Codependency with alcoholics or other types of addicts is too much for most of us to handle alone.
The cycle of Codependency with alcoholics or any other type of addict requires three main people/groups of people:
The Enablers:
those who allow /excuse/ finance/ bailout the alcoholic/addict.
The Persecutors:
those who stir up the pot in order to put the alcoholic/addict on the defense and look for a way out of the pain.
The Victims:
those who wallow in the excuse that someone is abusing/picking on/insulting/not recognizing their good qualities.
Both the alcoholic/addict, the enablers, the persecutors and the victims occupy all these roles at various times and to varying degrees - the fact that all persons switch roles is why this is called - Codependency with alcoholics.
Ignoring Skills
If you are living with or affected by an extreme addict, they can be quite childlike and irrational. In this case you will likely need some ignoring skills to assist you in coping with the attacks. Here are a few examples:
Wow! - a simple statement like "Wow" can difuse an attack quite nicely without the other person losing their dignity.
Oh Really! - is another way to diffuse an irrational attack "without buying into" anything.
Yikes! - This is my personal favorite! It seems to work best for me in situations that could become confrontational.
Why do you Ask? - answering an abusive question with a question can often diffuse things without taking on some sort of dredged up guilt an addict is so capable of doing on short notice.
If these do not work well or if you blow it and get into the fracas, it is often good to gain perspective by simply leaving the room for a minute. A short trip to the bathroom may be a good enough break while other situations may require you to protect yourself by leaving the situation for a longer period, particularly if there are previous instances of violence of other abuses.
"This Too Shall Pass" is a phrase that is a wonderful way to add some perspective to an uneasy situation.
Good post WW. So much truth. Your a very wise and insightfull person. Don't have time to type much now. I've got friends over and after a few minutes they'll start to wonder what I'm typing :) I keep this website private for now.
Cheers!
Mr.B
Cheers!
Mr.B
I understand about keeping things private. I had a bad habit of telling everybody everything about my life, I just wanted to be honest. :-) I think it's great you have that figured out at your age ! Being honest doesn't mean gossiping about yourself. :-)
I didn't write that btw, I found it at a website and I just knew I had to share with you. Hope you're having a relaxing sunday.
I didn't write that btw, I found it at a website and I just knew I had to share with you. Hope you're having a relaxing sunday.