me so I can do my job. I can't afford to do this but I can't afford not to do it. I'm going to lose my health insurance at the end of the month I won't beable to afford the meds next month or pay most of my bills because I make the same amount as my husband and we need that income but I have to take that chance and get off the merry go round because I want to be normal again I don't want to worry about how many pills I have or worry that I'd get caught taking the meds from work. I'd rather lose the cell phone the cable and whatever else I can't pay for because of not having my income coming in then kept up this life that I made for myself. its not easy to take that step when so many people depend on you but you get to a point where you just can't do it anymore.
Take care jodi and I know when the time is right you'll know what is best for you
My thoughts and prays are with you nik
Hi I'm new here but of been reading the threads all day trying to keep my mind off of not having percs to take.. But I wanted to let you know that I got to that point where I did have to leave the job or else kill myself. Last tuesday was my breaking point I could not take the guilt any longer of stealing from my employer not just stealing taking drugs and the biggest problem is my employer is a very dear friend to me. she trusted me with her office and I'm only thinking about the drugs and not the job anymore or the risk I'm putting her at with the DEA all for pills to numb me so I can do my job. I can't afford to do this but I can't afford not to do it. I'm going to lose my health insurance at the end of the month I won't beable to afford the meds next month or pay most of my bills because I make the same amount as my husband and we need that income but I have to take that chance and get off the merry go round because I want to be normal again I don't want to worry about how many pills I have or worry that I'd get caught taking the meds from work. I'd rather lose the cell phone the cable and whatever else I can't pay for because of not having my income coming in then kept up this life that I made for myself. its not easy to take that step when so many people depend on you but you get to a point where you just can't do it anymore.
Take care jodi and I know when the time is right you'll know what is best for you
My thoughts and prays are with you nik
