I have posted about my daughter and sadly no-one has given me any advice- it would be so much appreciated.
Her dad has now said that we have to keep her here if she visits again and force her into detox then rehab. She has expressed a strong wish to get off the drugs. Please have any ex users ever been put into this situation and did it work? At my wits end.
thanks
Rozzie
I'm sorry.....I don't know your story. Detox takes less than a week. Rehab will only work if she wants it to. All in all, it's her choice.
Rozzie, Hi there!
I dont know your full story - unfortunately, but thought i wanted to post a reply on my own experience (which is what i am currently going through - see for Cyndi Post to know more) and i wanted to pose a question to you as well.
You say that your daughter is expressing a need to stop using drugs...?
My question is what is your daughter doing to stop using?? Its very easy to go around telling people that you want to stop when you dont really - its easy to make people believe that you to show a concern for your drug addiction or drug using! I know i did it for weeks, but everyday continued to finish of a gram at a time. This is where i truely believe Actions are stonger than words. If your daughter isnt attending NA meetings, support groups or admiting her problem and accepting rehab, i would stand back and question her concern for wanting to stop. (this is only my opinion)
Another question, you say your husband wants to keep her there and force her to go to rehab.... Have you guys spoken to your daughter about this? And what is her feelings regarding the above?
It took me a long time to really want to stop, as its easier to continue - its more 'fun' ; until the paranoia sets in, the heart pulpatations, and muscle spasms, sleep deprevations.... the list is endless. And for me it took all of this and the loss of my relationship with my partner and family. And the near loss of my job before i realized what and how i needed to get off drugs. And funny, i learnt this in a NA meeting. Unfortunately i cant say that i am an ex-user as i currently still use today - but NA made me realize two things:
One i couldnt do this alone, i needed help and needed to admit that as well.
Two - the change needed to come from me first - not anyone else - me!
Only when i realized this, did i also realize how bad my addiction really is...
And now, im off to rehab! I booked myself (yes, i booked myself) into a rehab centre as on Monday coming and will be away for 6 weeks.
Yes, this is terrifying and dissapointing - but it will be good for me and truely believe that this is the right decision for me. A detox is great, cause one cannot even start a recovery process if the drugs are still active in the system...??
Unfortunately, the decision is your daughters and my thought would be - chat to her! Find out how bad she really wants to stop - cause only then will she really do anything and everything to stop!
Take Care and Good Luck
Cyndi
I dont know your full story - unfortunately, but thought i wanted to post a reply on my own experience (which is what i am currently going through - see for Cyndi Post to know more) and i wanted to pose a question to you as well.
You say that your daughter is expressing a need to stop using drugs...?
My question is what is your daughter doing to stop using?? Its very easy to go around telling people that you want to stop when you dont really - its easy to make people believe that you to show a concern for your drug addiction or drug using! I know i did it for weeks, but everyday continued to finish of a gram at a time. This is where i truely believe Actions are stonger than words. If your daughter isnt attending NA meetings, support groups or admiting her problem and accepting rehab, i would stand back and question her concern for wanting to stop. (this is only my opinion)
Another question, you say your husband wants to keep her there and force her to go to rehab.... Have you guys spoken to your daughter about this? And what is her feelings regarding the above?
It took me a long time to really want to stop, as its easier to continue - its more 'fun' ; until the paranoia sets in, the heart pulpatations, and muscle spasms, sleep deprevations.... the list is endless. And for me it took all of this and the loss of my relationship with my partner and family. And the near loss of my job before i realized what and how i needed to get off drugs. And funny, i learnt this in a NA meeting. Unfortunately i cant say that i am an ex-user as i currently still use today - but NA made me realize two things:
One i couldnt do this alone, i needed help and needed to admit that as well.
Two - the change needed to come from me first - not anyone else - me!
Only when i realized this, did i also realize how bad my addiction really is...
And now, im off to rehab! I booked myself (yes, i booked myself) into a rehab centre as on Monday coming and will be away for 6 weeks.
Yes, this is terrifying and dissapointing - but it will be good for me and truely believe that this is the right decision for me. A detox is great, cause one cannot even start a recovery process if the drugs are still active in the system...??
Unfortunately, the decision is your daughters and my thought would be - chat to her! Find out how bad she really wants to stop - cause only then will she really do anything and everything to stop!
Take Care and Good Luck
Cyndi
I have posted my story under "advice need from a worried mum".
Thanks sks and cyndi, I am thinking of you cyndi and really wish our daughter would be in a same position as you in the near future.
I think her dad is absolutely desperate. You will see from my story that our daughters drug taking is mainly tied up in her relationship with her partner. My thought is to leave her in the hostel where she is and hope tht the workers there will be able to help. The main problem is that she has special needs and finds it difficult to understand situations and our gp thinks she is very vulnerable.
She came home last xmas and was clean with no help from outside for three months, then she lapsed, chose not to go back and was clean for another three. The local drug service did a bit of acupuncture and said that as all her using was tied up in her relationship she would be OK. You just have to take the advice from these people which in hindsight I think is wrong. Much of her motivation to come up stems from whether he will stop using. He has a long history of it so I think its unlikely. He didnt stop at all during the time she was away from him.
I know that if we do what her dad wants then the majority of the stress will fall on me, my heart is telling me to do as he wants but my head is saying NO, hope you understand what I mean.
Anyway I wish you so much luck. be strong.
Rozzie
Thanks sks and cyndi, I am thinking of you cyndi and really wish our daughter would be in a same position as you in the near future.
I think her dad is absolutely desperate. You will see from my story that our daughters drug taking is mainly tied up in her relationship with her partner. My thought is to leave her in the hostel where she is and hope tht the workers there will be able to help. The main problem is that she has special needs and finds it difficult to understand situations and our gp thinks she is very vulnerable.
She came home last xmas and was clean with no help from outside for three months, then she lapsed, chose not to go back and was clean for another three. The local drug service did a bit of acupuncture and said that as all her using was tied up in her relationship she would be OK. You just have to take the advice from these people which in hindsight I think is wrong. Much of her motivation to come up stems from whether he will stop using. He has a long history of it so I think its unlikely. He didnt stop at all during the time she was away from him.
I know that if we do what her dad wants then the majority of the stress will fall on me, my heart is telling me to do as he wants but my head is saying NO, hope you understand what I mean.
Anyway I wish you so much luck. be strong.
Rozzie
Rozzie - Hi Again!
Thank you for your thoughts i really appreciate them!! And i hope that your daughter was also in my position, unfortunately not and i feel your pain. But dont give up, the answers will come to you. Just keep your faith, and strenght - i know this sounds a lot easier said than done, but i can tell it aint impossible!
One thing Rozzie, have you ever tried speaking to your daughters partner??
Just something i was thinking and wanted to ask.
I pray for you and your family Rozzie and hope that things will soon turn around!
Thinking of you!
Hugs
Cyndi
Thank you for your thoughts i really appreciate them!! And i hope that your daughter was also in my position, unfortunately not and i feel your pain. But dont give up, the answers will come to you. Just keep your faith, and strenght - i know this sounds a lot easier said than done, but i can tell it aint impossible!
One thing Rozzie, have you ever tried speaking to your daughters partner??
Just something i was thinking and wanted to ask.
I pray for you and your family Rozzie and hope that things will soon turn around!
Thinking of you!
Hugs
Cyndi
One last thing Rozzie.......
And even if at times this is difficult, seems impossible, or unfair.......
Always Follow your Heart!
If your heart know the answer, then its probally right.It might seem now, like everyone wil blame you and be angry at you, and i know that is not easy, as when it comes to family we dont want anyone to be mad or upset with us. But it is only tempary, and when things are better, your daughter healthier and your husband not so stressed, then they will probally thank you for pushing and doing what you needed to do! And you will all be happy again. Its just now as your daughter is also trying to protect her drug addiction and probally nothing else, not even her partner...?? As this is how addicts think....??
Take Care
Cyndi
And even if at times this is difficult, seems impossible, or unfair.......
Always Follow your Heart!
If your heart know the answer, then its probally right.It might seem now, like everyone wil blame you and be angry at you, and i know that is not easy, as when it comes to family we dont want anyone to be mad or upset with us. But it is only tempary, and when things are better, your daughter healthier and your husband not so stressed, then they will probally thank you for pushing and doing what you needed to do! And you will all be happy again. Its just now as your daughter is also trying to protect her drug addiction and probally nothing else, not even her partner...?? As this is how addicts think....??
Take Care
Cyndi
Cyndi, Tried talking to her partner many times since she met him. He is paranoid, wants to protect his souce of income = her begging + disability allowance.
Due to the emails I sent to the outreach teams she was put in the hostel and insisted he was put there too, so I have enabled him a room which they say he would not have got easily.
When she went back to him in July, he told my daughter in law (who is a great friend of our daughters) "I've won and you've lost!" So thats how he sees us, somebody who he has to beat.
So thanks for the suggestion but already tried, please keep thinking, thanks a lot
Rozzie
Due to the emails I sent to the outreach teams she was put in the hostel and insisted he was put there too, so I have enabled him a room which they say he would not have got easily.
When she went back to him in July, he told my daughter in law (who is a great friend of our daughters) "I've won and you've lost!" So thats how he sees us, somebody who he has to beat.
So thanks for the suggestion but already tried, please keep thinking, thanks a lot
Rozzie
Rozzie,
Please look at the attached thread in the heroin addiction section.
http://addictionrecoveryguide.com/m...=ST&f=17&t=6553
It is called Sorry to be a pest by E-june. It is a fourth of the way down the main post page for heroin. I think you will find some answers in there.
Phil (David's Dad)
Please look at the attached thread in the heroin addiction section.
http://addictionrecoveryguide.com/m...=ST&f=17&t=6553
It is called Sorry to be a pest by E-june. It is a fourth of the way down the main post page for heroin. I think you will find some answers in there.
Phil (David's Dad)
Thanks Phil, Makes hard but interesting reading. Will really try to any support our daughter but not with any material things other than money for detox/rehab if needed.
She is a bit different in that she has a disibility of severe motor dyspraxia and our GP considers her VERY vulnerable and too trusting with a mental thinking age of 15-16, instead of the 21 she is.
Trying to get help for the whole family is impossible, we are all pulling in different directions at present and hurting so much.
Anyway advice from anybody much appreciated and thanks again
ROZZIE
She is a bit different in that she has a disibility of severe motor dyspraxia and our GP considers her VERY vulnerable and too trusting with a mental thinking age of 15-16, instead of the 21 she is.
Trying to get help for the whole family is impossible, we are all pulling in different directions at present and hurting so much.
Anyway advice from anybody much appreciated and thanks again
ROZZIE
Rozzie,
You read the 4 options I presented to the other Mother? Thats about as best I can do for solutions. As you know, there isn't a lot of help for us parents of addicts. We, I assume you are made up of the same stuff I am made of, grew up in a different era. We thought heroin addiction was dirty and was for street people. Now kids, like my son, took it like candy. Its becoming the new party drug. If any child takes drugs at an early age, like 15, there maturity retards. So it may well be your daughters maturity may be retarded due to the drugs.
Phil (David's Dad)
You read the 4 options I presented to the other Mother? Thats about as best I can do for solutions. As you know, there isn't a lot of help for us parents of addicts. We, I assume you are made up of the same stuff I am made of, grew up in a different era. We thought heroin addiction was dirty and was for street people. Now kids, like my son, took it like candy. Its becoming the new party drug. If any child takes drugs at an early age, like 15, there maturity retards. So it may well be your daughters maturity may be retarded due to the drugs.
Phil (David's Dad)
Hi Rozzie,
Just wondering how things are? let us know how you get on when you see your daughter, my thoughts are with ya
GOODLUCK
Love
Gabbi
Just wondering how things are? let us know how you get on when you see your daughter, my thoughts are with ya
GOODLUCK
Love
Gabbi
Hi Gabbi, We have not seen our daughter, neither have we had the courtesy of a return call from the hostel, despite them promising, so we can only hope that our daughter has been given another room, instead of sharing with her boyfriend (which is against their rules anyway). Have been trying to trace a drugs counsellor whom she said had a great impact on her, only have his first name and London is a big place so not an easy task. He said to her he only deals with under 18s but its worth a try to persuade him!
Have sent a polite letter to the hostel, totaly understand the privacy rules, I work in the same environment but thought they would put our minds at rest. Also enclosed a loving letter for our daughter hoping she will phone.
Meanwhile have tried to get on with life, not easy but have not felt so intense about the situation for the past week, dosent mean I wont feel hurt and angry again next week though, I expect you will understand that Phil.
Her father has stopped talking about grabbing her where she is begging and bringing her home - he knows it will be only a temporary thing. She has got to want to give up, but I totally agree with Phil, it retards maturity and rational thought completely, so how does anyone give it up??
Anyway will keep you posted, how are you going on Phil?
Best Wishes.
Rozzie
Have sent a polite letter to the hostel, totaly understand the privacy rules, I work in the same environment but thought they would put our minds at rest. Also enclosed a loving letter for our daughter hoping she will phone.
Meanwhile have tried to get on with life, not easy but have not felt so intense about the situation for the past week, dosent mean I wont feel hurt and angry again next week though, I expect you will understand that Phil.
Her father has stopped talking about grabbing her where she is begging and bringing her home - he knows it will be only a temporary thing. She has got to want to give up, but I totally agree with Phil, it retards maturity and rational thought completely, so how does anyone give it up??
Anyway will keep you posted, how are you going on Phil?
Best Wishes.
Rozzie
Cyndi, please let me know how the rehab is going?
Rozziie,
I am doing ok. I have been very tired lately. I need to exercise again. I will try to exercise beginning this weekend. It is hard for me to exercise when I get home from work. Also, the death of my son has made me very depressed and lethargic for the past 3 months since my son died. In Southern California, where I live, most people commutes a considerable distance to work (we don't have a good mass transit system). I am no different. I get up at 4:30 every morning to be at work by 6 am. If I leave any later for work the traffic gets bad and I might as well not go in. I also have a rough commute going home. The pressures and travesties of life take their toll on you as the years go by.
I understand the emotional highs and lows you and your husband are going through. It is hell. I think your husband has the right idea of kidnapping her but taking her home isn't the answer. You need to change her life entirely. Send her to America or Australia or something to start a new life. Many addicts have been cured by changing their surroundings. I believe I said in one of my previous posts my next plan was to put David in a rehab in the South Pacific for a year so all he can do is focus on getting off his addiction. There would be no college or other distractions to add more pressure to his life. It truly is a matter of life or death. My son never lived to give me that second chance. Thank God your daughter has both her parents to help her. It seems like people like us are the exception and not the rule in this world today.
God Bless,
Phil (David's Dad)
I am doing ok. I have been very tired lately. I need to exercise again. I will try to exercise beginning this weekend. It is hard for me to exercise when I get home from work. Also, the death of my son has made me very depressed and lethargic for the past 3 months since my son died. In Southern California, where I live, most people commutes a considerable distance to work (we don't have a good mass transit system). I am no different. I get up at 4:30 every morning to be at work by 6 am. If I leave any later for work the traffic gets bad and I might as well not go in. I also have a rough commute going home. The pressures and travesties of life take their toll on you as the years go by.
I understand the emotional highs and lows you and your husband are going through. It is hell. I think your husband has the right idea of kidnapping her but taking her home isn't the answer. You need to change her life entirely. Send her to America or Australia or something to start a new life. Many addicts have been cured by changing their surroundings. I believe I said in one of my previous posts my next plan was to put David in a rehab in the South Pacific for a year so all he can do is focus on getting off his addiction. There would be no college or other distractions to add more pressure to his life. It truly is a matter of life or death. My son never lived to give me that second chance. Thank God your daughter has both her parents to help her. It seems like people like us are the exception and not the rule in this world today.
God Bless,
Phil (David's Dad)
Hi Phil, Hows it going? I know what exhaustion you are going though, it's never-ending. Out of four kids, three of ours are disabled. And with the addition of our daughters addiction seems its neverending. Yes we seem like you, always trying. You were a fantastic dad to David, from what I can see, always trying. I have just come to the conclusion that life to a lot of us is just a piece of sh-t (if you pardon the expression). Do you feel resentment to those who winge about the slightest problem? I know I do.
I did have a hope of sending our daughter to the states to my cousin, but mention heroin and she dosent want to know! What a great relative she is and that's before I even mentioned sending her over. I have never met a more self centered fool than my cousin, she is more concerned about bumping into movie stars where she has moved to CA and mixing with rich people (she is not!) than worrying about her family. So that is one option ruled out! She doesent even email me to see how we are so I've given up.
I expect you found thanksgiving difficult, difficult being an understatement. We are dreading Christmas and all our friends say "but you have to enjoy it for your other younger kids" I know we do but our daughter not in touch is like having your arm cut off!
Needless to say the hostel have still not had the courtesy to call or write as to her safety. I have found out that she is begging at the underground station with her boyfriend not far away, he needs her to finance his huge habit through this. She is reportedly clean and looking OK. Heartbreaking but feel we cannot snatch her again she will just go straight back and that's not fair on our other kids. If my husband ever saw the boyfriend again he would not be responsible for his actions.
Thanks again for your support, thinking of you and hoping you are OK. As you say theres not enough support for parents is there?
Kind regards
Rozzie
I did have a hope of sending our daughter to the states to my cousin, but mention heroin and she dosent want to know! What a great relative she is and that's before I even mentioned sending her over. I have never met a more self centered fool than my cousin, she is more concerned about bumping into movie stars where she has moved to CA and mixing with rich people (she is not!) than worrying about her family. So that is one option ruled out! She doesent even email me to see how we are so I've given up.
I expect you found thanksgiving difficult, difficult being an understatement. We are dreading Christmas and all our friends say "but you have to enjoy it for your other younger kids" I know we do but our daughter not in touch is like having your arm cut off!
Needless to say the hostel have still not had the courtesy to call or write as to her safety. I have found out that she is begging at the underground station with her boyfriend not far away, he needs her to finance his huge habit through this. She is reportedly clean and looking OK. Heartbreaking but feel we cannot snatch her again she will just go straight back and that's not fair on our other kids. If my husband ever saw the boyfriend again he would not be responsible for his actions.
Thanks again for your support, thinking of you and hoping you are OK. As you say theres not enough support for parents is there?
Kind regards
Rozzie
Rozzie,
We only have each other for support. This website helps me heal by helping others.
Our Thanksgiving was ok. We went to my wifes brothers house. It definitely wasn't the best Holiday I have ever had. Especially without my son. But my family and I muddled through it. We will survive. Thank your for caring.
David was disabled, in a way, with his bipolar disorder. From our discussions on this website, you and your husband are very strong and caring parents also with 3 disabled children, and now, your daughter. I don't think putting your daughter in Southern California would be a good idea. Even if your cousin was not stuck up. I no longer think it is a good place to raise kids. There are too many people, and it is too easy to get drugs. Yes, it would be a change for your daughter but she might be going from the kettle into the fire. Southern California is the drug capital of the US. Its not the same place I grew up in.
There aren't too many solutions. Maybe jail time would be good for her. Its not the ideal solution, but it may save her life. My sons friend John, who is also a heroin addict, was just convicted of felony armed robbery and sentenced to 6 months in prison. He was stealing the tip cups from "Starbucks," a coffee room establishment in the US. I don't know if they have any in the UK. He is 22 years old. He has already screwed his life up with a felony conviction. It will be hard for him to find a good job with that on his record. He calls me and his parents everyday collect. I only answer a couple times a week because collect calls are expensive. He is very lonely. He seems to be seeing the light. I tell him to keep his mouth shut in prison and lay low. It is only for 6 months. Then he is on probation for 5 years. Probation also means staying clean or he goes back to prison. He called me yesterday and I told him about the predicament he is in because of heroin. He seems desperate to clean up his act. Sometimes people have to hit bottom before they see the light. As you know Rozzie, we can't get better for our kids. They can only save themselves.
We only have each other for support. This website helps me heal by helping others.
Our Thanksgiving was ok. We went to my wifes brothers house. It definitely wasn't the best Holiday I have ever had. Especially without my son. But my family and I muddled through it. We will survive. Thank your for caring.
David was disabled, in a way, with his bipolar disorder. From our discussions on this website, you and your husband are very strong and caring parents also with 3 disabled children, and now, your daughter. I don't think putting your daughter in Southern California would be a good idea. Even if your cousin was not stuck up. I no longer think it is a good place to raise kids. There are too many people, and it is too easy to get drugs. Yes, it would be a change for your daughter but she might be going from the kettle into the fire. Southern California is the drug capital of the US. Its not the same place I grew up in.
There aren't too many solutions. Maybe jail time would be good for her. Its not the ideal solution, but it may save her life. My sons friend John, who is also a heroin addict, was just convicted of felony armed robbery and sentenced to 6 months in prison. He was stealing the tip cups from "Starbucks," a coffee room establishment in the US. I don't know if they have any in the UK. He is 22 years old. He has already screwed his life up with a felony conviction. It will be hard for him to find a good job with that on his record. He calls me and his parents everyday collect. I only answer a couple times a week because collect calls are expensive. He is very lonely. He seems to be seeing the light. I tell him to keep his mouth shut in prison and lay low. It is only for 6 months. Then he is on probation for 5 years. Probation also means staying clean or he goes back to prison. He called me yesterday and I told him about the predicament he is in because of heroin. He seems desperate to clean up his act. Sometimes people have to hit bottom before they see the light. As you know Rozzie, we can't get better for our kids. They can only save themselves.
Thankyou Ptlar,
sorry its not long but just wanted to thank you.
hope we will correspond again soon and I hope this "tough" treatment for this other young guy works
Rozzie
sorry its not long but just wanted to thank you.
hope we will correspond again soon and I hope this "tough" treatment for this other young guy works
Rozzie
Hi, i done rehabs/detoxs for other people never for my self but with heroin you have to be 100%on giving it up yourself when your forced into it, it makes walking out of rehabe/detox easy but if you go into rehab off your own back and walk out you lern from it because you r only to blame and you do start to think about why you walked out etc etc when the money runs out for your habbit and your on knees, rehabe/detox is a cray place to be for me when i get into rehabe my heads half way out the door before my legs get to the reception room and thats when i think im 100% its a struggle every day to stay but if your forced into it thats another good reason or acceptable reason to walk out when your in rehab/detox your looking for any reason to get out i find within the first few days of them reducing your prescription and if you can walk out and blame someone else you r likly to
Stay strong and best of luck to you
