After trying to watch my own son battle the beasts of addiction and mental health issues for over 24 years. I have watched as he methodically went to each person in our close family, then less closer, to friends, then felonious crimes committed against others. I've been burdened with guilt, shame and pain for the victims. I walked away time and again.
Until the Grandchild was brought in, I didn't get it. I wasn't until THAT MOMENT I realized how very low addicts go.
They are the tool for more games, manipulations, and vehicles for cons. The Children make no choice to help addicts, but are left thrown away, used as pawns, or worse victims of unspeakable horrors. I am so bitter at my child, While I recognize the damage he's done, I still harbor that hope he will get healthy.
I have a friend walking this same walk, 15 years less investment. I find as much as I want to help her by just listening, my nightmares of past revisit through her walk. I can't her, just like no one could help me.
I just don't understand how the children, parents love and tried so hard for...could leave these kids behind like this.
That is something I CANNOT grasp. Can someone try to explain this? It would help I believe these grandchildren left behind.
I would tell your friend about this website as she will need some outlet for her grief. I would also advise her to join a group like AA but for family members who have spouses or children who are addicts. I can understand why you can't help her. It's hard and hurtful to go through all this pain over and over again. Then there's your question about how addicts can turn their backs on their own kids. It's because their addicted! Nothing else matters and when it does....they get high to numb It again. That's how I think it is. There's many of us on here that ask your same questions and think your same thoughts. I also wonder how an addict would answer your question. It's a terrible life being a spouse or parent to an addict. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I wish you well and hope you have happier days ahead of you.
I once heard someone describe addiction like this....You are under water. You KNOW that if you open your mouth to "breathe" , you will suck in water and die. But even with THAT knowledge...EVERY part of your being is screaming BREATHE. You CANT override this message. You WILL open your mouth and suck in that water. I am a recovering addict and codependent. Im not sure the question should be WHY....I think its a waste of time and energy. It is what it is. I do know that the MORE we use ...the more guilt we feel, ESPECIALLY for what we are doing to our kids, and then we use more because we can't deal with the guilt. Horrible , viscous , cycle of abuse.
Perfect Jen
Yes ,Jen-- and we "enabling" parents have that same cycle of abuse as we rush to our addicted kids aid and try to rescue them. Then we feel guilty because we did it again when we felt pressured or just wanted to think that this time he or she would turn their life around.
We feel guilt for not helping and guilt for helping!
Yes-- very vicious cycle and very difficult for all involved!
We feel guilt for not helping and guilt for helping!
Yes-- very vicious cycle and very difficult for all involved!
And I realized I'm an addict ... I'm addicted to my addict son.
Good for you PLOPEZ....we can't even begin to change until we accept we have a problem! You are on YOUR way to a more serene life...no matter which road your addict takes.
