???? For Suboxman Or Others...

jeff or others,

jeff mentioned 90-90 in another post. i am curious what you guys feel count as 90 in 90.

my son did 24 days in inpatient rehab... he left early ama.

one of the conditions of him living at home, was to do 90 in 90.

do you think the first 24 meetings that he did in inpatient should count?? he says yes. the only reason i'm not sure is that the rehab wanted him to do 90 days of extended care. that is why he left early.

also, when you stop meeting every day, how should you get to one a week... right away? or four a week, then three and so on?? i have no clue. if it was up to him, in would be once a week now. he has 45 days!!

any words of experience will be appreciated.

patricia

Hi Patricia,

You'll get many of opinions on this one. Mine is meeting #1 should be the first one he went to after being ordered to and after leaving inpatient. After that there is no set way, some continue to go every day. He should go whenever things feel rough, or he is craving or having a bad day. Hopefully, he will get to the point where he wants to go.

I don't attend even though I had a really bad oxycotin habit, but I went to counseling. My dad is a recovering alcoholic with 11 years sober and he still goes all the time, like 4-6 times per week. It is like his church, he really embraces the spiritual aspects.

I do not think there is any set rule, but I'm not best qualified to answer since I don't attend. Someone else will come along and add to this thread.

I don't know his story, but I'm glad he is clean.

Atlas
thanks atlas,

he was never ordered to anything.

he asked me to take him to rehab.

he isn't complaining about going, although i know he only wants to go to 45 more. he makes that clear.

he does prefer aa to na because of the length of sobriety, so he does about 5-6 aa meetings per week and 1-2 na.

thanks for your input. i appreciate your answering.

patricia

Patricia,

Ooops, I misread your post. I see YOU mandated it, gotcha...good for you.

I still think the 90 should start after the inpatient. I think what you are doing is great, for him. Many moms would not know where to even begin.

He will learn something in those meetings and it will stick with him for life.

Sorry, I missed the mark on your post. I must have been sleepy or something when I posted.

Take care,

Atlas
I only suggest a 90-90 as it gives the person at the least a bit of education. Most people will find the meetings to be a help assuming they want to go.

IMO no any meetings in Rehab is not relevant. Why? because hopefully your son Patricia will find a home group.

At first if you go Like I did you fake till you make it.

I hated the meeting at first. But they became like exciting. I met people just liek me. I felt right at home.

The bottom line yout son went AMA that is a bad sign. Not the end of the world. He may not be ready.

I do not why he went to rehab? Forced or he wanted to.

Support and love him but do not enable him at all.

Take care --Jeff
Patricia one of my first sponsors has 20+ yrs is as I write this on his way down to Florida. Called me last night is it a coinicidence that after not seeing him in 6 +yrs he is attend a seminar and staying in a hotel in the same town as where I work.

Sorry for got to tell you one minor point. I would say in all my years of recovery Today is one of the toughest days. The past months have been tough. And I need to speak to someone who understads MY ADDICTION and this man knows my B.S like knowbody else. ---

Its funny as he was the one who got me started into heavier drugs and I took the ball and ran from 16-26. Here he will be. All he would say his go to a meeting. Sit shutup and listen.

I already had 6 months had come back to N.Y from Arizona and he demanded a 90-90 as he wanted me to find a home group.

That is most important is a home group. Make sure your son has a sponsor and home group assuming he is serious. If your son takes this action and does a meeting a day for 90 days and searches for a home group he will be on his way to recovery.

Jeff

For some reason people on this board love to fight about AA/NA Another locked thread.

OH VEY
I agree with jeff in a couple of things.... first that him going AMA isnt an incouraging sign as it usually, is say again, usually can be an indictation of commitment and surrender to someone elses 'play'... not our own.... but...

as far as the 90-90 goes... I think as far as most rehabs are concerned that is 90 12 step meetings ( that is either/or AA/NA) in ninety consecutive days.... now as far as the 'after rehab' part.. the point they were making was that the 90 meetings in 90 consecutive days after rehab gives a better foundation particularly important in your sons case as he left treatment early. So if 90 12 step meeting in 90 consecutive days is a very good recommendation and if he completes that then maybe his leaving rehab early was just a bump and not a sign of impending relapse issues..... just my opinion.

How all goes well with his and your recovery ( this is coming from a recovering co-dependant...) and I also agree with Jeff regarding enabling. If he offers exuses on why he cant do a meeting, then my question to him would be if you had to go somewhere everyday to get drugs/alcohol then would you be still offering this exuse not to spend an hour for that?.... the answer is usually the obvious just like I often say the an addict refusing rehab.... "if someone said to you that if you got to inpatient rehab for 28 days you could have all the drugs you wanted for one year, would you go?..' usually they dont answer my question cause they know that they would find some way come heck or high water to go.... it is all in the commitment and motivation...

again wishing you well......

Teresa

ps... not intended to offend anyone or create a controversy...lol... just my opinion..... means chit...lol..
Hi,
I was told to give 90 in 90 a shot. If after 90 I didn't like what I was being offered I'd gladly be refunded my misery. I was pretty beat up this past time, I think I might have made 180 in 90! It sounds like alot but it really isn't. I figured it was only an hour or two a day. Hell, I've spent longer than that sitting in front of the phone waiting for a hook up. But, 90 in 90 I think is good. In my case I don't work anymore, so I do have a little more time if I wanna hit more than 1 in a day.
And also I'm luck to be in an area that has meetings damn near everywhere almost around the clock. And as far as rehab meetings counting, IMO I'd say no. They aren't the same first of all as a regular outside meeting. Hope I said this ok.

Take care........

Bob
bob... you know I forgot that in some rehabs they have there own meetings....and in that instance you are exactly right in my opinion... in mine we went to the community NA/AA meetings.. we could choose which to go to and the van delivered us.. but the meetings were both at the same time and only four blocks or so away.... My rehab recommended the 90-90 too.. I started going and at first although I liked the meetings I hated being told what to do and that seemed like alot so I marked the calender everyday.. but before long I lost count and started going with the right attitude, because I wanted as well as needed what they had to offer.....
good morning.. btw....

Teresa
Good Morning Y'all

I am very, very shy person....(no really I am) Even during my pill abuse I was pretty much a loner. After detox in hopital it was suggested I try to do 90 in 90...I went to about 6 meetings 3 in one place and 3 in another in my city.

I like them I really did..I was greeted outside and I thought "oh no istant buddies?" but nope no one pressured or bothered me...Readings and sharing took place...The split was about 50/50 alcholics/drug addicts. Going back to my original statement, the only thing/reason I never went to the 7th meeting is because (1) high anxiety due to shyness (2) I am pretty much a loner (Dad was an alcholic did Not want to bring home friends to that!) (3) Soon I felt I was going only to put my family's fear for me at ease. I did about 3 months private therapy after that (including my husband eventually) While I never went back to meetings I am glad that they are there for me if I want to go.

I know this is o/t to the original posters question. I just wanted to share why I decided to go the route I did....Can't say I don't use methods used by 12 Step programs...I do and enjoy reading the posts. I just happen to be a real private person and am more comfortable in my recovery this way. Am I making any sense? Thanks for listening,

Jan
Morning Patricia,
I am thinking he left because he wanted to. It can be that simple. He just left, and if he could just sign out on his own well he is old enough to make his own decisions good or bad all by himself for himself.
I had a friend tell me that it might not matter why they go to meetings, to oupatient, it is just that they get there, and hopefully something will rub off....
You set your boundaries 90 in 90 if he doesn't go well that is on him. I hope you posting here isn't a way to make yourself feel better if he can't do what needs to be done for himself. Kinda like a way out not to throw him out if others see 90 in 90 different than what you do....
No expectations for the good or bad in this. Only he knows in his head if the madness is over.
I set similar boundaries but ones that allowed me not to make the rules. I gave control up an said find help and take it. My son knew he needed to get help. He knows he needs inpatient and is waiting on a bed, he set up outpatient and goes, they require 2 meetings a week. So he has 3 IOP's and 2 meetings each week and no car and I will not be taking him anywhere. I couldn't not pay my insurance he was the one that got himself in that boat. As long as he does what they wish him to do then I stay out of it all. If he doesn't help himself then he will have to face the consequences of his actions.
I can't an won't go there into the future, today is the only one that counts.....
Take care of you and let him find his way.......
Love,
Tina
"ps... not intended to offend anyone or create a controversy...lol... just my opinion..... means chit...lol.."

Teresa

Means $hit??????????????? Controversy??????

Why is it that whenever 12 step programs are mentioned all hell breaks loose.

It is quite logical to me. Evrey person I know that is sober suggest meetings.

Make your own call. Were all big girls and boys. My issue with AA and its MY flippin opinion is many 12 steppers stop growing use the meetings as a replacement for drug and eventually relapse. Or worse in a dry drunk JMO

I also feel that after a year you kinda graduate as your illness is in a different stage. Meetings become less important and applying what you have learned is the next step.

like any other disease $hit happens and the meetings are always there for you to come back o full time. Were all different.

Maybe some people think you have to go forever? Not me. But that is today. I am coming up on 2 yrs without that suck $ss oxycontin but I am in a bad place.

Very much looking forward to talking to one of my oldest friends still alive. He has much wisdom and I am lucky to have him. Cant B.S him and I get tough Love all the time.

Take care teresa--Jeff

P.S I quoted you why do you feel your opinion means CHIT?? And Why would you be starting a controversy?
They suggest go 90 in 90 it is not a rule or anything it is just a suggestion.
Sincerely,
April
There are no rules in recovery. Ther is a reason they suggest 90-90.

Your spending time with people like yourself. People places and things how can you take this action without going to meetings? More difficult without the 90-90.

You buy goingto a meeting a day make a commitment towards your recovery. Another action is finding a sponsor another action. And eventually you be comfortable in the rooms as you find out your not different and there is hope.

That was my experience.

Rules there are 2 rules LOL--your an addict for life and there is no Cure for our disease.

Jeff

AA is educational but not a life sentence like some people seem to feel. JMO not knocking ANYBODY.

I see it different.
90 in 90...just a suggestion but if you are requiring him to do it in order to live at home, then you get to make the rules. Addicts have to learn to live by the rules again, especially young addicts. They have to learn that doing things thier way, don't always work out. And it's time to let someone else drive the bus.


Cowgirl
Jeff,
I must respectfully refuse to specifically answer your question as I feel it should be obvious in light of the past few days on this board... It seems that when I post my honest opinion esp when it has to do with meetings or staying clean period ... I get misunderstood and my message is spun and taken as harsh, cold and unsympathetic on in the best situation.... at the worst I come off as being rude and down right self righteous....lol.. so I add a disclaimer....lol...
I really cant and wont get into the kind of pissing contest that went on over the weekend... I am trying to mend fenses while staying true to myself, keeping what little bit of self confidence I have acquired intack, and trying to offer hope and experience to all that ask... this as it turns out is a daunting task for me.... lol... I think I mended one fense at the end of the recent contraversy now only 100 more to go....lol....

Teresa
That is your business Teresa. I am not trying to start anything.

If evreyone would state there opinion and we all respect one another that is how good suggestions are puit out for the newcomer.

I am far from perfect but geez this subject is a no brainer for ME.

You certainly know where I am coming from on my feelings about AA. Hopefully it helps someone.

a person may read this board and feel like AA is the only way and its for life. Well Not so at all in my book.

Its just like a pill AA--we all react differently.

Jeff